Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wedded Bliss

Yup, I'm drownin' in it!

Here is the rundown, as written to a friend earlier today.
Well, in his world it was written sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Or something.

The wedding weekend was sweet perfection from start to finish.

At the rehearsal, Michael slipped a diamond ring onto my finger and won the
Most Romantic Gesture of All Times award. It was a complete surprise
and just took my breath away. We had wedding bands, but had decided to
wait on the diamond until we could better afford it. But he knew it
was important to me and he made it happen! It is a family heirloom,
his great grandmother's ring, and it is absolutely beautiful. Then we
went and had a fun and relaxing dinner with all the rehearsal
participants and family, and went our separate ways for Bachelor and
Bachelorette parties. My girls helped me put 52 miniature blueberry
pies into bakery boxes and tie ribbons around them, while enjoying a
drink or two, and then we headed to a bar with karaoke. My cousin
signed me up for "Like a Virgin" and I resisted, but we ended up
having a blast. She posted some pictures of me and of the wedding, so
if you go to my photos on facebook, you should be able to find them in
that section of "Photos other people posted of you" or whatever it's

Then the big day! I woke up at 6am even though my alarm was set for
8:30...ugh....went to bed at 1:30, and could have used a few more
winks!! Oh well...I was excited! So, we scrambled around and got
tables set up and centerpieces arranged, and then I got my hair done.
I don't know why I bothered. I mean, it looked quite nice, but no one
else can make my hair look the way I want it to look. Oh well. Then
off to have my make up put on by beautiful Mary, who was the link
between Michael and I initially, and to collect the flowers that she
picked from her garden and arranged into bouquets and boutonnieres and
corsages and whatnot. And into the dress and off we went! It was a
whirlwind, and we were....aaallllmost late...And when I arrived at the
beach, my favorite brother was there to walk me through the woods--a
lush, green, winding path at the edge of the ocean--it felt like a
fairy tale! We were little white riding hood and her merry party--my
maid of honor and her two little sweet girls as flower girls. As we
began to walk, I heard distant music and I almost worried. I assumed
it was some jerk, drinking beer and listening to his boombox, but my
brother said, No, it's a party and they're pretty serious. This didn't
allay my fears, but when I rounded a bend, I saw long hair and flowing
robes and the flag of Israel! It was the Feast of Trumpets,
celebrating Rosh Hashanah! As I walked past the clearing where they
celebrated, they quieted and blew a horn, speaking to me--wishing me
peace and god's blessing! It was so unspeakably beautiful! I felt so
uplifted and like the universe was smiling down, giving me a big sign
of approval--as if I had any doubts. :) And then I arrived at the
edge of my wedding spot. I could see the crowd of people fanned out
across the rocks and it flooded me with peace and smiles! So many
people there, full of love for us! And then the bagpiper started up
and my brother escorted me across the unstable rocks and handed me off
to Max and Oliver, who each took one elbow and walked me down the
aisle, denoted by crepe paper held down by rocks. We walked across the
path of flower petals left by the darling girls ahead of us and then
the boys handed me off to Michael. We couldn't stop smiling. As the
officiant put his bagpipes away, we grinned at each other and nearly
bounced with anticipation. Ken spoke, words of wisdom in his rumbling
bass voice, and we had to resist kissing every time he said something
we particularly agreed with--somehow it didn't seem right to kiss
before he gave his pronouncement that we may, but we also are used to
kissing as punctuation for happy things, so it was an exercise in
restraint. And then we each pulled out our Blackberries and read from
them our vows. Afterward, everyone said how beautiful they were and
even the officiant said he had some more prepared material, but didn't
find it necessary as our words were so complete and well-done. Yay. :)
So then we exchanged rings, and kissed and walked back to the other
edge of the rocks where we greeted our guests as they filed past, and
then posed for pictures. The reception was fun and the food was
great--the cake was beyond amazing. So mouth-wateringly delicious that
I would crawl inside it and live there just so I could eat my way
out.... We got to visit briefly with each guest and there were
toasts--Abbey's was SO BEAUTIFUL! She talked about knowing me from
childhood and that she had watched me look for a love like Michael for
most of the 30 years we've known each other, and that she was so glad
that I had found him. Really sweet--I'll have to ask her if she wrote
it down, cuz I want a copy! We danced some and ate some and my Mom and
my sister worked SO HARD, and so many of our friends and family worked
so hard. I am humbly grateful to them.

We had a room reserved in Augusta, our state capital, which is about
45 minutes away from us, but we stuck around to help clean up (I
couldn't feel good about leaving the work to our friends and family
who had worked so hard all day to make it a beautiful day) and by the
time we got home, we were BEAT. We decided to pass on the drive to
just sleep in a bed that couldn't be as comfortable as ours. And then
we were able to get up in the morning and open presents with all the
kids and just be surrounded by the love and joy of our family! It was
AWESOME. So glad we did it that way. And my brother who was visiting
from Utah was still in town, so we went to my Mom's to have left over
wedding food (for me: crab alfredo and bread and salad and
caaaaaaaaaaaake!!!) and visit with him. SO glad I did that, too. And
Michael went to help his friends load up all the tables and chairs we
had rented and borrowed and returned them to their proper locations
and then we said goodbye to my boys (at my parents') and dropped his
boys at their Mom's and loaded up the car for our trip to Boston and
hit the road. At 4:45 I logged in to my school website to let my
professor know that I wasn't going to make the 5pm deadline for a
paper, only to discover that she has a bad (possibly H1N1) flu and our
assignment would be pushed off for a week!!!! Hooray for me!! (sucky
for her).

And on Monday we got up and rode the subway into the city, had amazing
delicious Indian and Thai food, then went to the New England Aquarium
and looked at all the swimmy things--sharks and seahorses and seals
and whatnot. Very nice. And then back to the hotel, naps, and on to
U2!!!! When we arrived at the ticket window, they couldn't find our
tickets, so I started looked through my email for the confirmation
letter and it said that I MUST print out my tickets and that this
email wouldn't grant me admission and I started to panic and Michael
almost scolded me, and they still couldn't find our tickets, but
thennnnn, the nice lady found my tickets and explained that I had paid
a dollar extra to save myself the trouble of coming to the ticket
window but voila, here are my tickets! PHEW. I almost peed my pants.
And then we found our seats and they were good enough, though not
close enough, never close enough. Snow Patrol was great, and U2 was
astounding! They put on such a great show and every song was beautiful
and we loved every second of it.

And then Tuesday we wandered through bookstores and a mall, enjoying
the time and another delicious meal and putting off our Return to
Reality, but looking forward to seeing the kids anyway.

Maybe I'll get to see some pictures soon and I can post those when I have them.
Yay fun!!

Oh...and did I mention yet?
That this man is the one I was made for, the one I was looking for, searching for, aching for.
He is as crazy in love with me as I am with him, and he is always patient, kind and loving with me.
He lets me be a little crazy when I need to be and just keeps on loving me more and more each day.
My feet don't even touch the ground anymore, I'm so filled with love I float.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Home Sweet Home

After a year, I am still happy that I chose to move home!
In fact, I feel more at peace than I have in many years. I love it here.
The other day, I saw one of my good friends walking along a main street of our Town (as in, "I'm going to town, do you need anything?" because...yes...this is country livin'!) and I stopped and chatted a bit and it was SO FREAKING COOL!
It's an adjustment, though, to be in a place again where everyone knows everyone.
Going to the store in my pajamas used to be acceptable, because, hey--no one'll ever see me again!
Buuuut...that's not exactly the case here, is it?
I love it, though.

A few days ago, I ran into my "first" at the toy store.
Haven't seen him in 13 years, haven't thought about him in...12 years and 11 and a half months.
Or so.
Poor fella.
(We dated all summer and were technically still "together" for the whole next school year while each of us returned to our respective universities, but that was just sort of a convenient way for me to explain my lack of dating while at school...god, I hated BYU!!!!!)
Anyway, it was nice to see him.
He was shopping with his super cute daughter and he looked like he was happy.
My Love was with me and I introduced them, asked fewer "what have you been up to" questions than I wanted answered, and we parted.
I felt oddly nervous and simultaneously oddly detached.
So then this morning when Love got home from work, he said, "So...wanna know yet another way in which we are connected?"
He went on to tell me that the aforementioned dude's name had sounded familiar and that last night while working the face attached to that name appeared in his head.
A teenaged face.
The face of an old girlfriend's younger brother!!!
We compared impressions of their parents and her smoking (bad breath) and his tobacco chewing (ew) and how we both felt like they were not our type at the time.
It was kiiiinda hilarious.
We lay in bed, faces inches apart, giggling.

...and have I mentioned yet today how completely, entirely, mind-blowingly in love I am with this fella???
We're pretty damn happy.
And I am grateful to all the gods that be, for that.
The gods and Mary.
No...not the Virgin--ha!
She's no virgin!
But she introduced us, she was the gateway.
And that dear little schmoo is planting and harvesting and sharing flowers from her garden to deck the fuck out of our wedding!
I'm going to have to thank her in a big way for contributing the flowers, the groom...
ya know, a couple of the more important ingredients in a good wedding.

I am SO excited for our wedding!!
Now...gods of generosity, could I ask one more favor?
Take away the extra weight I'm luggin' around.
I don't need it anymore!
That's right, universe, you can have it back.
Thanks for letting me borrow it--it came in real handy in surviving the tough winter and setting up a new home, and whatnot, but I'm all set.
Thanks bunches!

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Ok, so I have this friend, and I'm not giving any hints cuz she wants to remain anonymous (at least for now), but she is a frigging GENIOUS!!!!
She started a website, with a big dream and I would love nothing more than to see her succeed.
For just one dollar you could help her reach an amazing and beautiful goal. Check it out:
The Internet Begging Experiment
(She taught me how to write html tags, and I just used one!! Oops, that was a hint. But I can't imagine anyone here knows her. Dammit, that was another hint!! I'm shutting up now...)

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Today was strange...

I woke up heavily, groggily
and spent ten minutes getting my kids dressed and out the door,
then grabbed an armful of cook books
and got back in bed with the intention of browsing them for new recipes.
(my repertoire could use a little spice-up!)
Which reminds me--
I have this paranoia that has developed recently that women who cook with great variety also...are endlessly creative in the bedroom.
I wonder about that sometimes.
I have, at times, considered myself to be...ahem...highly adventurous and generally terrific in bed.
But I still wonder.
Because I'm often quite stale in the kitchen.
Buuuuut....that's because I like to cook things I don't have to think about or prepare for--because I'm spontaneous and unpredictable.
Which goes over well in the bedroom (or the bathroom, or the walk-in closet...that one is convenient for weekend afternoons...).
Wow, I got sooooooo sidetracked!!
Ok, so this morning I climbed back in bed.
And I placed those books on His side of the bed and I snuggled back in and considered
for just a brief moment.
And 3 hours later, after sad, unsettling dreams,
I woke, peed, and got back in bed.
I was still so tired...
so I slept again, and dreamed nicer things.
I woke up for good at 12:30.
I must be fighting off a cold or something because I never sleep that long.
I fell asleep last night at 10, and I usually get up with my kids at 7:30 and stay up all day.
Very bizarre.

So.........yeah. That's the story of today.
Oh, also, I took the kids on a short bike ride.

Hooray for bikes!!

Something smells really nasty.

I'm still kinda foggy.
So I think I'll go to bed.

It smells like gasoline and feet.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's raining, it's pouring...

and I'm not yet snoring!

But I should be.
I am sleepy...
And I don't have anything blogable on my mind, just stress type stuff.
But I guess I can push all that aside,
stick it on a shelf somewhere and chat about the rest of my life--the Good Parts.

My Love works nights about the half the time, so tonight it is just me and four cats on this big ole bed.
I can hear peepers outside, and crickets or something.
I love how alive this place is.
This is NOT city living, that's for damn sure!
The country is loud with quiet...
And there are so many stars here it make me wish I could focus my eyes better.
I love it.

I have noticed some subtle but exciting changes in my kids lately.
I think they're growing up!
I think they've reach a new stage in their childhood...they'll be 9 soon, and I just think they're finally in a new realm of maturity and confidence.
I am enjoying this immensely.

This week I made several excellent loaves of bread, and two batches of strawberry freezer jam.
Very satisfying.
Trying to think of more intersting things, but all that comes to mind are my worries.
I guess that's just how life is.

Instead, here's a story I started writing the other day.
Just sorta rolled off my tongue, but with some editing and a few more pages, it could be a cool little story. Or first chapter to a book.........

She wasn't the only one there with tattoos and cut-offs, but she managed to look the sleaziest. Maybe it was the dark eye makeup, or the unexpectedness of so many lines on the childish face. She had a skinned knee and a hole just under the back pocket of her ill-fitting shorts, but there appeared to be knitting needles sticking out of the lumpy backpack she carried. She had something nondescript sprawled across her lower back, ink stains on skin, but the rose tattoo on her ankle was the final piece of the jumbled timeline. The rose was straight out of the 70s, but this girl's mother was probably too young for a tattoo in the 70s. Her name, obviously, was Crystal. What other name would a girl like this have? The dirt under her fingernails hinted at something, but the cigarette clasped between those fingers was what really drew the eye. She held it like a child holds a crayon, her fist curled around it, shoving it into her rotten, ragged-looking mouth.

The jukebox stopped and in the silence, other senses were sharpened--the grit on the floor could be felt inside shoes, while the scent of stale smoke and unwashed armpits was almost a taste, and made several patrons blink. The silence also left room for the Jimmy the bartender to notice this squalid presence, this aged child.

"You got some ID, junior?"

Crystal swatted the fly that had landed on the back of her cigarette hand. She looked into his grey, drooping eyes and said nothing.

"Look, I gotta see some ID or they'll shut me down. And I can't afford that shit again this month." He braced his hands against the bar, holding his ground.

She sighed and reached into her backpack. She tossed something hat looked like a receipt, or an invoice onto the polished wood stretched out before her.

After his eyes skimmed the paper, Jimmy cocked one eyebrow, smoothed his mustache with one large hand, and gave it back to her. Mostly to himself he said, "Well that explains a lot," shook his head slightly and met her eyes again. "What'll it be?"

She coughed from somewhere deep in her lungs and pointed to the Budweiser sign behind him. "Light," she amended.

"Three bucks." They completed the exchange in silence and she took the bottle to the far corner of the room. Sometime during that slow-motion exchange, the jukebox had started up again, same song as before. There was a dull buzz of conversation, but most people were edging away from Crystal's booth.

Crystal put the bottle to her lips and let the cool crispness wash through her mouth, her scattered thoughts each fighting for center stage. She didn't really want to be here, in a crappy bar full of crappy drunks, each making some version of a crappy judgment of her. She could feel their disapproval, smell their loathing. But she didn't know how she must look to them. She didn't know they could see her life spelled out in the way she walked, the breaths she drew. She lived inside her own head and had very little use for anyone in the outside world. She needed something, though, and she had decided that this might be a place she could find it, or get closer to finding it.

The scene before her seemed convex, with all the people clustered at the center of the warped vision. She sipped at the brown, sweating bottle until the scene stabilized and she was able to see each person separately.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Just a little story from my time as a single woman in America...
Dating was always one of my greatest pleasures!

Too many drinks, too many smokes....
music--every song the soundtrack to your eyes on mine...
your skin on mine.
we stumble to a room, a mattress on the floor.
candles cover every surface,
a fleeting thought to light them is replaced with your lips on mine.
where are we?--another fleeting thought replaced with your hand on my bare stomach, pushing my shirt higher.
the music is loud, the smoke heavy, softening the edges of everything.
you ask to see my tattoo.
i unbutton my pants, opening them to reveal my hip to you...
you kneel, kissing...your hands on my waist.
showing so much restraint, creating so much heat....
we are so young, so unsure.
you look up at me, head cocked, questioning.
i nod slightly, my breathing turns shallow.
you slide my pants down, i step out.
you stand, pulling your t-shirt over your head.
you kiss me on the mouth, both of us suddenly aware of so much skin, a closed door, a bed...
i touch your chest with a tenative hand, the thrill from it reaching my toes.
our kisses open our minds and bodies to each other--and close out all else.
the music stops for a moment, and we hear voices.
we pause, looking into each other's eyes--by mistake, almost.
the shyness nearly returns,
but the music starts again and we make our way to that bed on the floor, shedding clothes along the way.
all of your skin on all of mine, the kissing continues, each of us afraid to take the next step.
you say my name and my stomach flips.
i look at you, mouth open ready to speak...
you say your name with a soft smile, for the first time that evening.
my hands go to your purposely-messy hair, a thumb tracing your studded earlobe.
your hand strays down my side, hesitantly inching inward...
i let out a soft moan as your fingers find their mark.
i reach down to smooth...
both of us ready, both of us hesitant.
i spread my legs wider, you sink in.
we both sigh.
moving together in a rhythm so soft and sure, that it seems we've done this a thousand times.
in that moment i know it is the future i'm feeling and not the past.
you know it too, and smile, saying my name again, the breath it takes tickling my ear.
your hands are soft and have found all the right places, this interlocking opening the store of memories yet to come.
we have become a sweating writhing tangle of limbs, with tunnel vision.
my nails find your back, your lips find my breasts, we are lost in this maze.
it builds to a frenzy of need, being released only by the waves of ecstasy which wash over us together.