Sunday, January 19, 2003

My husband wanted to watch football all day today, and since I was less than thrilled by that prospect, he offered to keep the kids so I could go do something. This way, he could lay around watching football, without me giving him the evil eye, and I could go away and come back refreshed. It was a lovely day--I had breakfast and worked on my book, then i did a little shopping, then i attempted to go for a hike, but the trail was snowed over and looked slippery, then i went to a movie with my friend/sister in law. It was, overall, a lovely break. when i got home the boys were dressed nicely, and had eaten and the house was mostly picked up. However, my husband seems to have a problem with garbage...he doesn't seem to be able to put it where it goes: he throws empty paper or plastic wrappers in the sink (for the disposal??) and leaves banana peels and apple cores on the counter and don't get me started on his vehicle--filled to the brim with the remains of many a fast food meal and drink...This seems to be his one remaining flaw, so i guess i shouldn't be too picky. he's great, but it drives me absolutely insane that he doesn't put trash where it goes. Oh well.

Looks like southwest is having their cheap airfare deal...i could go to Maine (manchester NH) for about $250, but that's not such a great price. I always get tempted by cheap airfare, but i don't know. Maine in February???? I am definitely not a sane person, but I have some sense...

Saturday, January 11, 2003

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Howdy. Today was a warm day and i took my kids to the playground. i love winter in Utah...yes, i know. I just said love and utah in the same sentence. it's sort of creepy. anyway, we had a great time. i met a guy who was there with his triplets--zoiks. we compared notes (birthweight, gestation, time in newborn ICU, etc) and had a very satisfying conversation. sometimes it ain't so bad gettin' out and mingling with the locals...although, actually, he's not a local either...could explain why i didn't hate him. Anyway, it's nice to be reminded occassionally that twins is as easy as it gets--besides having one at a time babies, but who needs that crap? I'm a multi-tasker, you see. Besides, all my friends were having their first babies the same year i got pregnant and i wanted to be different...of course we all had boys, but that's alright. i still had TWO.

So, here are some thoughts on my obsession with hating Utah.

I would hate it if we lived in Maine and I was as happy as a clam, and all my husband did was whine at me to move to Utah. I think he wants to tell me yes, but his subconscious doesn't really accept it, because he keeps making long term plans for And it's hard to argue with him because I can't guarantee what would happen if we took a chance and moved to Maine. Of course, we can't even guarantee what will happen if we stay here. He could lose his job or get hit by a car or who knows what. But, it's sort of the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" line of thinking, and I have to agree. If I could find him a job with a comparable salary and a company with a definite future and people who respected him and who he enjoyed working with....sheesh. I wouldn't want to leave all that either. I am beyond pissed off about this. I guess another old saying is true--you can't always get what you want. I wish I was better at accepting stuff like that. Also, I honestly believe that if we lived anywhere but Utah I wouldn't have this issue at all. Because, yeah, Maine is great and I miss a handful of people but that's not what this is all about. I could handle being homesick if I didn't hate where I am. In fact, I was never homesick until I started hating it here. Now it has sort of worked into this huge issue of the evil black hole full of betrayal and dashed hopes of utah, versus the green, lush, ocean-side, good memories-filled Maine...Would you like some mellow with that drama, for shit's sake? So, hopefully i'll get to move away from here soon. but then what would i have to bitch about? i'm sure i'd think of something...cold winters for starters...

Well it's meatloaf night, so i better get going.

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

New Year's Eve:
So, we got to the hotel and checked in and hung out with our friends, munching and drinking. I drank probably 5 or 6 shots of Mandarin Absolute, but somehow was only pleasantly buzzed by the time the cab arrived to take us to the club. I looked hot, by the way. I haven’t looked “good” for a long time, and I’m not as skinny as I’d like to be yet, but I still put together an outfit that played up the good and disguised the bad. Knee high black, heeled boots with a black skirt that had a diagonal hem and a really sexy see through shirt with a little camisole thingy…and I was even having a good hair day!! Yee haw! I love it when I look good!! Of course, I had my bar goggles on, but who cares???? So, we got there, and settled into our “VIP” booth, and picked out some fantastic masks and played with the noise makers, and started in on the complimentary bottle of champagne and then headed to the vip lounge to have sushi and then danced and drank and danced and drank and Husband and I ended up so god damn drunk it’s frightening. I have never been this hung over before. I’m not really sure how it happened because I was only a little drunk when I got to the club, and I only drank a couple of glasses of champagne… We had a great night, and I’d have to say it was worth it, but holy shit on a stick, batman! I wanted to throw up and Husband actually did, and I don’t know how we made it home this morning. And finally it was naptime and I put the boys to bed and I slept for 3 hours and woke up feeling marginally better. Oh yeah, and all night when I’d wake up to pee and all morning until I got home, eminem’s newest song was in my head…”it’s back to reality, oh there goes gravity oh he’s so mad but he won’t give up that easy…” I wanted to scream. But that would have hurt my head. It was the most miserable I’ve ever felt in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever feel the need to drink again…or at least to get drunk…well, okay, just not that drunk.

I’m super fucking depressed today, for no apparent reason. Probably hormones. Listening to depressing music and in the five minutes that I wasn’t sad, I started working on an idea for another book. I think it could be a good-ish one. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I am so god damn homesick—THAT’s why I’m depressed. Duh. I’m not very smart sometimes. I want to go home. Dammit.

Oh lordy—my parents’ yard...I am so being taken back to high school by the shudders that just ran up my spine!!! My Dad’s penchant for white-trash landscaping was the source of much social angst for my sister and me!! She went so far as to have dates drop her off at our neighbor’s house (their daughter was my best friend, so at least they knew us…) and then she would walk home. I was never quite that bad, but man I always dreaded having a guy see where I lived. I like to think I’m nothing close to white trash—what with the high I.Q., lack of Maine accent, and maternal grandparents who were doctors…but man I think that yard alone qualifies me in a big way!!