(PICTURE LINKS ADDED)
and I mean that literally.
I'm going to attempt to post as if I've never written on a blog before.
do you think I can do it?
no?
well, fuck you.
I don't think I can, either, but you could show a little support!
I am more in love with Bo Bice than ever--
and I may have even won my husband over.
all this means is that he would go to the concert with me,
not that he would let me fuck the dude,
should I ever have the opportunity.
and no, I wouldn't be above getting him drunk and taking advantage of him after he passed out.
and taking pictures of it.
ahem.
but really I'm just excited for his first album to come out.
whether he wins or not,
he has won my--
NO
not my heart, you cunts.
respect.
jesus that would be weak--
my HEART?
psh.
ok, maybe a little...
ahem.
so anyway.
What would you say if I told you I smell like Old County Road, in the middle of summer?
nothing, unless you grew up where I did.
I mean, at most, you would look at me funnny and ask "why?"
well, I don't know.
but I've nearly passed out from the smell of my own gas, so I think you should take my word on it, and never EVER go near Old county road--
and hey!
if Pisser can talk about gas and still be cool, so can I....
right?
wow this feels a little weird...
crossing into unknown territory!
will you still love me?
my husband does, and he has to smell me, not just read about how smelly I am,
so I think you are probably required to still love me.
wow, that was liberating.
maybe now would be a good time to admit that I'm actually a 400 pound man...?
no?
ok.
I'll save that one for later.
I feel like a 400 pound man at least, does that count?
no?
ok.
why do I keep asking you questions???
YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING ME!!!
I mean, as you read this you might be,
but as I write it you're not.
bro in law came by tonight to check out the new place
brought some lamps...
naked chick lamps.
YES, I'll be taking pictures.
not exactly sure where to put them,
but they are cool.
have I mentioned lately that my husband has 5 brothers?
all 6 of them are tall, handsome, smart men.
it's rather awe-inspiring when you first start meeting them all.
the tallest of them is 6' 8", with the youngest a close second at 6' 7".
mine's a measley 6' 3".
heh.
the only true blonde of the group, too.
and, I might be biased, but he's my favorite.
(most of the time.)
always in the top 5, though.
perhaps all that testosterone is my excuse for the fart talk.
perhaps not.
I'll promise to never speak of it again,
if you will.
also, this computer is fucking pissing me off.
I have the worst luck with computers.
they hate me.
good thing the Mr. knows how to make them do the voodoo that they do so well
something something something
makes me wanna shoop
yeah.
little bit of salt n peppa.
(peppER.)
and now I will go.
because I have tortured you enough,
and drastically fallen short of my attempt to blog as though I'd never blogged before.
I do want to run across a beach
at sunset
in slow motion
and land
in
your arms,
though.
so that should count for something.
and I'm not hungry but I want to eat.
maybe that has some connection to this phantom 412 pounds I've gained this winter.
and, by the by, IT'S NOT WINTER ANYMORE.
so quit eating.
bitch.
ok, i'm really going now.
have a good day.
and give some good head if you can find a recipient.
School T-shirt Braless Photo
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