Sunday, January 25, 2004

i'm a million bucks short of being a millionaire...

no, i didn't watch Planes, Trains & Automobiles today.
well, okay, i did.
i had never noticed that line before and it made me giggle.
that character is so frickin great.
also, did you know that John Hughes directed that film?
i had no idea.
i thought he had only done the Rat Pack lovey dovey films, such as The breakfast club and pretty in pink...
i'm reminding myself of jay and silent bob in the beginning of Dogma.
so it must be time to change the subject....

we played a lengthy, sweaty round of Rearrange the House this weekend.
moved the guest room to the upstairs, and now the former guest room is a playroom.
with its very own couch tv/dvd player and all the little hoodlums' toys.
so now i don't have to listen to disney/and or pixar movies and bob the builder and other such crap all day.
and their toys don't get dragged all the fuck over my house.
all in all, very satisfying.

so the other day i was at the gym, i know, where else would i have actually gone??
and i saw a guy who looked exactly like this guy from my high school.
i couldn't remember his name at first, but then it came to me.
i won't share his last name, to protect the, uh not necessarily innocent, but at least uninvolved.
his first name is a good one, so i have to tell you--Bubba.
boy don't i miss that redneck town...
so anyway, since he was a definite thug type, and since no one would just move from maine to utah for the hell of it, especially not a thug type...i started theorizing, based on the fact that this man was someone from my hometown...and here's my genius idea: witness protection.
i was convinced of it.
i even started thinking about what exactly he may have been involved in to end up there.
but then, i got a closer look, and of course, he didn't look the same at all.

saw Along Came Polly, on friday night.
funny, cute little flick.

i'm turning into a movie crack whore.
not so much the crack, but it sounds better.

i made some fucking fantastic chicken and veggie kabob thingies.
and i'm not just talking good.
i'm talking so good you want, eat it?
so much for using witty metaphors.
but I do think that it was so good that if it wasn't food, you'd still want to eat it.
so there.


almonds don't taste very much like peanuts.
just thought i'd let you know.

and whoever told the penis enlargement people about my little problem (no pun intended...) you could tell them to back off. i'm not trying any of their crap. i like my penis just the way it is. AND i don't really need a mail order bride. a mail order third for an occassional friday night wouldn't be bad, but they're not offering those.

okay, so i realize that my outrage at spam is a little late, or something...
but the thing is, before this summer i never really got spam.
i don't know how it happened, but life changed for the worse and there's no going back.
oh well.
at least it gives me something to bitch about.
and lord knows i need that.

i remember once when i was about 10 or 12, my brothers were home for christmas and one of them was driving me home from ice skating and we were rounding that bend, the one by the calderwoods' old place, the first of two right angle curves in the road in the village, as its called. village? a post office the size of my kitchen, a kick ass little general store with kickass pizza and seafood, a bed and breakfast and a library that's open one day a week for 3 hours. THAT's the village. anyway. oh yeah. i don't remember what we were talking about, but i said "oh well." and went on to explain that that's what i say when there's nothing i can do about a situation. he laughed. i didn't understand why at the time, because i didn't think it was funny. i thought i had been very profound, very deep. now i get it. THAT's why he laughed. that was the same christmas that he said "psyche" a lot...hey, it was the 80's. coolest brother this side of, uh, somewhere. god DAMN, i have to stop using expressions that don't fit my dialogue.

speaking of dialogue...
next time i go to the library, i'm going to find a play.
ooh, or i could use shakespeare, since i have his collected works somewhere...
that's what my audio post will be.
cuz i have this theory...
i'm an amazing actress.
i've never tried it though.
yeah, i know.
i'm high.
or a complete dork.
either way...

so watch for that coming soon.
soon=sometime before i die, or maybe not.

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