Tuesday, March 02, 2004

It's cluster fuck monday!

hope you had a good one.
i sure did.
if by "good" you understand that i mean i fulfilled the requirements for cluster fucking.
or whatever.
took ONE twin on a highly exciting trip to do some errands tonight,
while dad took the other one to go mini golfing to celebrate some potty training victories...
so i went all the way to provo to go to the best health food store, to get some fucking low carb torillas.
did they have them?
of course not, it's cluster fuck monday, why would they have them?
so we had a good time standing in front of the automatic doors, opening and closing them...
and then we headed to wally world, which the boy was ecstatic about.
but then i realized he was hungry so we stopped at wendy's.
and i thought it would be fun to go inside.
after all, it's cluster fuck monday, so i need to have as many opportunities for annoyance as possible.
they had just finished some huge rush and had nothing left, so we stood waiting for our food for 17 years (or minutes, whichever).
then we went to "the mart" to do a bit of shopping.
a few things for me and a few potty training prizes...
yes, i'm bribing my fucking 3 1/2 year olds to pee in the toilet.
go fuck yourself.
you would too.
so as soon as we walk in he's sick of it.
he's done, wants to go home.
well fuck.
so, we get through it all.
and then.
as you'll recall...i left my debit card IN the atm last week...
so i had a check book.
it's been a long time since i've written a check there, so they needed my driver's license.
did i have it?
fuck no.
that would be highly inappropriate behavior for a cluster fuck monday.
it was in the back pocket of my calvins*.
from saturday night.
so i had them hold my shit, once again!!!! and headed home.
i tried calling the hubby thinking he could read the numbers to me, but he was not answering.
when i walked into the house he said, i lost my phone.
cluster fuck.
so i explained my most recent outbreak of retardation and headed back to the store.
yadda yadda, went fine.
got home.
heard his phone ringing.
it was in his jacket pocket.
cluster fuck?
if he would have just answered it to begin wtih, i wouldn't have had to run around like that.
oh well.

by the way.
have i ever told any of you what his name is?
the husband, that is.
i think we should have a contest.
i want you to guess what his name is.
if you get it right i will totally give you some sort of real prize.
no picture of me flipping you off, i promise.
something good-ish.
like a non-illegal copy of a movie...
or an erotic story written just for you.
or something.
hell, i don't know.
maybe i will just post the bird, but the important thing is: make a guess.
in the comments.

*nothing comes between me and my calvins.

1 comment:

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