Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Humpty Dance Day

if you don't remember the moves, just join in anyway.
cuz, y'know...
the humpty dance is a chance to do the hump.
and it's Wednesday, so that's what that means.

ok, so just a quick "Bo" moment...
when I called in to vote last night...
(yes, I'm a huge loser, why do you ask?)
his voice was the one saying "thank you for voting",
and I couldn't stop pushing redial!
I wanted to just listen to him--
he was talking directly to ME!!
so then, because of all that,
I dreamed of him...
oh, sweet Bo...
he was a blogger, for the dream, and when I asked him who he thought was going to win tonight he smiled and said, "well, it's not going to be Miss Logan."
and then, in the dream, I realized her last name is not Logan, and wondered why he said that.
and there was not nearly enough sex, to suit me.
like, somewhere close to zero percent.

on Jimmy Kimmel Live, there were little girl twins interviewing Ben Stiller--
and they were hilarious--they acted exactly like my kids--
the overlapping questions, the quick subject changes.
the look on Ben's face was exactly the same as so many of the people without kids who have been assaulted by my kids' conversation.
it rocked.
twins rock.
mine graduate from preschool today...
so cute.

I sound like some sort of tv junkie...
I swear, the internet is my drug of choice!!

I went to the doctor yesterday,
and it is confirmed:
my mojo is officially missing.
yes, it was more of a "witch doctor" than an MD, but still.
my mojo has gone the way of the buffalo--
it is nearly extinct.
with it has gone my cockiness, my passion, my appetite for attention
(and destruction, even though I love GnR)
I'm pretty sure it's a weather-and-stress-induced problem...
but I guess I'm a little worried that this is just the person I become when I'm content.
is it a coincidence that "content" and "contention" have the same root?
did that make any sense?
of course not, but that's not the point.
the point is--
I am not born to be content.
I am wired for something totally different.
but, content I am.
life is good.
everywhere I look there is joy.
and, as it turns out, it is as boring as a library in hell.
I am slowly being shaped to fit the suburban housewife mold.
which shouldn't really bother me, because I am,
just that.
I'm a real, true grown-up.
with nothing more on my horizon than monogamy and making lunches.

ok, wow.
that was so fucking depressing, I had to cut out half of it,
and I still want to slit my wrists!!!!
(not really)
and I am sorry for all the downer posts lately--
I really do think I've lost my mojo,
but I'm certain it's only temporary.
in fact, I'm closing in on Dr. Evil as we speak,
and should have him captured, and the vial of mojo returned to its proper place
(shoved up my ass)
before you know it.
yes, he time travelled, disguised himself as a mermaid,
and pulled an Ursula, from Disney's The Little Mermaid:
convincing me to sing into a seashell in exchange for the ability to breathe under water...
of course, as soon as I had finished singing (or, more accurately, wailing), Dr. Evil threw off the disguise and laughed maniacally.
he then tossed me a gift certificate for SCUBA certification and equipment, so technically he kept his word.
damn loopholes.

I'll get my groove back so spectacularly that no one will even remember the name Stella.
and then you'll all be sorry.
not sorry, but something else.
I am the goddess of fickle-ness
so I'm sure I'll be back in the saddle again before too long.
probably I just need to relax.
I feel like a deer caught in the headlights--
except for the deer part.
and the headlights, really.
ah, where's Woody Allen when you need him??

ok, have a great day, and check for pictures later.
oh, and Sergei, I'm way too lazy to email or find the comments box or whatever, but the way I got the images to work for cafe press was to use Adobe Illustrator instead of Photoshop.
and yes, I feel rather like a prop plane pilot inside a space shuttle, using that.
also, it helps to choose the "save for web" option, when you're saving the file...
no, I don't know JACK. :)

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