Friday, October 31, 2003

cackle cackle

Being a witch for haloween is so easy. just show up.

So, anyway. this weather sucks. i was rather enjoying the 70 degree days earlier this week. snow sucks. It makes me want to stay inside, all snuggled up in blankets and slippers with hot chocolate--or a hot toddie. yum. It does not make me want to wrangle the kids into their clothes and into the car to go to the gym. where has my motivation gone???

In my blog explorations i have come to a realization lately. And that is: I am old. I have read some blogs of girls 18-22ish and I am aghast at how silly they sound....for lack of a better term, they remind me of valley girls, from back in the 80's, you know? I don't know. Maybe I sound just as childish and air headed. Or maybe I'm jealous of their youth and freedom....nah. I mean, I'm definitely jealous of freedom and i'm jealous of youth only as a means to erase signs of childbearing. Other than the physical changes, i wouldn't go back. No way. I've finally reached a point where I'm starting to, I don't know...get it. yeah. In the past couple of years i've grown to realize that 90% of the stuff i worried about--obsessed about--when i was a teenager was absolutely pointless. The world looks different to me now than it did back then. It's all mine. only I'm trapped behind the prison bars disguised as a white picket fence. wow, i actually had a lump in my throat when i wrote that. either i'm about to puke (a definite possibilty since i chased a breakfast burrito with halloween candy) or that was a really emotional thing for me to admit. that was cool--i've never had a real live lump in my throat. okay, now i'm sounding like those girlie girls.

well, have a trick-filled day everyone.

why do i tempt fate??

I mean seriously.

You would think I would learn my lesson--that bragging always leads to getting bitten in the ass.

You may recall i claimed to have a perfect life.

not twenty minutes after i posted that, i was stuck in my garage.

then it started to snow.

then one of my sons puked.

then i got into a fight with my husband.

lord almighty. i think i'll try to trick fate...reverse psychology, you know?

so anyway. He got a $310 speeding ticket on our way to the airport a couple of weeks ago. he he. okay, it sucks, but at least it's something concrete i can bring up during fights to throw in his face in a really mature manner. oh, i'm kidding. i wouldn't do that. well, i haven't yet, at least. but i'll keep it in mind.

hmmm...i'm feeling chatty, but what to say?

Watched half of The Way We Were the other day. G-O-D. I always cry for the entire last 20 minutes of that movie. so wrenching. and hot damn that Mr. Redford was a smooth character.

So, Kat's been talking about scary times from childhood, etc this week and it has me thinking. I used to be the biggest scaredy cat in the world. In fact, the night i watched Seven I slept with the light on........hey, i was living at my brother's house at the time, and my room was in a half-finshed basement, far away from everyone else (which came in rather handy for seducing young missionaries-to-be, but that's another story). I guess the moral of that story (the scary movie one, not the seduction one, cuz, let's get real--no morals were present there, m'kay?) is that i should never go straight to bed after watching disturbing, scary or weird movies. I had these weird rituals when i was a child, too. sleep with the door open, the hall light on, closet door open and definitely (i'm with kat all the way here!) keep all arms and legs INSIDE the vehicle, er bed. my fears were never of monsters, either. cuz, i'm smarter than that. duh. it's just that watching Poltergist at a young age (7-ish) made quite an impression on me. it was all about the supernatural. i'm finally over that--don't believe in ghosts, etc.


i made the mistake of reading Dean Koontz's Intensity. holy fuck. if you want to be scared out of your bobby socks, read that. of course, it was so realistic that i believed that man was in my home for months after reading it....and my new fear, that i invented all on my own, is that some night i'll get home from a night out with the girls or whatever, and climb into bed, snuggle up to the man in my bed--only to find it's not my husband, it's the man who has already killed him and is waiting for me. I know. I know. curse this imagination of mine. curse it. (except when it's being used to construct wild sexual fantasies...)

Thursday, October 30, 2003

moldy jack o lantern

Already. we carved one about ten days ago, and it got knocked of the table and broke into several we carved another one about 4 days ago. FOUR DAYS. And this morning, the eyes and mouth are all filled in with this fuzzy white mold. and the lid is stuck to the pumpkin with black and gray mold. weird. four days??? oh well. hopefully if i leave it on the front steps our hellion neighbor boy will smash it. or, hell, maybe i will because i love smashing pumpkins. or at least THE Smashing Pumpkins. heh. yes, i've been waiting all month to make that joke. and it was worth it.

Want to hear a funny story about Karl Malone? okay, it's not that funny and mostly it's about Kevynn Malone. In my haste to write for the THIRD time the post last night, i only wrote K. Malone instead of Karl (cuz those two keystrokes woulda killed me??) anyway, it reminded me of this....See, one day last winter/spring-ish I was reading Tony Pierce's site and he mentioned something about Karl Malone, and in the comments box there was a comment from Kevynn Malone. do you notcie the similarities??? soooo...curious george that I am, i had to check the link and see if this person was related to the Mailman (even though common sense told me it was unlikely). and i was, as you may well know, pleasantly surprised. i did not find some illegitmate child of a basketball player, raving about the injustices of being raised without the luxuries and influence of a superstar father. no, no, I found a spot of writing like a cashmere sweater.

Okay, enough ass kissing.

So, some kids movies are pretty funny these days, and some are still entirely for kids. my boys are hooked on one lately that's pretty much alllll for the kids--stuart little 2. it's cute. fine, whatever. of course, having it playing 3-5 times a day is rather brutal. there is ONE funny line, though. one line that makes me chuckle every time i hear it (that would be 58 times now...). As they fade into a scene of stuart in class, his teacher is saying, "And the reason that Canada is separate from America is that Canadians--like to be alone." and the way she says it is extra funny. oh god. someone help me.

It's a sad sad sad sad world.

One more pesky reminder that National Novel Writing Month commences on Saturday, November 1st. You will have 30 days to write 50,000 words. DO IT.

see, it's almost noon. time to get dressed and head to the gym. seriously, as much as i complain about boredom....i FUCKING LOVE MY LIFE. who else gets to sleep until 9 or 10, and never has to be anywhere at any certain time?? i have the easiest life on the planet. yes, sometimes i think i'll pull out all my hair from the sheer monotony of it. sure, sometimes i nearly go into convulsions from lack of adult conversation. and i'll definitely admit that sometimes i would rather eat glass than do one more load of laundry or scrub one more toilet. but, it's all worth it. well, that's how i feel today. of course, i usually change my opinion on a daily--if not hourly--basis so don't take me too seriously.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

got down sat on a bench

i am so sick of this stupid fucking computer. i just deleted a whole post. twice. cuz i'm a moron. not a mormon. anymore.

to recap: the mr.'s watching b-ball. i'm multitasking. jazz are winning, weird to see K. Malone on Lakers, Lebron James rocks, and some other drivle.

that makes me so angry. i hate writing stuff, even if it's pure crap, and losing it.

time to watch That 70's Show from tivo. woo hoo!!!!

oh yeah

i cut my hair a few days ago. and i mean that literally--I cut it. not, i got a haircut, but i grabbed a pair of scissors and started hacking. i'm such a dumbass. it worked out fine this time--looks fantastic, actually--but i completely forgot that i meant to grow it out this time. I took off a good 3 or 4 inches, too. dumbass. i love my hair, though. well, when i don't hate it, at least. each little curl is endearing to me. i love my curlies. (not my "short n' curlies"--those suckers are kept at bay quite nicely by a bottle of nair...) anywho. WHY did i cut my hair??? it grows faster than grass, so it's not a big deal, i think i'm just annoyed that i made a plan and promptly forgot it. oh well. at least it looks good.

i can't wait for halloween. it's my favorite excuse for dressing like a slut and getting away with it. we're going to a party, so that should be fun.

had a great workout today, by the way. i have been getting so bored with running lately, but today i didn't. of course, it helped that i started watching some lame-o soap opera--that helps pass the time really great. some guy died and everyone was really sad. i love soaps. you know why? cuz they're so insanely dramatic and the plot twists they come up with are predictably unrealistic. people die and come back to life so often it's laffable. and as soon as the pining away couple is united everything falls apart--whether the girl is pregnant from a former lover, or the guy gets killed or has a fatal disease (which is inevitably cured by some bizarre kind of hair transplant surgery or something because no one on soaps ever dies of a disease--too boring) or they find out they're actually brother and sister.....anyway, it's ridiculous. I could write for one of those shows in my sleep. lame.

where to start?

well, first of all, sometimes i forget that what i see on the news is real...since nothing else on tv is anywhere close to reality--especially reality tv--it's easy to do. of course, when i was at the gym this morning (ha! who am i kidding? noon.) i was watching the news and i realized how horrifying it would actually be to have a massive wall of flames marching steadily toward my HOUSE. i shouldn't have joked about it in the first place. also, my next completely irreverent thought was: man those insurance companies must be freaking out. good. fuckers.

AND i got locked out of my house a few mintues ago and that was stupid. i took my kids out to get the mail and one of them locked the door and closed it behind us. good thing it wasn't snowing. good thing it wasn't cold as hell. good thing it wasn't hot as hell. but most of all, good thing one of our windows doesn't lock, or have a screen so it was easy as fucking pie to get in (warm apple pie, perhaps??). so that's nice. hopefully the neighbor's hellion kids didn't see how easy it was, since their bedroom windows are about 3 feet away from the window i climbed through. cuz...we have a lot of stealable stuff...funny thing is i looked out my kitchen window this morning (again, who am i kidding, it was noon-ish) and saw two little juvenile delinquents climbing through one of their windows. they saw me seeing them and got a little panicked. it was sweet. too bad they're not a little older.

which reminds me. i'm such a pathetic attention whore. there's the cutest little fat kid who works at my gym--washing mirrors and re-racking weights for all the lazy fuckers, etc. Anyway, he sort of follows me around and it's really cute. he'll polish the treadmill next to mine for a full ten minutes, or go orgainize the rack of weights right next to where i'm doing a bench press or curls or whatever. the point is, i love it. and i am ashamed of this. but only a little. attention is great.

what the hell else was i so excited to write about???

there was something, i just know it.

i am soooooo excited to find out which Bozzie I have won!!!

and just wanted to give a shout out to Jim over at Trudy's revenge. but only because it's really funny to think of ME actually saying "give a shout out". i mean GOD. I'm as honky as honky gets and old and just not anywhere near hip enough to say that. but it reads well, doesn't it? anyway, looks like a first post, but i have a feeling there are good things in store. I mean, after all, he has good taste in blogs. ahem.

just a reminder

to anyone who is even remotely interested in writing a novel: Saturday is the start date for National Novel Writing Month. come join the fun and try your hand at writing the great american novel with me, nedra, boz, best friend, and countless others!!

if i have to tell my kids to leave the blinds alone one more time.

seriously. i'm going to lose it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

we have fires too

okay, so they're on the back side of an uninhabited mountain. but still.

damn california.

they get all the attention.

that plume of smoke slicing through a bank of clouds at sunset over the mountains looked pretty badass, though. i found myself wishing I had my camera.

I have no life. None. I have nothing to write about because nothing ever happens. oh, i did the dishes today. it was so crazy, i mean, they were just taunting me, you know? so i had to fuck em up. And then I went to Walmart. let me just tell you--that was a wild ride. I mean, I was cruising that baking aisle llike a horny businessman on hooker row and i didn't stop until i had it all. And when I got to the soap aisle--i was kicking ass and taking names. Those damn detergents don't know when to keep their snotty little mouths shut.

that's my life.

aren't you jealous?


Monday, October 27, 2003

i smell sex and candy

well, candy at least.

i think we're going to eat the entire stash of for-trick-or-treaters candy before the big day. damn i hate being a glutonous pig.

I wish I had an eggnog recipe for IA, because then i'd have an eggnog recipe. My dad used to make it when i was a kid and I L-O-V-E loved it. I've never been able to reproduce the taste I remember, though....perhaps that is symbolic of the futility of reclaiming the happiness of childhood. gone are the nectar sweet moments of innocence and trust--and that absurd belief that my family was perfect--my life a fairy tale. so fuck you, IA. heh. actually, happy birthday to him.

I love Ms. Pac Man.

not the game--her. okay, so i meant the game. i suck at it though, just like every other video game. OOOH! that's what i wanted to comment on, on muscle68's site. i'm so brain dead sometimes. I was reading his post and it wasn't really that long, but by the time i finished i had forgotten what i meant to comment on. It was the line about something sucking harder than a girl on her fist audition for porn....i laughed out loud, but then i couldn't remember like 2 mintues later. i think i seriously have a brain tumor. i used to have a great memory, but now it would seem, i have a brain like a sieve. what happened to the steel trap???? hmm...perhaps it rusted out, and that's where all the holes are coming from....who knows? anyway, read his site. cuz he's a good read and not too hard on the eyes. (wink wink). (yes, that was my attempt at being a dirty old man)....sometimes i like to be a dirty old man, except i'm a girl, and not so very old.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

more on l.a. guns

so once again i was too hung over to share the details properly even yesterday. but, i'll expand a bit on what i wrote friday night.

so first of all, it was a total dive of a place, with a little fenced off stage with a pole in the middle--for strippers, we figured. classy. and the stage for the bands was only raised about a foot. and there were probably only 200 in attendance. that's gotta be weird for bands who are used to playing larger venues. which is not to say that these bands have been filling arenas lately, but still. Also, the funny thing is I was not familiar with a single song. and of course, we were in the front row, but when you only have to fight 196 drunk rednecks....well, it wasn't too difficult. And there was a guy who was young and had the look of a modern rocker--and he looked familiar to me. (never figured out why). My brother in law started talking to him and it turned out he is the drummer for The Bullet Boys (who had not shown up). So we hung out with him for a bit. I all i wanted to do was ask him if he had been with the band on the 2002 tour so i could follow up with, "so you must know Jason Hook?" who was the guitarist for vince neal this summer and is freaking hot. god-d. i'm so pathetic. i'm just a bleach job and a belly shirt away from being the typical groupie of the 80's bands....

The music was fantastic. (aw fuck. just went to see what that noise was. it was max playing in the toilet. fuck.) i guess i should have written more the night i got home, because i can't remember anything now.

oh yeah! my brief encounter with the lead singer of l.a. guns--can you tell what a devout, long-time fan I am? don't even know the dude's name....all i know is he has gorgeous eyes and a not un-manly pixie-like face....anyway, they were signing autographs at a table, etc, and i had walked over to check out the action, but decided i didn't care enough to actually GET an autograph, when they started getting shuffled away by their road manager dude (hot) and this drunk guy came up to the lead singer (who i'll refer to as L.S.) and said, or rather slurred, "do you know so and so from K-blah blah (radio station call letters)?" A d.j. i imagine. and L.S., in his sexy british dialect, looked a bit annoyed, then surprised and said, "yeah" and absentmindedly signed the guy's outstretched band photo. "So do you know where he is?" asked the drunk guy with a sense of urgency, excitement...L.S. again looked a bit annoyed and answered, "No, haven't seen him in years..." I was just inches from L.S. and as I watched this sad little exchange, I couldn't help but comment. So, with a soft little smile and just enough sarcasm that he would get it but drunk dude would miss it, I said, "yeah, you should really keep track of everybody..." I lightly touched his shoulder as I said it, then walked past him and smiled back as he replied, with the same dose of sarcasm and a nice smile, "yeah, no shit."

am I a pathetic, indiscriminate groupie?

most definitely.

do i find myself praying that Pearl Jam will start playing such crappy venues before I lose my looks?

HELL yes.

I mean, how easy was that??? I only wish it was someone i idolized. or even was vaguely familiar with....oh well. it was still cool.

and the boys are at Ratt right now. I actually know a couple of their songs, and i think i would have enjoyed it immensely, but we couldn't get a babysitter. besides, i spent the entire day yesterday feeling like a piece of chewing gum that had lost all its flavor and i was not looking forward to repeating that monday....

Saturday, October 25, 2003

L.A. Guns, baby

god. could i be a bigger chunk of white trash?? okay, well, maybe i like dirt head music, but i shore don't look like one. there were some "hot" mullet-sporting men with mustaches and wifebeaters. and when i say some i mean a good 70% of the audience. and when my brother in law said i was the 2nd hottest chic there (after his wife) he wasn't kidding. damn. but the music was good. and i talked to the lead singer of l.a. guns. he has the most beautiful eyes. more tomorrow. fuckin' A tired, man. he he. oh yeah, and the bullet boys didn't make it--they're using barry manilow's old tour bus and it broke down...but their drummer was there and we hung out with him. wicked.

Friday, October 24, 2003

sometimes my banner ads crack me up

like today, for instance. one is for herbal remedies for motion sickness and the other is for learning english as a second language. um, okay. i mean, usually they reflect the content of my blog to some degree (like, i get lots for mormon related stuff or for maine tourism stuff) but where the hell did those come from???

oh well.

so i'm going to a little concert tonight. i'm rather embarassed to say who it is, though. Actually, i am completely unfamiliar with any of the bands''s L.A. Guns, The Bullet Boys and someone else i've never heard of, as well as 3 local bands. i'm sure it'll be a good time, but i'm feeling markedly too old for such things. old. i've even started putting fucking moisturizer around my eyes to combat wrinkles. next i'll probably find a gray hair or change the presets on my car radio to easy listening. perhaps i'm being dramatic. perhaps i'm just trying to spend the next 2 years gearing up for turning 30 by freaking myself out so that when it finally hits i'll be cool as a cucumber. but i digress. The point here, to be remembered well, is that i'm going to see some cock rockin bands tonight and drink some light beers and pretend i won't be hung over tomorrow.

oh yeah--Yankees suck. I know i should be rooting for the underdog, and i was when it was the REd Sox, but somehow, I have gotten sucked into the Yankee love. there are so many things about that sentence that could be dirty. but i'll just leave them alone.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

i love baseball

I always forget how much I love watching baseball until World Series time. I just don't have time to watch sports, and I don't have strong alliances to any particular team, so there's usually no point to make time. I liked the Jazz for about five minutes a few years back. those years when they went to the final game and choked every single time. how annoying. I used to love high shcool sports. I was also a cheerleader, but that's not why. I was a cheerleader because I looked good in the skirt. And because I love contrast (the whole sweet and innocent honor student in the slut role). anyway. god i spend more time on tangents than anything else, actually. but baseball kicks ass. i'm learning a lot. some of it i don't really care to know, but most of it is interesting.

"I can't say 'shit' to Reesa" said twin A today. great. well, at least he knows. i swear i haven't said that in front of them in a loooong time. i did however, say, "friggin garage door" yesterday only to hear it echoed from the backseat.....hey, frig is better than fuck, at least as far a 3 year old's vocabulary goes.

uh, anyway.

had a great brainstorm for the 2003 novel. it's going to be great!!! i can't wait to get working on it.

utah pet peeve of the day: there's a local bookstore chain that caters to mormon literature, and they run this ad on tv and the tag line is, "we know what you want." Oh really? you do? well. funny, last time i was browsing your shelves i didn't find any erotic novels. I didn't find any porn in your magazine section. I didn't even find any modern music whatsoever. I am here to testify that they do NOT know what I want. fuckers.

kay. back to the game.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

I love nap time

It is, without question, the greatest invention of all time.

forget the wheel. don't even mention the microwave, the internet or Tivo.

it's all about the children sleeping in the middle of the day. blessed silence. a small slice of freedom in an otherwise wild and busy world.

so what should i do with this delicacy? should i read a book? should i write my book? should i watch some of the many hours of recorded shows on my tivo thingy? should i do some housework? should I do some work work?

fuck. it's too hard to decide. i guess i'll just take a nap.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Dr. Phil? Where are you?

oh, that reminds me. anyone watch The Man Show? love it. and, for the record, i was a huge Doug Stanhope fan before he got that show. He's been to Utah a couple of times and wrote some severely pants-peeing entries about the dip shits who live here. uh...nice tangent. They did a Dr. Phil sketch on The Man Show the other night that was pretty brutal. funny, of course, but DAMN. He was doing a book signing and he kept asking the women to have sex with him--real women who thought he was really dr. phil.

I don't think I conveyed the full weight of my joy yesterday at the impending return of our best friends. If I could physically DO a backflip--I'd be doing backflips. Perhaps I'll settle for jumping for joy--I can jump. Or being tickled pink--I hate being tickled though. It's my husband's favorite way to torture me "but how can you hat it if you're laughing??" He thinks he's funny. (and no, this was not what we were fighting about last night. I might enjoy over-dramaticizing things, but not to THAT degree!) So I'll have to start planning a huge "Welcome Home" party. And maybe they'll buy a house in Salt Lake instead of here, and maybe I can finally talk the hubby into selling our house and moving north as well....(SLC is much more normal, see. the area where i live is locally referred to as "Happy Valley" if that's any indication of what a fuck hole it is...a home's proximity to BYU campus is directly proportional to how annoying your neighbors are...)

talk about a tangent.

well. the kids are fighting over who gets to open the lid to the washing machine. god.

well here we go again


double fuck.

it's back.

the same old fight of yesteryear.

i'll probably delete this post in the morning.

but i need to purge myself of the black tar in my soul at the moment.

why is it that life can seem so full and complete and on the fast track to happily ever after one day and be flushed down the toilet of life the next?

how can love be so fickle?

and is it all my mother's fault? did she spoil me? am i really as self-centered as he says? or are we just too different? what a cliche. but it could be true. or maybe we're too much alike.

i hate this.

I want my happy acceptance of the white picket fence life back again.

I had no idea what marriage was about before I was married. nor for a long time after. i know now. it's about compromise and not giving up when the going gets tough.




Monday, October 20, 2003

I'm ba-aack

from my trip.

we had fun.

i'm fucking tired right now though. usually i wake up at 8:30 or 9...or, getting up at 5 am is rather hideous to me.

I thought I had a lot to say today, but I don't. Probably I'll have more to say later.

I did, however, get a wonderful surprise in my email today from my other best friend who moved away--to say they're moving back! i'm so excited.

i promise to have something witty or interesting to say soon. (soon couuld be later today or it could be sometime this year...)

Thursday, October 16, 2003

life is beautiful

what more can i say?

no really, i think i'm all out.

okay, okay.

so i cry wolf like that every month or so, but this time it might be for real.

oh yeah, the good news about the whole car incident is that after i tossed and turned that whole night, trying to decide if i should tell him or how to tell him--he never even noticed. i got up early and whispered a confession to my mom, over waffles and oj...she chuckled and said, dismissively, "oh, i put a dent in it the first time i drove it and he's never said a thing about it." Have i ever mentioned what a perfectly angelic, strong, nurturing, fantastic mother I have? well, she's all those things and more. hell, she was Miss Betty Crocker at Pasadena HIgh in 1955. (which could explain why i'm the only girl i know who actually cooks--and cooks well, i might add).

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
creeps in its petty pace from day to day
to the last syllable of recorded time
when all our yesterdays have lighted fools
their way to dusty death
Out, out brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
who struts and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more
It is a tale told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.

Just a little culture for y'all.

i had to memorize that in my 10th grade english class. sadly, i cant remember if it's from Hamlet or MacBeth.

And i should remember, because I took a Shakespeare class in college, which was only 6 years ago.

aw fuck. 6 years ago??? 6 years. the last time i took college classes was 6 motherfucking years ago. god i'm old. and pathetic, since i STILL haven't graduated.

oh. my. god. i just remembered what movie i saw for the first time last night. The Ring. that was pretty damn scary, i have to say.

and there's something else i was going to say. but can i think of it? hell no. it was probably more interesting than any of this other crap, too.

okay. i'll be signing off for a bit. i'll be in portland til monday.

maybe i'll post from the coast. hehe hehe. i love rhyming. so, have a fantastically wonderful weekend and drink a lot and sleep late and go to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!! (well, that's what i'll be doing, so i figure if everyone who reads this does it, too, then it'll be like some big hands across america thingy, only with beer and sand....)

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

just a memory

When i was home this summer, i was driving my dad's Caddy. One day, my best friend, Jasmine, came by to go to the beach with my kids and I. As i was backing the damn boat around to get out of the abortion of a driveway that my parents' yard is filled with, I heard that sickening crunch of metal against metal. I yelled, "fuck!" as I threw a furtive glance toward the house to see if my Dad had heard the noise and was now racing toward me, weapon raised, eyes filled with retribution....for the Cadillac was (and is) his pride and joy. Fortunately his hearing is shot, so he was still bent over his welding project in the garage. Jasmine and i exchanged nervous looks, and i jumped out to assess the damage. My lunch was in my throat, my heart was pounding. oh god. there was a huge gash, right above the headlight and a scratch on the light itself. i decided to get the hell out of there and try to figure out what to do about it, so we continued on our course to the beach. About a half mile from my parents' house, i crossed the bridge over the Weskeag river, and pulled into the parking lot next to it so i could further inventory the damage. as I got out of the car, i saw the neighbor's car rounding the bend and waved, just as i heard the driver (who is my childhood bestfriend julie's dad) yell at an oncoming car, "Fucking asshole!"

made my day.

a moment of silence

for one of our own who has fallen in battle.....BeefJerkyGood is no more.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

so far so good

I had forgotten how much i LOVE a good workout. I mean a really good workout. Like, when someone else is there, kicking your ass so hard that you're as sore as a virgin bride the next day. yeah, baby.

and the diet thang ain't so bad....the aforementioned mint oreos were mostly consumed by the neices and nephews while their mom worked out my nutrition plan (phew!) and the eclairs...well, i managed to inhale them all sunday night so i'd be free to start the sugar free life on monday. heh. what a stupid lil fucker i am. i am definitely a sugar-aholic. and i'm not trying to be flip, or sarcastic, or anything like that. I am being dead serious. i am so insanely addicted to sugar that it's not even funny.

there's a picture of my husband and i on our wedding day sitting on my desk and i just remembered how annoyed i was when i picked up my bouquet the morning of our wedding and it was exactly the opposite of what i wanted. damn florist. but god i love my dress. and my skinniness. and that handsome devil next to me. awww.

i have too many brothers in law (6). anyway. the one who borrowed some dvd's for his flight to japan last week discovered a goldmine--dvds for 80 cents. he bought $300 worth. some are for us.

fuckin' A.

all you suckers spending 20 bucks on your Matrix Reloaded---plllllllllll (that's me sticking out my tongue and spitting...)

that's right.

and much much more. I can't wait to see what he got for us. he's the coolest. he wins for favorite brother in law by at least a mile.

with flying colors.

by a long shot.


et al.

I am extremely excited for November 1st to arrive. I want to start writing my novel RIGHT NOW. but alas. it is not so. I've been perusing the Utah message boards, and it appears that 99% of the local participants are writing sci-fi or fantasy. One girl commented on it, saying she read in article in the Salt Lake Tribune recently which explored this phenomenon as well. I'm going to try to find that article, cuz i'm intrigued by pretty much anything that explores why the fuck jobs around here all do the same things in ANY area of life. i'm giving you 3 guess who I"M putting my money on for the blame. no, not the mormon church, come now. oh all right, you got me. dammit. and of course then there was the suggestion to meet at a bar for our kick off party and one girl said something about having pepsi. stupid bitch. get drunk already.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

the beginning of a new era?


I went to the gym with my sister in law last night. the one i've mentioned before, who is a fitness model and competes in fitness competitions.....

first of all: totally depressing. she's teeny and buff. no matter how good i feel, i look like a tub of lard next to her.


She is the nicest, sweetest person alive and she's coming over today to write me up a nutrition plan. cuz i'm ready to change some things. of course, it'll have to start next week, as the eclairs and mint oreos i bought yesterday will have to be consumed first. cuzzzzz, there's no way in HELL i'm letting the husband dispose of them himself. no way. i mean, that would be sick and wrong (not to be confused with thick and long...).

so anyway, i'm kind of excited. the plan involves eating a strict combination of proteins and carbs and "good fats" every 3 hours. that's going to be hard. i'm a pretty strict 3 times a day eater, but this should be fun. it's guaranteed to work, too. well....if you do it right. blah. and losing this last ten pounds will make all my muscles show up better.

so here's my pet peeve of the day. MOnsters Inc, which is a great kids movie, and i like it a lot. except. the little girl in it can't talk, but is potty trained and can draw well enough that the figures are recognizable. stupid. anyone with kids will tell you how unlikely that is. i mean it IS possible, i'll concede, but it's not likely. unless the kid's autistic, i guess.


i'm going to portland in 4 days.

and you're not.

unless you are.

Friday, October 10, 2003

i love the breakfast club

and breakfast. especially when it's honey bunches of oats with almonds--and raspberries.....mmmmm......

I just remembered that one of my old college roommates lives in Portland so I'm going to try to visit her. There were 3 of us who met freshman year, in the dorms--those two were roommates and i lived next door--and we ended up living together for 3 years: until B got married in the "temple", T went on a mission for the church, and I started sleeping with long-haired always comes back to that doesn't it? aaaaaaaahhhh, me and my bobby mcgee(s)....

so, i stayed up way too late last night, finishing up that work project, but the sweet hubby helped me work on it for a couple of hours, AND got the kids up to give me a little extra sleep this morning.

more later.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

no time

to write today. that pesky work thing. project due. blah.

so, fine. here's the first page or so of last year's nanowrimo novel. grab some crackers, cuz there's a lot of cheese ahead....

sorry, too late. i took it down. hee hee.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

oh. good. god.

what possessed me to take two 3 year olds on an extended trip to the grocery store? What? possibly the lack of sanity I have recently acquired. possibly the happiness i've been feeling a need to shed. possibly the brain tumor i must surely have. i've been home for two hours and the convulsions have just ceased. my vision has cleared. my heart is beating normally. and i think the kids should regain conciousness any minute...ha. i wish. acutally i just put them in bed for a "rest" which is different from a nap. a rest consists of: a small light staying on and a small harmless toy to be allowed in bed. in other words: mama time. a rest for ME. lil fuckers. gah-damn. they're never exactly angelic in the store, but this was the worst--exponentially. i seriously wanted to shoot myself in the ear just so i wouldn't have to hear them screaming. they knew they had me by the balls. err, or whatever. i actually remained perfectly calm and even managed to calm them down, several times......okay, i can't think abou tit. heh. nice typo. i'm leavin' it. tit. tit. that's kind of fun to type.

soooo, guess what was in my inbox this morning when i opened my email? A ticket confirmation from southwest. I'm going to Potland (another rather hilarious typo...) that would be Portland, Oregon. Next weekend. Sans les enfants. fuckin' A. and i really mean it this time. i mean, whoa. nothing better than a weekend without kids. except maybe a whole month!!! har. anyway. i am, to keep with the redneck/people who say fuckin' A theme here...stoked. I am stoked. And we're going to surprise my sister in law. She knows Mr. Bored is coming, she's picking him up at the airport cuz her husband (my husband's brother) will be working when we arrive. since the plan just changed to include me, he thought it would be fun to not tell her i'm coming too. cuz she's pretty lonely up there, and we're bestest friends so she'll be pretty damn excited to see me. and i'm more than excited. i thinnk i can smell the ocean already......

good workout today. translation: lots of hot men at the gym for my viewing pleasure. i'm such a guy.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

well fuckin' A

I found it. god bless the internet. i mean, really. Thanks Al Gore.

so here's what i found, in about 3 minutes: the origin of fuckin' A

it's not quite a satisfactory answer, but it'll do. for now....maybe i'll do more research later. always later. my favorite time to do things...later. beautiful, serene, perfect "later".....


what a great way to start a post. hook em right in. you know you're going to be getting a big fat dripping-with-gravy serving of great reading when the post is titled "blah". oh yeah. this is the universal signal for "lots going on in my world, why don't you settle back and enjoy a glimpse?". totally.

so it's time once again to flip that coin. to decide whether or not to return to college. every time a new semester approaches, i mull it over. i feel that it is very important, but i'm too lazy. so there you have it.

Also, i was besieged by strange dreams again last night. I wonder if this is because i'm not sleeping well? or if it's simply a by-product of the combination of boring life and active imagination....anyway, the one thing that struck me overall was the sense that i was living in a "normal" place. in other words: not UTAH. it felt so incredibly good--so right. it was like a weight was lifted from my stooping, straining, worn out shoulders...they've been bearing this heavy bag of chips for so long...ha ha. anyway, it was nice. Also, i dreamed of seeing a friend and in the dream she had gotten divorced and remarried since i saw her last and i was confused, feeling a bit left out, trying to act like i wasn't surprised. weird. AND there was a dinner, at a restaurant somewhere in maine (probably) with a very large group...most of them were 18-20 year old boys (there's a shock) but i wasn't really flirting (huh???) and i assumed they were a sports team so i let my language go unchecked (plenty of "fucks" to go around, no pun intended), but when i returned from a rather odd trip to the restroom i learned that they were a seminary class--this is a mormon thing, a class to take during high school for further religious study, etc. i was revulsed. repulsed. and wanted to run screaming from the room. instead i smiled and nodded and swallowed my chalky, tastless food....grasping the empty space where my mug of beer should have been, like an amputee scratching an itch on that missing limb....he he he he i'm just practicing my descriptive writing skills. snerf.

what the hell is the matter with me?? i mean really. fuck.

so, i might be going to portland, if i can find a babysitter for the weekend. the mr. is going, and i really want to. but i doubt i'll get off my arse and find a babysitter....mostly because the sure bet is to offer to trade babysitting with another couple--you watch our gromets for the weekend, we'll watch yours another weekend. scares me. oh grow some balls, girl. jeez.

does anyone know where the expression "fuck an A" comes from? (or is it "fuckin' A"?) I guess i could research that. perhaps i shall.

Monday, October 06, 2003

perhaps it pays to be catholic

my sister converted, to marry her husband in "the church" and i've always thought she was silly to do so. I mean, who leaves the mormon church and joins the catholic church?? trust me, it's not common. anyway, i'm beginning to see her wisdom. she just won a 7 day caribean cruise in a raffle at her church. fuck an A. trust me once again when i say the mormons don't even HAVE raffles, let alone with prizes like that. sign me up. sneeze on my forehead, father, i'm in!!!

oh and i found yet another fantastic blog. why do i keep linking so many people who are far superior to myself? i believe i am hoping that any readers i've managed to aquire will ditch me for these greener pastures i'm offering. hey, i'm a born people pleaser, what can i say? i just want YOU to be happy.

I had to spend half my morning gathering up and delivering some DVD's to my husband so his brother could take them on his flight to Japan this afternoon. and yeah, it probably was about 50% of my morning, since i got up at 9 and noon is the end of morning...that means it only took me 1.5 hours. but you know what? saying "half my morning" is so much more dramatic so fuck off.

sorry. had to find some way to slip in a "fuck". can't have a post without it. time to cook dinner.

looks like someone has a case of "the mondays"...

"naw, man. you could get your ass kicked for saying something like that!"

I don't actually have a case of the mondays, but i've certainly been dragging ass lately.

more weird dreams.

trying to plan a good outline in my head for the new novel to be attacked starting november 1st....I have a good idea, but I'm actually trying to plan it out, find the conclusion before just plowing ahead into the i did last year. which is why i only have 200 pages completed of THAT novel--and the rest is just floating around in my head, on my harddrive--practically avoiding coming together. fuckity fuck. I wish i could find a critque group to join. perhaps some nanowrimo folks that i'll hopefully be meeting during this year's run....i just need to get off my ass and revamp the thing. breathe new life into it. or deal with the fact that it'll never be finished and move on. but i hate that idea. I should be accustomed to loose ends, unfished projects--such things are second-nature to me--but I'm not willing to let this one drop. I just need to make it a priority and set aside some quality time for editing, etc. anyway. i'm getting excited to start a new project as well. then maybe i can come back to this one with fresh eyes? errr....or something.

so tired. it's NOT a tum-ah.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

and i did


i so rarely nap that it is rather exciting when it actually happens.

and that, my friends, is why i can--with full confidence--call my life boring.

with a capital b.

I had some kooky dreams last night, though. one of them included some random girls from high school that i was not very close to, but in my dream i cared about them. And then I dreamed something about a particular boy again. something obscure, vague. but visceral at the same time. always so realistic, three-dimensional, technicolor dolby surround sound......

driving home from salt lake city this morning (after step son's soccer game--they won!) I saw a group of 50 or so hawks circling over the same field. It was wild. hawks don't usual travel in flocks. it's hawk season, though...or something. they're everywhere lately. i guess because it's hay cutting time, so the fields are easy targets for mice, etc.?? anyway, our subdivision is right next to an alfalfa farm (smells great in the spring--fertilizer...) so i've been watching the hawks lately. but only one or two at a time. this was really beautiful--so many of them.

just started a new book today--The Tatooed Girl by Joyce Carol Oates. I'm enjoying it so far. something she said reminded me of how unscholarly i am. "Jet's language, which grated against Siegl's ear, was taken from pop-culture almost exclusively." gulp. dammit. that's me. and it just struck me rather forcefully that that is exactly why i feel like a kid sometimes when i talk to "real adults". i've grown lazy....okay, so maybe i've always been lazy, but i've grown more lazy.......oh well. i think i wouldn't sound real if i spoke much differently. I can clean it up when i need to, but sometimes i forget.

I want to take a nap

so why in the bloody hell am i cuddling my laptop instead of a blanket??? i don't know why i think i need a nap. I am always tired lately, but whatever. I'm probably just dying or something.

It's beautiful weather, though, and i want to take the boys for a hike when they wake up from THEIR nap, so i better hurry up and rest if i'm going to.

i'm trying to plan a trip to florida for a weekend to see my sister and her new-ish baby. What a pain in the ass that's turning out to be.

okay, hubby just flipped on Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. and you know what that means. holy shit. i'm peeing my pants.

Friday, October 03, 2003

woke last night to the sound of thunder...

how far off, i sat and wondered
started humming a song from 1962
ain't it funny how the night moves?

okay, so i probably got the lyrics all wrong, but give me a break--i haven't heard that song in a while. it's just that with all these glorious thunder storms lately i had to write it. yesterday i took my boys out to the front porch to watch and listen. they loved it. of course! they're MY boys. they look like me, they act like me. no wonder i adore them!!!!! har.

it's the Elk hunt this weekend. woo. school's out early. heh heh. love living in a hick state. well, i must, i moved from one hick state to another. At least Maine is exponentially cooler than utah. fuckin utah.

just got back from the gym. there are two guys who have just started going. it's a father and son, i'm pretty sure. who wants to guess what i'm about to say? damn straight. they're both hot. i'm definitely getting old if a guy with gray hair could be attractive....but he is. you can tell he's always been really good looking and has always taken good care of himself and he's probably only in his 40's....and the son is probably 20-23, i would guess... shut up. something hot about the two of them together. i could very possibly be a huge sicko, but the jury's still out.

oh yeah--and i found a fabulous new blog!!! looks like she's yet another 28 year old....are we ALL 28 (except boz)???? kind of funny.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

typing with a bandaid

ain't so easy. in fact, i think i'll leave all typos in place just to see....

so, the husband was being oh-so-cute and loaded up and started the dishwasher last night. only, we were out of dishwasher detergent, so as i breezed through, coralling the kids into bed I said, "yeah, i forgot to get more soap, don't worry about starting it." and went on my merry way. i knew he was going to put in the Dawn. I just knew it, but i was too busy to stop and tell him not to--besides, i knew he knew it was a bad idea. So, a few minutes later, when i had the boys tucked in and was getting them a drink, i was met with a rabid dishwasher--foaming at the mouth. i couldn't believe he actually did it.

anyway. I found a fantastic new blog today. check it out. now. well, after you finish reading this...

it's raining! what a beautiful sound...smell....sight....aaaaaaaahhhh....bring on the thunder, the lightening!! come on! harder, harder, faster---oops. i mean. um. ahem. hitch my skirt back down, smooth my hair, tuck in my shirt...

who wants to hear the latest in the serial of "how stupid is Lisa?" ? too bad, i'm telling you anyway. so last night i had some friends over. one of them is named Gretchen. she had a necklace on with a "G" on it. I looked at it. And I thought to myself, "why would she have a G?. her name doesn't start with G...oh yeah!" and then i asked her if the G was for Gabe, her husband.

yeah. that's me.

i've decided to give in to the brain damage. fuck it. it's too hard to fight. i'll just start reading Danielle Steele and watching jerry springer. and ending sentences with prepositions. yeah. okay, maybe not. i think i'd have to punch myself in the eye if ever said, "Where's she at?" like all the fucking morons around here. WHY???? Why do people not notice how horrible that sounds?? "Where'd you get that at?" what the fuck? okay. i guess i'll never be able to fully give in to the stupidity fairy, but i'll try to stop acting so surprised when he surfaces.