Thursday, January 22, 2004

welcome to the twilight zone...

so last night i headed to Wally world for a little shopping excursion.
the high point of my week, sadly.
as i was rounding a corner, i saw a woman.
she was drawn and thin, looked like she looked older than she was.
in her cart were a couple dozen hot pockets and almost as many 2 liter bottles of coke.
i thought, typical trailer trash...then i noticed a bottle of bleach.
and the look in her eye was furtive, paranoid--guilty.
and i thought...doesn't bleach go into meth?
maybe not.
either way, she's an addict.
we have more meth labs per capita in utah than mormon churches.
okay, that was a funny joke, but you get the idea.
it's a big problem here.
the outdoor recreation stores can't even sell certain water purifier stuff because the ingredients are used for meth.

and then, i'm just tooling along, minding my own business...(read: conciously avoiding eye contact with everyone)
and a girl says, "excuse me."
and when she has my attention she asks if my curls are natural.
i affirm.
she goes on and on about how jealous she is and how great they look (it was a good hair day...)
she hoped i at least have to put some effort into it...
sorry, no.
so i'm beginning to feel sort of awkward, with all this gushing praise...
the thoughts in my head are, of course--"is she hitting on me? just really lonely? psycho? wearing any underwear?"
she says "your hair is so cute, you're so cute." and i want to run.
then she pulls out her trump card, and i wish i had run.
she's a cocksucking Mary Kay seller person.
she needs models for a before and after photo presentation she's preparing.
mm hmm.
and how much makeup are you going to try to sell me???
she was nice, but puh leeeez.
this ain't no model's face.
and i don't wear makeup.
but it's tempting to have someone put on a full face of it and see what a difference it makes...
maybe i'd want to buy some.
and then of course i kept running into her for the rest of my shopping excursion.
i totally hid at the end of an aisle and kept peeking down to see if she was gone before entering...

so then today, i finally get my lazy "i'vehadsickkidsallweek" ass to the gym.
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaw, first of all.
and then, as soon as i walk in i see DAVEY JONES!! my bud.
i have never yet seen anyone at the gym that i know outside the gym.
and while we're talking, over walks my youngest sister in law--she's a trainer there!
just started this week, and works during the time that i'm there.
do you know how fucking perfect this is???????
do you??
yeah, it kicks ass.
in fact, she was kind enough to kick my ass for me today.
if she's with a client, obviously, no free help for lisa, but i go during the slowest time of day and she said she's usually fairly bored!
we did some fantastic ab work that i couldn't do alone, and i got some new biceps workouts.
i'm getting some pipes--(here it comes....) fuckin' A!
and we got to catch up, chat, etc.

and my kids were huge brats today.
i know, it's so out of the ordinary.
well, let's just say, waaaaaay more bratty than usual.
they can be so dang cute sometimes...
good thing, or they'd have been sold long ago.

Bye Bye Benifer...
sad, isn't it?
oh wait.
actually, i don't give a damn.
but i couldn't resist commenting.

i just broke my own pathetic personal record for instant messaging.
3 chicks at the same time.
oh wait,that sounds suspiciously like what lawrence from office space would do if he had a million dollars...
and it was actually 2 chicks and a dude...sorry, dude.
but he was quick, so i spent most of the time with the chicks.
i'm laughing at the sexual implications.
i hope you're laughing too.

does anyone care that it's only 7 weeks until the first Metallica show??
probably not.
but i'm counting the minutes.
well, more like hours.
okay, fine, i'm counting the weeks.
you just saw me.
it's 7.
i hate when i try to exaggerate and get caught.
like when i said i was talking to three people?
yeah, i didn't really talk to anyone.
i just logged in and sat there.
hee hee.
nah, that one was true.
i got to talk to Nedra for the first real time, and that was fun.
i need to go out drinking and dancing with her sometime...
we'd probably come home with unfamiliar tatoos, piercings, men or women...
so now you see why i want to!
we'd have some fun, i guarantee it.
aw, who am i kidding?
we're a couple old farts with kids.
we'd probably diet cokes and compare stretch marks.
wanna come?