Wednesday, November 10, 2004

day of a thousand posts

or, three.

i'm just feeling...
fragile right now.
and i'm not sure why.
i feel a bit empty, in a restless way.
i feel not anchored to the earth, somehow.
i even want to be for once.
i want to feel some firm, fertile earth beneath my bare feet.
i want to feel a fresh wind blowing around me.
i guess it all comes back to homesickness, at times like this--
as i connect with the deepest part of me,
and my yearning.
it is rooted in my home, by the sea.
but that's not what this feeling is really about.
i don't know what it is about...
i just feel......
but to what?
i can't define the source.
just a feeling sweeping through me.
i feel unstable on my feet.
i feel as though i am standing on a high cliff in a thunderstorm...

i am an independent, strong type.
who just needs a hug.
sometimes i don't understand why i take things personally--
and that taking something personally sometimes feels like a razor blade to the center of me.

it's probably the moon.
or homrones.
or the seasons.
as we all know--
i'm a goddess-superhero-icon.
and the pay's not so great, but the peace and joy inside are well worth it.
i think it passed.
and i think it's just a side effect of my life changing right now.
i feel like a stupid whiney baby--
for missing my husband for those extra few hours he's gone every day due to his commute....
because some people really are alone.
and i just feel alone.
sometimes i envy them the strength that comes from knowing there's no one to lean on.
or the freedom that comes from knowing there's no one to answer to.
and for this, i am considered a crazy lady.
...rightly so.

i am glad that i have this little spot,
where i can dump out the contents of my head, heart, pockets...
and i ought to start some fun contest so i can give away my fun prize.
what fun prize you ask?
well, i'll tell ya.
some magnets...
with er...
erotic pictures of me on them.
i got the idea from Will's fridge in one of his buzznet pictures.
so thank him, not me.

shoot me if i ever whine that much in one post again.
i could choose nto to post it,
but what would be the fun in that?
besides, my mood swings are what this fucking page is all about, right?
my bad.
i'm fucking tired.
so unless anyone has a magical chocolate mousse that'll make me drop ten pounds overnight--
i'm outta here.

if it's wednesday when you read this:
happy hump day.
especially to Chaz, who just learned yesterday the layman's meaning of that term.
i love swapping cliches and slang with brits.
(frankly, i'd rather be swapping bodily fluids with them, but--)

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