Words so tangled up in my head...

so, I'll come here, and sort through them.
I did not sleep well last night,
and tonight will be the same.
my stomach flips at the thought
of what tomorrow brings.
I am afraid to be consumed by my own excitement...
and afraid of being let down.
I have waited...patiently?
Perhaps.
Mostly I have pushed feelings down so deeply that I nearly forgot about them--
on a conscious level, at least.
I am holding my breath, now.
poised, ready.
ready to crumble, ready to exult.
not really ready at all...

I wish I could think of something else right now.
Like how it rained all day, but the sun came out,
and I made a beautiful dinner,
and got some great pictures to decorate my boys' room.
exactly what I've been looking for, in fact.
maybe I could talk about how frustrating it is to have 4 boys in the house...
4 boys who don't know the meaning of cleaning up after themselves!
I'm working hard on the two I spawned, but the other two???
COME ON!
they have mothers of their own.
and I just thought of a great new euphimism:
step-sonuva bitch!
train of thought: the cute lil step son is truly the son of a bitch.
but, sadly, he is also the step son of a bitch.
har.
I'm so funny it hurts.
or smells bad.
but maybe that's just my feet.
---or yours!!
get yer damn feet outta here!
sheesh.

Martini and Fondu Party on Saturday...
the hosts are doing the fondu,
and each couple is going to bring their favorite style of martini to share.
I'm going to do Mandarin martinis, I think.
but just to be sure, I'll start practicing tomorrow.

ok.
I don't feel any better,
but I'm a little distracted, at least.
and breathing again, at least for the most part.
but hey--
who needs oxygen, anyway??
psh.
not me.