Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Just snagged a great link...

over at The Real World...Blogger Style.

you MUST click here--to pornolize your site.
or here, to see mine.

do it.

is it time for me to kick some ass?

i think it might be.
...so who's first?
what, no takers??
how about if i sweeten the pot a little?
i'll kick your ass, relentlessly--but i'll do it topless.
that's better.
line up by age; i'll start with the oldest.

so my husband took my laptop to work today.
and i'm kind of off-kilter, trying to use his.
i mean, for starters, the 21-inch monitor is rough...
i have to turn my friggin head just to see everything.
and the 'F' key works.
that's just plain confusing.

watched Kill Bill vol. 2 last night.
loved it.
i actually enjoyed it even more than vol. 1.
and not JUST because Pisser's ass is in it.
(but mostly).

also, i woke up with a severe case of stomach issues.
good times.

the good news is, i'm currently in negotiations for going to an outdoor concert tonight.
i like, don't love the bands--but it's still live rock and it's outside.
that's all i need.
that and front row joe, a.k.a my brother in law.
as i've said before, going to concerts is pointless if you're not in reaching distance of the performers.
i might even take an extra bra to throw on stage.
or some nude photos with my URL...
not a bad idea, actually.

oh, and if i don't end up going to the show, it's girl's poker night.
so either way--today is a good day.
make yours good, too.
(that's an order, dammit! no whiners welcome!!)

Monday, August 30, 2004

mondays are for sissies

that's right, punk.
you heard me.
so you can take your god damned monday and shove it up your ill-formed ass.

i think i know what my problem is.
i haven't listened to enough music--loudly enough, solitarily enough--for a really long time.
and it makes me itch...
on the inside.
i need to fly away.
i need to peel of my skin and scratch my musical itch.
i need to fill myself up with the cool water of peace and quiet--
the kind of peace and quiet that is neither peaceful nor restful.
the kind of peace and quiet that would rock me to the tips of my toes.
the kind of peace and quiet that would shake me up and let all my pieces settle down into their rightful alignment.
i want to sing along and sound awful.
i want to shout the words out and laugh at the emptiness around me as my voice falls on my ears alone.
i want to lie still and breathe in the music, letting it be a part of me again as it always was.
i want it to trickle down through me at first, then flood and spill over, causing me to trip on all the notes--the sharps, the flats, the chords...
i want to float on the sound waves...
i want to swim naked in the colors of music...

a deep growl is building inside

for no reason at all.
this lack of purpose makes me even more angry.
usually a good workout will kick any bad mood's ass.
not today.
i beat the shit out of a punching bag.
that helped.
for a minute.
i just ate some chocolate...
the sun is starting to shine.
how sick is that??
apparently i have an addiction or something.

anyway, i felt like i owed you folks a better post.
don't get your hopes up--i make no promises.
maybe i'll tell ya the dirty details of my weekend.
or maybe not.
maybe i'll toss a web cam into my shower and set up a live feed.
or maybe not.
maybe i'll stretch and yawn and scratch my ass.
yeah, that sounds good.
minus the ass scratching.
there weren't even any cute boys at the fucking gym today.
what the hell is THAT all about??
i can't decide if that contributed to my bad mood or not, though.
normally i would say it had, but today...i don't know.
i was feeling generally crotchety.
like i'd sooner rip off their balls than bat my eyes.
or punch one of them right in the nose, rather than do a curtesy "bend over nice and slow to pick up that weight so the cute boys can see my thong".
i don't ever actually DO that.
way too trashy for me.
i know what you're thinking...
nothing's too trashy for YOU, Lisa!!
this may be true in cyberspace, but not in real life.
so back the fuck off, fuckers.
again, keep your damn judgements to yourself.
i'm a woman on the edge.
...or somewhere within sight of the edge, at the very least.

i'm glad the growls have receded...
my other half will be home soon and i hate being grumpy for no reason when he gets here.
i'm hungry.
maybe that's why i was so fucking ornery.
i don't know where my head is.
i usually know myself better than that.
oh well.

i said i couldn't promise a better post...
and i think that's good.
no expectations means no disappointment.
so go fuck yourself, or the nearest willing warm body.
i'll be back tomorrow.

today is one of those days...

one of those days where i'll dream a lot.
one of those days where i'll forget important things, in the real world, and drift a lot.
one of those days where i'll drive with my windows down, my music up, and my arm weaving the air out my window.
today is one of those days where i'll get a great workout and read my new book.
i think today is going to be a beautiful day.

i bought some old lady face cream yesterday...
some anti-wrinkle shit, for around the eyes.
i'm thinking of putting it on my feet...

have i mentioned how sorely disappointed i have been lately, regarding the predictability of movies?
i've seen some real crap.
(bourne supremacy, spiderman 2)
but on saturday we saw Hero, and i was breathless.

also, don't forget: only two months until November 1st.
which means...
be there or be square, bitches.

to hell with this being such a great day--
i can't even write.
you know what would be cool, though?
if i was a cartoon, and i could use a flower as a parachute.
or if i was a butterfly...
okay, so maybe my kids are watching A Bug's Life right now...
and i'm getting distracted.
and to further that distraction, i think i'll just go ahead and log in to 14 different instant message services.
maybe make a phone call.
and fuck this post.
ew...that's quite a visual.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

sunday night and i feel alright

actually, i feel exhausted.
but in a good way.
a sunburned, tired body way.
a shoppped til i dropped way.
a partied til the break of dawn way.
a rented 3 DVD's friday and haven't had time to watch them yet way.
so there.

I golfed with my husband today.
and it was a perfect day for it.
the sky was clear blue--i thought there was not a cloud in it.
there was one, very small and sweet, snuggled up next to Mount Timpanoogas.
but that was it.
and the air was cool and warm at the same time...
and i even hit a few good balls.
i think i might be hooked.
it really great.

and last night we had dinner with some good friends, and drinks wtih some other friends.
and karaoke later.
during which some drunken rednecks (one of whom looked EXACTLY like john malkovich, but with a mullet) threw a glass to protest the long wait to sing (that statement is dripping with oxymorons...) and a shard of glass hit our friend in the head, causing a great deal of blood.
yeah, baby!!
cowboy bars.
so the bouncer had a word with them...
not sure what he said, but it resulted in the offender being shoved into a table, which then toppled.
hot damn, i haven't had that much excitment since the Perry Mason marathon on TNT last year.

or something.
but it did make me giggle.

AND i wasn't kidding when i said i shopped til i dropped.
a bit.
there wasn't actual droppage...
but i did an orgasmic amount of shopping.
again, i don't exaggerate.
spending money releases a large amount of dopamine into my system.
school clothes for the boys, and some clothes for me.
some UGG shoes, like the boots only not so trendy/ugly.
...that lining is to die for, i'll give the celebs that.
i think i may end up wearing those shoes 24 hours a day.
might be a little awkward during sex.
or at the gym.
or swimming...
but i don't think i'll care.
it's like have ten thousand kitten lick your feet at all times.
or walking in clouds--only warm...uh...cuz as fluffy and soft as clouds LOOK, well...
they're rather cool and more like mist than cotton candy when you're inside them.
don't ask me how i know.

i stumbled into telling my mom about my fantasy friday stories today.
in a phone conversation...
while shoe shopping.
if you hadn't heard:
my mom is the greatest.
she's an angel on earth.
she's the most "good" person i know.
(although that reminds me that i when i told her i'd take her to The Outback next time she's here since they don't have one anywhere near where they live if she was good...she said, "how would you know if i had been good? the bad things i do, no one knows about." freaked me the fuck out!!)
she was ultra supportive and enthusiastic, laughingly demurring from reading them...

and i think i'm going to pass out now.
i'm not sure why i'm so tired.
but if any of you think you might like to try the new mountain dew flavor: pitch black?
do not waste the buck.
or the energy.
or the time.
or the plastic/aluminum.
okay, it's not THAT bad.
but i'd rather drink Moxie.

okay, back to the sleep thing.
yes, it's 8:30pm.
i'm almost 30, so go fuck yourself.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

what the FUCK day is it??

oh yeah.
one of my top 7 favorite days of the week.
yes, i know.
that was LAME.
...don't pretend to be surprised.
i am the queen of lame.
or at least the grand dame of lame...
but that's annoying, because dame and lame don't actually rhyme.
if you pronounce it frenchly, at least.
don't look at me like that--"frenchly" is a word.
cuz i said so.

i did it.
i made brownies today.
stupid girl.
i used to be effortlessly thin.
then i got married...
gained a few.
got pregnant.
gained an average amount.
sat at home with twins...
depression set in and i turned to food for joy...
i should have just had more sex.
i ALMOST have my body back.
so i should quit whining.
that is soooo not what you guys come here for.
did i just say "come"?
what i meant was "cum"...
you might think i'm not this dirty mouthed/minded in real life...
but you'd be wrong.
i am married to the foulest man on the planet (handsome sweet devil that he is...)
and i keep up.
hell, sometimes i even gross HIM out.

i need a beer.
(for the record, i wrote this at 8 wednesday NIGHT, and changed the post time)
i don't drink in the morning.
and i DON'T drink around my kids.
...even if sometimes i'd like to!!
you don't come here for that crap either.

i've been a little more sexually charged this week, than usual.
let's carry on the trend.
make this full frontal sex week.

(my favorite beginning for one of these...)

if you were here...
i would climb you,
pull you to me...
i would lick you,
suck you,
bite you.
if you were here,
i just might cry
with a smile on my face.
i just might cum...
with you on my face...
if you were here
there would be no words.
there would be breathing and sweating and needing and moaning.
there would be shudders.
there would be sighs.
if you were here.

i know it feels like friday, but it's not...
happy thursday, kids.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

i'm hungry

just thought you should know.
and not so much "like a wolf".
more like...a girl.
yeah, i'm hungry like a girl who is...ready for lunch.
sexy, innit?
oooh, and i just craved pumpkin bread.
what the fuck??

i should have something wild and wonderful to say today.
i should tell you about the time i stood on the hot tar of a rooftop...
and willed my body to leap to the next house...
how the tar burned and scraped my feet when i landed, breathless.
i could tell you how the air felt different up there...
and the city looked smaller.
i could tell you that with each building, my feet grew tougher--my legs grew stronger.
it felt like flying...
but my arms were not out, like superman, they flew around at my sides, not quite within my control.
it was an exhilaration to match nothing i've ever known.
i could tell you that on one of those rooftops there stood a man...
about to jump.
but not out and across, like me...
there was a sadness hanging around him...
he had lost hope.
but his eyes were so beautiful, and his lips.
i spoke softly, so i wouldn't startle him.
he turned, angry at first, then confused.
this was his most private, anguished moment...
and i had barged into it.
i reached out my hand--
not daring to breathe.
he let out the longest sigh i've ever seen,
two small tears glistening on his cheek,
and put his hand in mine.
he stepped away from the edge.
without a word, i took him in my arms and we sat together in a heap.
he held on so tightly it was as if he had already slipped over the edge and i was his only handhold.
he sobbed.
...so did I.
and as the sun began to set...
he sat back and looked at me.
we stood, and i walked down the stairs with him.
I didn't fly from rooftops anymore.

not sure where that came from.
just sorta fell out of my head.
it's a happy day in Lisa Land, though.
and i hope you all have the same.

i'm going to go eat.

Monday, August 23, 2004

all quiet on the western front...

or at least, i live in the west, and my kids are napping.
hallelujah, praise the lord.

i even did an audio post this morning, just like i said i would.
i was in an area with crappy reception.
and while i was listening to the playback
(and discovering that it sounded like shit)
i dropped the call entirely.
fork that.
i might redo it, if i can find the emotional energy...
i'm rather spent from losing something so valuable, you see.
yes, i'm being melodramaticalistic.
because it's fun.
so there.

i thought i had something to say.
mostly just the apology for losing the post.
i had a busy morning, and i'm cold and hungry...
and i shouldn't be cold OR hungry...
it's august, for chirssake's, AND i had a bun-less burger and a salad only two hours ago.
august=hot as hell, food=full.
apparently not.
so maybe i'll go put some slippers and a robe on...
walk around looking like some fucking bag lady.
and eat something highly unhealthy.

bag lady out.

I hope you have a GREAT Monday

no, really i do.
cuz i know that in the working world, mondays are a bit painful.
...not in the same way as knee surgery, but more like--
"aching for the freedom of the weekend, and gearing up for a lot of work in the coming 5 days" way.
we could make monday naked blogging day, so that you have that to look forward to.
i just remembered i had a dream about bloggers last night.
doesn't happen often, but when it does it always cracks me up.

i don't have anything earth-shattering to say at the moment (nor do i ever...)
i will make an audio post in a few minutes.
...in which i will tell the tale of my foot finding its way so soundly into my mouth that i almost cried.

happy monday, suckers!!!
and if you get the chance--suck well. ;)

Sunday, August 22, 2004

some days i hate blogs

but most days i love them.
wildly, freely, and with passion to spare.

some days i hate traffic...
but more often, i turn the stereo up and luxuriate in the fact that i don't have to keep a schedule.

some days i hate utah.
but most of the time i don't even think about it anymore.

some days i hate.
but most days i radiate love and joy and peace.

i bought drano today.
and nearly left my children at the store.
on purpose.
nah, they did okay for the most part.
and they were damn cute after their nap--
god bless rested pre-schoolers.

it's sunday.
don't forget to make it a day of rest.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

saturday mornings and hangovers...

go together like a horse and carriage.
or soemthing.

had a bit of a girls' night out last night.
Becky and I tore up the town.
...or at least sang some really bad karaoke.
speaking only for myself there, of course.
she can actually hit notes.
i swat and miss, for the most part.
but it was good times.
we laughed a lot and danced some.
the main thing is that i drank too much.
fortunately she didn't.
but i was a bit staggery.
and i just realized something.
the last thing i remember, i was naked.
and i'm wearing pajamas now.
my shirt was on inside out and backwards.
eh maybe i put them on and i just can't remember...
better call the mr. and ask him.
that would be so cute if he dressed me--i hate sleeping naked.
i know, i know.
that's highly un-sexy.
i don't mind wandering around the house naked.
or cooking naked.
or doing much of anything naked--besides sleep.
so make a note of it.

i believe i successfully wiped out my hangover with watermelon.
could be a new cure.
i feel almost whole, at this point.

my kitten has taken to sleeping on my pillow.
while i'm using it.
it's not so bad, but...
i'm just not a fan of having pussy in my face.
couldn't resist.

and now i think i'll go do something productive.
i've added some new blogs to my listy list, and you should read them.
and i'll be adding some new buzznet pictures in a minute.
nothing to get too excited about, but check em out.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

so what's the deal folks??

i get no comments unless i talk dirty??

okay, fine.

i was on my front porch last night.
and i heard the rumble of a harley, over the sound of the thunder.
instead of speeding up again after it rounded the corner, it slowed.
and stopped.
a very sexy young man gave me the nod--
the "get your ass over here" nod.
so i did.
and we roared off into the night.
he fucked me.
i fucked him.
it was great.

you guys suck.

just before sunset...

there was the most glorious thunderstorm.
i took my kids outside and we sat on the grass and watched it come.
there was one small cloud perched next to the enormous bank of clouds--
and we used that as our marker.
it was moving fast, soon that cloud was over us--and HUGE.
there were giant daggers of lightening and claps of thunder, which grew louder as the storm neared.
the rain didn't arrive until very late in the show,
and when it did...
we stood with our arms out and our faces up--laughing.
the clouds were amazing, throughout.
and the lightening thrilled me to the core, as always.
i wanted to leap into the sky and be wrapped in those clouds...
to be the one hurling the lightening around like dishes in an argument.
i wish i could make lightening...

i have pictures from my trip to Maine, i'll be putting up over on buzznet.
and i think it's time to get a new camera.
my aperture seems to be having some issues--staying open too long or something.
i had to screw with some of the pictures to make them show up.
i got some really great shots, so go check em out.

and here's my sweet little Pepper--

and she LOVES my computer...

and that's all for now.
i have some work to finish up before tomorrow, and no babysitter.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

just a little post...

to accompany my toast.
sometimes i like rhyming...
depends on the timing.

okay, that's enough.
gotta nip that shit in the bud--
or i'll end up with a whole page of meaningless ryhmes.

i skipped the gym yesterday.
oh wait!!
no i didn't.
jesus CHRIST.
i went in the evening, and just did cardio.
so it was sorta inside out and upside down.
but i DID make it.
kinda scary that i forgot...

i also left a frying pan on the stove this morning.
with some butter in it...on high.
for at least ten minutes.
then i started smelling smoke.

perhaps i'm coming down with an early case of Alzheimer's.

i need...
what do i need?
a massage.
a tall, icy cold hefeweizen.
(or 4...)
24 hours of solitude.

Dick suggested a bit of a hump day theme...
but i can see that he has outdone me.
i need a minute alone....

and now i'll go to the gym.
since there is nothing more to say here.
i am spent.
my words have dried up and blown away in the wind.
or possibly they dried up and were shaken out of me by the chaos around me...
it's a phenomenon similar to losing one's marbles.
only worse.
i can actually hear the hollowness inside me if i sit very still.
i KNOW they're dried up.
but i'm pretty sure my words are still in there somewhere...
maybe if i just add water?
or beer!!!

i feel like playing Twister.
or finishing college.
or baking a pie!!!
that's something i can do.
but i won't.

okay, go have a great day.
--and that's an order.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Tuesdays are strange and exotic

not yet.
but they could be.
i'm thinking about launching a national campaign for the glorification of tuesdays...
okay, no i'm not.
that would require "effort" and we all know how i feel about that.

i feel like shit today.
and i have been feeling shitty for a few days.
just kinda a general sickiness accompanied by acute orneriness.
just thought you should know.
in fact, i suck today.
plain and simple.
hell, i suck so bad today i would probably suck at sucking.
and that's just scary.

and i forgot to pick up the camera yesterday.
so no pictures (ass or otherwise) for you today.

the weather is all sorts of fucked up lately.
it's somewhere around 70 degrees today--possibly less.
and cloudy as hell.
you'll have to excuse my amazement...
but you see, it's august.
in utah.
we usually have clear blue skies and 90's for about 3 months straight.
fucking bizarre.

enough of this "day in the life of the most boring woman on earth" crap.

take my hand...
we'll walk through a field of wildflowers...
the bees buzzing and the knocking of cicadas will be all that we hear.
i'll turn to you and slide my arm around your back, pulling you close.
my face in your neck, on tip toes i'll kiss your lips lightly.
sighing, smiling...
you'll spread out the blanket, and we'll fuck like rabbits.

it's NOT friday, people.
come on!!!

okay, honestly i was heading in that direction, but then i got interupted so many times i couldn't think straight.
so there.

and i'm still being interupted.
my kids are apparently feeling as shitty as i am.
or at least feeling like ACTING shitty.

more later.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Just another not-so-manic Monday

and you wanna know WHY?
it's not manic because i'm not manic.

it is a busy day though.
i called the vet (yaaaaaaay me!)
and i'll take the wee one in today.
and there's always the gym--wouldn't want to miss hot boy monday!!
and becky's on her way over to hang.
AND i get to go to the post office and retrieve my CAMERA!!!!!!!!!
...so stay tuned for pictures.
as well as taking my step son to meet his dad at the waterpark.
that's a lot of stuff for me.

so, just a quick post today.
but i wrote over the weekend, so if you didn't read those, please do.
or go fuck yourself.
but at least do one or the other--promise me!!
you'll either read my posts or have a romantic time with yourself.

so, some of you may have heard these silly expressions:
Gonna hang out with my wang out.
Gonna rock out with my cock out.

totally juvenile and all that jazz.
still cracks me up though.
cuz i love rhymes and i love phalluses.

i thought of my own, female versions...

Gonna sit out with my tit out.
Gonna sit out with clit out.
Gonna trot out with my twat out.
Gonna pass out with my ass out.

i have already made an appointment with a therapist.
for electroshock therapy and a possible lobotomy.
you may rest easy.

also, have a great monday.
pretend it's friday, if you want.
as in, leave work a little early and meet some friends for happy hour.
ooooh, happy hour.
maybe that's where i'll go this afternoon.
OR go to the titty bar and waste a whole wad of ones.
OR go to my wishlist and buy me something.
it's right over there on my sidebar.
come on....
you KNOW you want to.
if you do, i'll send you naked pictures.
(probably of my kids in the tub...)

Sunday, August 15, 2004

sighing and stretching

because it's been a long day.
a long week?
i wish that i could just be completely alone sometimes.
just get in my car.
and drive.
no destination in mind.
just drive.
and drive.
maybe pick up a hitchhiker.
maybe talk to some friendly folks at a truck stop.
and when i found a place to stop for the night...
just plug in the puter and write.
write and write and write.
write about nothing, write about everything.
write the truth, write the what-ifs, the dreams, the fears.
write all night long.
sleep all morning.
then walk around the town....
and write some more.
and don't forget the eating--food is joy.
pure and simple, wild and light.
driving and driving.
singing along to every song i hear.
getting out at a rest stop and running a mile out into the woods.
throwing my head back and shouting with the joy of solitude.
i would get back in my car and drive back to the sweetest place on earth.
and maybe.
just maybe, i would feel less like a caged bird.
i know i shouldn't, but sometimes i wonder...
if i was really meant to live the american dream.
but then i just start wondering if my hesitation comes from the echoes of my abandoned religious upbringing...
the american dream is too closely associated with the vision i had of my future within that strange realm.
fuck all of it.
i am happy a larger percentage of the time than pretty much anyone else i know.
i have a gorgeous life.
it's just the "artist" in me getting restless on occassion...
(i use quotes because i don't actually consider myself any sort of artist, language or otherwise, but i have some artistic personality traits...selfishness & the need for self expression, mostly...)

that felt good.
i really feel as if i've painted myself into a corner--on the ceiling--sometimes.
how the fuck did i get up here??
and how the hell do i get down?
what're ya gonna do?
me, i'm gonna live my life.

that reminds me.
i need a manager.
someone to make me do stuff.
not having a job is the strangest fucking thing i've ever done.
or not done.
but you know what i mean.
it's been 3 1/2 years, so you'd think i'd be used to it by now.
anyway, it would be cool if someone would call me once a week and say,
"enroll your kids in preschool, call the vet, and write an article to submit to the god damn newspaper your best friend runs in podunk motherfucking Maine so you'll have a shit licking publishing credit."
can you tell i'm a little disappointed with myself for not having done that last one??

and holy christ my kitten's farts stink!!
that thing's like a sulfur bomb.
we named her Pepper.
she looks like pepper--and she makes my husband sneeze.
yes, yes.
i'm sooooooo clever.
also, i'm going to have to break myself of the habit of leaving water glasses half full, stashed around the house ("stashed"=unintentionally left...) and drinking out of them whenever i stumble across them.
because Pepper the poopy princess likes to stick her little head in them and drink.
oh god! she's licking my ear!!
damn that feels good...
just kidding, it actually tickles in a very annoying way.

my kids get the mail sometimes.
without telling me.
THURSDAY the mailman tried to deliver a package--which was my beloved baby camera!
and we were gone, so he left the little note saying i could pick it up friday...
didn't find the note until FIVE MINUTES AGO.
god damn them to everlasting hellfire.
there are some goood damn pictures of my freshly spanked ass on there that i was--
i'm blushing...
i've said too much.
anyway, i sorta hope it's broken cuz the 'rents had the good sense to insure it.
and we could really use a new camera.
and don't even THINK about mentioning the ass pictures in the comments.
you're NOT seeing them.

i just remembered my other best friend will be arriving tomorrow.
to stay--
for the school year, at least.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh of relief.......
i have missed her so much, i can't even express it.
i have high hopes for chick bonding this year...
oh, i'm so excited!!
utah is always just a little darker when she's not here.
a little further off kilter.
and now--

Saturday, August 14, 2004

saturdays suck

okay not really.
but i do...

so i was sitting in my car the other day.
in line at a drive through.
(I was NOT getting fastfood. well...maybe.)
and i noticed a young woman in the parking lot.
(good lord, i sound old--"young woman"?? fu-u-uck.)
she was a good 6 or 7 months pregnant.
aw, how cute.
her friend lit up a ciggy.
then handed her one and lit it.
i wanted to yell something out my window at her.
...but all that came to mind was, "put that cigarette out, you stupid cunt!"
and somehow...
that seemed almost as trashy as smoking while pregnant.

so today i am playing the part of the confused housewife...
Becky's ex-husband flaked on her so i'm watching her kids while she's at work today.
two boys, just like me.
they play really well together, so it's cool.
(just a friendly reminder that I really am A. boring and B. a housewife)

i have a pecan pie sitting on my counter...
and every time i go into the kitchen i am compelled to reach under the foil...
and take a bite.
--with the conveniently located fork...
i have to keep one in the pie dish!
so that.
i can take a bite every time i walk past...
i suck.
(but at least i'm good at it)

yesterday at the gym i killed my abs.
this is always a good thing.
i also turned my legs to jelly--
which is my favorite thing of all.
...and hubby's.
apparently i have nice legs or something.

that's fucking great....
JUST put all 4 little ones down for their nap,
and the step son shows up.
apparently i do not deserve time alone.
oh well.
the little guys weren't destined to fall asleep either, so it's okay.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Fantasy Friday

oooh, friday the 13th!!
my favorite...

my fantasies have been too...
focused, lately.
i need to let my thoughts wander,
caressing each of you and pulling from you the way in which i might affect you...
imagining myself with you.
doing all the dirtiest things in my playbook.
inviting you to the party in my pants. heh.
so here i go--wish me luck.
(i dont think it's a coincidence that 'luck' rhymes with 'fuck')


if i worked at your office...
i would probably never flirt with you.
but i would watch.
and i would dream...
our eyes would meet once in a while--
like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar...
we would both blush just a little, and look away.
one day.
i would be sitting alone in the break room.
reading Charlotte's Web.
eating chocolate cake.
and you would walk in.
with a bag of popcorn for the microwave.
i would glance up, my reading glasses making your heart race.
i hope that on that day, i would be wearing a long skirt.
and a simple shirt, seemingly modest--but somehow still drawing your eye so directly to the hint of cleavage, the curve of breast...
i would swallow hard at the pressure forming around us--
two animals alone in a small room.
two beings of poetry and hope and passion.
your crisp shirt tucked in, your tie just so...
i would have to force my eyes away from you,
fearing that you would see the lust dripping from them like tears.
i think that just then, another co-worker would walk in.
shattering the tension like a thin piece of glass.
your popcorn would finish popping, and you would leave...
...but not before catching a glimpse of me--watching you.
if we were really lucky...
that would be the day that my car wouldn't start.
and you would be leaving the office at just the right moment...
and your mouth would somehow co-operate, and offer help--
even though your mind would be filled only with me,
and your obsession to see me naked, to touch me.
you would dare to offer me a ride home.
i would accept, as my mind would begin to race:
when did i last shave? is my bedroom clean?
we would arrive at my little house, surrounded by trees.
i would panic at the thought that you might not come inside.
miraculously, i would affect a casual tone and invite you in for a beer--some dinner?
we would make it to the kitchen...
and as i leaned into the fridge for a couple of cold brown bottles...
you would step closer--involuntarily, i think.
two bottles in one hand, i would turn back to you.
and my heart would skip sideways in my chest.
blindly, i would place the bottles on the counter--my eyes locked on yours.
without a word, your hand would be at my waist, our lips coming together in the most urgent way.
my hands would probably be on your neck, pulling you to me,
just as your hands would most likely settle on my lower back, pulling me to you.
one hand would travel up my side--being drawn to my breasts by instict.
your kisses would satisfy me down to my toes--
that swirling sort of satisfaction that inspires greater need.
my knee would probably slide up your side.
you would definitely remove my shirt.
my mouth would tremble at the emptiness left when yours began travelling down my neck...
across my collarbone...
continuing down to the two softest parts...
i'm pretty sure that you would lift me to the counter at that point.
and we would kiss some more, your hands finding their way so smoothly up my legs, under that long skirt.
you would moan just a little as i slid a hand down the front of your pants.
I would moan just a little as i found my target.
you would bite my lip as you discovered my lack of panties, lack of hair.
this would drive you to unbuckle your own belt, fearing that i would be too slow.
i would take your shirt off--not very carefully--buttons flying.
and from the counter we would move to a couch--
you laying me down.
you, kissing from the inside of my knee, up...up...
licking softly until my nails pierced your skin.
i think you would look up at me with a sly little grin at that point...
and then you would move into place, kissing my neck, my ears.
i would lift my hips into you and we would find a rhythm.
we would whisper things that neither of us would forget.
i would be sure to try out on you each of my favorite positions, moves, props...
just in case.
not once would we think about the possible awkwardness at encountering each other in the office.
there would be no awkwardness, if i ever stumbled across you in the vast stretch of possible futures, presents, pasts...
it would be...

have a great weekend kiddos!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

a post, eh?

yes...a post.
i am feeling rather muse-ified...
my muse and i...
standing up from behind the couch,
adjusting our shirts,
wiping the smeared lipstick from the corners of our mouths...
my muse and i...
drank too much wine, and made out behind that couch.
you don't kiss bad--for a girl, he said.
i slipped into my heels, and glanced around the room.
no one saw us.
what a relief...
next time i'll get a back rub out of it, instead.
...although gay men DO make good lovers...
(at least that's what my mom always said...)
if you knew my mom, that would be especially funny.

my sons both painted all their toenails (and most of their toes) with pinkish nail polish today.
not that the color was what made it bad...
i mean, blue or black would have been just as feminine, for hell's sake.
and i can't find my polish remover.
they also managed to drop the bottle, leaving a long line of the stuff across the carpet.
double grrrrr.

today was hot boys at the gym day.
it's getting kind of old...
that'll never get old.
the one i call "Adonis" was particularly sparkly today.
i was thinking about going up to him and saying, "you must get a lot of girls..."
he'd say yes.
then i'd say, "if you're interested in getting fucked by a woman, let me know..."
...somehow, i think that might be a little too direct.
oh yeah--and also, NOT SOMETHING I WOULD EVER DO.
but it sounds like fun.
cuz, serioiusly.
when i think about the kind of sex i had as a younger woman...
compared to the skill i've acquired...
i feel kinda bad for 20 year old guys who are only screwing girls their age.
sad, sad world.

while i'm on the deep thought path...
anyone ever think about---
i couldn't think of a deep thought.
what a shocker.

oooh, but here's something cool:
i have made 600 posts.
that's a LOT of drivel.
i am, actually, impressed with myself for having so much crap to spew.
...but not surprised.

have you ever found a 4 leaf clover?
seen a double rainbow?
made a wish on a falling star?
seen a dolphin in the ocean?
been in love?

me too.

please do not let me forget to write a little something sweet and/or sexy for friday.
cuz i would rather eat glass than fail to give countless anonymous boners...
(which is a more selfish thought that it sounds like, trust me...)

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

itty bitty pretty kitty....

came home with us today.
the kids are tripping all over themselves with delight.
and so far my husband's lungs have not exploded.
i showed her where the litter box is, but she hasn't used it yet.
so i'm stressing myself out about that.
pictures will follow...

which reminds me!
my mom called.
they found the camera.
what a relief!!
of course, the husband is still concerned that they'll see the nude pictures on it.
he is forgetting that they still have trouble working the VCR, for chrissakes.
like they would ever figure out how to turn it on, or for that matter, find the button to turn on the LCD??
i'm not worried.
okay, maybe a little.
i mean...
my parents know i'm a bit of a wild child...

did i also mention that i brought my old cheerleading uniform home with me?
it fits.
brings back some great memories.

when we got home, we discovered that the people who watched our kids for the first weekend of our trip had left the oven on.
the whole house was filled with gas.
they did, however, leave the house perfectly clean.
dishes done, sheets changed, trashes emptied.
so, it's cool.
no damage done.

had a great workout today.
triceps and back.
30 min on the bike.
give me 3 more workouts and i won't feel like a heifer anymore.
give me 3 more weeks and i won't look like a heifer anymore, either.
i MAY have gained some weight on vacation...
i haven't checked yet, but i'm pretty sure.
from dunkin donuts to fried seafood to blueberry pies to lobster drenched in butter...
there's no way i escaped a few extra lbs.
i'm still pretty on the inside.

i'm hungry.
does anyone want to come over and cook me dinner?
yeah, i didn't think so.

the kitten thinks it's cool to walk on my keyboard.
guess what i think?
NOT cool.
and now she's sitting on my shoulder.
which is substantially more cool.
minus the cat-ass in my face part...
which reminds me--
cats don't like riding in cars.
not this one, at least.
maybe it's the car, maybe it's the cat.
but they didn't work well together.
she clawed me to shreds while i drove...
it was great.

so does anyone have a suggestion for what we should name the little beast?
(sassy pants cat-haters keep your shit to yourself)

and in the meantime, i think i'll just keep reminding my kids that it IS a kitty, but its name is NOT kitty...
they're a little confused.

after receving several comments, i was reminded that it might be a good idea to add a description of the kitten for a better selection of names:
she is a standard tiger--grey/brown with a white neck and one white sock.
she cries a LOT...
she likes to be held and snuggled.
so there.
name her please.

Monday, August 09, 2004

...by way of Detroit (Rock City)...

I am here.
...at least that's what we're calling it.
utah is perpetually lame, but for now it's where the heart is.

what a fantastic vacation we had, though!
i would love to share some pictures with you, but.
i left the camera somewhere.
(possibly over the rainbow)
possibly under the seat of my mom's Caddy.
cross your fingers and toes for me...
if it's NOT in the car--
if someone who's not as technologically retarded as my parents finds it.

the vacation...
to summarize:
*comedy club
*zero hangovers
*mucho great sex-o
(i thought that would sound more exotic...)
*The Lobster Festival
*being offered a kitten
*husband agreeing to said kitten
(longer version to come)
*hot tubs overlooking ocean
*watching the sun set over the ocean--
yes, we all know it sets in the west. it's complicated, don't ask.
*had my first Tarrot card reading
i think that may be all.
had some great times.........

mostly, it felt great to be somewhere besides here.

and i missed my kids so much i had to force myself not to think about them so i wouldn't cry.

and i think my husband finally decided it's time to move there.
we're going to work on it, in a serious way.
if yer in maine and know of a great job in IT, let me know.

and now i have to go.
but i'm back.
and i am DYING to get back to the gym and back into my blogginess.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

i'm on my way---

i'm on my waaaaaay--
home sweet home.

no, i most certainly was NOT quoting Cinderella (or however they spell it..)
nope, not me.

but, it's true.
we're packing up and heading to boston right now.
and in the wee hours of the morning (the butt crack of dawn), we'll leave our hotel for the airport.

have i mentioned how much i miss my kids?
and my bed.
and my gym.
i love vacation, and going home.

i have some good stories and some bad stories--
and will have some fantastic pictures...
some of which are naughty, some of which are nice.

be good little boys and girls, and i'll be back in action soon.
i'll flash some truckers for ya, in the meantime.

Friday, August 06, 2004

The Fantasy Portion of the program...

why is it that i am unable to outrun the blaring tv???
is everyone in my life addicted to that crap?
at home, i fight my kids' shows.
at night, i try to ignore my husband's shows.
HERE, i am attempting to ward off the nosie from my father's shows.
i'm not sure why i feel that MY addiction is more noble, more worthy--
but I do.

I'm seriously struggling, here, folks.
i think i may have written myself into a corner--
so i'm going to do a back hand spring and land somewhere totally new and unexpected.
i WILL write a fantasy today, but it may be different than my usual.
i think the biggest part of the problem is that i am living my greatest fantasy--madly in love with the father of my children, and satisfied with all that we are and have and do...
it's hard to dream of anything that would be better than this.
the other part of the problem is that i haven't taken time to really meditate on this subject in a long time...
(yeah, that means i haven't masturbated in a while.)
i haven't really connected with anything outside myself/my life lately.
i have to really sit back and let my thoughts wander.
don't hold your breath....

It would be out of the way--by nearly an hour--on that dusty stretch of freeway.
But i was filled with a deep sense of happy satisfaction at the thought of delivering this care package to my boss's son.
I had known him since he was a kid, from spending time with the family.
he was stationed at a marine base, would be leaving for Iraq soon.
in fact, i hadn't seen him in a couple of years and still pictured him as a kid.
When i knocked on the door to his room in the barracks, i could hear loud rock playing inside and smiled.
he flung the door open, poised to yell--
he hadn't heard my knock, over his music, and was preparing to warn his floormates that a woman would be on deck shortly.
...apparently i was early--he sported only a towel.
(around his waist, fortunately.)
we both blushed and he hurried to turn down the music and finish dressing.
his room reminded me of a hospital room--sparse and cold.
he returned in fatigues and a t-shirt, his tightly buzzed hair already dry.
the awkwardness was difused when i handed him the box from his parents and we began talking about them.
as we spoke, i was afforded a closer look at him--
he had grown up.
17 to 20 is a big jump, especially when those years are spent in military training.
the boyish curves of his face had been replaced with the hard, straight lines of a man--his thin wiry body with the thickness of one preparing to defend himself with only his hands.
as the cheerful conversation found a quiet spot, i realized i was openly staring at him--with the wrong sort of thoughts in my head...
he cleared his throat and informed me that his orders were in.
he would be leaving early the next morning.
i swallowed hard, and tried to think of the appropriate response.
before i could speak again he stood and started unnecessarily organizing some books on a shelf.
do you remember the company picnic, a few years ago? right before i left for bootcamp?
he didn't wait for a reply.
i was in my dad's room, looking for his stash of smokes, when i heard someone coming. i figured it was just someone coming in to use the bathroom, so i stepped behind the closet door.
he paused, and turned around to face me.
it was you. and you didn't go into the bathroom...before i could say anything, you had slipped out of your swimsuit, and back into your clothes.
his face turned a little pink, and mine was as red as a rose.
i looked down, not knowing what to say.
i don't think i'll ever forget that. you were so beautiful--are...
surprised, i looked up just in time to see him step toward me.
i smiled and stood.
he put a hand behind my neck, gently pulling me toward him.
i've dreamed of you every night since then...
his voice was husky, quiet.
i hesitated for a moment, then kissed him.
he kissed me back, his hands in my hair, the kisses so soft and sweet.
i could smell the soap on him, and he tasted like rainwater.
i let out a small groan, resisting my urge to tear him apart.
we proceded slowly, tenderly.
he kissed my ears, my neck, my shoulders--as if he were performing a sacred ritual.
he removed my clothes and continued exploring my body as if i were the first woman he had ever touched.
...and he looked at me as if i would be the last...
he peeled off his briefly donned clothes and i swallowed hard.
i hadn't seen a body like that in a few years...
i pulled him to me, roughly, fiercely--kissing him with such force it took his breath away.
i began my own worship--much less delicate than his own had been.
on my knees?
feeling so patriotic, giving head to this sweet soldier.
swallowing him greedily, then sliding up him, kissing his neck, biting.
we sat, legs interwoven, as he kissed my breasts and regained his momentum.
when he was ready, he laid me back and dropped into place...
we moved together, nearly frantic with desire, with need.
my nails in his back, i breathed, faster...harder...
and he brought us both home--
as we lay together in his tiny bed we wasted no words pretending to be in love...
we were madly infatuated with each other and amazed at our respective good fortune.
i stayed until it was time for him to report for duty in the morning, to board his plane.
and we packed a year's worth of fucking into those 16 hours--both leaving smiling and sore.

Fantasy Friday

but first--
a regular post.
only because i have stuff to say--
for once.

i spent the day wednesday shopping with a dear old friend.
we had a great time, re-connecting...
buying lingere, shoes and nail polish--such a girl's day!
...while the husbands golfed and hit a strip club.
SUCH a guy's day.
my husband actually hates strip clubs, oddly enough.
he thinks the whole idea of them is stupid.
and this particular club--
he said most of the women were fat, and the skinny ones had no boobs and neither category included pretty women.
he had all he could do to not laugh out loud.
or at least that was his story.

then we had dinner with my oldest friend of them all.
easily the best person i know--good, kind, honest, non-judgmental, non-gossippy--and yet, not boring. heh.
she's wonderful--and so was the blueberry pie she made for us.
i don't know how many of you have had the pleasure of eating wild maine blueberries, but...
as silly as it is to say, they are the champagne of blueberries.
we had a lovely evening with her and her husband, then off to the second hotel in two days.
this one had a beautiful little deck that overlooked the river.
we finally got to have some crazy sex.
i'm sure you all can imagine how impossible that sort of thing is to fascilitate at one's parents' house.

I am just NOT in the groove right now.
this post sucks.
I feel like i'm trying to hike in high heels, or dance in sneakers.
I feel like i'm swimming through mud.
so i'll save it and come back in a few.
bite me.

Monday, August 02, 2004

feeling rather disoriented

where am I?
who am I??
i am disconected from you all--
cut off.
with this ridiculous contraption called a "modem".
a god damned modem.
it's like living in the stone age, sorta.
only, minus all the cavemen and stuff.

we took kayaks out on the lake the other day, and down a river.
it was a fantastic workout, and a gorgeous day.
we saw a bald eagle, 2 turtles and a bunch of ducks.
the bald eagle was breathtaking--just incredible.
we've seen so much wildlife!
i had forgotten my parents live IN THE WOODS.
last night we narrowly avoided splatting skunks THREE different times.
they're so damn cute.
and we almost hit a deer.
and there was a raccoon wandering across the road at one point, too.
i'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be better to just give this place to the animals.
i mean, they seem to out-number us, and they clearly don't give a shit that we can turn them into pancakes in a split second.
eh, it's an idea.
i'll write a letter to the governor, see if i can get the ball rolling.

went to lunch with an old friend today.
he started a computer consulting business and is doing quite well.
...he needs to hire someone to work with him.
he knows he can't afford my husband but they talked about it anyway.
we do this little dance EVERY time we come here.
and it never pans out.
but every year it gets closer and closer to reality.
and i've always said, if we can move out of utah before the kids start school, i'll be happy.
say a little prayer (or 50) for me wouldja?
that same friend is supposed to take us sailing on saturday--
we'll see.

it's hot today.
reminds me of the last summer i lived here...
the summer of that boy.
the summer of the hardest job i ever had.
the summer of my first (and last) run-in with the law.
the summer of driving too fast, while changing clothes.
the last summer of freedom.
he lived in that school...
a last chance high school for kids in trouble.
kids from good homes--families with money--
he was just a child at 17, and i fancied myself mature, at the age of 21.
it didn't matter, though.
i find it difficult to write about him without spewing poetry.
BAD poetry--over the top, dripping with cheese poetry.
but it was all true--
his speaking voice had a way of sliding down through my body, from the entry point of my ears...
it shimmered inside me--no matter what his words were.
his smile affected me like a soft down-filled blanket, or a rainbow--a lightening bolt.
his skin was as soft as a baby's--reminding me of his age.
i could go on endlessly about his hypnotic physical characteristics--
but the most surreal part of him was inside...
i could all but SEE his soul, his creativity, his inner-light.
i sometimes wonder if he was real at all.

so there.