Saturday, January 17, 2004

okay, fine

so i have insomnia.
but at least my kids can wake me with yet another horror so i have to scramble from my bed in a panic.
today it was an entire bowl of popcorn spread over the living room, and kitchen floors.

sometimes i make strange decisions late at night.
sometimes i write things i'm happy with.

today is not either of those.
today is the i can't sleep but i am too distracted by the Wings episode on nick at nite to write anything worth reading day.

i'll just tune it out.
turn it off?
you may remember my tales of laziness...
the remote is on the table next to me.

i'm wearing my retainer...
we have this intricate dance, my teeth and i.
i love me retainer.
whenever i think my teeth are shifting i wear it for a night and all is well...
so the years passed and i lost my retainer, which was dusty and neglected...
now that i think of it, the poor little thing probably ran away.
so i went and got a new little pink friend.
we were quite happy together...
that lucious, aching pain in the morning, a testament to all the hard work it had done in the night,.
a few weeks ago my kids found it and played with it for a while and bent it all out of shape.
so i'm wearing it anyway.
i sure hope it doesn't make my teeth worse.

well, that's a minute you can never get back.
i apologize.

my fucking hair isn't growing either.
it usually grows at an alarming rate.
but it hasn't grown since, oh i don't know--THE DAY I DECIDED TO GROW IT OUT???
and it's the worst because i have these little fucking pieces that won't go up so i have to use all these stupid little clips to keep the shit out of my way while i work out.
just craved pie.
and donuts.
think quick girlie!
change the subject.
well, i have to pee so that's a good change of pace.

L.L. Bean.
why did i just picture that building?
i remember when that was the only store i knew of that was open 24 hours a day.
i do love my lil Maine.
i want to be that tough.
i want to be that full of texture and character and be a part of that place.
but it'll never happen.
i don't feel like i belong there anymore, anyway.
don't get me wrong, utah is just twisted and fucked up and i can't believe i only have a year and a half to solve the issue of socializing my children here in freakville.
but i don't need to live in maine either.
just somewhere normal for fuck's sake.
somewhere different.

okay, i'm reachy a state of incoherancy, so it's time to go.
maybe i can put myself to sleep with a little homespun bedtime story.

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