well, duh.
what's it going to be--an old recycled one??
anyway.
so i was cooking breakfast this morning, 8-ish.
and in through the front door walks hubby!
he wasn't due back until late afternoon, but there he was.
so we laid in bed all morning, making out between wrestling with the kids.
and then it was naptime for the boys and we got to finish what we started.
and daaaaaaaamn did he give the pool boy a run for his money.
no, it's true--we have pictures to prove it.
he jokingly asked if i was planning to post them here, since I'm always posting pictures of stuff in my life...
i said, "sure!"
and he quickly recanted.
damn him.
you guys are missing out, though.
but you know what?
i'm sick of talking about sex for a while, so let's talk about the weather.
it was a beautiful day...
um.
some clouds in the sky.
pretty.
one of them looked like a giant penis.
DAAAAMMMMIIITTTT!!!
i guess I'm Freud's wet dream.
er...
speaking of ole Siggy...
i had a rather cuckoo bloggerific dream last night...
in which a man showed up at my house, claiming to be one of YOU folks and causing all sorts of trouble.
i have a feeling this was a direct result of all my "pool boy" talk yesterday.
it was really funny, though.
um...
I'm hungry.
and it's almost time to go to the Real World...Blogger Style hot tub!!
yaay!!!
so if anyone's reading this, come join us!!
it's sure to be a barrell of slut-talking fun!
and could i use a few more exclamation points in this paragraph?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dork wad.
anyway, i'm really excited for the hot tub, because that's what prompted me to join the house to begin with...
and i haven't really been around much lately.
i miss those guys.
sniff.
also, is anyone else weirded out by the fact that i've switched from morning posts to evening posts?
i mean, if this was the daily paper, you'd be a little inconvenienced by it, i imagine.
ooh--and just think: if this was the daily paper, wouldn't your dog have a nicer place to shit?
i mean really.
all dogs should have words this obnoxious to piss on.
anyway, i'm sure i'll be back to morning posts soon enough.
...i'm sure you'll all rest better knowing that.
pizza's here!!
(shut the fuck up. at least it's just my diet i'm cheating on!!)
**pst--just hopped on the Buzznet bandwagon, check me out...
kids have been ornery all day, so i indulged them with being rocked to sleep while i sang...
well, if you'd heard me sing, you'd understand that this was a good punishment for their grumpiness!!
however.
they are my babies so they don't know that my pitch is off or i miss a few notes every bar or so...
and it calmed them so that they could wind down a little better and go to sleep.
poor little poops needed it.
but I was laughing at my playlist...
Puff the Magic Dragon--Peter, Paul & Mary
Wish You Were Here--Pink Floyd
The Queen and the Soldier--Suzanne Vega
that last song is so beautiful, i absolutely love it.
if you're not familiar with it, and you're into such things, i recommend a download.
the last line is "the queen went on strangling in the solitude she preferred--and the battle continued on."
so as i finished tucking them in and was closing the door...
Max said, "Mom? will the battle go on?"
oops.
way to teach 'em about the ugliness of the world.
go me!
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
happy mardi gras
yeah, i know.
i'm a little late.
but today was Tuesday.
and I flashed a bunch of strangers.
well, not so much "flashed", and not so much "a bunch of strangers"...
but something about today felt like Mardi Gras.
maybe it was the sexy cajun men wandering around my house offering everyone necklaces.
maybe it was the half naked chicks hanging off balconies over a nighttime parade.
or maybe it was the wine i had at dinner playing tricks on me.
but one thing's for sure:
that pool boy?
daaaaaaaaaamn does he know his way around the bedr-- I mean patio.
had a great "girls night" thingy.
some good wine, good food, and great conversations.
although...
i ate a bunch of sugar without thinking about it, and got the biggest sugar high of my life.
i couldn't stop talking, i felt like i was outside myself and i couldn't make me shut up.
everyone was laughing their asses off, since i'm usually the life of the party anyway and i was in turbo mode.
silly girl.
so here are a couple of Lisa-lives-in-Utah updates...
first: one of the girls i wasmaking out with talking to tonight spoke with one of the Osmonds earlier today, in a work-related incident.
whoa.
not one of the famous ones, but still.
I sort of figured Boz would be interested in this, as a part of his on-going study of utah and its indigenous people...
second: as i came down from my sugar high, one of the two mormon girls in the group slipped me a couple of prescription muscle relaxants.
and hinted that they're niiiiiice.
of course, she also agreed to my suggestion that we all "get drunk and get tattoos" on our trip to Vegas, so i guess i'll have to speak to her bishop.
in other words, she rocks.
to those of you who showed up for the "boss is out of town" keager--i have two words: go home.
i mean, seriously.
the party's over.
we've been drinking since noon, and my liver's had enough.
and to whoever left that suspicious looking wet spot in the middle of my bed--shame on you.
don't you know house rules require host participation for all sexual misconduct???
not a good way to get invited back, i tell you what!
...but if that roll of film you left on the bedside table is what i think it is...welll, obviously all is forgiven.
i think it's important to note that i am eating popcorn.
this is not as high in carbs as i thought, and since i already blew it by eating fucking peanut m&m's (which do not go well with red wine, by the way...) i figured what the hell.
and it's good.
soooooooooooo goood.
not as good as the pool boy, but good.
and for the record: i don't actually have a pool, or a pool boy.
but a girl can dream.
and this girl dreams in technicolor--dolby 7.1 digital surround sound included.
Have i told you lately...
that i love you?
seriously, you folks out there who read this crap on a regular or semi-regular or bran muffin type regular basis...
i love you.
and not in that slobbering drunk way.
or that sappy romantical way.
not really so much in the "all for one and one for all" way either...
hmmm.
more like the "you make me feel like a natural woman" way.
or the "you guys are all so much better at this and i am amazed by the warm words of praise you offer" way.
now i have the Mr. Rogers theme song in my head.
where the hell did that come from?
guess that's what i get for mixing peanut m&m's, red wine, a protein bar and popcorn.
ew.
so....
I am wide awake.
with nothing to do but surf my favorite blogs...
beware.
I am watching you.
kinda like santa claus...although, frankly, more like his cousin Jeff--who sees you when you're showering.
good
night
i'm a little late.
but today was Tuesday.
and I flashed a bunch of strangers.
well, not so much "flashed", and not so much "a bunch of strangers"...
but something about today felt like Mardi Gras.
maybe it was the sexy cajun men wandering around my house offering everyone necklaces.
maybe it was the half naked chicks hanging off balconies over a nighttime parade.
or maybe it was the wine i had at dinner playing tricks on me.
but one thing's for sure:
that pool boy?
daaaaaaaaaamn does he know his way around the bedr-- I mean patio.
had a great "girls night" thingy.
some good wine, good food, and great conversations.
although...
i ate a bunch of sugar without thinking about it, and got the biggest sugar high of my life.
i couldn't stop talking, i felt like i was outside myself and i couldn't make me shut up.
everyone was laughing their asses off, since i'm usually the life of the party anyway and i was in turbo mode.
silly girl.
so here are a couple of Lisa-lives-in-Utah updates...
first: one of the girls i was
whoa.
not one of the famous ones, but still.
I sort of figured Boz would be interested in this, as a part of his on-going study of utah and its indigenous people...
second: as i came down from my sugar high, one of the two mormon girls in the group slipped me a couple of prescription muscle relaxants.
and hinted that they're niiiiiice.
of course, she also agreed to my suggestion that we all "get drunk and get tattoos" on our trip to Vegas, so i guess i'll have to speak to her bishop.
in other words, she rocks.
to those of you who showed up for the "boss is out of town" keager--i have two words: go home.
i mean, seriously.
the party's over.
we've been drinking since noon, and my liver's had enough.
and to whoever left that suspicious looking wet spot in the middle of my bed--shame on you.
don't you know house rules require host participation for all sexual misconduct???
not a good way to get invited back, i tell you what!
...but if that roll of film you left on the bedside table is what i think it is...welll, obviously all is forgiven.
i think it's important to note that i am eating popcorn.
this is not as high in carbs as i thought, and since i already blew it by eating fucking peanut m&m's (which do not go well with red wine, by the way...) i figured what the hell.
and it's good.
soooooooooooo goood.
not as good as the pool boy, but good.
and for the record: i don't actually have a pool, or a pool boy.
but a girl can dream.
and this girl dreams in technicolor--dolby 7.1 digital surround sound included.
Have i told you lately...
that i love you?
seriously, you folks out there who read this crap on a regular or semi-regular or bran muffin type regular basis...
i love you.
and not in that slobbering drunk way.
or that sappy romantical way.
not really so much in the "all for one and one for all" way either...
hmmm.
more like the "you make me feel like a natural woman" way.
or the "you guys are all so much better at this and i am amazed by the warm words of praise you offer" way.
now i have the Mr. Rogers theme song in my head.
where the hell did that come from?
guess that's what i get for mixing peanut m&m's, red wine, a protein bar and popcorn.
ew.
so....
I am wide awake.
with nothing to do but surf my favorite blogs...
beware.
I am watching you.
kinda like santa claus...although, frankly, more like his cousin Jeff--who sees you when you're showering.
good
night
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
sitting here watching the--
what the hell comes next??
i want to say "phone"? cuz that rhymes with "this loneliness won't leave me alone" but i'm somehow doubting that Otis Redding would be singing about a phone.
whatever.
the good news is, my fast-growing hair finally decided to be fast-growing again.
stupid fucking hair.
you cut it and you cut it, and then it doesn't even show its appreciation by growing.
lame.
so, my husband is out of town until tomorrow.
anyone wanna come over and play?
jeez, i'm just kidding, don't all trip over each other.
i'm too busy for such games, but i am flattered at your eagerness....
i have a ten o'clock appointment at the gym, and a 3 o'clock appointment with the pool boy for a little "servicing" if you catch my drift, then i have a babysitter coming at 5 so i can go have a girls night out.
I've been watching American Chopper like a crack whore this week.
now that's a reality show.
i want one of those bikes.
went out to get my mail yesterday...
slutty 15 year old next door was in her driveway, smoking a ciggy, talking to two boys.
one of whom looked at least 20 and was reclined on his motorcycle, looking hotter than hot.
i almost tripped over the sidewalk.
hell, i almost walked over, climbed on the bike and commanded him to ride--ride like the wind!! er.. well, not that.
bikes.
why do they have such power over me???
the last time i rode a motorcycle was a really long time ago, on a hot summer day, with a boy at BYU.
not a very horny-making experience.
he was rather cute, and he had that wild side that i've always been drawn to.
stupid fucking byu.
if i could go back in time, i would NOT go there.
i would go to a normal fucking college--where fucking occurs, even--and have a normal fucking experience.
oh well, it's all good.
sometimes at the gym, i want everyone to listen to my music with me.
so we can head bang together or something...
sometimes at the gym, i want everyone to take their clothes off.
so we can bang or something.
oh, i'm just kidding.
i seriously might be the biggest dork on the planet.
no really--i'm having a poll conducted, through one of the top national phone survey companies, so if they call you please defend me.
and also...
a little while back, i lost my whole sidebar--deleted it by mistake.
so when i put my links back up, i left out a few, and have slowly added them back in.
just discovered another one today and i am appalled, literally self-loathingly disgusted, that i didn't notice it was missing sooner.
just proves that i'm a flake and only half pay attention to anything in my life--real or cyber.
so, go on over and check out the beautiful Axel, and beg him on my behalf to not hold a grudge.
i want to say "phone"? cuz that rhymes with "this loneliness won't leave me alone" but i'm somehow doubting that Otis Redding would be singing about a phone.
whatever.
the good news is, my fast-growing hair finally decided to be fast-growing again.
stupid fucking hair.
you cut it and you cut it, and then it doesn't even show its appreciation by growing.
lame.
so, my husband is out of town until tomorrow.
anyone wanna come over and play?
jeez, i'm just kidding, don't all trip over each other.
i'm too busy for such games, but i am flattered at your eagerness....
i have a ten o'clock appointment at the gym, and a 3 o'clock appointment with the pool boy for a little "servicing" if you catch my drift, then i have a babysitter coming at 5 so i can go have a girls night out.
I've been watching American Chopper like a crack whore this week.
now that's a reality show.
i want one of those bikes.
went out to get my mail yesterday...
slutty 15 year old next door was in her driveway, smoking a ciggy, talking to two boys.
one of whom looked at least 20 and was reclined on his motorcycle, looking hotter than hot.
i almost tripped over the sidewalk.
hell, i almost walked over, climbed on the bike and commanded him to ride--ride like the wind!! er.. well, not that.
bikes.
why do they have such power over me???
the last time i rode a motorcycle was a really long time ago, on a hot summer day, with a boy at BYU.
not a very horny-making experience.
he was rather cute, and he had that wild side that i've always been drawn to.
stupid fucking byu.
if i could go back in time, i would NOT go there.
i would go to a normal fucking college--where fucking occurs, even--and have a normal fucking experience.
oh well, it's all good.
sometimes at the gym, i want everyone to listen to my music with me.
so we can head bang together or something...
sometimes at the gym, i want everyone to take their clothes off.
so we can bang or something.
oh, i'm just kidding.
i seriously might be the biggest dork on the planet.
no really--i'm having a poll conducted, through one of the top national phone survey companies, so if they call you please defend me.
and also...
a little while back, i lost my whole sidebar--deleted it by mistake.
so when i put my links back up, i left out a few, and have slowly added them back in.
just discovered another one today and i am appalled, literally self-loathingly disgusted, that i didn't notice it was missing sooner.
just proves that i'm a flake and only half pay attention to anything in my life--real or cyber.
so, go on over and check out the beautiful Axel, and beg him on my behalf to not hold a grudge.
Monday, March 29, 2004
Is it Monday again?
how does that keep happening?
i swear it's monday every damn time i check.
except for that one time last week when it turned out to be Wednesday, but still.
it's beginning to feel like i'm in Groundhog's Day....
whatever.
the gym was good.
i was feeling lazy so i did the stupid bike for my cardio.
i hate that thing.
i feel like i'm taking a nap.
but at least i kicked it up a couple of notches from where i usually have it.
oh yeah!
and i don't know why i'm complaining about it always being monday, because...
mondays are officially declared Hot Guys at the Gym Day.
it's true.
i keep noticing it, and it's just not going away.
good god, but i love me some eye candy while i'm working out.
i would like to know what the hell these guys do for work.
who has time to go to the gym in the middle of the day??
housewives and people who work nights, i guess.
cute boys.
i had a bizarre little dream last night.
it was about a guy i had a fling with many years ago.
someone who was beautiful and amazing but i somehow escaped getting attatched to him (read: getting hurt by him).
in other words, he's not someone i ever give a backward glance to.
but there he was, in my dream.
although, in true character of dreams, he wasn't really himself.
nothing much happened in the dream, i think we were driving and maybe there was some apocalyptical shit going on.
that's pretty common for me, by the way.
so if i'm as psychic as i usually like to pretend i am...
well, watch out folks, cuz there are going to be exploding refrigerators dropping from the sky soon!
mark my words.
unless that was just symbolism....?
so that friend i mentioned...
with a new blog.
It's called A Confused State of Being.
go read it.
and not just cuz she's my friend, or i'll kick your cyber ass if you don't.
but because i think it'll make you chuckle.
or grin.
or giggle.
or in some manner tickle your funny bone.
(phew, i'm glad i didn't write "manor" instead of "manner" because last time i made that slip up i was ripped a new and not so pleasant asshole.)
i'm going to add comments for her soon.
hm, maybe as soon as i'm finished here....
anyway, go read it.
and if for some sad, pathetic reason you are not currently reading any or all of the following, say 3 hail mary's take a shot of Jager, and throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder....and get busy reading!!!
i feel like i should do a review of sorts, offer my description, my opinion, but honestly i suck at that.
i either gush or i don't do them justice.
so here's my book review one liner attempts--
Big Dick's Place
--Hilarious, a man's man, often raunchy, always entertaining....5 stars.
Drown Deep
--Captivating writing, photos and style. Gorgeous....5 stars.
Seduced by Sanity
--Sometimes soft and beautiful, sometimes hard and edgy....5 stars.
A Confused State of Being
-- A fresh new up and comer, this one's sure to be a long running hit!....5 stars.
oh.
can you tell i'm THAT girl?
the one who always puts "excellent" on surveys, for everything?
well, in those cases, sometimes i am exaggerating.
this time i am not.
they really all get 5 stars.
and 5 smooches, cuz i'm slutty like that.
and also, now i'm feeling guilty for not having written reviews of other sites i've recently added.
oh well.
i don't feel like it right now, so there.
besides, it's Lent, shouldn't i be feeling lots of guilt right now?
or something.
whatever.
i should, however, post more pictures.
i go through phases, i guess.
i'm putting together a whole page of the Metallica stuff, but i haven't yet.
the last show is tomorrow night, Casper Wyoming.
i'm not going, but my husband will be meeting the band, so i'll just wait until there are pictures of that to post.
and i'm planning to do it all on another site and just put up a link--that way if you hate metallica as much as some of my readers, you'll be spared the details.
see?
i'm not 100% bitch.
i'm considerate sometimes, too.
oh god.
it's the voices.
no, not in my head.
in my pantry...
they sound like 12 year old girls in green sashes with berets who are trying to earn money for their Camporee.
yeah.
fucking girl scout cookies.
fucking friends who know you're on a diet but want you to support their kids' shit anyway.
fucking Thin fucking Mints.
I can taste them.
my eyes are starting to water...
NO! i'm not crying, asshole.
it's just the pain of trying to stay in this chair, fight the urge.
i'm actually getting pretty good at self control, in case any of you are wondering.
ew.
i just realized that if some sick fuck out there does a search for "fucking girl scouts"....
he'll end up here.
nice.
well, if that was YOU, then get the fuck out of here and go get help.
like, now.
(i'll have you know, i just clicked post, so i could go check something on my template, and i got an error. i almost cried, because i thought it looked as if i had lost the whole post. what's up pms girl? it's just a fucking post.)
but at least i succeeded in taking my mind off those evil cookies.
and i guess if i was any kind of a decent mother, i would have let my kids inhale all the cookies already.
but i'm not like that.
they do not get sugar.
hell, i don't even make JUICE very often because it's too sugary.
fresh fruit is their biggest source of sugar.
and no, i'm not a total freak, it's just that they don't need that stuff.
think about it.
sure, we enjoy candy and dessert, but it's bad for us and it doesn't add any nutritional value to a growing body.
so there.
they love milk, they get excited about vegetables--and they would eat themselves into a sugar coma if i left the pantry unlocked!
can't blame em, so would i...
okay, time to go be productive.
i'm feeling like i forgot something.
oh well.
i swear it's monday every damn time i check.
except for that one time last week when it turned out to be Wednesday, but still.
it's beginning to feel like i'm in Groundhog's Day....
whatever.
the gym was good.
i was feeling lazy so i did the stupid bike for my cardio.
i hate that thing.
i feel like i'm taking a nap.
but at least i kicked it up a couple of notches from where i usually have it.
oh yeah!
and i don't know why i'm complaining about it always being monday, because...
mondays are officially declared Hot Guys at the Gym Day.
it's true.
i keep noticing it, and it's just not going away.
good god, but i love me some eye candy while i'm working out.
i would like to know what the hell these guys do for work.
who has time to go to the gym in the middle of the day??
housewives and people who work nights, i guess.
cute boys.
i had a bizarre little dream last night.
it was about a guy i had a fling with many years ago.
someone who was beautiful and amazing but i somehow escaped getting attatched to him (read: getting hurt by him).
in other words, he's not someone i ever give a backward glance to.
but there he was, in my dream.
although, in true character of dreams, he wasn't really himself.
nothing much happened in the dream, i think we were driving and maybe there was some apocalyptical shit going on.
that's pretty common for me, by the way.
so if i'm as psychic as i usually like to pretend i am...
well, watch out folks, cuz there are going to be exploding refrigerators dropping from the sky soon!
mark my words.
unless that was just symbolism....?
so that friend i mentioned...
with a new blog.
It's called A Confused State of Being.
go read it.
and not just cuz she's my friend, or i'll kick your cyber ass if you don't.
but because i think it'll make you chuckle.
or grin.
or giggle.
or in some manner tickle your funny bone.
(phew, i'm glad i didn't write "manor" instead of "manner" because last time i made that slip up i was ripped a new and not so pleasant asshole.)
i'm going to add comments for her soon.
hm, maybe as soon as i'm finished here....
anyway, go read it.
and if for some sad, pathetic reason you are not currently reading any or all of the following, say 3 hail mary's take a shot of Jager, and throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder....and get busy reading!!!
i feel like i should do a review of sorts, offer my description, my opinion, but honestly i suck at that.
i either gush or i don't do them justice.
so here's my book review one liner attempts--
Big Dick's Place
--Hilarious, a man's man, often raunchy, always entertaining....5 stars.
Drown Deep
--Captivating writing, photos and style. Gorgeous....5 stars.
Seduced by Sanity
--Sometimes soft and beautiful, sometimes hard and edgy....5 stars.
A Confused State of Being
-- A fresh new up and comer, this one's sure to be a long running hit!....5 stars.
oh.
can you tell i'm THAT girl?
the one who always puts "excellent" on surveys, for everything?
well, in those cases, sometimes i am exaggerating.
this time i am not.
they really all get 5 stars.
and 5 smooches, cuz i'm slutty like that.
and also, now i'm feeling guilty for not having written reviews of other sites i've recently added.
oh well.
i don't feel like it right now, so there.
besides, it's Lent, shouldn't i be feeling lots of guilt right now?
or something.
whatever.
i should, however, post more pictures.
i go through phases, i guess.
i'm putting together a whole page of the Metallica stuff, but i haven't yet.
the last show is tomorrow night, Casper Wyoming.
i'm not going, but my husband will be meeting the band, so i'll just wait until there are pictures of that to post.
and i'm planning to do it all on another site and just put up a link--that way if you hate metallica as much as some of my readers, you'll be spared the details.
see?
i'm not 100% bitch.
i'm considerate sometimes, too.
oh god.
it's the voices.
no, not in my head.
in my pantry...
they sound like 12 year old girls in green sashes with berets who are trying to earn money for their Camporee.
yeah.
fucking girl scout cookies.
fucking friends who know you're on a diet but want you to support their kids' shit anyway.
fucking Thin fucking Mints.
I can taste them.
my eyes are starting to water...
NO! i'm not crying, asshole.
it's just the pain of trying to stay in this chair, fight the urge.
i'm actually getting pretty good at self control, in case any of you are wondering.
ew.
i just realized that if some sick fuck out there does a search for "fucking girl scouts"....
he'll end up here.
nice.
well, if that was YOU, then get the fuck out of here and go get help.
like, now.
(i'll have you know, i just clicked post, so i could go check something on my template, and i got an error. i almost cried, because i thought it looked as if i had lost the whole post. what's up pms girl? it's just a fucking post.)
but at least i succeeded in taking my mind off those evil cookies.
and i guess if i was any kind of a decent mother, i would have let my kids inhale all the cookies already.
but i'm not like that.
they do not get sugar.
hell, i don't even make JUICE very often because it's too sugary.
fresh fruit is their biggest source of sugar.
and no, i'm not a total freak, it's just that they don't need that stuff.
think about it.
sure, we enjoy candy and dessert, but it's bad for us and it doesn't add any nutritional value to a growing body.
so there.
they love milk, they get excited about vegetables--and they would eat themselves into a sugar coma if i left the pantry unlocked!
can't blame em, so would i...
okay, time to go be productive.
i'm feeling like i forgot something.
oh well.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
what's that i hear?
sssshhh.
yup.
(nodding slowly, head cocked)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
the sound of an empty house.
nothing but me, the ceiling fan and the humming of the laptop.
and yes, quite possibly a spontaneously occuring orgasm just from the realization that i have a slice of freedom.
so here i sit.
cuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzz, what the bloody hell else would i be doing?
catching up on housework?
(snort, guffaw, etc)
puh-leez.
besides, i'm only a teensy bit behind today, and it's the weekend...
um.
checked some ebay auctions for a record player--gift for a friend who has been wanting one.
too many choices...hurts head....
then i realized it's possible i could either A. get a new one somewhere or 2. get one at a local antique shop, where i got some 70's fisher price toys.*
and again....head hurting.
but i will make it happen.
have to find a late birthday present for my pops, and get it and my mom's in the mail this week.
HOWEVER.
the post office is my nemesis.
i don't understand the psychological roots of this hangup, which is rare, since i spend so much time in self-reflection that i have figured out the underlying causes of most of my 8 billion neuroses....
anyway, it baffles me.
every time i have a gift to send to someone out of state the god damn post office thwarts me.
maybe i'll bomb it...
nah, it's been done.
wouldn't want to be a copy cat poser fakey wannabe.
i guess i'll just continue to boycott it, by way of procrastination and we'll be all set.
but still...I'd like to get to the bottom of this.
why the post office?
also, just as a note: when i went downstairs a few minutes ago (this reference may be freaking some of you out, since i usually have my laptop downstairs and may mention going up...also, i may need serious help if i think any of you have spatial relation issues concerning my whereabouts).
fuck.
where was i??
oh yeah.
i went downstairs and there was a St. Bernard on my front porch.
filling my front porch, frankly.
and looking in through the blinds with those big droopy sad eyes.
scared the fuck right out of me.
we have lots of tiny little dogs in my neighborhood; i'd never seen him before.
began to wonder if he had devoured them all and was looking for a main course....
okay, okay, i know st. bernards are supposed to be helpful and friendly and sweet.
but you just never know.
damn, that was weird.
my fingers just had a little fight over the backspace key and the 'o' key while i was typing "you"...
okay, it doesn't sound that weird, but trust me, it was.
i felt like i was possessed.
okay, maybe i've been reading Stephen King's On Writing for too long and I'm beginning to subconciously will myself to be him...
not feeling antsy today.
not feeling restless, or caged or curious.
not feeling wild or reckless or ready for change.
maybe it's the 16.5 orgasms i had last night.
or maybe it's the ever lower numbers on the scale (long live dr. atkins...er, well...may he rest in peace and thanks for the diet that worked for me, at least...)
could also be the fact that i'm sitting on the floor, laptop on a coffee table, and my ass is falling asleep.
ass??
hello, ass?
are you still there???
I CAN'T FEEL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and i was talking to my ass.
greeaaaaat.
guess that's better than talking out of my ass, but only by a hair....
i may have mentioned that my best friend will be arriving for a few days next week.
and i may mention it about 46,000 more times--so get the fuck used to it.
anyway.
the story is: she's halfway through her phD here at the U of Utah, but she took this year off.
I've been sort of cuckoo without her around--no offense to the friends who are still here.
it's just that i have a different kind of friendship with each of my friends and when one goes away, i feel it.
so anyway.
we're going to try to squeez in a day trip to Moab.
did you hear me?
MOAB.
the reason for being.
the reason for loving something about Utah.
it is the place I go to feel free and clean and open and fresh and refreshed, of mind body and spirit.
i KNOW.
i know.
that sounds super duper new agey and gay-ass-y.
well, fuck off.
it's how i feel, and that's valid, buddy--gay-ass or not.
damn, i'm ON today.
and i'll tell you why: cuz ain't no one around to crawl up my ass or tug on my shirt sleeve.
i love my lil peas in a pod, my lil matched set of monsters--right to pieces, i do.
but sometimes i forget to balance my time well, so that i am fighting over this and them.
more deep breaths.
let go of selfishness a little....
and my ass is asleep again.
it's a vicious circle.
my other best friend started a brand new baby blog yesterday!!
I'm so excited.
it's going to be good.
at least that's what i'm telling her...
just kidding!!
she's much cleverer than I, so hold on to your hats and try to keep up!
I told her i wouldn't link her for a few days, to let her get limbered up, so watch for it.
also, we need to get some kinks worked out of the template i've downloaded for her, and install her comments and stuff...
or i could make her do it all, learning along the way, like i did.
but, nah.
this is more fun for me.
and not everything thinks a killer circuit training routine and writing html are "fun" as i like to call them both...
p.s. this reminds me that i badly need a thesaurus.
i use "fun" for everything.
to be fair, i only use it when i actually consider the subject a fun one, or, of course, in a sarcastic sense.
but the friend i've been taking to the gym seems to think it's hilarious that i call every excercise i show her "fun".
well!!
to me, they are fun.
wow, look at the time.
better get ready for the return of the troops.
hope you all had a great weekend.
big, wet, deep kisses to you all----
yup.
(nodding slowly, head cocked)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
the sound of an empty house.
nothing but me, the ceiling fan and the humming of the laptop.
and yes, quite possibly a spontaneously occuring orgasm just from the realization that i have a slice of freedom.
so here i sit.
cuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzz, what the bloody hell else would i be doing?
catching up on housework?
(snort, guffaw, etc)
puh-leez.
besides, i'm only a teensy bit behind today, and it's the weekend...
um.
checked some ebay auctions for a record player--gift for a friend who has been wanting one.
too many choices...hurts head....
then i realized it's possible i could either A. get a new one somewhere or 2. get one at a local antique shop, where i got some 70's fisher price toys.*
and again....head hurting.
but i will make it happen.
have to find a late birthday present for my pops, and get it and my mom's in the mail this week.
HOWEVER.
the post office is my nemesis.
i don't understand the psychological roots of this hangup, which is rare, since i spend so much time in self-reflection that i have figured out the underlying causes of most of my 8 billion neuroses....
anyway, it baffles me.
every time i have a gift to send to someone out of state the god damn post office thwarts me.
maybe i'll bomb it...
nah, it's been done.
wouldn't want to be a copy cat poser fakey wannabe.
i guess i'll just continue to boycott it, by way of procrastination and we'll be all set.
but still...I'd like to get to the bottom of this.
why the post office?
also, just as a note: when i went downstairs a few minutes ago (this reference may be freaking some of you out, since i usually have my laptop downstairs and may mention going up...also, i may need serious help if i think any of you have spatial relation issues concerning my whereabouts).
fuck.
where was i??
oh yeah.
i went downstairs and there was a St. Bernard on my front porch.
filling my front porch, frankly.
and looking in through the blinds with those big droopy sad eyes.
scared the fuck right out of me.
we have lots of tiny little dogs in my neighborhood; i'd never seen him before.
began to wonder if he had devoured them all and was looking for a main course....
okay, okay, i know st. bernards are supposed to be helpful and friendly and sweet.
but you just never know.
damn, that was weird.
my fingers just had a little fight over the backspace key and the 'o' key while i was typing "you"...
okay, it doesn't sound that weird, but trust me, it was.
i felt like i was possessed.
okay, maybe i've been reading Stephen King's On Writing for too long and I'm beginning to subconciously will myself to be him...
not feeling antsy today.
not feeling restless, or caged or curious.
not feeling wild or reckless or ready for change.
maybe it's the 16.5 orgasms i had last night.
or maybe it's the ever lower numbers on the scale (long live dr. atkins...er, well...may he rest in peace and thanks for the diet that worked for me, at least...)
could also be the fact that i'm sitting on the floor, laptop on a coffee table, and my ass is falling asleep.
ass??
hello, ass?
are you still there???
I CAN'T FEEL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and i was talking to my ass.
greeaaaaat.
guess that's better than talking out of my ass, but only by a hair....
i may have mentioned that my best friend will be arriving for a few days next week.
and i may mention it about 46,000 more times--so get the fuck used to it.
anyway.
the story is: she's halfway through her phD here at the U of Utah, but she took this year off.
I've been sort of cuckoo without her around--no offense to the friends who are still here.
it's just that i have a different kind of friendship with each of my friends and when one goes away, i feel it.
so anyway.
we're going to try to squeez in a day trip to Moab.
did you hear me?
MOAB.
the reason for being.
the reason for loving something about Utah.
it is the place I go to feel free and clean and open and fresh and refreshed, of mind body and spirit.
i KNOW.
i know.
that sounds super duper new agey and gay-ass-y.
well, fuck off.
it's how i feel, and that's valid, buddy--gay-ass or not.
damn, i'm ON today.
and i'll tell you why: cuz ain't no one around to crawl up my ass or tug on my shirt sleeve.
i love my lil peas in a pod, my lil matched set of monsters--right to pieces, i do.
but sometimes i forget to balance my time well, so that i am fighting over this and them.
more deep breaths.
let go of selfishness a little....
and my ass is asleep again.
it's a vicious circle.
my other best friend started a brand new baby blog yesterday!!
I'm so excited.
it's going to be good.
at least that's what i'm telling her...
just kidding!!
she's much cleverer than I, so hold on to your hats and try to keep up!
I told her i wouldn't link her for a few days, to let her get limbered up, so watch for it.
also, we need to get some kinks worked out of the template i've downloaded for her, and install her comments and stuff...
or i could make her do it all, learning along the way, like i did.
but, nah.
this is more fun for me.
and not everything thinks a killer circuit training routine and writing html are "fun" as i like to call them both...
p.s. this reminds me that i badly need a thesaurus.
i use "fun" for everything.
to be fair, i only use it when i actually consider the subject a fun one, or, of course, in a sarcastic sense.
but the friend i've been taking to the gym seems to think it's hilarious that i call every excercise i show her "fun".
well!!
to me, they are fun.
wow, look at the time.
better get ready for the return of the troops.
hope you all had a great weekend.
big, wet, deep kisses to you all----
Saturday, March 27, 2004
why is everything dirty???
the boys were playing with playdoh.
one of them was complaining that his was too sticky, so i began an investigation.
and this is what came out of my mouth:
"this one's hard, and this one's wet--let's stick them together."
of course, i almost started giggling out loud at this.
I've always had a dirty mind--even back in the goody two shoes days.
and being married to a man with nary a clean spot in his mind has merely accelerated the problem/condition.
oh well.
i guess it's just who i am.
don't know where i was going with that, but it's been a shitty weekend so far and i'm ready to cook dinner.
so there.
one of them was complaining that his was too sticky, so i began an investigation.
and this is what came out of my mouth:
"this one's hard, and this one's wet--let's stick them together."
of course, i almost started giggling out loud at this.
I've always had a dirty mind--even back in the goody two shoes days.
and being married to a man with nary a clean spot in his mind has merely accelerated the problem/condition.
oh well.
i guess it's just who i am.
don't know where i was going with that, but it's been a shitty weekend so far and i'm ready to cook dinner.
so there.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Fantasy Friday
this is what came out, when i sat down...
*********Obsession*********
needing you
wanting you
your ghost swirls around me, kissing me touching me holding me
for that brief moment you are with me
i catch my breath
realizing you are behind my closed eyes
swallowing hard, i grope for that picture--lost
deep breath; focus
now i see your eyes, your smile, hear your words, feel your skin
my mouth waters
i bite my lip
where are you?
to touch you again...
to laugh with you, walk with you, to know you--finally.
all of you laid out before me, as naked as your body--
for me to scoop up and spill over me, like rose petals or warm laundry
to be so close to you that i'm a part of you
to be the one who said the right things, did the right things--to you, for you.
to be your angel your devil your first love--your last love
so beautiful
so perfect
...in my eyes
***************
not very erotic, so maybe i'll try again....
*****************
whispered promises
moans of pleasure
sweating
panting
grasping
two bodies like velcro
you slide your fingers into deep wet places
your kisses are like throwing gas on this fire
i leave trails of red skin down your back
needing you is all there is
*********
okay, one more for the road:
we've been playing this game for weeks--months?
telling everyone else we're only friends.
telling each other we're only friends.
and each of us, at night, alone...
dreaming, imagining...
you are there with me as i lay in the dark.
i touch myself where i wish you would touch me.
at work we play our roles, stealing glances.
i can't breathe sometimes for wanting you.
it's thanksgiving night, a light snow falls.
no one else can come, so we take our beer and head to the hotel.
each of us feeling awkward that no one else came, but secretly thrilled.
we drink, lying on the bed, not touching.
until finally i can stand it no longer and kiss you.
feeling you at last, after so much wanting is like taking off a corset--sweet relief.
we tear at each other's clothes, not speaking for fear of breaking the spell.
me, wondering briefly at the wisdom of embarking on such an adventure.
you, hoping against hope that i don't back out.
your hands know my body from your dreams, and touch me in all the right ways.
having your skin on mine is something i hadn't even included in my fantasies and yet it is almost the best part.
you slide down...
kissing my breasts, then going lower... lower.
you are surprisingly good at this--all of it.
your tongue so soft and sure brings me the first wave of ecstasy.
your shoulders so broad, your goatee so full--it's easy to forget you're in high school.
...easy to forget my own name with your body against mine.
your green eyes sparkle and i pull you into me.
my legs wrap around you, my hands in your hair.
and now there is nothing but the feeling, the sweet rise to climax.
we don't stop for air until the third round.
then you shower me with the confessions of your lust, your worshipping....
and i try to convey my own, but they are lost on you, in your state of awe, of bliss.
your words are enough for me, to quench my thirst for love--though rather like a beer quenches the thirst for water.
we dive back into each other, neither of us willing to let go for fear of this mirage vanishing, and usher in the dawn.
...but i leave that bed wanting you more than i did entering it.
*********
so there.
fuck you and have a nice day.
*********Obsession*********
needing you
wanting you
your ghost swirls around me, kissing me touching me holding me
for that brief moment you are with me
i catch my breath
realizing you are behind my closed eyes
swallowing hard, i grope for that picture--lost
deep breath; focus
now i see your eyes, your smile, hear your words, feel your skin
my mouth waters
i bite my lip
where are you?
to touch you again...
to laugh with you, walk with you, to know you--finally.
all of you laid out before me, as naked as your body--
for me to scoop up and spill over me, like rose petals or warm laundry
to be so close to you that i'm a part of you
to be the one who said the right things, did the right things--to you, for you.
to be your angel your devil your first love--your last love
so beautiful
so perfect
...in my eyes
***************
not very erotic, so maybe i'll try again....
*****************
whispered promises
moans of pleasure
sweating
panting
grasping
two bodies like velcro
you slide your fingers into deep wet places
your kisses are like throwing gas on this fire
i leave trails of red skin down your back
needing you is all there is
*********
okay, one more for the road:
we've been playing this game for weeks--months?
telling everyone else we're only friends.
telling each other we're only friends.
and each of us, at night, alone...
dreaming, imagining...
you are there with me as i lay in the dark.
i touch myself where i wish you would touch me.
at work we play our roles, stealing glances.
i can't breathe sometimes for wanting you.
it's thanksgiving night, a light snow falls.
no one else can come, so we take our beer and head to the hotel.
each of us feeling awkward that no one else came, but secretly thrilled.
we drink, lying on the bed, not touching.
until finally i can stand it no longer and kiss you.
feeling you at last, after so much wanting is like taking off a corset--sweet relief.
we tear at each other's clothes, not speaking for fear of breaking the spell.
me, wondering briefly at the wisdom of embarking on such an adventure.
you, hoping against hope that i don't back out.
your hands know my body from your dreams, and touch me in all the right ways.
having your skin on mine is something i hadn't even included in my fantasies and yet it is almost the best part.
you slide down...
kissing my breasts, then going lower... lower.
you are surprisingly good at this--all of it.
your tongue so soft and sure brings me the first wave of ecstasy.
your shoulders so broad, your goatee so full--it's easy to forget you're in high school.
...easy to forget my own name with your body against mine.
your green eyes sparkle and i pull you into me.
my legs wrap around you, my hands in your hair.
and now there is nothing but the feeling, the sweet rise to climax.
we don't stop for air until the third round.
then you shower me with the confessions of your lust, your worshipping....
and i try to convey my own, but they are lost on you, in your state of awe, of bliss.
your words are enough for me, to quench my thirst for love--though rather like a beer quenches the thirst for water.
we dive back into each other, neither of us willing to let go for fear of this mirage vanishing, and usher in the dawn.
...but i leave that bed wanting you more than i did entering it.
*********
so there.
fuck you and have a nice day.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
L is for the loud way you wake me each morning
O is for the odor emanating from your pants
V is for the vomit you left on the floor
E is for the energy you always have.
Kids.
gotta LOVE 'em.
so anyway....
what's new in your world today?
life is good, puke and all.
i can't think of a damn thing to say, even though the kids are tucked away upstairs on the other computer, playing their game.
i am smelling the smoke of a brush fire trickling in through an open upstairs window.
it's not fire season, so i wonder if it's a controlled burn.
whatever, i like it.
reminds me of camping...
funny thing is, i hate camping.
i love the idea of camping, but having no direct access to a shower nearly kills me, neurotically speaking of course.
the fires, the hiking, the tents--all good.
but the inability to be clean in the morning...
oddly it doesn't bother me to get dirty, dusty, sweaty and stay that way all day, it's just that morning=shower and there's no two ways about it.
and this, i imagine, is why i never succeeded in my attempts to be a hippie, back in the college-ish days.
oh well--i could never inhale properly anyway.
well...
if you weren't bored before you got here, it's safe to assume that you're either nodding off or near tears at this point.
let's see if i can't just step it up a notch...
i could tell you lies--dirty beautiful lies.
like...
the time i went to Mexico for the weekend with some girlfriends.
and it was amateur night at the strip club, halfway between our hotel and the beach.
we all made a pact to do it, but i went first and the others chickened out.
damn but i loved that pole.
or maybe i could tell you about the time i won a million dollars and blew it all on coke.
or the year i spent in Vienna singing opera.
or maybe i'll tell you about the top secret substance i invented which the government stole from me and uses to spy on its own citizens. (i was going to use it for making porn, but they're a bunch of prudes)
oh my god! that reminds me...
someone told me that there is a place in L.A. where you can pay $5000 and they will film you--
i think it was 3 cameras, all the lights, props, etc for 4 hours or something like that.
and no i'm not talking about that screenplay you've been working on.
i'm talking home porn taken to a new level.
that would be so much fun.
okay.
it would appear that playtime is over...
have a perfectly swell day.
V is for the vomit you left on the floor
E is for the energy you always have.
Kids.
gotta LOVE 'em.
so anyway....
what's new in your world today?
life is good, puke and all.
i can't think of a damn thing to say, even though the kids are tucked away upstairs on the other computer, playing their game.
i am smelling the smoke of a brush fire trickling in through an open upstairs window.
it's not fire season, so i wonder if it's a controlled burn.
whatever, i like it.
reminds me of camping...
funny thing is, i hate camping.
i love the idea of camping, but having no direct access to a shower nearly kills me, neurotically speaking of course.
the fires, the hiking, the tents--all good.
but the inability to be clean in the morning...
oddly it doesn't bother me to get dirty, dusty, sweaty and stay that way all day, it's just that morning=shower and there's no two ways about it.
and this, i imagine, is why i never succeeded in my attempts to be a hippie, back in the college-ish days.
oh well--i could never inhale properly anyway.
well...
if you weren't bored before you got here, it's safe to assume that you're either nodding off or near tears at this point.
let's see if i can't just step it up a notch...
i could tell you lies--dirty beautiful lies.
like...
the time i went to Mexico for the weekend with some girlfriends.
and it was amateur night at the strip club, halfway between our hotel and the beach.
we all made a pact to do it, but i went first and the others chickened out.
damn but i loved that pole.
or maybe i could tell you about the time i won a million dollars and blew it all on coke.
or the year i spent in Vienna singing opera.
or maybe i'll tell you about the top secret substance i invented which the government stole from me and uses to spy on its own citizens. (i was going to use it for making porn, but they're a bunch of prudes)
oh my god! that reminds me...
someone told me that there is a place in L.A. where you can pay $5000 and they will film you--
i think it was 3 cameras, all the lights, props, etc for 4 hours or something like that.
and no i'm not talking about that screenplay you've been working on.
i'm talking home porn taken to a new level.
that would be so much fun.
okay.
it would appear that playtime is over...
have a perfectly swell day.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
wednesday. it's wednesday.
well, super.
i still feel like sleeping, and i'm beginning to wonder if it's the weather.
or maybe it's just the winds of change blowing through an open window, settling the sandman's dust in my eyes.
in any case, i am fighting the good fight and staying veritical.
well, for the most part...
the other thing i feel like doing on this quiet afternoon also takes place while lying on a bed--or standing in a shower, driving in a car, etc.
no!
not that, you bunch of pervs.
jeez.
i was talking about singing.
just cuz i use a phalic microphone and it's no where near my mouth....
okay, fine.
i'm feeling frisky.
you got me, don't you feel smart now?
oh yeah, there's a new issue of Lick magazine out.
and i may or may not have submitted an article....
but you really ought to read them all, and if you're a woman--submit something.
i love that it's anonymous, but i'm always still half-way wanting to have my name on it.....
it's gorgeous.
read it.
and it would appear that Beef Jerky Good is back in action, although it seems there is a slight change in cast...more of a solo project by Mark, actually. but check it out.
sometimes i get really sick of myself--my whining, my rambling.
sometimes it feels like nothing ever changes, or even if it does, it'll never be enough.
sometimes i miss the way things used to be
but quickly remember that the good old days weren't all that good.
sometimes i want to do everything right, and say everything right so that other people will be happy.
mostly i want to shake them and somehow impress upon them the severity of their mis-prioritization.
sometimes i remember where i came from.
sometimes i remember where i AM.
mostly i just live--selfishly--from day to day and try not to rock the boat.
...or rock the boat just enough to know i'm alive, but not enough that anyone else will notice.
sometimes i kick myself for not finishing college.
sometimes i believe that i will grow old gracefully.
sometimes my skin crawls with the hope and passion and desire for life and adventure.
sometimes i remember that my BESTESTEST FRIEND will be here next week and we will drink from the cup of beautiful adventures--and i smile.
sometimes i want to run naked through the streets, sprout wings and fly over this valley of sleeping clones, sprinkling my own fairy dust of free thinking, self-indulgence.
sometimes i want to crawl back into my childhood and have my mom do all the hard stuff again.
sometimes i wish i could cry at a movie.
sometimes i am so content and fulfilled that i am smiling from my heart.
sometimes it is time to stop typing and go live.
it is hump day, as Timmy so kindly reminded me, so i bid you--go forth and hump!
i still feel like sleeping, and i'm beginning to wonder if it's the weather.
or maybe it's just the winds of change blowing through an open window, settling the sandman's dust in my eyes.
in any case, i am fighting the good fight and staying veritical.
well, for the most part...
the other thing i feel like doing on this quiet afternoon also takes place while lying on a bed--or standing in a shower, driving in a car, etc.
no!
not that, you bunch of pervs.
jeez.
i was talking about singing.
just cuz i use a phalic microphone and it's no where near my mouth....
okay, fine.
i'm feeling frisky.
you got me, don't you feel smart now?
oh yeah, there's a new issue of Lick magazine out.
and i may or may not have submitted an article....
but you really ought to read them all, and if you're a woman--submit something.
i love that it's anonymous, but i'm always still half-way wanting to have my name on it.....
it's gorgeous.
read it.
and it would appear that Beef Jerky Good is back in action, although it seems there is a slight change in cast...more of a solo project by Mark, actually. but check it out.
sometimes i get really sick of myself--my whining, my rambling.
sometimes it feels like nothing ever changes, or even if it does, it'll never be enough.
sometimes i miss the way things used to be
but quickly remember that the good old days weren't all that good.
sometimes i want to do everything right, and say everything right so that other people will be happy.
mostly i want to shake them and somehow impress upon them the severity of their mis-prioritization.
sometimes i remember where i came from.
sometimes i remember where i AM.
mostly i just live--selfishly--from day to day and try not to rock the boat.
...or rock the boat just enough to know i'm alive, but not enough that anyone else will notice.
sometimes i kick myself for not finishing college.
sometimes i believe that i will grow old gracefully.
sometimes my skin crawls with the hope and passion and desire for life and adventure.
sometimes i remember that my BESTESTEST FRIEND will be here next week and we will drink from the cup of beautiful adventures--and i smile.
sometimes i want to run naked through the streets, sprout wings and fly over this valley of sleeping clones, sprinkling my own fairy dust of free thinking, self-indulgence.
sometimes i want to crawl back into my childhood and have my mom do all the hard stuff again.
sometimes i wish i could cry at a movie.
sometimes i am so content and fulfilled that i am smiling from my heart.
sometimes it is time to stop typing and go live.
it is hump day, as Timmy so kindly reminded me, so i bid you--go forth and hump!
what the hell day is it?
feels like monday, or maybe thursday.
today i want to write something smashing, dashing, brilliant and wise.
i want to blow myself away, i want to blow you away.
i want to sink into that place in my head where i create faces and places.
i want to wave my wand and have 4 loads of laundry folded...
i want to ride a horse, a sleek shiny chestnut stallion--faster and faster, the wind in my ears drowning out the pounding of the hooves.
i want to be an indian princess, evading my pale faced would-be captors, turning to shoot arrows with such precision that i wouldn't even need to look to know i was safe.
and now the kids are up my ass again.
wow, at this pace, i could probably churn out a novel every decade or so.
fuck this.
it's almost naptime.
hallelujah praise the lord of the dance.
more later.
if i haven't slipped into a valium induced coma.
today i want to write something smashing, dashing, brilliant and wise.
i want to blow myself away, i want to blow you away.
i want to sink into that place in my head where i create faces and places.
i want to wave my wand and have 4 loads of laundry folded...
i want to ride a horse, a sleek shiny chestnut stallion--faster and faster, the wind in my ears drowning out the pounding of the hooves.
i want to be an indian princess, evading my pale faced would-be captors, turning to shoot arrows with such precision that i wouldn't even need to look to know i was safe.
and now the kids are up my ass again.
wow, at this pace, i could probably churn out a novel every decade or so.
fuck this.
it's almost naptime.
hallelujah praise the lord of the dance.
more later.
if i haven't slipped into a valium induced coma.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
what a day...
getting back in the groove after being away is always a bit of a hiccough for me.
and why in the bloody hell is that stupid word spelled like that??
or at least why do we pronounce it the way we do?
whatever.
so the gym felt great today.
and my little Mary Kay friend is sticking with it--maybe it wasn't just to make the sale, after all!
good for her, i say.
it's fun, too, cuz i get to show her how to do everything so i feel all smartsy pantsy.
woo.
and then i came home and fell asleep while putting the boys down for their nap.
pathetic.
so i accomplished absolutely nothing on the unpacking list.
oh well.
then i woke up and tried to do some housework...
but instead i had a great nap.
dreamed about this hot guy in canada.
felt very realistic.
it's good to be home, though.
always good.........
even as tempting as it was to just keep following the band....
maybe i'll be a groupie in my next life...
so now the thunder clouds are rolling in, over this gorgeously warm day.
we need the rain, and i love thunderstorms.
hoepfully there'll be lightening too.
i'll post tomorrow, i promise......
and why in the bloody hell is that stupid word spelled like that??
or at least why do we pronounce it the way we do?
whatever.
so the gym felt great today.
and my little Mary Kay friend is sticking with it--maybe it wasn't just to make the sale, after all!
good for her, i say.
it's fun, too, cuz i get to show her how to do everything so i feel all smartsy pantsy.
woo.
and then i came home and fell asleep while putting the boys down for their nap.
pathetic.
so i accomplished absolutely nothing on the unpacking list.
oh well.
then i woke up and tried to do some housework...
but instead i had a great nap.
dreamed about this hot guy in canada.
felt very realistic.
it's good to be home, though.
always good.........
even as tempting as it was to just keep following the band....
maybe i'll be a groupie in my next life...
so now the thunder clouds are rolling in, over this gorgeously warm day.
we need the rain, and i love thunderstorms.
hoepfully there'll be lightening too.
i'll post tomorrow, i promise......
Monday, March 22, 2004
there are Safeway supermarkets everywhere up here.
can't drive past one without pondering the age old question of just how one might extract an elephant from within...
yeah, yeah.
i just earned extra dork points.
and on saturday, in boise, we took exit 0 and i found myself trying to find a correlation between that and size 0.
perhaps if you take the exit, you will slip through a portal and be magically transformed into a size 0.
doesn't work that way apparently.
but i'm sure there's something there...
driving through these states...
i don't feel like i'm really here.
i'm just a line on a map.
propelled forward on a path, a trail--a train track, antiseptic, non interactive.
making no impression, leaving no mark.
not affecting the environment around me (okay, okay, minus the exhaust from my car...)
not a part of it, just a ribbon sliding through the pages of a book, fingers run through a bag of uncooked rice.
not unlike landing at an airport for a plane change--you can't say you visited that state, not really.
while driving, i read entries from Belle and Pisser, aloud to my husband.
it was reminiscent of days gone by, when people sat around doing embroidery and taking turns telling a story or making music.
tres old fashioned.
you know, me with my cell phone modem contraption, my laptop, and my AC adapter...
look at that river.
the brown water of spring churning along beside mel.
makes me wish i had a kayak strapped to my roof.
which is, surprsingly, even more fun than having a mattress strapped to one's back.
true story.
can't drive past one without pondering the age old question of just how one might extract an elephant from within...
yeah, yeah.
i just earned extra dork points.
and on saturday, in boise, we took exit 0 and i found myself trying to find a correlation between that and size 0.
perhaps if you take the exit, you will slip through a portal and be magically transformed into a size 0.
doesn't work that way apparently.
but i'm sure there's something there...
driving through these states...
i don't feel like i'm really here.
i'm just a line on a map.
propelled forward on a path, a trail--a train track, antiseptic, non interactive.
making no impression, leaving no mark.
not affecting the environment around me (okay, okay, minus the exhaust from my car...)
not a part of it, just a ribbon sliding through the pages of a book, fingers run through a bag of uncooked rice.
not unlike landing at an airport for a plane change--you can't say you visited that state, not really.
while driving, i read entries from Belle and Pisser, aloud to my husband.
it was reminiscent of days gone by, when people sat around doing embroidery and taking turns telling a story or making music.
tres old fashioned.
you know, me with my cell phone modem contraption, my laptop, and my AC adapter...
look at that river.
the brown water of spring churning along beside mel.
makes me wish i had a kayak strapped to my roof.
which is, surprsingly, even more fun than having a mattress strapped to one's back.
true story.
manic mondays are for sissies
metallica and godsmack concerts?
not for sissies.
well, okay, sissies are not actually prohibited from entering--
but they're generally escorted to the balcony seats and given earplugs and a glass of warm milk.
okay, or sometimes they stand next to me at the rail and show no emotion whatsoever.
and then there was the guy on the other side of me with a missing finger on one hand a big nasty oozing wart on the other.
not to mention his porn star/hick moustache.
i could tell he was highly uncomfortable in his own skin and i felt bad for him--
even composed a conversation, asking him about the finger, picturing a casual smile on my face and how i would put him at ease, then sensing his hesitation/discomfort, i would remark, in my wisdom and kindness, "our culture is way too fixated on perfection."
it would have been a tender moment, and changed his outlook on life, possibly saving him years of misery.
but i was too shy.
so the boys were all in top form last night, high energy.
godsmack dude (don't know his name, but i'd be glad to have his baby) took his shirt off and that was a special treat.
made me want to take mine off.
daaaamn.
oh, and my newest crush is Kirk Hammet, and his hair.
two separate crushes, actually.
damn i love that hair.
funny how his body seems hairless when his head his such beautiful locks.
also, i think it's important to note that i'm already beginning to exhibit signs of withdrawal.
it's a heady addiction, this life of a groupie.
i called my friend during the show so she could hear it, even though she probably couldn't hear a damn thing.
but i tried.
and that counts for something, these days.
a little something...
yadda yadda yadda.
coolest thing ever:
Cameron's father saved us a place in line cuz heh got there first.
almost used our extra ticket, too.
in his suit.
and cameron's brother had his "meet and greet" pass for last night's show.
he said it was very cool, very laid back, and he got to talk to each band member for a few minutes, and Kirk and James both recognized him from the previous shows and he had them sign two blank cd's that he's going to burn metallica onto. and, not surprisingly, all of the other fans were semi-coherant slobbering fools.
one guy even said, "you're the shit, man." to James hetfield whot had the funniest look on his face.
what an odd situation that is.
they must appreciate the adoration, but how can they not be disgusted with people like that?
so i'm sure D. made his typically good impression on them.
i'm so jealous i could pee.
well, actually i'm driving again so of course i have to pee.
i just can't seem to stop drinking bottle after bottle of water.
anyway.
we had a great time.
the whole weekend has been alternately relaxing and invigorating.
good food, without cheating on the FATkins diet (i may have stolen that from Kevynn Malone, but it's also possible that he's not the only one to call it that...)
Spokane is a strange city.
We were only there for about 16 hours, so it's hard to make an accurate assessment...
but it sure seemed like there were a lot of slums and run down nasty sections.
there were also some beautiful old buildings but we didn't see much that was nice.
weird.
oooh.
i had the sexiest dream last night!
damn.
i think i'll keep the details to myself, but it was extremely hot.
okay.
back to the regularly scheduled program...
the music.
it just seemed to be inside me, not just stopping at the eardrums and vibrating.
sinking into the deepest tissue of my muscles, sliding around my bones.
animating me from the outside.
looking around at all the other faces, wondering who is stoned senseless, who is flying, who is tripping, who is pissed drunk--and mostly wondering why.
why rob yourself of the experience you intended to have?
sign # 412 that Lisa is too fucking old for this shiiiiiiiit.
oh yeah!
Godsmack--2nd or 3rd song in, lead singer dude gets all pissed at the crowd in the seated section.
"get the fuck off your asses! you are not at home with a remote in your hand, you are not playing video games! get the fuck up and rock!"
so most of the people stood, but there were a few stragglers, so he turned his sexy fury on them.
"if you're still sitting you are either too drunk to stand or too old to be here, either way it's time to stand up!!"
so they did.
you don't mess with that guy.
even if he is my size.
that voice is bigger than The Rock.
...of course that could just be the 'roids on the part of the rock, but that's another story.
saw the coolest big rig yesterday.
it had a hand lettered sign taped to the back declaring: REAL WOMEN FLASH TRUCKERS
i almost did it.
it was like a dare--a challenge.
oh yeah?
well fuck you, cuz i am a real woman!
see?
yeah, if it wasn't for that pesky shoulder strap of the seatbelt...
that guy would've gotten an eye full of Lisa tit.
helucked missed out.
oh, by the way.
i think my kids have
somehow acquired their dialect psychicly (that doesn't look like a real word, but whatev.)
i know it sounds crazy, but just wait, i'll explain.
they have a maine accent sometimes, and use french pronunciation at times, as well.
like "toilet" they pronounce "twoilet".
um, nevermind.
it's not french.
god damn i'm getting dumber every day.
possibly every hour.
but i can't really be expected to take full responsibility for my words cuz my bladder is full.
i mean reallly damn full.
dammit, i just dropped my internet connection.
i'll switch to notepad so i can finish up and post it later.
in case you're wondering.
oh yeah, i also have a bunch of great pictures that will be coming soon--including but not limited to: my brother in law with each of the members of metallica.
okay.
i'm back in a sprint area.
here you go....
have a marvelous day.
or at least don't be a bitch.
not for sissies.
well, okay, sissies are not actually prohibited from entering--
but they're generally escorted to the balcony seats and given earplugs and a glass of warm milk.
okay, or sometimes they stand next to me at the rail and show no emotion whatsoever.
and then there was the guy on the other side of me with a missing finger on one hand a big nasty oozing wart on the other.
not to mention his porn star/hick moustache.
i could tell he was highly uncomfortable in his own skin and i felt bad for him--
even composed a conversation, asking him about the finger, picturing a casual smile on my face and how i would put him at ease, then sensing his hesitation/discomfort, i would remark, in my wisdom and kindness, "our culture is way too fixated on perfection."
it would have been a tender moment, and changed his outlook on life, possibly saving him years of misery.
but i was too shy.
so the boys were all in top form last night, high energy.
godsmack dude (don't know his name, but i'd be glad to have his baby) took his shirt off and that was a special treat.
made me want to take mine off.
daaaamn.
oh, and my newest crush is Kirk Hammet, and his hair.
two separate crushes, actually.
damn i love that hair.
funny how his body seems hairless when his head his such beautiful locks.
also, i think it's important to note that i'm already beginning to exhibit signs of withdrawal.
it's a heady addiction, this life of a groupie.
i called my friend during the show so she could hear it, even though she probably couldn't hear a damn thing.
but i tried.
and that counts for something, these days.
a little something...
yadda yadda yadda.
coolest thing ever:
Cameron's father saved us a place in line cuz heh got there first.
almost used our extra ticket, too.
in his suit.
and cameron's brother had his "meet and greet" pass for last night's show.
he said it was very cool, very laid back, and he got to talk to each band member for a few minutes, and Kirk and James both recognized him from the previous shows and he had them sign two blank cd's that he's going to burn metallica onto. and, not surprisingly, all of the other fans were semi-coherant slobbering fools.
one guy even said, "you're the shit, man." to James hetfield whot had the funniest look on his face.
what an odd situation that is.
they must appreciate the adoration, but how can they not be disgusted with people like that?
so i'm sure D. made his typically good impression on them.
i'm so jealous i could pee.
well, actually i'm driving again so of course i have to pee.
i just can't seem to stop drinking bottle after bottle of water.
anyway.
we had a great time.
the whole weekend has been alternately relaxing and invigorating.
good food, without cheating on the FATkins diet (i may have stolen that from Kevynn Malone, but it's also possible that he's not the only one to call it that...)
Spokane is a strange city.
We were only there for about 16 hours, so it's hard to make an accurate assessment...
but it sure seemed like there were a lot of slums and run down nasty sections.
there were also some beautiful old buildings but we didn't see much that was nice.
weird.
oooh.
i had the sexiest dream last night!
damn.
i think i'll keep the details to myself, but it was extremely hot.
okay.
back to the regularly scheduled program...
the music.
it just seemed to be inside me, not just stopping at the eardrums and vibrating.
sinking into the deepest tissue of my muscles, sliding around my bones.
animating me from the outside.
looking around at all the other faces, wondering who is stoned senseless, who is flying, who is tripping, who is pissed drunk--and mostly wondering why.
why rob yourself of the experience you intended to have?
sign # 412 that Lisa is too fucking old for this shiiiiiiiit.
oh yeah!
Godsmack--2nd or 3rd song in, lead singer dude gets all pissed at the crowd in the seated section.
"get the fuck off your asses! you are not at home with a remote in your hand, you are not playing video games! get the fuck up and rock!"
so most of the people stood, but there were a few stragglers, so he turned his sexy fury on them.
"if you're still sitting you are either too drunk to stand or too old to be here, either way it's time to stand up!!"
so they did.
you don't mess with that guy.
even if he is my size.
that voice is bigger than The Rock.
...of course that could just be the 'roids on the part of the rock, but that's another story.
saw the coolest big rig yesterday.
it had a hand lettered sign taped to the back declaring: REAL WOMEN FLASH TRUCKERS
i almost did it.
it was like a dare--a challenge.
oh yeah?
well fuck you, cuz i am a real woman!
see?
yeah, if it wasn't for that pesky shoulder strap of the seatbelt...
that guy would've gotten an eye full of Lisa tit.
he
oh, by the way.
i think my kids have
somehow acquired their dialect psychicly (that doesn't look like a real word, but whatev.)
i know it sounds crazy, but just wait, i'll explain.
they have a maine accent sometimes, and use french pronunciation at times, as well.
like "toilet" they pronounce "twoilet".
um, nevermind.
it's not french.
god damn i'm getting dumber every day.
possibly every hour.
but i can't really be expected to take full responsibility for my words cuz my bladder is full.
i mean reallly damn full.
dammit, i just dropped my internet connection.
i'll switch to notepad so i can finish up and post it later.
in case you're wondering.
oh yeah, i also have a bunch of great pictures that will be coming soon--including but not limited to: my brother in law with each of the members of metallica.
okay.
i'm back in a sprint area.
here you go....
have a marvelous day.
or at least don't be a bitch.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Ramblings while driving Friday night...
(lost my connection while writing so i had to save it and work off line... but here's what i wrote)
Once again I’m driving and surfing the web…
This is such an addiction .
I wonder if it’s warm outside.
I am boring.
The sky is a beautiful jumble of pinks and blues, clouds and mountains.
I forget how much I love clouds when I’m in utah…
So dry, there aren’t often clouds.
I guess I’m still in utah?
Don’t know.
Might be in Idaho.
In any case, there is more humidity here, I can feel it.
Cattle grazing.
In my part of utah the sky is always blue, there aren’t often clouds like this.
Or maybe I just don’t notice.
We’re driving across a small plain, between two sets of low mountains.
There is nothing for miles and miels, then there is a small cluster of homes.
The exit states, simply, “Juniper Road”, no town name cited.
Silos.
Big fat, pointy topped silos.
Irrigation systems, like preying mantis armies, all in a row.
This is closer to solitude than I’ve been in a long time.
I feel a yearning to sit in that small house with this laptop and write the great American piece of shit.
Up through the hills.
Sky still pink and now a darker shade of blue, gray.
The pink is deeper.
If only I could paint this onto a water color, I could save a thousand words.
How to survive a ranchers life, a farmer’s life?
The long hours the delicate balance of nature, pouring your every breath, every calorie into producing something which will be sold to provide your income—after paying for new livestock, equipment repairs, seed, feed, etc, etc, etc...
what a whiney ass lazy spoiled little girl i am.
*************
Sunday 1pm
we had a wonderful relaxing day in Boise--not a bad little city.
low cost of living, still room to buy a decent amount of land and not be far from the city.
did a little shopping...
got some new gym shoes--30 bucks for a pair of 75$ shoes, always a thrill.
and some new bras, hallelujah! (and no, i won't be modelling them for you)
um...what else did i buy?
guess that's it.
so...
we got in line for the show, a little later than we had hoped, but ended up getting the perfect spot inside.
perfect.
cuz we knew something no one else knew.
we knew that Godsmack would start the show 'facing' one direction, but Metallica would start on the other side.
AND we knew that there really was no front, we knew the inside pooper scooper.
so, while everyone else piled up 3 and 4 rows deep at what appeared to be the front of the stage, we sauntered over to the "back" and got 4 comfortable positions on the rail.
and they rocked OUR fucking socks off.
literally--I could swear i wore socks in, but when i got home and took off my boots i had no socks.
fuckin weird.
which reminds me--i will be wearing sneakers tonight.
why did i forget to do that last night???
vanity, i suppose.
although sneaks would've looked just as good with what i wore last night.
whatever.
so we had a couple of minor incidents with dumb girls trying to push their way into our space, but we basiclaly prevailed.
lame.
we all caught guitar picks and Cameron caught a drumstick.
souvenirs.
silliness, really.
and they were really on last night.
vegas they were off, not just me.
or the crowd was just better, or something.
anyway, whatever.
cuz it blew me away.
one of the cute things James does (and yes, i'm sure that's some sort of an oxymoron) is says, "give me an 'm', give me an 'e', give me a 't' give me an 'a'--give me fuel give me fire give me that which i desire!" and segues into that song.
fucking love that song.
another of his little phrases is "i have two and a half words for you--kill em all"
and i have a really sparkly feeling in the pit of my stomach (which i always want to spell stomache) that i'm going to get to meet them tonight.
my brother in law has the "meet and greet" pass for tonight, which means he's definitely meeting them (not sure if the greet part is mandatory...)
but knowing him, and his smoother operator ways...i don't know.
big things have been known to happen when that man is involved.
he has a way of making people do things, making people want to do things for him.
it's fucking cool.
i'm listening to a cd we downloaded (and paid for, amazingly) from the Las Vegas show.
kind of cool.
*************
driving through Oregon was cool.
um, there were a zillion trees, then they just stopped, on the other side of the mountain.
like flipping a switch.
and i have to pee like a, like a...well, fuck.
i have to pee like a woman who's been drinking water all day and is stuck in a car.
well, kind of.
i know i'm sort of reaching with that analogy, but work with me here.
and look at that--we're at a gas station.
what the hell am i doing finishing this post?
get me to the god damn bathroom!!!!!!!!!
later--and believe me there will be more....
Once again I’m driving and surfing the web…
This is such an addiction .
I wonder if it’s warm outside.
I am boring.
The sky is a beautiful jumble of pinks and blues, clouds and mountains.
I forget how much I love clouds when I’m in utah…
So dry, there aren’t often clouds.
I guess I’m still in utah?
Don’t know.
Might be in Idaho.
In any case, there is more humidity here, I can feel it.
Cattle grazing.
In my part of utah the sky is always blue, there aren’t often clouds like this.
Or maybe I just don’t notice.
We’re driving across a small plain, between two sets of low mountains.
There is nothing for miles and miels, then there is a small cluster of homes.
The exit states, simply, “Juniper Road”, no town name cited.
Silos.
Big fat, pointy topped silos.
Irrigation systems, like preying mantis armies, all in a row.
This is closer to solitude than I’ve been in a long time.
I feel a yearning to sit in that small house with this laptop and write the great American piece of shit.
Up through the hills.
Sky still pink and now a darker shade of blue, gray.
The pink is deeper.
If only I could paint this onto a water color, I could save a thousand words.
How to survive a ranchers life, a farmer’s life?
The long hours the delicate balance of nature, pouring your every breath, every calorie into producing something which will be sold to provide your income—after paying for new livestock, equipment repairs, seed, feed, etc, etc, etc...
what a whiney ass lazy spoiled little girl i am.
*************
Sunday 1pm
we had a wonderful relaxing day in Boise--not a bad little city.
low cost of living, still room to buy a decent amount of land and not be far from the city.
did a little shopping...
got some new gym shoes--30 bucks for a pair of 75$ shoes, always a thrill.
and some new bras, hallelujah! (and no, i won't be modelling them for you)
um...what else did i buy?
guess that's it.
so...
we got in line for the show, a little later than we had hoped, but ended up getting the perfect spot inside.
perfect.
cuz we knew something no one else knew.
we knew that Godsmack would start the show 'facing' one direction, but Metallica would start on the other side.
AND we knew that there really was no front, we knew the inside pooper scooper.
so, while everyone else piled up 3 and 4 rows deep at what appeared to be the front of the stage, we sauntered over to the "back" and got 4 comfortable positions on the rail.
and they rocked OUR fucking socks off.
literally--I could swear i wore socks in, but when i got home and took off my boots i had no socks.
fuckin weird.
which reminds me--i will be wearing sneakers tonight.
why did i forget to do that last night???
vanity, i suppose.
although sneaks would've looked just as good with what i wore last night.
whatever.
so we had a couple of minor incidents with dumb girls trying to push their way into our space, but we basiclaly prevailed.
lame.
we all caught guitar picks and Cameron caught a drumstick.
souvenirs.
silliness, really.
and they were really on last night.
vegas they were off, not just me.
or the crowd was just better, or something.
anyway, whatever.
cuz it blew me away.
one of the cute things James does (and yes, i'm sure that's some sort of an oxymoron) is says, "give me an 'm', give me an 'e', give me a 't' give me an 'a'--give me fuel give me fire give me that which i desire!" and segues into that song.
fucking love that song.
another of his little phrases is "i have two and a half words for you--kill em all"
and i have a really sparkly feeling in the pit of my stomach (which i always want to spell stomache) that i'm going to get to meet them tonight.
my brother in law has the "meet and greet" pass for tonight, which means he's definitely meeting them (not sure if the greet part is mandatory...)
but knowing him, and his smoother operator ways...i don't know.
big things have been known to happen when that man is involved.
he has a way of making people do things, making people want to do things for him.
it's fucking cool.
i'm listening to a cd we downloaded (and paid for, amazingly) from the Las Vegas show.
kind of cool.
*************
driving through Oregon was cool.
um, there were a zillion trees, then they just stopped, on the other side of the mountain.
like flipping a switch.
and i have to pee like a, like a...well, fuck.
i have to pee like a woman who's been drinking water all day and is stuck in a car.
well, kind of.
i know i'm sort of reaching with that analogy, but work with me here.
and look at that--we're at a gas station.
what the hell am i doing finishing this post?
get me to the god damn bathroom!!!!!!!!!
later--and believe me there will be more....
Friday, March 19, 2004
just a quickie
heading north, still.
i am not over my amazement at the ability to be connected to the internet while driving.
fuckin' A.
so here's my favorite lil jokey thing, and if you've seen it before, sucks to be you.
read it out loud:
I AM SOFA KING WEE TODD DID
and when you figure it out, i'm confident that you'll agree that I am just that.
when it comes to be a soothing light at the end of your tunnel
it's just a freight train heading your waaaaaay
little No Leaf Clover from my boys, Metallica.
I'm just shy of 24 hours from the second of three shows.
yeah.
and maybe this time i'll feel it.
i think last time i was wearing too much makeup and too little alcohol.
not so much the wearing on the part of the alocohol, but you know what i fucking mean.
feeling the need to use the fuck word a bit more than usual today.
(don't s-a-y the fuck word, as Becky always says...pst, Hi Becks)
uh.
where was i?
well...somewhere between Twin Falls and Boise Idaho....
har.
oh yeah.
i might drink this time.
i'm sort of off alcohol these past few weeks...don't know.
ooooh, yeah, and i don't have a rascally sunburn this time either--that'll help.
AND we're driving tonight so i'll have all of tomorrow to, er, well, at the risk of sounding like that crotchety old lady we all know me to be....i'll have all of tomorrow to REST UP.
god.
that's just fucking pathetic.
that poses an interesting question...
if you're too tired after driving 6 hours, with a sunburn to either A. enjoy the show fully or B. drink ....
are you too damn old to be attempting such ventures???
throw me a frickin' bone, people.
i mean come on!!
i'm not even 29 yet (ironically enough, i hit the 0 first...20, huh? wow i was sure young and fucked in the head....)
i will rock Boise's socks off tomorrow night.
and those Metallica old farts will get tired just watching me.!
damn straight.
i am not over my amazement at the ability to be connected to the internet while driving.
fuckin' A.
so here's my favorite lil jokey thing, and if you've seen it before, sucks to be you.
read it out loud:
I AM SOFA KING WEE TODD DID
and when you figure it out, i'm confident that you'll agree that I am just that.
when it comes to be a soothing light at the end of your tunnel
it's just a freight train heading your waaaaaay
little No Leaf Clover from my boys, Metallica.
I'm just shy of 24 hours from the second of three shows.
yeah.
and maybe this time i'll feel it.
i think last time i was wearing too much makeup and too little alcohol.
not so much the wearing on the part of the alocohol, but you know what i fucking mean.
feeling the need to use the fuck word a bit more than usual today.
(don't s-a-y the fuck word, as Becky always says...pst, Hi Becks)
uh.
where was i?
well...somewhere between Twin Falls and Boise Idaho....
har.
oh yeah.
i might drink this time.
i'm sort of off alcohol these past few weeks...don't know.
ooooh, yeah, and i don't have a rascally sunburn this time either--that'll help.
AND we're driving tonight so i'll have all of tomorrow to, er, well, at the risk of sounding like that crotchety old lady we all know me to be....i'll have all of tomorrow to REST UP.
god.
that's just fucking pathetic.
that poses an interesting question...
if you're too tired after driving 6 hours, with a sunburn to either A. enjoy the show fully or B. drink ....
are you too damn old to be attempting such ventures???
throw me a frickin' bone, people.
i mean come on!!
i'm not even 29 yet (ironically enough, i hit the 0 first...20, huh? wow i was sure young and fucked in the head....)
i will rock Boise's socks off tomorrow night.
and those Metallica old farts will get tired just watching me.!
damn straight.
Fantasy Friday
********Blue Collar Caller (as opposed to Gentleman Caller...hee hee)************
Without a word, you step through the door.
I don't even know your name, just your face and the roar of your Harley.
my pulse quickens, like a cliche.
i step back, you close the door.
you remove your sunglasses, and my stomach leaps to my throat as our eyes meet.
this is it, i think.
you step closer, removing my shirt in one fluid motion.
before the shock can register, i'm against the wall, with you in my eyes, nose and mouth.
i have always known it would be like this, as i watched you from my kitchen window.
working on your bike, smoking.
nothing else exists.
i tear at your belt, finally getting to what's inside and revelling in that first touch
--the soft dry skin against my hands, i begin with a light massage.
you smile down at me, almost a sneer, showing your approval.
you thought i might resist.
apparently you never saw me watching.
you with your tattoos and earrings, your bike, your blue collar quietness.
you had not failed to notice my bikini-gardening...
i want to push you down, slide on top.
you are in control, and it makes me squirm, adding to the pleasure.
your hands rough from building houses feel like warm sand paper against my skin, and i don't want you to ever stop touching me.
as your shirt comes off, i bite your neck, you grab my hair and pull my head back, biting back, licking...
i've already started moaning and you're not even inside...
you kiss me on the mouth, for the first time--hard.
i continue my massage, just so, thumb on the vein, rotating my wrist.
you brace yourself, hands on the wall on either side of me and let it rock you.
i stop abruptly and stand still.
the gleam in your eye is mixed with anger and pleasure.
you easily encirle both my wrists and pin them above my head, as you slide inside.
finally, an end to the torment of wanting.
and the beginning of the sweetest torment of all...
you release my hands and kiss me softly, as if to reassure me that the tough guy act is just an act.
i bite your lip, and sink my nails into your back.
you kiss me again and i can't take anymore...
i push you onto the table and pin your arms, with a defiant half-smile.
i'm almost there...so close...
you break free of my loose grip and spank me, just right, sending me over the edge.
we tumble to the floor in exhaustion, and you say drily, "wanna catch dinner sometime?"
Without a word, you step through the door.
I don't even know your name, just your face and the roar of your Harley.
my pulse quickens, like a cliche.
i step back, you close the door.
you remove your sunglasses, and my stomach leaps to my throat as our eyes meet.
this is it, i think.
you step closer, removing my shirt in one fluid motion.
before the shock can register, i'm against the wall, with you in my eyes, nose and mouth.
i have always known it would be like this, as i watched you from my kitchen window.
working on your bike, smoking.
nothing else exists.
i tear at your belt, finally getting to what's inside and revelling in that first touch
--the soft dry skin against my hands, i begin with a light massage.
you smile down at me, almost a sneer, showing your approval.
you thought i might resist.
apparently you never saw me watching.
you with your tattoos and earrings, your bike, your blue collar quietness.
you had not failed to notice my bikini-gardening...
i want to push you down, slide on top.
you are in control, and it makes me squirm, adding to the pleasure.
your hands rough from building houses feel like warm sand paper against my skin, and i don't want you to ever stop touching me.
as your shirt comes off, i bite your neck, you grab my hair and pull my head back, biting back, licking...
i've already started moaning and you're not even inside...
you kiss me on the mouth, for the first time--hard.
i continue my massage, just so, thumb on the vein, rotating my wrist.
you brace yourself, hands on the wall on either side of me and let it rock you.
i stop abruptly and stand still.
the gleam in your eye is mixed with anger and pleasure.
you easily encirle both my wrists and pin them above my head, as you slide inside.
finally, an end to the torment of wanting.
and the beginning of the sweetest torment of all...
you release my hands and kiss me softly, as if to reassure me that the tough guy act is just an act.
i bite your lip, and sink my nails into your back.
you kiss me again and i can't take anymore...
i push you onto the table and pin your arms, with a defiant half-smile.
i'm almost there...so close...
you break free of my loose grip and spank me, just right, sending me over the edge.
we tumble to the floor in exhaustion, and you say drily, "wanna catch dinner sometime?"
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Footnote to the multi-tasking issue...
I'm so bothered by my loss of ability that today i attempted to win back the title of Supreme Multi-Tasker.
that went well.
I was:
1. cooking dinner,
2. on the phone with my Mom,
3. finding/scheduling/buying her a plane ticket to come visit,
4. and oh yeah, there's them pesky kids....(throwing tupperware lids around like frisbees...)
No problem.
I'm aaaallll over it.
riiiiiight.
so as i click "buy this fare" I happen to notice that i've conveniently selected dates and times for travel FROM salt lake TO maine.
um.
fuck.
so i start over, but it turns out well because we ended up getting her the dates she wanted.
so we had a good laugh...
and then when i was about to enter the credit card info, i noticed that the ticket was in MY name.
my info was saved under a profile and it filled in automatically...
but still.
so it wouldn't let me change the fucking name "at this point in the reservation" so i had to start the fuck over.
fuck.
well, so much for winning back that title, eh?
oh well.
at least i talked to the neighbor today--she's selling her Harley...
would love to sell it to us...
how many bj's would that cost me?
hubby's not too keen on the bike thing, but he could be persuaded...
we'll see.
time to go pack, etc.
hopefully i'll get a fantasy friday posted before i go...
if not, please forgive me, and instead of reading one, imagine one...
(yes, weak, i know...)
that went well.
I was:
1. cooking dinner,
2. on the phone with my Mom,
3. finding/scheduling/buying her a plane ticket to come visit,
4. and oh yeah, there's them pesky kids....(throwing tupperware lids around like frisbees...)
No problem.
I'm aaaallll over it.
riiiiiight.
so as i click "buy this fare" I happen to notice that i've conveniently selected dates and times for travel FROM salt lake TO maine.
um.
fuck.
so i start over, but it turns out well because we ended up getting her the dates she wanted.
so we had a good laugh...
and then when i was about to enter the credit card info, i noticed that the ticket was in MY name.
my info was saved under a profile and it filled in automatically...
but still.
so it wouldn't let me change the fucking name "at this point in the reservation" so i had to start the fuck over.
fuck.
well, so much for winning back that title, eh?
oh well.
at least i talked to the neighbor today--she's selling her Harley...
would love to sell it to us...
how many bj's would that cost me?
hubby's not too keen on the bike thing, but he could be persuaded...
we'll see.
time to go pack, etc.
hopefully i'll get a fantasy friday posted before i go...
if not, please forgive me, and instead of reading one, imagine one...
(yes, weak, i know...)
i'm beginning to worrry that i've lived in utah too long
the most disturbing thing came to my attention the other day while driving...
i am shocked and appalled.
i no longer use my turn signals.
i don't think i can even look at myself right now, i'm so utterly aghast.
it seems i have become one with the people around me, just as i feared.
i'm going to the tanning beds, too.
what next?
dear lord don't let me get acrylic nails.
please!
for the love of all things individual and unique!!!
keep me from dying my hair blonde, wearing it straight and shopping exclusively at Dillard's.
i hereby vow to start using my turn signals again--over using if i must--to atone for my sins.
i used to use them without even thinking.
it was part of the process, if i was going to head in a new direction, i felt it couldn't even be accomplished if i didn't flick that little wand up or down.
I remember getting teased for using them in a deserted cemetery in the middle of the night.
Compulsion.
A part of driving.
Anyway, whatever.
It is yet another fucking gorgeous day.
I should have taken the boys for a hike, but now it's too late.
There will be plenty more days for that, so I'm not worried.
And I've realized I am afforded a really great amount of freedom which I tend to overlook.
And that is: most people over the age of 12 are at school or work on days like this.
Beautiful, clearest of bluest of skies, warm soft air, fresh new growth sprouting everywhere?
Not I.
I get to do whatever I want.
--provided I can coerce les deux petits enfants into being good enough to make it work...
And the good news is, I get to leave this state again, tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaaaaah.
Of course, Idaho ain't much better.
But I won't focus on that.
I'll just keep chanting, "I'm not in utah, I'm not in utah.?"
Until my husband pushes me out of the speeding car or I put myself to sleep...
Actually I've heard Boise is a pretty nice little city, and then it's on to Spokane on Sunday.
My husband's father lives there, so we'll have dinner with him.
Erg.
He deserted his SIX sons and his wife 20 years ago.
And only resurfaced when they were all grown up, getting married, etc.
Complete shit bag.
But whatever.
it must be done.
i actually like the guy, minus his history--you know?
that makes my skin crawl.
anyway, enough of that.
lots to do today, getting packed, getting the kids packed, etc.
it'll be nice to not go anywhere for a while, when we get back.
oh, and check out the gorgeous little story that was left, anonymously, in the comment box this morning...
this guy is great.
i am shocked and appalled.
i no longer use my turn signals.
i don't think i can even look at myself right now, i'm so utterly aghast.
it seems i have become one with the people around me, just as i feared.
i'm going to the tanning beds, too.
what next?
dear lord don't let me get acrylic nails.
please!
for the love of all things individual and unique!!!
keep me from dying my hair blonde, wearing it straight and shopping exclusively at Dillard's.
i hereby vow to start using my turn signals again--over using if i must--to atone for my sins.
i used to use them without even thinking.
it was part of the process, if i was going to head in a new direction, i felt it couldn't even be accomplished if i didn't flick that little wand up or down.
I remember getting teased for using them in a deserted cemetery in the middle of the night.
Compulsion.
A part of driving.
Anyway, whatever.
It is yet another fucking gorgeous day.
I should have taken the boys for a hike, but now it's too late.
There will be plenty more days for that, so I'm not worried.
And I've realized I am afforded a really great amount of freedom which I tend to overlook.
And that is: most people over the age of 12 are at school or work on days like this.
Beautiful, clearest of bluest of skies, warm soft air, fresh new growth sprouting everywhere?
Not I.
I get to do whatever I want.
--provided I can coerce les deux petits enfants into being good enough to make it work...
And the good news is, I get to leave this state again, tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaaaaah.
Of course, Idaho ain't much better.
But I won't focus on that.
I'll just keep chanting, "I'm not in utah, I'm not in utah.?"
Until my husband pushes me out of the speeding car or I put myself to sleep...
Actually I've heard Boise is a pretty nice little city, and then it's on to Spokane on Sunday.
My husband's father lives there, so we'll have dinner with him.
Erg.
He deserted his SIX sons and his wife 20 years ago.
And only resurfaced when they were all grown up, getting married, etc.
Complete shit bag.
But whatever.
it must be done.
i actually like the guy, minus his history--you know?
that makes my skin crawl.
anyway, enough of that.
lots to do today, getting packed, getting the kids packed, etc.
it'll be nice to not go anywhere for a while, when we get back.
oh, and check out the gorgeous little story that was left, anonymously, in the comment box this morning...
this guy is great.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
I'm trying not to....But I think I have to say....
Top o' the mornin' to ya!
I fought it, I really did.
but since I'm half Irish/half nerd...
well, it was inevitable.
I used to love St. Patrick's Day...
but now?
there is little or no difference between it and any other day.
I guess I better find something green to wear to the gym...
I don't have any green gym clothes.
I do have a green thong, but I believe I've already discussed the pros and cons of wearing one of those to work out.
oh.
duh.
my nose ring.
stupid thing is green.
why I didn't stick to my guns and get a clear one is beyond me.
oh what am I bitching about?
I like it just the way it is. sniff. Don't ever change, man!
I had a kooky "Dennis Miller is in my zoology class" dream last night...
yeah.
I think I would actually take a zoology class if Dennis Miller was in it.
Hell, I would sign up for Fear Factor: the snake edition if Dennis Miller was the host.
(pst--can you see I'm trying to make myself use the shift key?)
I love that man.
in every possible definition of love.
he is god.
okay that's enough of that I guess.
it's a beautiful world.
time to plant some flowers.
only the city isn't turning on our outside water until April 15th.
fuckers.
don't they know we need to water now??
we aerated and fertilized, but there's no water.
oh well.
it's still a beautiful world.
it would be a little more beautiful if I had some eggs in the fridge.
guess i could go lick the floor in the boys' room.
It occurred to me the other day, that I have truly lost my ability to mutli-task.
There was once a time when I could read a book, watch a tv show, and follow a conversation all at the same time.
Or talk on the phone to my Mom for an hour, while baking a new and glorious dessert, without skipping a beat.
Now?
I cannot even talk and take a piss at the same time.
i'm not kidding.
i can barely walk and chew gum.
okay, okay, i can do that.
and i'm still better at multi tasking than my husband.
but it really worries me that i can't pee if i'm talking--what kind of weird malfunction is THAT??
I wish i was going to a small pub in Boston to drink green beer.
but i'm not.
i'm sitting home alone while my husband goes to salt lake to do something with his 7 year old.
which is good.
hell, maybe i'll even get some writing done.
and i do have some beer, and some green food coloring.
so maybe i'll dress in green, drink my beer and do the irish jig.
don't you wish i had a webcam? =)
have a happy green filled day, everyone.
and no irish jokes, or i'll kick your ass.
(okay, probably i would just laugh)
I fought it, I really did.
but since I'm half Irish/half nerd...
well, it was inevitable.
I used to love St. Patrick's Day...
but now?
there is little or no difference between it and any other day.
I guess I better find something green to wear to the gym...
I don't have any green gym clothes.
I do have a green thong, but I believe I've already discussed the pros and cons of wearing one of those to work out.
oh.
duh.
my nose ring.
stupid thing is green.
why I didn't stick to my guns and get a clear one is beyond me.
oh what am I bitching about?
I like it just the way it is. sniff. Don't ever change, man!
I had a kooky "Dennis Miller is in my zoology class" dream last night...
yeah.
I think I would actually take a zoology class if Dennis Miller was in it.
Hell, I would sign up for Fear Factor: the snake edition if Dennis Miller was the host.
(pst--can you see I'm trying to make myself use the shift key?)
I love that man.
in every possible definition of love.
he is god.
okay that's enough of that I guess.
it's a beautiful world.
time to plant some flowers.
only the city isn't turning on our outside water until April 15th.
fuckers.
don't they know we need to water now??
we aerated and fertilized, but there's no water.
oh well.
it's still a beautiful world.
it would be a little more beautiful if I had some eggs in the fridge.
guess i could go lick the floor in the boys' room.
It occurred to me the other day, that I have truly lost my ability to mutli-task.
There was once a time when I could read a book, watch a tv show, and follow a conversation all at the same time.
Or talk on the phone to my Mom for an hour, while baking a new and glorious dessert, without skipping a beat.
Now?
I cannot even talk and take a piss at the same time.
i'm not kidding.
i can barely walk and chew gum.
okay, okay, i can do that.
and i'm still better at multi tasking than my husband.
but it really worries me that i can't pee if i'm talking--what kind of weird malfunction is THAT??
I wish i was going to a small pub in Boston to drink green beer.
but i'm not.
i'm sitting home alone while my husband goes to salt lake to do something with his 7 year old.
which is good.
hell, maybe i'll even get some writing done.
and i do have some beer, and some green food coloring.
so maybe i'll dress in green, drink my beer and do the irish jig.
don't you wish i had a webcam? =)
have a happy green filled day, everyone.
and no irish jokes, or i'll kick your ass.
(okay, probably i would just laugh)
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
it's a 5 o'clock world and the whistle blows...
okay, not so much for me, but...
it is 5 o'clock.
and i forgot to post today.
damn i'm flaky.
i even got up early (7:30, that's early for me so back off!)
and hit the gym earlier than usual, but....
somehow i frittered away the afternoon.
i have a friend who needs an excerpt from my stupid ass cock sucking mother fucking cunt of a book.
i want to torch the thing.
i hate it.
it reminds me of some piece of shit danielle fucking steele book, only worse.
if that's possible.
okay, i'm being a bit hard on myself, because there are some parts of it that make me smile out loud, they're so good.
i'm just frustrated because i have 200 pages of words and there are probably only 50-75 of those that are good enough.
the right thing to do would be to start fresh.
but i can't let go.
anyway.
whatever.
today is Vent Day.
not because we're buying new vents.
not becuase we're celebrating the invention of the vent.
not because sticking your ass on a vent to feel the suction is fun.
(although it is)
today is Vent Day because my friend just called and vented to me, and it was fun for her.
and me.
you might think i'm kidding, but i'm not.
i love the beautiful release that comes from pouring out all your anger/hate/annoyance.
it lifts the weight.
so anyway.
fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and if you have time left, fuck me.
time to cook dinner.
oh yeah, and i got the email with the pictures from the concert, but i haven't decided if they're good enough to post.
so fuck you, again.
it is 5 o'clock.
and i forgot to post today.
damn i'm flaky.
i even got up early (7:30, that's early for me so back off!)
and hit the gym earlier than usual, but....
somehow i frittered away the afternoon.
i have a friend who needs an excerpt from my stupid ass cock sucking mother fucking cunt of a book.
i want to torch the thing.
i hate it.
it reminds me of some piece of shit danielle fucking steele book, only worse.
if that's possible.
okay, i'm being a bit hard on myself, because there are some parts of it that make me smile out loud, they're so good.
i'm just frustrated because i have 200 pages of words and there are probably only 50-75 of those that are good enough.
the right thing to do would be to start fresh.
but i can't let go.
anyway.
whatever.
today is Vent Day.
not because we're buying new vents.
not becuase we're celebrating the invention of the vent.
not because sticking your ass on a vent to feel the suction is fun.
(although it is)
today is Vent Day because my friend just called and vented to me, and it was fun for her.
and me.
you might think i'm kidding, but i'm not.
i love the beautiful release that comes from pouring out all your anger/hate/annoyance.
it lifts the weight.
so anyway.
fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and if you have time left, fuck me.
time to cook dinner.
oh yeah, and i got the email with the pictures from the concert, but i haven't decided if they're good enough to post.
so fuck you, again.
Monday, March 15, 2004
feeling compelled to blog again
or inclined...
there's a guy here cleaning my carpet in an attempt to sell me a vacum cleaner i won't buy.
and he's not even hot.
oh well.
the sun shine's shining, and if i had a top to put down on my car it would be down.
as low as the waistband on that girl's pants who was singing the other night at the bar.
we pretended she was carmen from american idol, but she was too hot.
and she could actually sing, unlike the utah idol...
anyway.
where was i?
well.
if you don't know, then i sure as hell don't.
but i am having no regrets over piercing my nose.
loving it.
anyone know anything about henna tattoos?
cuz this would save me valuable time, if you would go search the internet for facts and opinions on the subject so i don't have to.
i have shit to do.
like stretch, yawn and blink.
i know.
it'll take me a while.
you might want to sit down.
this dude ain't talkin.
maybe it's cuz i'm typing.
maybe it's cuz i'm too hot and he's shy.
snooort!!!
that's me laughing.
pretty damn funny.
there's the diesel of hot neighbor dude.
quick, give me a reason to go outside!!!
dammit.
carpet dude's here.
saw some great videos while i was running today.
yes, you heard me--running!!
finally got my lazy ass out of speed walk mode.
stupid bitch.
will you ever get skinny by walking???
eh, maybe.
anyway.
here are the videos in order, by song name.
if you can name the artists, i'll admit to having fantasies about you.
Lithium
selling the drama
Evenflow
okay, okay.
so those aren't actually difficult.
everyone should know the first and last ones, but the second one might trip up a few of you...
or maybe i just think i'm cool.
i am developing a rather impressive set of pipes maybe i'll post a picture.
okay, almost noticeable is more like it, but still.
they impress ME, and that's pretty much all that counts.
so fuck you.
no really, i'd like to...
come on over, baby.
but not in a christina aguilera way.
and not because she's not hot.
and not because she can't sing like a nightengale.
but just because i meant the "baby" to be said in beavis and butthead style.
there's a guy here cleaning my carpet in an attempt to sell me a vacum cleaner i won't buy.
and he's not even hot.
oh well.
the sun shine's shining, and if i had a top to put down on my car it would be down.
as low as the waistband on that girl's pants who was singing the other night at the bar.
we pretended she was carmen from american idol, but she was too hot.
and she could actually sing, unlike the utah idol...
anyway.
where was i?
well.
if you don't know, then i sure as hell don't.
but i am having no regrets over piercing my nose.
loving it.
anyone know anything about henna tattoos?
cuz this would save me valuable time, if you would go search the internet for facts and opinions on the subject so i don't have to.
i have shit to do.
like stretch, yawn and blink.
i know.
it'll take me a while.
you might want to sit down.
this dude ain't talkin.
maybe it's cuz i'm typing.
maybe it's cuz i'm too hot and he's shy.
snooort!!!
that's me laughing.
pretty damn funny.
there's the diesel of hot neighbor dude.
quick, give me a reason to go outside!!!
dammit.
carpet dude's here.
saw some great videos while i was running today.
yes, you heard me--running!!
finally got my lazy ass out of speed walk mode.
stupid bitch.
will you ever get skinny by walking???
eh, maybe.
anyway.
here are the videos in order, by song name.
if you can name the artists, i'll admit to having fantasies about you.
Lithium
selling the drama
Evenflow
okay, okay.
so those aren't actually difficult.
everyone should know the first and last ones, but the second one might trip up a few of you...
or maybe i just think i'm cool.
i am developing a rather impressive set of pipes maybe i'll post a picture.
okay, almost noticeable is more like it, but still.
they impress ME, and that's pretty much all that counts.
so fuck you.
no really, i'd like to...
come on over, baby.
but not in a christina aguilera way.
and not because she's not hot.
and not because she can't sing like a nightengale.
but just because i meant the "baby" to be said in beavis and butthead style.
godsmack. metallica.
yeah.
what can i say?
it was so fucking amazing.
we were on the rail, we could see the whites of their eyes, etc.
i'm going to try to tell about the evening in an orderly fashion, so let me back up...
so first we got all dressed up (there are pictures, but they're on our companion's camera so they'll be posted later)
she did my makeup, since i don't usually wear any, and it looked pretty damn great.
then we headed out to grab a quick dinner, got a little lost, so ended up making it even quicker (In n Out)
then we headed for the venue, got in line and waited.
and waited.
then we were in.
and bam, we found a spot on the rail.
and the stage was set up as a theater in the round, which was probably good for the people in the upper seating.
but i hated it.
you could only see one musician at a time, and sometimes none.
especially when that big guy got in front of me...
anyway, so we found our spot.
and waited.
and waited.
then godsmack was on...
and they were great, but did anyone else know how freakishly short they are???
not a one over 5'5", if they're even close!
and the drummer could not have weighed more than 50 pounds--what's up heroin addict?
they put on a good show, but like i said, it was a little weird to see only one of them at a time.
in fact, i was really disappointed.
it was hard to stay focused because there was not always even one band member in your sight, and they were never all together.
i am holding out hope that the next two shows will be set up differently.
so enough whining.
when Metallica came out i felt like a little kid on christmas morning.
i thought i was going to burst from sheer bliss.
and they were everything i thought they would be and more.
they have so much energy and presence....
i don't know how they do it, night after night, for weeks or months on end.
it reminds me that being a rock star is not all fun and games and licking coke off a stripper's ass, you know?
oh!
speaking of strippers...
we were planning to hit a strip club after the show, but pansies that we are...
we were too tired.
and one of our group was so wasted that he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and would have never made it.
so we changed into some comfortable clothes (note to self: just wear the god damn comfortable clothes next time! who do you think you are, one of the Banger Sisters??) and went to eat.
back to the show--
during godsmack there was a pit of a mosh pit on one side, which i was itching to join.
i used the "don't want to lose my place" excuse, but i am afraid there was a bit of real hesitation.
oh well...
about 3/4 of the way through Metallica, some bitch tried to shove her way in front of our group and we all sort of banded together and said, basically, "fuck off".
which reminds me of how polite and considerate people were, in general.
i mean, we got all cozy with the people around us and were all about watching each other's backs--you gotta pee? your spot will be here when you get back.
it was kind of surprising.
they played for so long, not long enough, never long enough, but it seemed to be longer than average.
and honestly i can't believe i don't have more to say, or more passion for what i'm saying.
i guess i'm tired.
and freaking sick of waking up to chaos in my house.
so, it is decreed across the land that i shall set my alarm and arise at 7 am in an effort to forestall any further clandestine activities by the midget guerrilla warriors who came forth from my womb.
today it was eggs.
and thanks for taking them into your (carpeted) bedroom to play with instead of the less convenient (linoleum-ed) kitchen.
really, i appreciate it.
it was fun to spend the first hour out of bed slopping eggs and eggshell into a bowl and scrubbing eggs out of the carpet.
lots of fun.
and the best part is, it's all my fault.
i mean what kind of mother doesn't get up before her kids???'
and i'll admit, some days i sort of drag my feet, but today they'd only been up for 15 minutes.
little tasmanian devils.
so anyway...
Sunday we did a little gambling, a little shopping, and of course lots more eating.
we officially were off the atkins thing for the weekend...
gained 4 pounds!
but the good news is, any slight cravings i was having for fries or a burger with a bun or dessert with real sugar?
gone.
none of that stuff tasted even half as good as i remembered.
and of course i felt like complete shit after.
which reminds me...
i didn't even drink.
i had two sips of the beer i was holding for my husband, because i was thirsty.
but that was it.
and it felt great.
i don't see the point of being so sloshed you don't remember anything if it's an event that you might want to remember.
like...
a random night out with friends at the local bar?
fine, drink it up, sucker.
but the first time of seeing a band you've worshipped for 12 years?
yeah.
want to remember that one.
although i'll admit, i did try my damnedest to get a contact high from the kids behind us.
kids?
23 and 26.
what am i, a fucking grandma???
jeez.
besides, i didn't want to be leaving my spot to pee every half hour--and have you seen those stairs you have to climb??
i mean, damn.
i work out, but you wouldn't know it.
well, okay, other people were winded and panting by the time they reached the top, and i was fine, but my legs kept whining up at me, 'we're not at the gym! what the hell do you want from us? we're off the clock, bitch!' stuff like that.
AND when i got home last night and checked my email...
my best friend finally made her plans to come out for a few days.
i cannot wait!!!
she's supposed to be here, going to school, but she took the year off and i've been dying without her.
so, she'll be here April 4th, which is not soon enough!!
okay, so i totally did not accomplish my goal of linear story telling.
oh well.
i'll attempt to write more later, but i have been reminded to work on the damn novel, so i will.
and maybe this time i'll be able to figure out where to take the story....
it has no proper ending.
unless it's going to be a novella.
it's only 200 pages, and i need to take out a few things.
blah blah.
maybe my muse will have some ideas for me....
and yes, i do have a muse.
is that amusing?
hee hee.
my muse is not as dorky as i am, fortunately...
happy monday.
what can i say?
it was so fucking amazing.
we were on the rail, we could see the whites of their eyes, etc.
i'm going to try to tell about the evening in an orderly fashion, so let me back up...
so first we got all dressed up (there are pictures, but they're on our companion's camera so they'll be posted later)
she did my makeup, since i don't usually wear any, and it looked pretty damn great.
then we headed out to grab a quick dinner, got a little lost, so ended up making it even quicker (In n Out)
then we headed for the venue, got in line and waited.
and waited.
then we were in.
and bam, we found a spot on the rail.
and the stage was set up as a theater in the round, which was probably good for the people in the upper seating.
but i hated it.
you could only see one musician at a time, and sometimes none.
especially when that big guy got in front of me...
anyway, so we found our spot.
and waited.
and waited.
then godsmack was on...
and they were great, but did anyone else know how freakishly short they are???
not a one over 5'5", if they're even close!
and the drummer could not have weighed more than 50 pounds--what's up heroin addict?
they put on a good show, but like i said, it was a little weird to see only one of them at a time.
in fact, i was really disappointed.
it was hard to stay focused because there was not always even one band member in your sight, and they were never all together.
i am holding out hope that the next two shows will be set up differently.
so enough whining.
when Metallica came out i felt like a little kid on christmas morning.
i thought i was going to burst from sheer bliss.
and they were everything i thought they would be and more.
they have so much energy and presence....
i don't know how they do it, night after night, for weeks or months on end.
it reminds me that being a rock star is not all fun and games and licking coke off a stripper's ass, you know?
oh!
speaking of strippers...
we were planning to hit a strip club after the show, but pansies that we are...
we were too tired.
and one of our group was so wasted that he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and would have never made it.
so we changed into some comfortable clothes (note to self: just wear the god damn comfortable clothes next time! who do you think you are, one of the Banger Sisters??) and went to eat.
back to the show--
during godsmack there was a pit of a mosh pit on one side, which i was itching to join.
i used the "don't want to lose my place" excuse, but i am afraid there was a bit of real hesitation.
oh well...
about 3/4 of the way through Metallica, some bitch tried to shove her way in front of our group and we all sort of banded together and said, basically, "fuck off".
which reminds me of how polite and considerate people were, in general.
i mean, we got all cozy with the people around us and were all about watching each other's backs--you gotta pee? your spot will be here when you get back.
it was kind of surprising.
they played for so long, not long enough, never long enough, but it seemed to be longer than average.
and honestly i can't believe i don't have more to say, or more passion for what i'm saying.
i guess i'm tired.
and freaking sick of waking up to chaos in my house.
so, it is decreed across the land that i shall set my alarm and arise at 7 am in an effort to forestall any further clandestine activities by the midget guerrilla warriors who came forth from my womb.
today it was eggs.
and thanks for taking them into your (carpeted) bedroom to play with instead of the less convenient (linoleum-ed) kitchen.
really, i appreciate it.
it was fun to spend the first hour out of bed slopping eggs and eggshell into a bowl and scrubbing eggs out of the carpet.
lots of fun.
and the best part is, it's all my fault.
i mean what kind of mother doesn't get up before her kids???'
and i'll admit, some days i sort of drag my feet, but today they'd only been up for 15 minutes.
little tasmanian devils.
so anyway...
Sunday we did a little gambling, a little shopping, and of course lots more eating.
we officially were off the atkins thing for the weekend...
gained 4 pounds!
but the good news is, any slight cravings i was having for fries or a burger with a bun or dessert with real sugar?
gone.
none of that stuff tasted even half as good as i remembered.
and of course i felt like complete shit after.
which reminds me...
i didn't even drink.
i had two sips of the beer i was holding for my husband, because i was thirsty.
but that was it.
and it felt great.
i don't see the point of being so sloshed you don't remember anything if it's an event that you might want to remember.
like...
a random night out with friends at the local bar?
fine, drink it up, sucker.
but the first time of seeing a band you've worshipped for 12 years?
yeah.
want to remember that one.
although i'll admit, i did try my damnedest to get a contact high from the kids behind us.
kids?
23 and 26.
what am i, a fucking grandma???
jeez.
besides, i didn't want to be leaving my spot to pee every half hour--and have you seen those stairs you have to climb??
i mean, damn.
i work out, but you wouldn't know it.
well, okay, other people were winded and panting by the time they reached the top, and i was fine, but my legs kept whining up at me, 'we're not at the gym! what the hell do you want from us? we're off the clock, bitch!' stuff like that.
AND when i got home last night and checked my email...
my best friend finally made her plans to come out for a few days.
i cannot wait!!!
she's supposed to be here, going to school, but she took the year off and i've been dying without her.
so, she'll be here April 4th, which is not soon enough!!
okay, so i totally did not accomplish my goal of linear story telling.
oh well.
i'll attempt to write more later, but i have been reminded to work on the damn novel, so i will.
and maybe this time i'll be able to figure out where to take the story....
it has no proper ending.
unless it's going to be a novella.
it's only 200 pages, and i need to take out a few things.
blah blah.
maybe my muse will have some ideas for me....
and yes, i do have a muse.
is that amusing?
hee hee.
my muse is not as dorky as i am, fortunately...
happy monday.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
notes while driving (er...riding)
I have always loved the way you dip down into Arizona for a brief moment on the journey south, like a hand into a pool. I wonder, if had grown up here, would I have misinterpreted ariaona’s size so gravely as I did new hampshire’s as a child, in the backseat of a car, heading south. “mom what state are we in?” and developing an image of n.h. as the tiniest little state ever, only to be corrected when in some grade I learned that Rhode island was the smallest. Being a know it all, this was hard to swallow.
I get carsick from not loking out the window, so I’m typing this without looking.
We just had lunch at this little Mexican place which looked quite nice, but the food was pretty un-noteworthy, bleeding into poor.
I look out over the scrub oak covered mountain sides with the red sand varely visible beneath. And I wonder if there are rattlesnakes and praire dogs which fall under my line of vision. I wonder how many lizards there are.
Wow, from 79 to 83 degrees in about five miles of southern travel. And we’re still about 85 miles north of las vegas. Wow. Glad I brought summer clothes. The sky is a much paler shade of blue than it tends to be most days in utah. It probably means something, meteorologically. I love this little catus tree things….i really love this dessert place, it is remarkable to me, still. Where are all my pines, oaks, moss ferns granite, ponds lakes streams rivers? This land is stark and rugged, and yet somehow the people are not.
The harsh yet softer beauty of new England produces such people as once settled this land. Perhaps I live in the city of this place and to meet. those with true grit and guts I would have to spend time in one of the desolate outposts.
I love this spot. There are visible dust storms over crop fields, look like small tornados. Perhaps they are watering, or perhaps there is just an isolated whirl of wind there. And an oasis, which must surely be a golf course, because what else is green and lush in this desert? Beautiful even if it is wasteful. Oh. Hubby golfed there. This is Mesquite, Nevada. It’s only an hour closer to us than las vegas is, put it is appealing as well for its cheaper prices. There’s the virgin river convention center and hotel. Which was closed the last time we were here. oddly. It looks new enough, but there was a chain across the parking lot entrance, we never figured it out…. Oooh, a carnival. A little fair, what is it? It’s 1:30 on a Saturday and it looked deserted, although I can’t be sure now. so many new homes under construction. They are growing apparently. Beginning to get nauseous anyway. Eyes not on a distant enough horizon.
Um. God damn. Just noticed that our driver is reading a magazine. That’s just greaaaaaaat. His wife is doing homework, my husband is sleeping, and you all know what I’m doing. Well, with my right hand at least…
I get carsick from not loking out the window, so I’m typing this without looking.
We just had lunch at this little Mexican place which looked quite nice, but the food was pretty un-noteworthy, bleeding into poor.
I look out over the scrub oak covered mountain sides with the red sand varely visible beneath. And I wonder if there are rattlesnakes and praire dogs which fall under my line of vision. I wonder how many lizards there are.
Wow, from 79 to 83 degrees in about five miles of southern travel. And we’re still about 85 miles north of las vegas. Wow. Glad I brought summer clothes. The sky is a much paler shade of blue than it tends to be most days in utah. It probably means something, meteorologically. I love this little catus tree things….i really love this dessert place, it is remarkable to me, still. Where are all my pines, oaks, moss ferns granite, ponds lakes streams rivers? This land is stark and rugged, and yet somehow the people are not.
The harsh yet softer beauty of new England produces such people as once settled this land. Perhaps I live in the city of this place and to meet. those with true grit and guts I would have to spend time in one of the desolate outposts.
I love this spot. There are visible dust storms over crop fields, look like small tornados. Perhaps they are watering, or perhaps there is just an isolated whirl of wind there. And an oasis, which must surely be a golf course, because what else is green and lush in this desert? Beautiful even if it is wasteful. Oh. Hubby golfed there. This is Mesquite, Nevada. It’s only an hour closer to us than las vegas is, put it is appealing as well for its cheaper prices. There’s the virgin river convention center and hotel. Which was closed the last time we were here. oddly. It looks new enough, but there was a chain across the parking lot entrance, we never figured it out…. Oooh, a carnival. A little fair, what is it? It’s 1:30 on a Saturday and it looked deserted, although I can’t be sure now. so many new homes under construction. They are growing apparently. Beginning to get nauseous anyway. Eyes not on a distant enough horizon.
Um. God damn. Just noticed that our driver is reading a magazine. That’s just greaaaaaaat. His wife is doing homework, my husband is sleeping, and you all know what I’m doing. Well, with my right hand at least…
wrap your heads around this if you can
I dare ya.
I'm in a car (suv, if you must)
cruising through the desert
in the middle of nowhere
connected to the internet.
yeah.
no, scratch that---
better make it a
FUCK YEAH!!
yeah, that felt better.
oh, and it may be a nowhere road, but there's plenty of traffic.
and, contrary to my first assumption...
if you pull over to take a piss--
the vehicle is not enough cover.
just make a note of it.
and also, two words:
stage fright.
took me ten minutes of cool breezes on the white ass to take that urgent piss.
fuck that.
and now, just a quick word from our sponsors...
i'd like to thank you all for your support on the nose thing.
and to those of you who think it was stupid, silly, or ugly: thanks for keeping your god damned opinions to yourselves.
ya old poops.
speaking of being old...again.
i was thinking...
and it may just be a rationalization, but here's what i think.
the reason i'm thinking about comfortable shoes for a metallica concert is not so much that i'm a crotchety old lady.
(although that is an undisputed fact)
but more like: learning from experience.
you dig?
like, i've had trampled feet or twisted ankles enough times that i may have finally learned my lesson....
although, you'll be pleased to note i've chosen knee high black heeled boots in favor of the much suggested sneakers.
and the sexiest little shirt.
i can't believe how guilty i'm feeling for not writing a Fantasy Friday post.
i will try to write an extra one this week...
or something.
i'll make it up to you, darlings, i promise.
er, well, promise is a bit heavy.
but i'll try to remember, and if i remember, i'll work on it, and if i come up with something....
well, i think you see where this is going.
fast track to nowhere.
which just happens to be where i am at the moment...
hmmm...
what does that mean?
so, the mormon curse strikes again.
my neice just announced she is getting married in june.
two weeks BEFORE her 19th birthday.
fuuu-uuuckk.
i mean, to give the girl some credit, she's one of the most level headed, clear thinking, together 18 year olds i've ever met.
in fact, she was been a miniature adult ever since i can remember.
but still.
does she even know how much fucking fun her 20's could be if she was single and free to roam the earth???
and i'm not even suggesting (no matter how much i'd like to) that she abandon her faith.
i'm just talking about dating different boys, finishing her degree at the university SHE chooses, doing study abroad, finding a career path she'll enjoy.
erg.
pardon the vent.
but...
all that aside...
i am kind of excited for the event.
and for her to start her life and have some fun in whatever strange way she has chosen. =)
but damn.
just passing Cedar city.
i had a reader here, although i don't know if he's around anymore.
he seemed nice, sent me an email asking for advice on how to survive in this mormon-saturated environment.
i answered him once, then he replied, then my husband decided that i shouldn't correspond with him anymore.
do i sometimes want to scream????
do i sometimes feel smothered?
whatever.
well, Professor, if you're out there--howdy.
oh look there's walmart.
ever single town in utah is exactly the same.
it still sort of blows my kids' minds.
"another walmart, mom? is that wendy's, mom?"
okay, time to nix the carsickness before it fully sets in.
buh bye.
I'm in a car (suv, if you must)
cruising through the desert
in the middle of nowhere
connected to the internet.
yeah.
no, scratch that---
better make it a
FUCK YEAH!!
yeah, that felt better.
oh, and it may be a nowhere road, but there's plenty of traffic.
and, contrary to my first assumption...
if you pull over to take a piss--
the vehicle is not enough cover.
just make a note of it.
and also, two words:
stage fright.
took me ten minutes of cool breezes on the white ass to take that urgent piss.
fuck that.
and now, just a quick word from our sponsors...
i'd like to thank you all for your support on the nose thing.
and to those of you who think it was stupid, silly, or ugly: thanks for keeping your god damned opinions to yourselves.
ya old poops.
speaking of being old...again.
i was thinking...
and it may just be a rationalization, but here's what i think.
the reason i'm thinking about comfortable shoes for a metallica concert is not so much that i'm a crotchety old lady.
(although that is an undisputed fact)
but more like: learning from experience.
you dig?
like, i've had trampled feet or twisted ankles enough times that i may have finally learned my lesson....
although, you'll be pleased to note i've chosen knee high black heeled boots in favor of the much suggested sneakers.
and the sexiest little shirt.
i can't believe how guilty i'm feeling for not writing a Fantasy Friday post.
i will try to write an extra one this week...
or something.
i'll make it up to you, darlings, i promise.
er, well, promise is a bit heavy.
but i'll try to remember, and if i remember, i'll work on it, and if i come up with something....
well, i think you see where this is going.
fast track to nowhere.
which just happens to be where i am at the moment...
hmmm...
what does that mean?
so, the mormon curse strikes again.
my neice just announced she is getting married in june.
two weeks BEFORE her 19th birthday.
fuuu-uuuckk.
i mean, to give the girl some credit, she's one of the most level headed, clear thinking, together 18 year olds i've ever met.
in fact, she was been a miniature adult ever since i can remember.
but still.
does she even know how much fucking fun her 20's could be if she was single and free to roam the earth???
and i'm not even suggesting (no matter how much i'd like to) that she abandon her faith.
i'm just talking about dating different boys, finishing her degree at the university SHE chooses, doing study abroad, finding a career path she'll enjoy.
erg.
pardon the vent.
but...
all that aside...
i am kind of excited for the event.
and for her to start her life and have some fun in whatever strange way she has chosen. =)
but damn.
just passing Cedar city.
i had a reader here, although i don't know if he's around anymore.
he seemed nice, sent me an email asking for advice on how to survive in this mormon-saturated environment.
i answered him once, then he replied, then my husband decided that i shouldn't correspond with him anymore.
do i sometimes want to scream????
do i sometimes feel smothered?
whatever.
well, Professor, if you're out there--howdy.
oh look there's walmart.
ever single town in utah is exactly the same.
it still sort of blows my kids' minds.
"another walmart, mom? is that wendy's, mom?"
okay, time to nix the carsickness before it fully sets in.
buh bye.
just a quick note
sorry about skipping Fantasy Friday...
i was actually really busy today--oddly.
busy getting a nasty sunburn at the tanning salon.
(dumbass)
and busy taking my kids on fun outings.
and busy going out for the evening with friends.
so there.
and the stupid ass that i am...
i got huge white circles around my eyes from the stupid ass goggles.
and a white line across my neck from my stupid ass headphones.
stupid ass.
stupid stupid stupid ass.
now i'm trying to pack...
for myself, my (lazy ass??) husband and my kids.
it's fine.
the hardest part is that i STILL haven't figured out what to wear to the show.*
and throughout all that, i am fighting the urge to pick that dastardly booger in my left nostril.
which ain't so much a booger as a piece of metal.
it's like getting used to thong underwear, i guess.
you just wanna pick that wedgie!!!
saw Starsky and Hutch tonight.
laughed my ass off.
i am leaving for Vegas in the morning.
am I excited??
yesssssiree, bob.
do i miss my kids already?
yup.
i wish i had something interesting or witty or wise to share with you.
but, it's the weekend so no one reads this shit anyway, right? =)
okay, i guess a few of you do, but still.
so now that i have Site Meter, i've been checking my types of traffic and i am pleased to announce...
not as much of my traffic comes from porn searchers as i thought.
i mean, there are plenty of those, but i guess i'm just relieved it's not ALL.
heh.
that would be pretty damn depressing.
well fuck.
i guess i better finish packing and get to bed.
wish me luck!!!
have a great weekend....
*the show=Metallica concert; first of three
i was actually really busy today--oddly.
busy getting a nasty sunburn at the tanning salon.
(dumbass)
and busy taking my kids on fun outings.
and busy going out for the evening with friends.
so there.
and the stupid ass that i am...
i got huge white circles around my eyes from the stupid ass goggles.
and a white line across my neck from my stupid ass headphones.
stupid ass.
stupid stupid stupid ass.
now i'm trying to pack...
for myself, my (lazy ass??) husband and my kids.
it's fine.
the hardest part is that i STILL haven't figured out what to wear to the show.*
and throughout all that, i am fighting the urge to pick that dastardly booger in my left nostril.
which ain't so much a booger as a piece of metal.
it's like getting used to thong underwear, i guess.
you just wanna pick that wedgie!!!
saw Starsky and Hutch tonight.
laughed my ass off.
i am leaving for Vegas in the morning.
am I excited??
yesssssiree, bob.
do i miss my kids already?
yup.
i wish i had something interesting or witty or wise to share with you.
but, it's the weekend so no one reads this shit anyway, right? =)
okay, i guess a few of you do, but still.
so now that i have Site Meter, i've been checking my types of traffic and i am pleased to announce...
not as much of my traffic comes from porn searchers as i thought.
i mean, there are plenty of those, but i guess i'm just relieved it's not ALL.
heh.
that would be pretty damn depressing.
well fuck.
i guess i better finish packing and get to bed.
wish me luck!!!
have a great weekend....
*the show=Metallica concert; first of three
Friday, March 12, 2004
I did it!!!
last night, i headed to the tatoo parlor...
and got my nose pierced.
it hurt for a second, and it felt kind of strange at first.
but that's it.
and i love it!!!!!
it's exactly what i wanted, and i don't think it looks out of place.
so, yay me.
here it is....
and i'll get a fantasy friday posted soon...
oh yeah, and answers to the booger questions to come shortly...
and got my nose pierced.
it hurt for a second, and it felt kind of strange at first.
but that's it.
and i love it!!!!!
it's exactly what i wanted, and i don't think it looks out of place.
so, yay me.
here it is....
and i'll get a fantasy friday posted soon...
oh yeah, and answers to the booger questions to come shortly...
Thursday, March 11, 2004
what a shitty week
and i mean that only literally.
after telling my (completely never swearing) mom about all the poo related incidents of the week, she even laughed at that appraisal.
but it's been a good week, just shit filled.
okay.
speaking of shit...
i've been writing it in buckets lately.
i'll try to do better, but there are no guarantees.
this is a blog, after all.
(okay, i just re-read that and got this image of a little girl in a raincoat writing the word "shit" on the insisde of her sand castle buckets...)
but i will attempt to leave out the whining, for the next few days at least.
oh, and Belle, one of the two friends of mine who have this url just called me in hysterical tears--after reading your site.
yes, those would be laughing induced tears.
and i said, well duh.
(or something equally witty)
so, to any of you out there who have not added A Sorta Kinda Fairy Tale to your daily reads: let this serve as a lesson to you!!!
read it--or die sad, desperate, and alone!!!
that's right.
it's the key to fame, fortune, love, success, health, and...um...
well, it's a good read.
so...
tomorrow's fantasy friday.
and none of you have taken me up on my kind offer to participate.
um.
not like that.
you wanna play out a fantasy with me sugar?
heh.
right, like i said, not like that, but on second thought...
nah, not enough time.
i need some inspiration.
a muse.
the pantsless wonders almost excaped again, just now.
then one of them called me Lisa.
argh.
but it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
would you be mine?
could you be mine?
hell-oooo, neighbor. rawwwr.
oh.
ahem.
why is everything about sex for me???
just a habit, i guess.
tried on clothes last night...
trying to find the best combination of comfortable footwear and rock concert attire...
aw, fuck.
that makes me old, doesn't it?
comfortable footwear?????
lord have mercy.
well, in my defense i did choose a pair of shoes which are not particularly comfortable because they look so right with the outfit...so that counts for something, right?
dammit, i'm not old.
i'm not.
i'm not.
i am.
oh well.
wow.
just got up to answer the phone.
and as i hung up...
oliver head butted me in the pubis.
good god that hurt.
but just so we all remember how cute my kids are...
this morning max came to my bed and asked if he could get in and snuggle.
since this is my favorite thing ever, i opened the blanket and let him under and pulled him close.
ahhh, baby sweetness.
then he said, "is it fun to sleep with you mom?"
i couldn't help myself....
"well daddy thinks so."
after telling my (completely never swearing) mom about all the poo related incidents of the week, she even laughed at that appraisal.
but it's been a good week, just shit filled.
okay.
speaking of shit...
i've been writing it in buckets lately.
i'll try to do better, but there are no guarantees.
this is a blog, after all.
(okay, i just re-read that and got this image of a little girl in a raincoat writing the word "shit" on the insisde of her sand castle buckets...)
but i will attempt to leave out the whining, for the next few days at least.
oh, and Belle, one of the two friends of mine who have this url just called me in hysterical tears--after reading your site.
yes, those would be laughing induced tears.
and i said, well duh.
(or something equally witty)
so, to any of you out there who have not added A Sorta Kinda Fairy Tale to your daily reads: let this serve as a lesson to you!!!
read it--or die sad, desperate, and alone!!!
that's right.
it's the key to fame, fortune, love, success, health, and...um...
well, it's a good read.
so...
tomorrow's fantasy friday.
and none of you have taken me up on my kind offer to participate.
um.
not like that.
you wanna play out a fantasy with me sugar?
heh.
right, like i said, not like that, but on second thought...
nah, not enough time.
i need some inspiration.
a muse.
the pantsless wonders almost excaped again, just now.
then one of them called me Lisa.
argh.
but it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
would you be mine?
could you be mine?
hell-oooo, neighbor. rawwwr.
oh.
ahem.
why is everything about sex for me???
just a habit, i guess.
tried on clothes last night...
trying to find the best combination of comfortable footwear and rock concert attire...
aw, fuck.
that makes me old, doesn't it?
comfortable footwear?????
lord have mercy.
well, in my defense i did choose a pair of shoes which are not particularly comfortable because they look so right with the outfit...so that counts for something, right?
dammit, i'm not old.
i'm not.
i'm not.
i am.
oh well.
wow.
just got up to answer the phone.
and as i hung up...
oliver head butted me in the pubis.
good god that hurt.
but just so we all remember how cute my kids are...
this morning max came to my bed and asked if he could get in and snuggle.
since this is my favorite thing ever, i opened the blanket and let him under and pulled him close.
ahhh, baby sweetness.
then he said, "is it fun to sleep with you mom?"
i couldn't help myself....
"well daddy thinks so."
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
another beautiful day
hopefully it'll even be a good one.
so guess what i did yesterday!!
i blackmailed a Mary Kay salesperson into going to the gym with me.
see?
and you thought Tuesdays were supposed to be all about taking naps in the sun and eating bon bons.
not this week.
some of you may remember the beginning of the Mary Kay incident about a month ago, if not i'll recap.
in walmart, a girl accosted me, gushing about my hair then sprung her sales pitch on me.
i'm bad at saying no, so i let her come do "the makeover".
surprisingly we really hit it off.
she's awesome!!
we had a lot in common and i looked forward to seeing her again, even though i hate makeup and abhor the idea of mary kay...
oh yeah, and she mentioned she had just joined my gym but was afraid to go.
so she called yesterday to do a "follow up" and we talked about mostly other stuff.
then when she said the whole sales pitch line "if there's anything i can drop off for you, just let me know..."
i said, "if you meet me at the gym on monday i'll buy something!"
she's really excited and seemed grateful to have someone kick her butt into gear.
cuz we had talked about how hard it is to take that first step, and she had said she's so sick of being fat.
like me, hers was adult onset fat ass syndrome (AOFAS).
which i think is harder than if you were just fat your whole life.
okay, maybe that's just my egocentric view...
but anyway.
i'm kind of excited.
and now i get to buy their little skin care package, cuz really, what the hell would i do with makeup???
i have mascara and lip gloss.
is there anything else???
so.
have i mentioned that Metallica/Las Vegas is only two days away???
have i mentioned it?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's me screaming.
i can't wait.
i seriously cannot wait.
i just got this weird feeling, though.
that i'm not going to get to go after all.
like...
one of the boys will be sick or hurt or we'll run into a snowstorm on the way down or have an accident or car trouble or someone will mug us for our tickets or i'll get trampled during the openers and have to leave........
okay.
deep breath.
Lisa, you will see metallica in two days.
chill the fuck out.
i was wearing my mp3 player while doing dishes/housework yesterday and belting out the tunes.
went to the front porch to put an empty milk bottle back in the cooler.
and almost didn't stop singing.
good thing i did, cuz the little neighbor boy was out there.
pretty sure he has a crush on me.
he's 13 or 14, so no, this is not fantasy material.
although, i guess i could write one up where he's older, huh?
hmm....
okay, time to head to the gym.
wish me luck with the grommits.
so guess what i did yesterday!!
i blackmailed a Mary Kay salesperson into going to the gym with me.
see?
and you thought Tuesdays were supposed to be all about taking naps in the sun and eating bon bons.
not this week.
some of you may remember the beginning of the Mary Kay incident about a month ago, if not i'll recap.
in walmart, a girl accosted me, gushing about my hair then sprung her sales pitch on me.
i'm bad at saying no, so i let her come do "the makeover".
surprisingly we really hit it off.
she's awesome!!
we had a lot in common and i looked forward to seeing her again, even though i hate makeup and abhor the idea of mary kay...
oh yeah, and she mentioned she had just joined my gym but was afraid to go.
so she called yesterday to do a "follow up" and we talked about mostly other stuff.
then when she said the whole sales pitch line "if there's anything i can drop off for you, just let me know..."
i said, "if you meet me at the gym on monday i'll buy something!"
she's really excited and seemed grateful to have someone kick her butt into gear.
cuz we had talked about how hard it is to take that first step, and she had said she's so sick of being fat.
like me, hers was adult onset fat ass syndrome (AOFAS).
which i think is harder than if you were just fat your whole life.
okay, maybe that's just my egocentric view...
but anyway.
i'm kind of excited.
and now i get to buy their little skin care package, cuz really, what the hell would i do with makeup???
i have mascara and lip gloss.
is there anything else???
so.
have i mentioned that Metallica/Las Vegas is only two days away???
have i mentioned it?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's me screaming.
i can't wait.
i seriously cannot wait.
i just got this weird feeling, though.
that i'm not going to get to go after all.
like...
one of the boys will be sick or hurt or we'll run into a snowstorm on the way down or have an accident or car trouble or someone will mug us for our tickets or i'll get trampled during the openers and have to leave........
okay.
deep breath.
Lisa, you will see metallica in two days.
chill the fuck out.
i was wearing my mp3 player while doing dishes/housework yesterday and belting out the tunes.
went to the front porch to put an empty milk bottle back in the cooler.
and almost didn't stop singing.
good thing i did, cuz the little neighbor boy was out there.
pretty sure he has a crush on me.
he's 13 or 14, so no, this is not fantasy material.
although, i guess i could write one up where he's older, huh?
hmm....
okay, time to head to the gym.
wish me luck with the grommits.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
it's on
what's on? you say?
SPRING FEVER, BABY!!!
i knew i would find it eventually and lo, i felt a little something strange in my guts today, and what could it be?
a little spring fever.
fucking gorgeous outside, must be 70 or close to it.
bluest sky crashing down on stark white mountains?
like a god damn postcard.
and when the neighbor started up his harley and roared off with his lady holding on...
i wasn't even jealous.
my stomach didn't contract in that way it does when there's something i want too much.
oh don't get me wrong--i still love bikes.
it just so happens that i'm actually content with my life now, and if my love doesn't like motorcycles, then i don't need one.
what a stark contrast this is to where my life was last year...
i remember asking him why he didn't want to get a motorcycle.
they're too dangerous.
it was like getting punched in the stomach.
it was like those moments in romance movies where the one person catches the other person cheating with a person who they should have suspected all along but did not realize it until that very moment.
it was a timeless truth, a law of phsycis.
if his disinclination to own a bike was due to the amount of danger involved...
well.
isn't that the whole point?
the thrill of the wind whipping around you, the loud rumble, the speed.
it was really disturbing to me at the time, and as the overly dramatic little chica i am...
of course i felt it was a further omen that we were not, could not be soul mates.
psh.
what did i know?
dumb girl.
before i forget, go check out Timmy's blog
it's a brand new baby blog, but it's going to be huge one day so go give himtits HITS. ahem.
so here's the "my kids are going to drive me to drink/shoot up/run away" story of the day....
about 2pm.
we head upstairs so i can shower.
(yeah i'm a real go getter, i know)
i turn on sesame street, hoping to entertain them in close proximity to my showering venture.
again with the tripping...
i tripped and landed with my nose in a book, so i sat down to read for a minute...
they wandered downstairs, and i thought i heard the front door open.
me in my p.j.s
them in shirts.
yup, just shirts.
max actually had underwear on, but not a stitch on oliver--in the tradition of such childhood favorites as donald duck, winnie the pooh, etc.
so.
i head to the stairs to check it out.
front door's wide open.
me in my p.j.s
i peek out, don't see them.
walk towards the road, look down the block.
oh there they are.
about a block down, picking up broken beer bottle glass.
i was suddenly finding it impossible to imagine that i am not, in fact, white trash.
i was laughing too hard to scold them.
(is anyone else wondering why they don't behave very well??)
but once we got inside, i did very calmly explain to them that we do NOT go outside without mommy.
or pants.
have a great day, and don't neglect your pill/patch/shot/condom supply/vasectomy!!!
SPRING FEVER, BABY!!!
i knew i would find it eventually and lo, i felt a little something strange in my guts today, and what could it be?
a little spring fever.
fucking gorgeous outside, must be 70 or close to it.
bluest sky crashing down on stark white mountains?
like a god damn postcard.
and when the neighbor started up his harley and roared off with his lady holding on...
i wasn't even jealous.
my stomach didn't contract in that way it does when there's something i want too much.
oh don't get me wrong--i still love bikes.
it just so happens that i'm actually content with my life now, and if my love doesn't like motorcycles, then i don't need one.
what a stark contrast this is to where my life was last year...
i remember asking him why he didn't want to get a motorcycle.
they're too dangerous.
it was like getting punched in the stomach.
it was like those moments in romance movies where the one person catches the other person cheating with a person who they should have suspected all along but did not realize it until that very moment.
it was a timeless truth, a law of phsycis.
if his disinclination to own a bike was due to the amount of danger involved...
well.
isn't that the whole point?
the thrill of the wind whipping around you, the loud rumble, the speed.
it was really disturbing to me at the time, and as the overly dramatic little chica i am...
of course i felt it was a further omen that we were not, could not be soul mates.
psh.
what did i know?
dumb girl.
before i forget, go check out Timmy's blog
it's a brand new baby blog, but it's going to be huge one day so go give him
so here's the "my kids are going to drive me to drink/shoot up/run away" story of the day....
about 2pm.
we head upstairs so i can shower.
(yeah i'm a real go getter, i know)
i turn on sesame street, hoping to entertain them in close proximity to my showering venture.
again with the tripping...
i tripped and landed with my nose in a book, so i sat down to read for a minute...
they wandered downstairs, and i thought i heard the front door open.
me in my p.j.s
them in shirts.
yup, just shirts.
max actually had underwear on, but not a stitch on oliver--in the tradition of such childhood favorites as donald duck, winnie the pooh, etc.
so.
i head to the stairs to check it out.
front door's wide open.
me in my p.j.s
i peek out, don't see them.
walk towards the road, look down the block.
oh there they are.
about a block down, picking up broken beer bottle glass.
i was suddenly finding it impossible to imagine that i am not, in fact, white trash.
i was laughing too hard to scold them.
(is anyone else wondering why they don't behave very well??)
but once we got inside, i did very calmly explain to them that we do NOT go outside without mommy.
or pants.
have a great day, and don't neglect your pill/patch/shot/condom supply/vasectomy!!!
so here's what you missed out on if you weren't at MY house last night...
get ready cuz it was a lot of fun.
and by a lot i mean--well, more fun than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, at least.
and that's saying something.
well, so after i posted, i did go upstairs and take nap.
which was really nice, even though waking up from naps is about 400 times worse than waking up in the morning--and i fucking hate waking up in the morning.
and while i was still trying to swim through the fog to reach Coherancy Beach...
twin B tells me he needs to puke.
talk about your rude awakenings....
so that went on for the rest of the evening, and then hubby got a wild hair and decided to fix the toilet.
which was broken from having too many toys flushed down it by the kids.
he actually unscrewed it from the floor and tipped it upside down.
and may i just say thanks for removing my bath mats and the kids bath toys before getting toilet water all over them...
yes, that was sarcasm.
so after two hours of manhandling the thing, shoving different things up it from two different directions...
one little hot wheels sized fire truck fell out.
but there were still more things in there, and they weren't budging.
so.
at 11 o'clock at night...
hubby got online and...
ordered a new toilet.
have i told you lately how much i love the internet?
god DAMN i love it.
so we've sealed off the downstairs bathroom until he picks up the toilet today...
in the meantime...
i shall grit my teeth, put on a couple of pairs of disposable gloves...
maybe put plastic bags around my feet?
and go in there and sanitize.
what a freaking nightmare of OCD that is.
i was nearly in convulsions last night watching him work on the thing, with all that filth around him.
all i could think of was finding one of those nuclear plant decontamination rooms, with all the sprayers and stuff...
so anyway.
whatever you did last night--it was better than this.
did you have a root canal?
great.
maybe you got mugged.
wish i was there!
flat tire on the way home in the rain?
sounds fun.
and in other news...
okay, there isn't any other news.
i wish there was, but life is boring as hell sometimes.
and today is no exception.
i have a hangnail the size of Guam, and that's serving to preoccupy me a bit...
um...
there might be something of interest....
if i just think for a second...
ooh, that hurt, no more of that.
guess i'll go attempt to make something interesting happen...
and by a lot i mean--well, more fun than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, at least.
and that's saying something.
well, so after i posted, i did go upstairs and take nap.
which was really nice, even though waking up from naps is about 400 times worse than waking up in the morning--and i fucking hate waking up in the morning.
and while i was still trying to swim through the fog to reach Coherancy Beach...
twin B tells me he needs to puke.
talk about your rude awakenings....
so that went on for the rest of the evening, and then hubby got a wild hair and decided to fix the toilet.
which was broken from having too many toys flushed down it by the kids.
he actually unscrewed it from the floor and tipped it upside down.
and may i just say thanks for removing my bath mats and the kids bath toys before getting toilet water all over them...
yes, that was sarcasm.
so after two hours of manhandling the thing, shoving different things up it from two different directions...
one little hot wheels sized fire truck fell out.
but there were still more things in there, and they weren't budging.
so.
at 11 o'clock at night...
hubby got online and...
ordered a new toilet.
have i told you lately how much i love the internet?
god DAMN i love it.
so we've sealed off the downstairs bathroom until he picks up the toilet today...
in the meantime...
i shall grit my teeth, put on a couple of pairs of disposable gloves...
maybe put plastic bags around my feet?
and go in there and sanitize.
what a freaking nightmare of OCD that is.
i was nearly in convulsions last night watching him work on the thing, with all that filth around him.
all i could think of was finding one of those nuclear plant decontamination rooms, with all the sprayers and stuff...
so anyway.
whatever you did last night--it was better than this.
did you have a root canal?
great.
maybe you got mugged.
wish i was there!
flat tire on the way home in the rain?
sounds fun.
and in other news...
okay, there isn't any other news.
i wish there was, but life is boring as hell sometimes.
and today is no exception.
i have a hangnail the size of Guam, and that's serving to preoccupy me a bit...
um...
there might be something of interest....
if i just think for a second...
ooh, that hurt, no more of that.
guess i'll go attempt to make something interesting happen...
Monday, March 08, 2004
this stupid computer is running about as fast as...
i would be at the end of a marathon.
in other words...
it's draggin ass somethin fierce.
not that i can entirely throw stones, what with living in the glass house of fatigue myself today...
but still.
it's a damn machine!!
it's not supposed to be affected by lack of sleep and hormonal/seasonal fluctuations in energy levels.
is it?
nah, i didn't think so, but i wanted to check.
So last night i was dead exhausted (due to a friday night drinking escapade, reading into the wee hours on saturday night, and spending all day sunday cooking and cleaning, then hosting a huge dinner.)
i actually dozed off around 8:30 while my husband was getting the kidlets jammied and planted in bed.
i was rudely jarred awake by him calling to me to come say goodnight to the little dears.
damn him.
so i cotton headedly (nice word) bid them bon nuit and wandered into the kitchen where i watched the hubby do dishes for a while before realizing that all i wanted was to go back to bed.
so i did, but on the way...
i had to check the bloggy stuff.
what a dumbass.
so anyway.
oh yeah...
i interupt this post to bring you a special announcement:
while i was cleaning up from the party, i sort of tripped and landed with my face in a pile of cake....
so, i had to eat it.
it felt so fucking great to eat real sugar and white flour and chocolate sprinkles!!!!!!!!
for about 5 seconds....
and the next greatest thing was washing it down with real, live, cow's milk.
milk.
aaaaaaaaaaaah.
have i ever mentioned how much i love a nice cold glass of milk?
milk and dessert!!!!
for me, it's like cigarettes and beer for some people.
like...my husband quit smoking a year ago, but if he drinks, he smokes.
anyway.
i'm terribly ashamed and feeling fatter already.
and of course the rest of the cake is sitting in the pantry and it's calling to me.
its silky smooth voice wafting out through the key hole of the closed door....
promising me that it won't turn to fat, that it won't make my body produce insulin....
it's a damn liar, but what a pretty voice...
maybe i'll just smell it...
or put some in my mouth and spit it out...
dammit.
stop!!!!
okay.
ahem.
where was i?
oh yeah.
so i was friggin tired last night, and before i had the chance to doze off...
i found myself in the mood for a little something else.
so that woke me right up and i ended up laying there, all sorts of satisfied and tired--but with my brain on crack, just going a mile a minute.
that inner monologue would not shut up.
and here's how i know the pms fairy was lurking--
at one point i was having a conversation with my sister, and a few tears leaked out.
cuz i was so moved by her willingness to help me with my writing.
let's keep in mind, this was all in my head!!!
i'm fucked.
i need some serious help.
see, i had an idea, and i had to pitch it to her in my head before doing it in person, to see how i thougt she would react...
apparently it's going to get really emotional, so forget it.
i'll shelve it for a while.
but at least it was good for a laugh.
so today is gorgeous and sunny and warm.
and i feel like laying on the couch with a blanket and a book.
i am not excited to see spring.
i am not filled with excitement and the sense of new and fresh things on the horizon.
i don't give a shit.
i feel like a bear who was awakened from hibernation.
fuck all y'all i'm going back to sleep!
that's what little Lisa Bear would say.
and for today, i'm not even excited about Vegas.
i just want to sleep.
would someone pack for me?
pick out some really slutty clothes, couldja?
cuz....
if i was in charge of packing for that trip right now, at this moment??
i would pack sweats, and slippers.
i'm sure i'll snap out of it soon, it's just weird.
i usually get all fluttery and sparkly when i smell spring floating in on the western wind....
just walking around the neighborhood while the boys ride their trikes or pull their wagons is enough to get me smiling.
we did that today and i dragged ass the whole time, eyes half closed.
i feel like someone drugged me.
it's probably the sugar.
i'm thinking about starting a new blog.
a second, "side blog" kind of thing.
cuz i have this friend who reallllllly ought to be blogging.
she's a spaz.
but she's scared to get started, so maybe i'll make her do a joint one with me (since we don't have a pipe).
if anyone's interested in writing a fantasy friday post, i will be accepting submissions.
you may request it to be posted anonymously, or with a link back to you, or under a pen name for all i care.
you may also submit requests for general plot ideas for the ones i write, but i won't make any promises...=)
and no, none of this means i've run out of fantasies...
okay, maybe it does.
but i'm sure it's only temporary.
oh, i added a couple of new pictures to my pictures links on the sidebar, so check em out.
or not.
in fact, if it requires effort, don't do it.
effort is the new eff word.
laying on the couch--no, in my bed.
with a book.
but my eyes will be closed.
sounds gooooooooood..............
in other words...
it's draggin ass somethin fierce.
not that i can entirely throw stones, what with living in the glass house of fatigue myself today...
but still.
it's a damn machine!!
it's not supposed to be affected by lack of sleep and hormonal/seasonal fluctuations in energy levels.
is it?
nah, i didn't think so, but i wanted to check.
So last night i was dead exhausted (due to a friday night drinking escapade, reading into the wee hours on saturday night, and spending all day sunday cooking and cleaning, then hosting a huge dinner.)
i actually dozed off around 8:30 while my husband was getting the kidlets jammied and planted in bed.
i was rudely jarred awake by him calling to me to come say goodnight to the little dears.
damn him.
so i cotton headedly (nice word) bid them bon nuit and wandered into the kitchen where i watched the hubby do dishes for a while before realizing that all i wanted was to go back to bed.
so i did, but on the way...
i had to check the bloggy stuff.
what a dumbass.
so anyway.
oh yeah...
i interupt this post to bring you a special announcement:
while i was cleaning up from the party, i sort of tripped and landed with my face in a pile of cake....
so, i had to eat it.
it felt so fucking great to eat real sugar and white flour and chocolate sprinkles!!!!!!!!
for about 5 seconds....
and the next greatest thing was washing it down with real, live, cow's milk.
milk.
aaaaaaaaaaaah.
have i ever mentioned how much i love a nice cold glass of milk?
milk and dessert!!!!
for me, it's like cigarettes and beer for some people.
like...my husband quit smoking a year ago, but if he drinks, he smokes.
anyway.
i'm terribly ashamed and feeling fatter already.
and of course the rest of the cake is sitting in the pantry and it's calling to me.
its silky smooth voice wafting out through the key hole of the closed door....
promising me that it won't turn to fat, that it won't make my body produce insulin....
it's a damn liar, but what a pretty voice...
maybe i'll just smell it...
or put some in my mouth and spit it out...
dammit.
stop!!!!
okay.
ahem.
where was i?
oh yeah.
so i was friggin tired last night, and before i had the chance to doze off...
i found myself in the mood for a little something else.
so that woke me right up and i ended up laying there, all sorts of satisfied and tired--but with my brain on crack, just going a mile a minute.
that inner monologue would not shut up.
and here's how i know the pms fairy was lurking--
at one point i was having a conversation with my sister, and a few tears leaked out.
cuz i was so moved by her willingness to help me with my writing.
let's keep in mind, this was all in my head!!!
i'm fucked.
i need some serious help.
see, i had an idea, and i had to pitch it to her in my head before doing it in person, to see how i thougt she would react...
apparently it's going to get really emotional, so forget it.
i'll shelve it for a while.
but at least it was good for a laugh.
so today is gorgeous and sunny and warm.
and i feel like laying on the couch with a blanket and a book.
i am not excited to see spring.
i am not filled with excitement and the sense of new and fresh things on the horizon.
i don't give a shit.
i feel like a bear who was awakened from hibernation.
fuck all y'all i'm going back to sleep!
that's what little Lisa Bear would say.
and for today, i'm not even excited about Vegas.
i just want to sleep.
would someone pack for me?
pick out some really slutty clothes, couldja?
cuz....
if i was in charge of packing for that trip right now, at this moment??
i would pack sweats, and slippers.
i'm sure i'll snap out of it soon, it's just weird.
i usually get all fluttery and sparkly when i smell spring floating in on the western wind....
just walking around the neighborhood while the boys ride their trikes or pull their wagons is enough to get me smiling.
we did that today and i dragged ass the whole time, eyes half closed.
i feel like someone drugged me.
it's probably the sugar.
i'm thinking about starting a new blog.
a second, "side blog" kind of thing.
cuz i have this friend who reallllllly ought to be blogging.
she's a spaz.
but she's scared to get started, so maybe i'll make her do a joint one with me (since we don't have a pipe).
if anyone's interested in writing a fantasy friday post, i will be accepting submissions.
you may request it to be posted anonymously, or with a link back to you, or under a pen name for all i care.
you may also submit requests for general plot ideas for the ones i write, but i won't make any promises...=)
and no, none of this means i've run out of fantasies...
okay, maybe it does.
but i'm sure it's only temporary.
oh, i added a couple of new pictures to my pictures links on the sidebar, so check em out.
or not.
in fact, if it requires effort, don't do it.
effort is the new eff word.
laying on the couch--no, in my bed.
with a book.
but my eyes will be closed.
sounds gooooooooood..............
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