Thursday, September 30, 2004

what in the hell am i doing awake?

i should be sleeping.
but here i sit.
it's been a long time since i've written a late night post.

i was just lying in bed and this is the story i was telling:

i walk through the door, and toss my keys on the counter.
let's go, i say--
i only have time for a quick fuck today.
i mean for it to sound playful, but it comes out with sharp edges.
you look up at me--the impatience in my voice, the quickness of my movements inevitably twisting something inside you.
your eyes go flat, you tilt your head just a little--chin out.
you turn away from me.
i sigh, willing myself to disregard my schedule and focus on my heart--
which lies somewhere deep inside the glaring man on the couch.
baby...i start.
we knew it would be like this.
just for a while--right?

so gently--but without patronizing you.
my words are like warm breath on an ice cube...
they make very little difference.
i slide into your lap--
your arms remain at your sides and i can feel the strength of your resolve.
and it begins to crumple me, like a sad, wasted piece of stationary.
for me to toss the boundaries of our relationship at you as i walked through the door was...
my hand cups the side of your neck, fingers reaching into your hair.
i am desperate for you to see me.
to understand.
i pull my legs up, and stradle your lap--
your face now in my hands.
i force you to look in my eyes.
you blink--
and my heart skips a beat, as i wonder if they'll stay closed,
your final step to shut me out.
relief floods me as the slow motion world we're suddenly in reveals that it was only a blink.
the stillness closes in on us.
we are in a very adult version of the staring contest.
and in one swift moment i'm on the floor and you're tearing my shirt off without regard to buttons.
you attack me like prey...
and i attack back.
neither of us making defensive moves--
both intent on winning, without a finish line in sight.
your skin is so hot on mine, from the anger inside...
your kisses are hard, though your lips are still so soft.
you bite my bottom lip as you pull back, slowly--your eyes on fire.
we're both out of breath already--and still mostly dressed.
you sit up, with your back against the couch.
i sit, silently.
i am neither ready to make an apology--
nor willing.
and you don't need one.
you pull me gently to you.
then fluidly remove your own shirt, pressing me into you.
you stroke my hair and sigh.
good thing i love you so much, or this would never work.
i smile into your neck...
loving the smell of you.
i know...
your kisses resume...with the lightest touch that gives me goosebumps.
sliding our pants off,
we scissor our bodies together--
lying on our sides, our faces close.
you whisper to me...
a few lines from the poem you wrote the day we met.
i trace your jaw with my finger, loving the coarseness of stubble.
your hands explore my body like it's the first time--
and i let out small moans...
everything so muted around the edges, so blurred...
we are wrapped in layers of cottony quiet.
where usually we are on fire, now we lay in peace.
the slow sweetness of it makes me late for school--
but i don't even notice.
i smile all the way through the lecture on Joseph Stalin.
i smile as i cross campus,
and i smile as i settle into my seat in the wrong class.
you have left me in a daze.
and i forget to promise myself to never forget what it feels like to fall in love.

no, it was no Fantasy Friday, but hey--it's only Thursday. ;)

thursday is a day full of promise, full of hope.
and monday is the exact opposite of that--sad but true.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

i can't believe i almost forgot to write a post today

that's some serious brain damage, folks.

and now i'm in a huge hurry.


i'll do what any respectable author would do--
when the words run out, post porn.

oh, nevermind.
i can't find a picture i want to post...
that's more work than just wriitng something.
but, i haven't forgotten that i owe you guys from last friday's half-done post.
and with this post being a piece of useless dog poo, i'll have to make it even better.

just what i need.

maybe i'll tell my favorite joke and leave it at that...

have you ever smelled moth balls?
well how did you get his legs apart?

okay, fine.
maybe it was only funny when my sunday school teacher told it...
and demonstrated, by separating two tiny, imaginary moth's legs...


you guys all suck anyway.
not really.
but i like saying "suck".
it makes me feel all tingly.
--in the exact same way that reading The Pissed Kitty does.
and this in no WAY means that she sucks.
cuz she's the opposite of "suck".
she's like...the anti-suck.
now i just sound like i belong in the special olympics.
there was a spot on good morning america (or the today show??) about a baseball league for handicapped kids.
it was really cute, etc...
but my husband said, "that's retarded."
and we both laughed waaaay too hard.
we are evil and are going to the deepest layer of hell.
and the shitty news is that that's the layer WITHOUT porn.
i better start saying hail mary's or donate to the nearest synagogue...

like, right now--
so, bye.

happy humping.
(or hump day?)

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

here's my participation in bra-less tuesday...

don't forget to celebrate bra-less Tuesday

and your first stop should be to Traces of Life,
to congratulate Chaz on reaching 100 posts!!
and I hate to take any of the credit...
he was clogging up my comment box so i told him to get 'is own blog.
you're welcome.
now go show him your nips.

and i finally got my fall foliage pictures posted, on buzznet.
they're okay...
the drive was invigorating and beautiful, but the colors were a bit of a letdown.

holy shit!!!!!!!
i was just sitting here, feeling blah, wondering why the HELL i never have anything to write about...
when i remembered--
Metallica finally announced their Salt Lake date, and tickets go on sale tomorrow!!
did i mention that this will be my FOURTH Metallica/Godsmack show this year?
i won't bore you with the rest of my babbling excitement.
but just know this: i literally jumped up and down when i heard.
that's all you need to know.
(and yes, i was wearing a bra when that happened...)

so back to the good stuff.
i'm taking care of one of my nephews this afternoon.
that's exciting.
but, we're going to take a picnic to the park,
and THAT is exciting.
so bite me.

my head hurts.
my kids won't leave me alone for FIVE minutes.
and i still have to do my breakfast dishes.
and shower.
i just want to crawl back into bed--
with my door locked.
i want to read a book and drink some chai tea.
with perfect stillness all around me.
sorry, don't mind me--i'm just rolling around on the floor, laughing.
that's someone else's life.
but i suppose that's okay.
i get to tickle my babies and spin around on the grass until we're dizzy...
and attempt to explain how engines work or why rain turns to snow when it's cold....
it's a happy life.
even if i'm weary of it sometimes.
i have forgotten my "i can do anything" attitude lately...
but it's true.
i CAN.
i need to step outside myself more often...
i tend to dwell there...
and inside of oneself there is often a feeling of suffocation...
but it's also rather cozy.

have a good day.
and don't wallow.

Monday, September 27, 2004

no title necessary

because i said so.

the only thing i really like about waking up in the morning is stretching.
nothing feels better.
especially after a particularly active day.

yesterday was a great day--
one of those days full of satisfaction and smiles and--
(yeah, you guessed it, here comes the unplanned aliteration)
the dinner for mom in law turned out perfectly.
the drive up the mountains was incredible...
(pictures to follow)
and on the way back we had some fun in the car.
then we found a deserted parking lot and climbed into the backseat.
we haven't done that in a long time--
not the most comfortable thing in the world.
(my husband's 6'3", and about 200 lbs, don't forget.)
then home, kids to bed and round 2.
just sometimes...
i remember i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.
but i'm more thankful for that than anything else.
i would die of boredom if it was any different

and i can't concentrate right now cuz my kids keep cracking me up.
incessantly asking me questions...
if you are feeling let down, read my weekend posts.
if you already read them, and you're feeling let down by this post--
i would suggest major amounts of psychoanalysis and definite drug treatments.
if you have any further concerns, please feel free to go fuck yourself
(and write about it, if you would, please.)
NOTE: Chaz moved to a new location--partly his idea, partly blogger's.
stupid asses gave away his subdomain when he switched to a new host.
so, welcome him to his new home and make a note of it.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

saturday night and i'm all alone...

last night i went out, so tonight it's hubby's turn.
we usually just go together, but since our best friends got fucking divorced...
we have to split up if we want to see them.
selfish jackasses--don't they see what they've done to MY social life??

oh, i forgot the funniest part about getting pulled over last night.
actually, there were two funny parts.
first, like a royal DUMBASS, i tried to lose him...
wait--it's not as bad as it sounds!
he was coming toward me, and turned around to come get me.
so, i figured i would turn off and maybe he'd give up...
yeah, yeah.
see: dumbass.
but it gets better...
i didn't turn down a STREET.
i turned into the highly deserted parking lot of some manufacturing plant.
so, he had now reached me, and was about to turn into said parking lot.
but i pulled back onto the road, cursing myself for such blatant "looking like you have something to hide" actions.
and he followed me for a bit and i ALMOST started to think he wasn't going to pull me over.
but he did.
okay, so here's the funniest part.
after he asked me how much i'd had to drink--
"one beer at about 10 o'clock"
(which i actually thought was the truth, even if it wasn't)
he went back to his car and ran my license, etc.
he returned with no ticket.
big sigh of relief.
then he said, "i'd like to ask you step out and do some sobriety tests, but you really don't seem drunk. are you sure that's all you had to drink?"
we assured him that the stench of alcohol was merely my pretty friend's vomit.
and he said, 'okay'
then i said....
are you ready?
cuz it's brilliant--
"it would have been fun to take the tests, because i've never done that before!"
which is true.
but i said it like some damn teenage girl who just got invited to go ice skating.
he probably wanted to reconsider--and test me for drugs.
oh well.

i'm glad i'm finished telling that.
mostly i just want to write something right now that would be worth reading.
or maybe i should do what whitey recommended,
and forget y'all are out there and just dance naked.
just let it all out, even more ragged and unplanned than usual.

maybe i'm the most selfish person alive.
maybe i alive sometimes that it hurts to sit still...
but so dead at others that i leave a trail of dust where i walk and my voice doesn't work and my imagination is as blank as a schoolroom's chalkboard.
that's how i feel now.
like i could float up into the sky and be released from my body if i simply willed it.
like i could not hold a witty conversation if you paid me.
like i could not think a single, pure, original thought (like a thread of silver dropping down into the empty, cold room of my brain)...
i feel like i am standing on a vast plain, the moon dull behind a bank of clouds.
i feel like lumpy, cold mashed potatoes. (seriously, touch me--)
okay, that was silly.
what do i really feel like, to touch?
my arms feel soft, like peaches, but not quite ripe--firm.
my legs...hard as rocks, and as smooth as sea glass.
my hair feels like grass, warmed by the sun.
my lips feel soft and smooth--
i don't think i've ever just touched my lips before, just to see how they feel.
they feel like velvet.

maybe i'm fucking exhausted and i'll just go to bed.
oh wait.
can't do that.
i'm in the middle of cleaning out my walk-in closet...
and i need to start some preparations for the dinner i'm having tomorrow.
for the mom-in-law.
as a bribe so she'll watch the kids while we take a drive.
yes, "take a drive" means we're going to go look at the leaves in the mountain--
and have sex there.
i'll take lots of pictures.
of the scenery!!
you guys are so predictable.

i guess i better go get busy on all my chores.

could you guys start a petition or something?

i think there needs to be a law that i can't stay out past one.
i woke up at noon...
and i feel...almost NOT shitty.
so here's the night:
friend "A" and I went to friend "B"'s house.
we had a couple of cocktails while the she got ready.
we had a little smoke and were on our way.
they both had cowboy hats, i had my famous cowboy shirt.
we attempted to rock the country dancing scene...
but we weren't really into it.
they were the ones who wanted to go, so I was relieved when they decided to leave.
we headed to a hot spot downtown (salt lake) and finished out the evening there.
it was fun, but nothing too exciting.
oh, except the transvestites we kept passing on our way through the bar.
that's always fun.
more like sad...
so then the single girl among us met a boy.
which dragged out our departure.
he's an actor--in some WB series.
very nice guy, they exchanged numbers.
got my car from the valet guy,
took friend "B" home.
then began the long drive back to our side of the mountain.
friend "A" began to puke around 5 miles from my house.
thankfully, i had a large bowl in the car.
we stopped at my house to pick up her house key (from her car) and then i took her home.
on the way, i got pulled over.
guy wanted to bag me for drunk driving soooo bad.
it wasn't his lucky night--
i had stopped drinking nearly 4 hours before, and only had a few to start with.
he was nice enough to not give me a speeding ticket, too.
and thank god, cuz i just did traffic school.
i stumbled home a little before 4.
stayed up chatting with hubby for another half hour or so, then passed out like a drunk.

i feel like if we work together, we can keep me from having another night like that.
thank you for your time.
Seacrest out.

Friday, September 24, 2004

heading out for the night

just wanted to say, i'll make up for the missing fantasy post soon.
i promise.

i'm going country dancing...
wish me luck.
god DAMN i hate country music.
and cowboys.

but i love the girls i'm going with.
so it'll be fun.

Fantasy wha---?

This should be interesting...
my kids woke me up almost two hours early today.
i tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful.
while i was lying there, i remembered that i still needed to write this.
oh well.
i don't like sleeping anyway.

this started out as me writing MY fantasies.
I don't really do it that way anymore,
but i think i'll try it today.
here goes nothing--


if i could go back in time
it wouldn't be to save a life,
divert a war,
stop a plague.
it would be...
to a hotel room on Virginia Beach--spring, 1993.
i would slip back into my teenaged body, finding it unfamiliar--
so pure, so innocent, confining, restrictive.
i would take a few minutes to settle into her, smiling at the way it felt to be so young.
and then i would hear a knock at the door.
my heart would leap, realizing who it was.
the feelings of that girl i was would flood me and push me to the background.
HE would fill up all of my senses and nearly override any presence the adult me had in the situation.
seeing him would be such a shock, after so long.
for the girl, it had been several months, for the woman over eleven years.
opening the door in a rush, i would tumble into him--
pressed together fiercely

i can't finish this right now.
i'm too sad.
maybe i'll finish it later.
i'm sorry.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

It seems like every time i turn around, it's thursday

i've created my own kind of hell.
just kidding.

why do i keep starting posts before breakfast and finishing them after?
i don't know, but i bet there's a deep, psychological reason for it.
something about pancakes and procrastination...

and now i'm back.
two hours later.
and it didn't take me two hours to do the breakfast thing.
i spent the last hour arguing about me spending time with a (girl)friend.

and now.
i feel...
pissed off. running fast and far.

so i'll shake it off.
and write a good post anyway.
last night was "traffic school"
and that was fun.
i wrote a story, or started one.
it was really funny--trying to WRITE, like with a PEN!!
my poor little brain kept trying to type.
i should take a picture of the page, so you can see how shitty my penmanship is.
i had such a hard time forming letters.
it was kinda sad...
i think the most i've used a pen for in a really long time is a shopping list or writing out the occasional check.

i think i just fell asleep from writing that.
THAT'S how boring it was.
I'm some sort of walking Murphy's Law...
if i say it's going to be a good post, it sucks hard--with teeth and not enough lubrication.
if i say "i don't have anything to say" then i ramble on endlessly and pull something half-decent out of my ass.
i should just quit trying.
to categorize my posts before they're written.
i mean, a blanket label of "Complete and Utter Shit" would work okay,
but to get more specific is just not within my powers, apparently.

I hope i'm making sense...
actually, i don't really care.
i've been vascillating between inexplicable fatigue and equally unexpected bursts of horniness lately.
maybe i'm dying.

and i need to cut this short, because i'm heading over to help a friend move.
should be fun...
if our kids will stay out of the way.

have a good day.
oh, and leave me comments.
i need them.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

still stretching and yawning...

and rubbing my eyes.
and i just rubbed my nose--hard.
and now i know that it DOES still hurt to do that.
stupid metal post.
and i'm still half in dreamland...
i've had a zillion dreams about one of my oldest friends lately.
maybe i should call her.

and all i can think about now is how hungry i am.
and it's annoying me.

i'm going to go write on my Kids' blog, and i'll finish this after i eat...

okay, i'm back.
but i didn't eat.
i figured maybe writing while filled with rage would be fun.
well, not real rage.
just that, "i-got-woken-up-too-early*-and-i'm-hungry-and i just lost a post" rage.
wrote a stupid post about my kids and it's gone.
but at least it snowed here yesterday.
or the day before?
and here's my proof:

no, i wasn't standing on my roof.

i was looking through my old posts the other day and i came across one with a GREAT title.
i don't remember when it was, but it was a long time ago.
i remember being pleased with myself when i first wrote it, and i can't say that feeling has diminished much.
"Is that a marble in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
oh, god--I LOVE IT!!!
it makes me giggle every time i read it.
love me.

...and hungry.
i think the problem is that there's nothing i want for breakfast.
i guess i'll make pancakes.
even though i still have a "white flour is the devil" voice nagging me.
and it's true--it's worthless stuff.
i DO have whole wheat flour...
but would that FEEL right?
i don't think so.
besides, i think there's some kind of cooking law, which states that chocolate chips and whole wheat flour may NOT touch--
pretty stiff penalty, too, from what I hear.
and if that's the case, then i'm trouble.
i am unable to consume chocolate chip-less pancakes.
it's not my fault, it's just how i was raised.
oh, and i don't put them IN the pancakes...
i use the mini ones, and i carefully top each of two pancakes with them--a nice thick layer--then stack the pancakes...
i had that for breakfast for about 10 years straight...
up until i graduated and moved into the dorms.
and got fat for the first, bewildering time in my sheltered skinny-girl life...
(gained ten pounds, but that's ENORMOUS for a chick.)
maybe THAT was the key to being effortlessly thin.
pancakes with disgusting amounts of chocolate to start each day...
perhaps i'll do a little research...
god DAMN it.
i just remembered i used the last of the chocolate chips a couple of days ago.
that was as close to blue balls as i've ever been, i think.

today is wednesday.
so, hump something.
and let me know how it goes.

*that was a redundant phrase--"woken too early"--it could have just been "woken"...anything is too early if it's not my body naturally waking itself in a snugly, cozy, hazy way...

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

because i couldn't get in to post and now i can....

annoying as shit.
annoying-ass shit.
that made me giggle...

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, September 20, 2004

just a little bit of crazy glue--for sniffing purposes only

what the fuck?
i don't know.
don't ask.

but you know what's really cool?
when your husband reads your post about sex and comes home and gives you some.
it would be cool if that worked every time, for every topic.
like, if i wrote a post about the new Porsche SUV thingy and then somebody stopped by with the keys to one.
or if my friend read my post about beer and came over and gave me some.
or if i wrote about wishing i had the focus and motivation to go back to college--
i would wake up with a stack of registration forms on my desk, filled out.
i guess that's not how it works.
oh least it works for the sex one.

great workout today.
back and triceps.
i love watching really built guys work out.
not for the sexiness factor, but more for the sheer physical beauty of it.
the muscles moving (rippling, some might say).
the sweat glistening....
okay, FINE.
maybe it is the sexiness factor.
but at least i have the decency to lie about it...
--uh, what?

well, i don't really have anything to say.
so i think i'll go cook dinner.
what an idea.

would someone please put me out of my misery?
i don't know what's come over me today, but i can't seem to make sense.

monday mornings are like...

cold gravy.
or wilted flowers.
they're even a little bit like the slow ache of a pair of recovering blue balls.
monday mornings are like velvet--moth-eaten, stiff velvet.
monday mornings are like the first few days of getting used to wearing a thong.
and they're definitely similar to getting a flat tire on your way to the airport.
monday mornings are like a really bad kiss.

i love mondays.
i'm just thinking of the rest of you, who hate them.

it was a wonderful weekend.
lots of fun, lots of food, and (purely for the sake of aliteration--i SWEAR) lots of fucking.
it's strange how much my life revolves around sex.
sometimes when i'm at the gym, or the store or something i look around at all the people...
and i wonder:
are they as consumed by thoughts of sex as i am?
probably not.
but then i wonder if they're having the kind of satisfying, crazy sex that i am...
and the answer to that one is another "probably not".
i'm really not what i would call a "nympho", i'm not--just for the record...
but i do enjoy sex--even bad sex, although it's been a realllly long time since i had any of that.
actually the last...uh...encounter before i met my husband would fit that category.
and that was my only one night stand, too.
AND it really pissed me off, because
anyway, the point is, george michael has it right:
sex is natural, sex is good--not everybody does it, but everybody should.

i'm on crack.
go away.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

i just woke up from a nap...

so this should be good...
i also have heartburn or acid reflux or something equally attractive.
i'm pretty sure my vitamin causes this.
and--OF COURSE--i have no Tums.
so instead, i'll eat a hershey bar.
..that should help.
i don't noramlly buy plain hershey bars--
but last night we ended up standing in line for a really
long time.
so the cashier handed us these hershey bars, with a little label stuck on them.
"There's nothing 'Sweet' about waiting in line!"
somehow, i think this is a subliminal message/freudian trick of some kind.
to make us WANT to stand in line.
it's an evil plan.
...but brilliant.

the reason i needed a nap on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon is a bit silly.
and you know my policy:
If it'll make me look stupid--I'll tell about it HERE.
so last night, we went to bed really early (9:00).
and around 11 we were...done.
ready for sleep.
but a little hungry..l
so we went to the kitchen.
made a huge plate of (oh-my-god-delicious) nachos...
grabbed a couple of eclairs...
and headed back upstairs.
we were both still wide awake--though exhausted--at 1:30...
yes, that midnight junk-fest could be to blame for my gastrointenstinal issues.
but i'd rather blame the vitamin.

then, instead of lazing around all morning, like smart people would have...
we dragged all 3 kids about an hour and a half north, to Hill Air Force Base.
to see the jets and planes and helicopters.
it was worth it--very fun.
but we both almost fell asleep on the way home.
and there was bad traffic.
and we finally made it home, just moments after the twinlets fell asleep.
(they never stay asleep when moved from car to bed)
so then i crawled into bed and batted my eyes at hubby.
and he made lunch.
and i slept like a baby.
but with waaaaay weirder dreams.

and that's the story of my day.
have a great weekend--

(oh, and don't use chocolate as an's not really working.)

Thursday, September 16, 2004

another beautiful day in paradise

yes, i know...
"paradise" is stretching it a bit.
but i love me some good cliches--
had you noticed?

i know i say this ALL the time...
but i don't think i have anything to say today.
all i can think of is kid stuff.
but i've started a separate blog for that, cuz it doesn't really belong here.
so that brings me back to square one:
nothing to say.
i could tell a story, i guess.
fact or fiction?
you decide.

once upon a time...
there was a girl.
the end.

i can't write today.
i should just go back to bed.
or run away with the circus.
or run to the top of a mountain and scream until i black out.
or climb a tree and hide up there until i get too hungry...
i sound like a little kid, don't I?
well, i guess i feel like one sometimes, too.

i want a new tattoo.
on my forehead.
that says, "FUCK OFF".

I want a week to myself.
completely alone.
in a cabin, somewhere isolated.
with no phone, no tv, and no internet.
--oh yeah, and no imaginary predators.
see, that would be the problem.
i LOVE the idea of being alone like that, but i know myself.
and i know that i would be paralyzed with fear as soon as the sun went down.
don't get me wrong--
i am not currently afraid of the dark.
but my imagination has a severe grudge against me, it seems.
only at the most inopportune moments does it dash in and make a scene.
it doesn't put on nearly so good a show when I summon it.
oh well.

I want my hair to grow faster, like it used to.

I want to remember to appreciate what i have.

I want to find a new template for this site...
it's been almost a year since i changed it.
which means it's been almost two years since i started this lame ass piece of shit.

the funny thing is...
reading this post, you'll probably think i'm in a bad mood--
a depressed state, if you will.
that is far from being the case, worry not.
i am a happy little lady bug--
see, i've learned something.
and that is:
maintaining a steady degree of happiness is not possible for a human.
my lows are not even as low as some people's highs...
i yearn, i dream, i want, i need--
but these feelings aren't bad.
they are what make me the person i am,
they are what separate me from the blissfully ignorant.
and in between times of pining over the green grass on everyone else's lawns...
i am intelligently blissful.
that sounds like a qualified state of happiness, but it's not.
not really...
i think that it means i'm aware of the past and the future,
that i'm aware of the rainbow of colors that life can be.
and i'm not afraid of any of it.
i should not take all the credit for this way of living that i have enjoyed for the past few years.
my husband is a huge part of this.
he has given me the stability that i was searching for--
a groundedness that has enabled me to dream bigger dreams than i ever dared before.
it's strange, though...
i still feel bound sometimes, held back.
probably because i am the most selfish creature ever to breathe.
and i want to fly away and explore every inch of the world, every mile of souls...
and have a safe nest to come home to.

i have a big project that i need to be focusing on...
so hopefully the bloggity blog won't suffer.
i'll keep you updated, if that happens, i promise.
this silly page is very important to me--and so are you.

so, have a great thursday and don't talk to strangers.
or run with scissors.
don't forget to brush--
or flush.
get ready to vote.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

i'm not awake yet

so how is it possible that my fingers can move this quickly?
my brain is foggy, fluffy--unclear.
but i'll write something, goddammmit.
oh, it won't be something ripped with wit, charm or depth.
but it'll be something.
first--a bathroom break.

and that bathroom break turned into a breakfast-cooking break,
so now i'm awake.
at least technically.
i've always wished i could be a morning person...
and i almost am one, now.
don't ask my kids, though--they probably wouldn't agree.
i still shoot fire from my barely-opened eyes, but at least i don't spit rusty razors anymore...
my morning psychosis is near folklore status around here.
i once killed a girl for waking me before i was ready.
(okay, not really, but she did cry...friggin wuss)
and there's the classic story, which i've told here before,
of my husband sweetly saying, "i love you" and getting slapped with a grumbled, "you're a faggot."
he should have known--after 4 years--not to expect coherant thought from me immediately upon waking.
(he knows now...)

today i have to go to the court house and the police station.
sounds dark and mysterious, doesn't it?
it's not.
this is the circle jerk required for me to sign up for traffic school.
which i could TEACH, by the way.
i'm a great driver--defensive, aware, polite.
i haven't been pulled over for speeding in SEVEN years.
does this mean i don't speed?
in fact, i'm amazed at my good luck, so i don't really mind the ticket.
i was way overdue.
and tomorrow's the deadline, so i hope i don't hit any snags.
wish me luck.
(or go fuck yourself.)

and now i can't think of anything else to say.
i've started and stopped several times--which is unusual for me.
i think that "go fuck yourself" line sorta threw me.
all i can think about now is that line.
and i didn't want to write about that...
i know, i know--it's a shock.
i'll blame it on the morning issue...
it's so nice to have excuses for things, places to carefully situate blame...
the twin thing used to be PERFECT for that.
i'd complain about being fat, and people would pipe up, "but you just had TWINS!"
i'd apologize for my messy house, "but you have TWINS!"
i'd be late, "oh, it must have been the TWINS!"
it wasn't MY idea, people just threw those at me.
i am not a big fan of making excuses, actually.
stand up and take responsibility, that's my motto.
unless it makes me look bad--then it's story time.
yes, i think i'm funny.
why do you ask?

i think i've successfully shaken any "real life" readers...
as in, people who know me in real life.
all but one, and she's cool.
which is not to say that they weren't ALL cool...
but, the thing is, having so many people read this who i am closely associated with...
well, it fucking SUCKED.
i did a pretty good job of just putting it out of my head when i wrote.
otherwise, i would have been a basket case.
but there were still plenty of things that ended up a little censored or left out altogether.
and the worst part was that my husband was the one tossing my URL around like candy at a parade.
so, it's nice to feel like i have a bit of my anonymity back.
and if i'm wrong...
thanks for keeping your mouths shut, real lifers.

i had a fantastic bra-less day yesterday--i hope you all did, as well.

now it is time to do something productive.
(for me, not you. please feel free to waste the rest of your day--you have my permission)

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Bra-less Tuesday

That's right.
i'll boycott if you will!
i did it last thursday and it was so much fun, i thought i'd try it again.
the only exception to this will be for work-out purposes.
that's just not healthy for the long-term life of the breast, you know.
oh, don't misunderstand--
i'm NO feminist.
hell, if anything, i'm closer to your traditional 80's "male chauvenist pig".
(or however you spell that)
and i don't mind bras in general.
but some days i'd rather not wear one.
(and on the plus side, it's freezing cold here today! heh.)
so join me--
we'll fly free today, girls!!

so yesterday i ran into a girl i used to work with at fucking BYU.
we flipped burgers in the snackbar my sophmore year.

that reminds me...
we get little flyers on our door occasionally.
from the mormons.
inviting us to parties or whatever.
the most recent one was a list of events for the year...
the line i liked the best was:
"come join in some fun with people who share your values".
last time i CHECKED--
i don't have a whole lot in common with these dipshit clones.
MY values?
how do they know what MY values are?
i'll ride with ya to the ten commandments, and that's about where it ends, asswipes.
in an effort to not get off on a rant here, i think i'll stop.
living in utah is nice.
living in utah is nice.
living in utah is nice.
living in utah is nice.
i feel better now.

my hips are sore from golfing.
isn't that hilarious?
well, not my hips, but the muscles connecting to my hips.
it's actually rather inconvenient.
...and i'll leave it at that.
but my husband said that means my swing is good.

do you know who i HATE?
people who buy large bags of chocolate type candy...
it's not fair.
i's not like i could actually NOT eat the stuff.
the idea of ME having enough self-control for something like that is...
so, don't ever buy me desserts.
cuz then i'll love you and hate you, very intensely and simultaneously--
and the whole thing just gives me a headache.

i rearranged my kitchen yesterday.
it was super duper exciting.
so much so, in fact, that i had to use a word combination like "super duper" just to convey the sheer brilliance of it.
this is how boring my life is.
but i like it...
whenever i get restless, i just think about all the dreams of white-picket fence life i had when i was younger...
and here I am.
it's a little different than i imagined--
(i'm not julia roberts, i don't exlusively thrive on having a spotless house, and my husband doesn't wear a suit to work)
but it is just as good.

Monday, September 13, 2004

mondays are for masochists

ooooh, perhaps a new feature?
Masochist Mondays!
I could write about all the things we do to cause ourselves pain.
i think it could be a real upper.

okay, i don't have much to say today,
but there are a couple of blogs that i love, which i fear not enough people are reading.
and by "not enough" I mean...i will not rest until the whole world has partaken of the genius of these men!!!!
or something.

okay, first there's Matt, a Canadian college student who writes of politics and love with such insight that sometimes I am convinced that he is much older than his face. So go read Sex, Cocaine and Family's like watching the sun rise over the atlantic.

and then there's Whitey, who is a self-proclaimed big-word-overuser, but he does it so well!! Always entertaining, and as pleasurable to read as, might as well be ribbed, okay?? (thought this site is by no means soley for "her pleasure") You're guaranteed to love it, or your money back!

so go--soak up their words and be glad i didn't feel like writing today.

i just realized that i may be using words as a way to hide from the real world.
though i'm not susre why i would do that...
cuz the "real world" i'm referring to is neither the MTV one nor my immediate family.
it's just the people outside my home i'm avoiding.
which is strange, because i'm a social addict (which is entirely differnt from a social drinker...)
it's more like, i'm addicted to social contact.
just a random thought that flickered through my head.
so of course i had to puke it out here, cuz that's my way.

happy day, suckers!!

so much perfection in one day is hard to take

okay, i'm lying to make you feel better.
it actually goes down like cool water.
i golfed again and it was a fucking amazing day.
incredible weather, beautiful scenery, fresh air...
fabulous dinner, lively conversations.
lightening ripping through the sky--
enormous bolts of it, peppering the horizon.
driving the convertible again...
and then the rain started, and it smelled so good.
metallica: loud.
air: warm.
rain: refreshing.
lightening: purple.
it was a sensory feast.......
days like THIS are what remind me that i'm alive and filled with good fortune.
days like this make me want to leap and sing and twirl.
days like this make my heart light--reminding me what's important.
days like this are what fairytales are made of.

today, my soul is bursting--
filled up so full i couldn't yearn if you paid me.
but i feel the shadow of awareness that this is not a permanent state,
and it makes me cherish this moment.
how empty i might feel another day...
how much more crisp and fresh and perfect and soft and sweet are days like this...
when tempered with the flat and lonely and aching and tired and shoved days.
it's all about balance.......

i wish you all a day like THIS.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

sunday mornings used to be for church

what a foreign, strange-tasting sentence that was...
i think that was someone else.
certainly not ME.
...was it??

so last night i had dinner with a girlfriend.
her strawberry daquiri was much stronger than she had anticipated--
so we went to the bar, in order not to lose the buzz.
we had beer, played pool (so much more badly than usual!!), and caught up.
it's been a long time since we had hung out, so it was good.
more than good--necessary, refreshing, healing.
then we found a spot at the bar and chatted with a couple of colorful characters.
one of them used to be a bass player for a bunch of different big name country acts, and has more jokes up his sleeve than...
uh. more than WHAT?
stupid analogies with no endings.
anyway, we had a blast.
then my husband joined us for a little bit, and we laughed even more.
it was a good night.

and i wish i could think of something else to say at this point...
but i can't.
and hell, it's sunday.
what do you expect?
no one else is even lame enough to be posting on a friggin sunday.
so there ya go.

it is time for me to cook breakfast.
and i get to go golfing later!!!
i'm sooooo excited!
i'll let you know how it goes...
whether you want to hear it or not.

Saturday, September 11, 2004


today is a gooood day.
got up and cooked a lovely breakfast,
then went back to bed.
snuggled down with my husband--
the kids, too.
watching the USOpen.
then they got bored and wandered off.
so we took advantage of...uh...the situation, each other, whatever you wanna call it.

so i haven't mentioned the kitten in a while.
she is settling in nicely, etc.
the funny thing is that she is just like having another child.
which is NOT something i would have signed up for. heh.
just like the boys--
she climbs all over me and tries to eat my food and interferes when i'm typing.
oh well.
she's worth it.
and she had her surgery yesterday, to get spayed.
so now my pussy is shaved, just like my...pussy.
couldn't resist.

i am feeling the urge to go out.
it's been a whole week, you know.
i want to get dressed up and go laugh somewhere.
that sounded strange.
i can picture myself in a wig and a strange costume, huddled in a corner, laughing like a lunatic...
maybe i'll just stay in.

for some reason i feel very much alive today.
it could be the dearly departed cold,
or maybe the morning sex.
or possibly it's just that i AM alive, and for once i'm aware of it.
i have some great ideas churning about in my head for National Novel Writing Month.
(if you haven't signed up yet, DO IT. like, now.)

i took a bit of a break in the middle of writing this.
and now i'm back...
and i feel like a squished bug.
just thought i'd update that for ya.

and i don't have anything else to say.
but you could go check out the big fat spider i found, on buzznet.
it's pretty evil looking.
or you could go amuse yourself.
or abuse yourself.
or hate yourself for loving me.
that's generally what ends up happening, so i hear.
if it makes you feel any better, i'm getting fat(ter).
and i forgot to shave my legs today.
but i am still a great cook.
and a great lay.
and a lot of fun to hang out with.
i dunno.
add it up.

and if i'm still making sense, then i'm a monkey's uncle.
and THAT made so little sense that i'm prettysure it's time for me to go.
and by "go" i mean...
the warden is here, and it's time for lock down in the psych. ward.

party safely, kiddos.
and dream of ME, for god's sake.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

sometimes there are 2 fortunes in one cookie....

which is sort of like doing two posts in one day.
only more reading and less eating.
(you can still put "in bed" at the end of everything i say, if you want, though.)

i'm having a great hair day, and i thought you should know.
i would take a picture, just cuz i'm in that kind of mood, but i rarely look the same in a picture as i do in person.
i'm not sure why it is...
it's like the softness of the curls doesn't show up in two dimensions...
the sun kissed skin of my cheeks and shoulders doesn't look any different than the rest of my paleness, under the glare of a flash.
do i sound more narcissistic than usual?
it's not really that.
it's that usually, i just look like me.
but sometimes...
i look, but with a sprinkling of magic.
or maybe i just like writing.

the mountains look incredible.
i need to get some pictures.
they stayed green all summer, due to the amazing amounts of rain...
and now the leaves are changing--
it seems so early for that.
it's 90 degrees here today, the first damn week of september!
and the mountains are orange and green.
it's nice.
i need to take the boys hiking.
maybe sunday.
maybe the hot springs.
that's two miles each way.
i guess they might be too little for that.
but if any of you come here, i'll take you there.
okay, not really.
but i'll give you directions, so you can go.
cuz it's not to be missed.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, but my kids aren't cooperating.
we're sitting on the front porch, eating ice cream.
well, we WERE.
they both just dumped theirs out.
one of them stuck his bare feet in it and wiggled them around.
yeah, they're in "time out" now.
so who wants a beer?

thursdays are the coolest days of the week

besides saturdays.
and sundays.
and maybe fridays.
i'll stop.
i like thursdays a great deal, though.

so today was the first day of preschool, for the twinlets.
did you hear that?
it was the most enormous sigh of relief, laced with a heart palpitation.
i'm so excited to have a couple of hours TOTALLY free a few times a week....
i don't even know what i'll do with myself!!!

i got a new pearl jam album today.
i know...
none of you give a rat's hairy, smelly hind end.
but it is fantastic.
Live at Benaroya Hall has mostly older stuff, and B sides--and it's, well...LIVE.
so i'm super dee dooper excited.
and fuck you.

what with being sick, and the long weekend, i hadn't been to the gym in almost a week.
so today's workout felt extra wonderful.
GOD i love feeling my body work.
...and i had forgotten how much i love Cute Boy Wednesdays.
of course, it morphed into a more literal cute "boy" day, as school got out and the OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE SO YOUNG high schoolers got there.
i'm getting old.

i know why i love thursdays!!
that's when i write fantasy friday...
woo hoo.

enough of this drive.l.
time for Bed>
and besides, my cat is trying to eat my fingers as i type, and it;s becompingn dIFFICULT.


Wednesday, September 08, 2004

my kids have discovered the joys of makeup...

my kids have discovered the joys of makeup...

they're boys, let's don't forget.
i had this little makeup bag full of the old clinique stuff i used to wear.
back when i was attending the shallowest fucking
in this country.
back before i realized i look better without makeup.
back before i realized i live better without religion.
oops, almost got off on a rant there...
so they found this stuff.
and to them it's nice little green boxes that open and close...
with brushes and sticks and mirrors inside...
they asked where the pink stuff goes, so i showed them.
they asked if they could wear some.
at first i said, 'no--makeup is for girls.'
then they said, 'i want to exercise so i can wear makeup.'
uh...WTF the fuck??
(yes, i realize that was redundant, but i love acronyms and "the F word"
anyway, i asked what they meant by this.
turns out, that in their minds, girls exercise (mom goes to the gym), so if
they exercise they could be girls, and then they could wear makeup.
it's funny how inside out and upside down that theory is.
but, they had a good point.
so i let 'em.
i should have taken pictures of their bright red faces...
i told them they were warriors.
hopefully they won't be pansies.
and if so, y'know what?
i don't care.
i wanted daughters anyway.
(although, for the record, they're 100% boy.)
they wrestle and run and splash in mud puddles and climb--
they can even throw well.
and i sure as hell can't do that.

so i hope you all had a skid-free tuesday,
and are ready to dive into a smooth as butter hump day.
having sex in a tub of slightly softened butter sounds fun.
i had a good friend, back at my first job, who had sex in a bathtub full of
she said it caused...
wink wink.
she was the coolest person i had ever met.
funny as hell.
her name was also Lisa, but she was rather tall and bigger boned/chubby.
so i was Little Lisa.
god DAMN i learned a lot at that job...
the owner's sons were all gay, and cooked there.
another cook looked like a pirate.
then there was the dishwasher who was my first younger boy crush.
...too bad i was a virgin back then, i coulda--eh, nevermind.
that place was soooo great.
they were like family...
they used to write me group letters when i went off to college.
then they sold the joint.
some fucking family.
somehow i think that contributed to my eventual dropping out and living on
the streets giving handjobs for crack...
oh wait...
that's a song from the south park movie.
well, whatever.

being sick is stupid.
i quit.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

i suppose...

the thing to do would be to write a post.
since it's a new day.
but i don't have it in me right now.
i have caused pain to someone dear to me.
i don't know what i did, but i have to fix it.
and sometimes it's all just too much.
sometimes i'm tired.

but it's a beautiful day, and it'll all work out.

i hope you all had a fabulous 3-day weekend.
i sure did, including being sick for half of it.
being sick didn't get me down--
it's nice to be sick when you're at home with nothing that needs doing.
and golfing was wonderful.
now that i've been twice, and love it,
we're going to get some clubs for me,
and that should improve my game even more.
oh, i suck still.
don't get me wrong.
but out of 9 holes, there were a few that i was only 3 strokes over par.
and the rest were about 6 or 7 over...
we had to leave at the 9 because there was a bbq.
which i got to skip because i was sick and sunburned and tired from golfing sick.
what a wuss.
anyway, i love golfing.
i am now an official addict.
i need to learn to control my swing better.
there was a really short 3 par and i over shot the green...
yes, from the red tee box, the ladies tee box.
but still.
i was thrilled!!
okay okay, i'll stop talking about golf.

this took my mind off my drama for a minute.
now i guess i'll go shower.
have a great tuesday, folks.
and whenever you're feeling glum, think, "hey, it's not monday, it's tuesday!!"
and that's a good thing.
(in case your math skills suck, or you're just plain an idiot, that means you're one day closer to friday than you might have thought.)

Monday, September 06, 2004

all pissed off and nowhere to go

just kidding.
but i really like the sound of that.

and on a related note...
i don't understand men.
i really don't.
okay, maybe it's ME i don't understand.
but either way, i'm confused.

and i'm still sick.
so i skipped the family bbq--
hey, it was only fair:
hubby skipped my family's dinner yesterday,
and i'm skipping his family's dinner today.
have i mentioned lately how fantastic my husband is?
he's like...the greatest spouse on earth.
only more fun.
and better in bed.

so anyway, i'm home alone.
and i have to say, i feel a little guilty.
i could have gone.
i'm not deathly ill or anything.
but i weighed the two options carefully:
drag ornery kids to bbq, talk to a bunch of people, eat standing up while scolding my kids, then drive to SLC to return step son, and all the way home again--with ORNERY KIDS...
do absolutely nothing, in an empty house.
it was a no brainer.
which is good...
cuz i have no brain today.
feel free to slap your knee on that one.
(or my face, whichever seems more appropriate)

of my many colorful dreams last night, there was one involving sex with a nerdy guy at BYU.
this bothers me on so many levels.

i think that perhaps..instead of spending my entire evening in front of this blasted machine, i'll do something productive.
like watch a movie.
i'm sick.
although my house could use a thorough scrubbing down...
the step son weekends always seem to result in twice the mess.
not his fault, just...
we're busier and well, okay, he's a bit of a slob.
oh, who am i kidding?
i'd chose the net over the tube any day of the week.
so here i'll sit.
prowling about, to see if anyone's posted news of their weekend adventures yet.
or maybe i'll even get around to fucking with my links list.
or write up a fantasy friday ahead of time.
the way i feel it would be something like:
so there i lay.
snuggled into my down bed, with a cup of chai tea.
and in he walked.
with a nod i knew what he wanted, and i obediently rolled to my stomach.
as his hands worked their magic, a low moan escaped my lips.
soon his rhythm had rocked me into complacency...
harder, i whispered.
yeah, that's right: a massage therapist.

you guys are a bunch of perverts.
i'm telling...
this is an audio post - click to play

labor day sucks

and so does deleting half a post.
and so does being sick.
...and losing half a post when you're sick.
stuffy nose.
sore throat.
i'm sure i'll live...
and at least my husband is home from work today so i can be pampered a bit.
at least the U.S. Open is on.
i loooooove tennis.
so, okay, maybe today is a good day after all.
but i did manage to wake up every hour last night.
due to a dryness of throat so severe as to impair my ability to swallow.
(what a fucking pretentious sentence that was. jesus.)
the cool thing about waking up so much is that i remember tons of dreams.
they were crazy.

did i tell you i got pulled over for speeding the other day?
i can't believe i forgot.
my kids were highly impressed.
i was mostly just shocked that i haven't been pulled over more.
i was going 49 in a 30...
fucking stupid.
i was my usual cheery self
and i could tell he didn't want to give me a ticket,
he did.
a much smaller one than it should have been.
gee, thanks.

and i think.

tell me you love me--
(or kick my ass for whining. i probably deserve that more!)

Saturday, September 04, 2004

no one's here so why am i writing??

just cuz.

and i am sitting here.
not writing.
not even thinking.
just staring.
so probably that means i shouldn't have even bothered.
since a properly functioning brain is one of the most important parts of writing.
oh, i'm not saying it's crucial, just sorta...a bonus.
i mean, shit--
i usually write with only about 3 of my 8 cylinders firing.
today,'s more like someone pushed the "pause" button...
...........okay, who has the remote?

i am fasinated by giant squid.
and somehow, i think if i ever meet one, it'll be fasinated by me.

we took the kids bowling today.
they beat me.
they're FOUR.
i even used bumpers...
this was highly depressing.
i think my athletic insufficiencies could be explained by one simple statement:
i don't give a shit.
when i remember to aim, i do alright.
but i usually forget...
because i don't give a shit.
oh well.

i think i'm going to go take a nap.
this is very uncharacteristic of me, in case you're wondering.
and i usually regret it.

we're off to see the...wizard?

nah, not him.
smarmy old bastard.
We're off to see the airplane museum.
the boys will love it.
and hopefully i'll survive.
just kidding.

went out with Becky again last night.
she met a boy.
who worked for the band.
who i promised to link.
but i can't remember their website.
they were good, though, so if i find it, i'll throw it up.
(and not in a vomiting sense)

i am trying really hard NOT to tell you about the breakfast i just made.
because that would be the most boring shit i've ever spewed.
(even though it was delish.)

so instead, i'll go.
...shower time.
if you ask reallllly nicely, i'll take you with me.
(well, only if you're hot).

Friday, September 03, 2004


i don't have SHIT to write tonight.
you want a friggin' fantasy??
here's what i have--

my small hand in your big one.
we walk along the edge of the sand,
waves lapping at our bare feet.
the sun is setting, the beach is empty.
we are both pre-occupied with thoughts of this first kiss...
not wanting to

fuck this.
you know as well as i do that i can't force myself to write.
i'm going to bed.
i WILL write something in the morning.
just know, i am beating myself up over this, feeling like i've let you down.
stupid girl.

check back in a around noon...

Thursday, September 02, 2004

i don't know but i've been told

...a big-legged woman ain't got no soul.

hey, don't ask me.
i didn't write it.
also brings to mind my question--
what IS he talking about when he says he's going to make her burn and make her sting?
sounds threatening.
yet strangely arousing.
okay, fine.
nothing strange about it.

and now that i've finished with my zep rant of the month...

i don't necessarily think i have anything to say.
i have been known to think that, and been wrong.

it's been a strange week.
my best friend in the blog world is on vacation...
i find myself pacing around, looking for something that's not there.
we have been each other's escape from boredom for months.
and now.
i'm all alone,
but i think i'm going to make it.
(i am so vigorously rolling my eyes at my dramatics that i'm getting a headache)
it is rather humorous to note how much someone can affect my life--
someone i'll never meet.
so...if i look a bit mopey, or act a bit dopey...
keep your snickers to yourself.
unless we're talking Snickers...cuz...i like those.
they really do satisfy.
(and so do I)
either that or I'm a sucker for good advertising.
(or just plain "a good sucker"...)

i was reading somewhere that there is a way to remove one's blog from the google searches.
in the Blogger FAQ section it tells how.
at first i was THRILLED by this, thinking how nice it would be to stop getting so many hits from people searching for porn.
but then i thought...
i LOVE people who find me by searching for porn!!
and things such as:
* "down jacket" fetish
* what to do with a bored wife
* sex with a housewife
(or my new favorite, which i've now seen on 3 separate occassions...)
* bored wife lisa
cuz doesn't that last one sound like they know who they're looking for??
the visits are long on that one, and i'm assuming it's a repeat customer.
i mean reader.
so anyway, i'm still tossing that idea around.
to google or not to google.
that is the question...

when i read back over what i've written ,
(which i don't do very often)
i wonder if i was on on drugs when i wrote it.
it's quite possible that someone is lacing my thyroid pill with acid.
maybe "quite possible" is a bit of a stretch.

sometimes i'm afraid i've lost touch with a part of me that is very important...
but i don't know what part it is.
i feel like i should be sitting in a bungalow on a bright, sunny beach.
sometimes i think too hard about the wrong things, although hard is the wrong word.
thinking isn't hard.
sometimes i think too long--distance, not time--about the wrong things, maybe that's it.
i follow a thread of thought so far that i get tired.
there is darkness around, quiet and comfortable, and yet.
i am finished with it.
other times i forget to think about things until it is too late.
preferring to just live and feel.
i think that one day...
one day i will write something on a bathroom wall.
or not give the polite response in an uncomfortable situation.
one day i will drop the ball--
although my pattern of behavior would indicate that it would be an event more comparable to throwing a ball...

walking in a cloud is so different from walking on clouds.
...but i do both.

again...the roaring rumble of a harley outside my window.
the most purely beautiful sound on earth...
whispering to the deepest part of the inside me.
calling to that restless wanderer i ignore and neglect...
hoping to out-grow the feeling.
the need to drive fast and far.
the urge to be nameless.
i am a two headed beast--or a sweet girl with two solid but opposite ideas about life.

and then i say, fuck this, i'm going to bed.

and sadly, most of you won't read this until morning.
i wonder what you're all doing right now...
as i write.
i hope you're getting laid.
or having wonderful dreams.
or waking to the sound of rain.
or walking the dog under this gorgeous moon.
and do me a favor--if you haven't left a comment before, do it today.
it'll make me smile.
and when i'm happy, i take pictures of my rack.
which reminds me, new posts on buzznet.
okay, bed i said.
maybe i'll even dream of you...

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

concerts, convertibles and crack

okay, no crack.

concert was good.
driving my brother in law's beamer home after was more fun though.
with my shoes off.
and my music up.
for a brief moment (or several)--
my hands off the wheel.
reaching up, into the wind.
and the best news was when the guys called, from my car, to say i had beat them by 60 blocks and i needed to backtrack and meet them.
know what's better than driving alone with good tunes?
that's right: nothing.
so, back to the concert.

there were 3 or 4 people between us and the stage.
but this was more due to apathy than ability...
and, maybe i'm a heartless bitch, but--
13 year old girls do NOT belong in the front row of a rock concert.
and if they are lucky enough to be there, they better damn well be ready to get trampled.

it was nice.
the bassist for puddle of mud was quite hot.
i spent half of their set imagining--
no, it's not what you think: it's WAY more embarassing.
i was imagining...
having the chance to interview him...
on an audioblog.
i need a life--BADLY.
oh well.
and just behind us were Adonis & barbie...
from MY GYM!!!
i'm going to have to choose a new name for him.
does NOT look like a greek god with his new haircut.
still pretty, just not god like.
and in case anyone's unfamiliar, i view him like a piece of art, not a man.
the chick with him is the little hottie with fake tits who works out in flip flops.
(i just realized she may have heard that men find "thongs" sexy...hmm....) they're a perfect couple.
she looked amazing, but SO wrong for a rock concert.
it was kinda funny.
especially a wannabe rock concert, by the way.
i mean, dressing up all hotsy for a BIG name band, sure...but fucking nickelback?
nickelback did a metallica cover
and that was the most excited i got til i slid behind the wheel of the smooth ride.

in our circle, we refer to ALL of these bands as "Puddle of NickelCreed"...
cuz, let's face it--they all sorta blend.
this brings me to my next point:
my favorite songs by each band are so similar that they could have been written and performed by the same people.
and when i say "favorite" please realize that i'm saying they each have a song i like.
they both talk about aggressive sex, surprise surprise.

so here's my next rant...
rock concerts are for pussies these days.
i have not had a single externally inflicted injury in years.
blisters from wearing the wrong shoes, sure.
but bruises? no.
and not a single broken toe, for god's sake!!
everyone's polite.
a mosh pit formed right behind us for a few minutes...
and boy oh boy did i ache for my Doc's...
in which my feet are sufficiently protected for me to dive in and slam against the others.
i'll post a picture of the shoes i was wearing in the morning.
stupid girl.
so, no moshing for me, but damn i miss it.

i think this might be enough rambling incoherancy for me.
it is now 3am.
i'm wide awake.
but writing this hasn't helped, so i'll go rock myself to sleep.
not like THAT.
i would certainly not need to rock myself if that was what i was talking about.
marriage is handy for such things.
did i REALLY just say "handy"?
shoot me.