there are Safeway supermarkets everywhere up here.
can't drive past one without pondering the age old question of just how one might extract an elephant from within...
yeah, yeah.
i just earned extra dork points.
and on saturday, in boise, we took exit 0 and i found myself trying to find a correlation between that and size 0.
perhaps if you take the exit, you will slip through a portal and be magically transformed into a size 0.
doesn't work that way apparently.
but i'm sure there's something there...
driving through these states...
i don't feel like i'm really here.
i'm just a line on a map.
propelled forward on a path, a trail--a train track, antiseptic, non interactive.
making no impression, leaving no mark.
not affecting the environment around me (okay, okay, minus the exhaust from my car...)
not a part of it, just a ribbon sliding through the pages of a book, fingers run through a bag of uncooked rice.
not unlike landing at an airport for a plane change--you can't say you visited that state, not really.
while driving, i read entries from Belle and Pisser, aloud to my husband.
it was reminiscent of days gone by, when people sat around doing embroidery and taking turns telling a story or making music.
tres old fashioned.
you know, me with my cell phone modem contraption, my laptop, and my AC adapter...
look at that river.
the brown water of spring churning along beside mel.
makes me wish i had a kayak strapped to my roof.
which is, surprsingly, even more fun than having a mattress strapped to one's back.
true story.
Monday, March 22, 2004
manic mondays are for sissies
metallica and godsmack concerts?
not for sissies.
well, okay, sissies are not actually prohibited from entering--
but they're generally escorted to the balcony seats and given earplugs and a glass of warm milk.
okay, or sometimes they stand next to me at the rail and show no emotion whatsoever.
and then there was the guy on the other side of me with a missing finger on one hand a big nasty oozing wart on the other.
not to mention his porn star/hick moustache.
i could tell he was highly uncomfortable in his own skin and i felt bad for him--
even composed a conversation, asking him about the finger, picturing a casual smile on my face and how i would put him at ease, then sensing his hesitation/discomfort, i would remark, in my wisdom and kindness, "our culture is way too fixated on perfection."
it would have been a tender moment, and changed his outlook on life, possibly saving him years of misery.
but i was too shy.
so the boys were all in top form last night, high energy.
godsmack dude (don't know his name, but i'd be glad to have his baby) took his shirt off and that was a special treat.
made me want to take mine off.
daaaamn.
oh, and my newest crush is Kirk Hammet, and his hair.
two separate crushes, actually.
damn i love that hair.
funny how his body seems hairless when his head his such beautiful locks.
also, i think it's important to note that i'm already beginning to exhibit signs of withdrawal.
it's a heady addiction, this life of a groupie.
i called my friend during the show so she could hear it, even though she probably couldn't hear a damn thing.
but i tried.
and that counts for something, these days.
a little something...
yadda yadda yadda.
coolest thing ever:
Cameron's father saved us a place in line cuz heh got there first.
almost used our extra ticket, too.
in his suit.
and cameron's brother had his "meet and greet" pass for last night's show.
he said it was very cool, very laid back, and he got to talk to each band member for a few minutes, and Kirk and James both recognized him from the previous shows and he had them sign two blank cd's that he's going to burn metallica onto. and, not surprisingly, all of the other fans were semi-coherant slobbering fools.
one guy even said, "you're the shit, man." to James hetfield whot had the funniest look on his face.
what an odd situation that is.
they must appreciate the adoration, but how can they not be disgusted with people like that?
so i'm sure D. made his typically good impression on them.
i'm so jealous i could pee.
well, actually i'm driving again so of course i have to pee.
i just can't seem to stop drinking bottle after bottle of water.
anyway.
we had a great time.
the whole weekend has been alternately relaxing and invigorating.
good food, without cheating on the FATkins diet (i may have stolen that from Kevynn Malone, but it's also possible that he's not the only one to call it that...)
Spokane is a strange city.
We were only there for about 16 hours, so it's hard to make an accurate assessment...
but it sure seemed like there were a lot of slums and run down nasty sections.
there were also some beautiful old buildings but we didn't see much that was nice.
weird.
oooh.
i had the sexiest dream last night!
damn.
i think i'll keep the details to myself, but it was extremely hot.
okay.
back to the regularly scheduled program...
the music.
it just seemed to be inside me, not just stopping at the eardrums and vibrating.
sinking into the deepest tissue of my muscles, sliding around my bones.
animating me from the outside.
looking around at all the other faces, wondering who is stoned senseless, who is flying, who is tripping, who is pissed drunk--and mostly wondering why.
why rob yourself of the experience you intended to have?
sign # 412 that Lisa is too fucking old for this shiiiiiiiit.
oh yeah!
Godsmack--2nd or 3rd song in, lead singer dude gets all pissed at the crowd in the seated section.
"get the fuck off your asses! you are not at home with a remote in your hand, you are not playing video games! get the fuck up and rock!"
so most of the people stood, but there were a few stragglers, so he turned his sexy fury on them.
"if you're still sitting you are either too drunk to stand or too old to be here, either way it's time to stand up!!"
so they did.
you don't mess with that guy.
even if he is my size.
that voice is bigger than The Rock.
...of course that could just be the 'roids on the part of the rock, but that's another story.
saw the coolest big rig yesterday.
it had a hand lettered sign taped to the back declaring: REAL WOMEN FLASH TRUCKERS
i almost did it.
it was like a dare--a challenge.
oh yeah?
well fuck you, cuz i am a real woman!
see?
yeah, if it wasn't for that pesky shoulder strap of the seatbelt...
that guy would've gotten an eye full of Lisa tit.
helucked missed out.
oh, by the way.
i think my kids have
somehow acquired their dialect psychicly (that doesn't look like a real word, but whatev.)
i know it sounds crazy, but just wait, i'll explain.
they have a maine accent sometimes, and use french pronunciation at times, as well.
like "toilet" they pronounce "twoilet".
um, nevermind.
it's not french.
god damn i'm getting dumber every day.
possibly every hour.
but i can't really be expected to take full responsibility for my words cuz my bladder is full.
i mean reallly damn full.
dammit, i just dropped my internet connection.
i'll switch to notepad so i can finish up and post it later.
in case you're wondering.
oh yeah, i also have a bunch of great pictures that will be coming soon--including but not limited to: my brother in law with each of the members of metallica.
okay.
i'm back in a sprint area.
here you go....
have a marvelous day.
or at least don't be a bitch.
not for sissies.
well, okay, sissies are not actually prohibited from entering--
but they're generally escorted to the balcony seats and given earplugs and a glass of warm milk.
okay, or sometimes they stand next to me at the rail and show no emotion whatsoever.
and then there was the guy on the other side of me with a missing finger on one hand a big nasty oozing wart on the other.
not to mention his porn star/hick moustache.
i could tell he was highly uncomfortable in his own skin and i felt bad for him--
even composed a conversation, asking him about the finger, picturing a casual smile on my face and how i would put him at ease, then sensing his hesitation/discomfort, i would remark, in my wisdom and kindness, "our culture is way too fixated on perfection."
it would have been a tender moment, and changed his outlook on life, possibly saving him years of misery.
but i was too shy.
so the boys were all in top form last night, high energy.
godsmack dude (don't know his name, but i'd be glad to have his baby) took his shirt off and that was a special treat.
made me want to take mine off.
daaaamn.
oh, and my newest crush is Kirk Hammet, and his hair.
two separate crushes, actually.
damn i love that hair.
funny how his body seems hairless when his head his such beautiful locks.
also, i think it's important to note that i'm already beginning to exhibit signs of withdrawal.
it's a heady addiction, this life of a groupie.
i called my friend during the show so she could hear it, even though she probably couldn't hear a damn thing.
but i tried.
and that counts for something, these days.
a little something...
yadda yadda yadda.
coolest thing ever:
Cameron's father saved us a place in line cuz heh got there first.
almost used our extra ticket, too.
in his suit.
and cameron's brother had his "meet and greet" pass for last night's show.
he said it was very cool, very laid back, and he got to talk to each band member for a few minutes, and Kirk and James both recognized him from the previous shows and he had them sign two blank cd's that he's going to burn metallica onto. and, not surprisingly, all of the other fans were semi-coherant slobbering fools.
one guy even said, "you're the shit, man." to James hetfield whot had the funniest look on his face.
what an odd situation that is.
they must appreciate the adoration, but how can they not be disgusted with people like that?
so i'm sure D. made his typically good impression on them.
i'm so jealous i could pee.
well, actually i'm driving again so of course i have to pee.
i just can't seem to stop drinking bottle after bottle of water.
anyway.
we had a great time.
the whole weekend has been alternately relaxing and invigorating.
good food, without cheating on the FATkins diet (i may have stolen that from Kevynn Malone, but it's also possible that he's not the only one to call it that...)
Spokane is a strange city.
We were only there for about 16 hours, so it's hard to make an accurate assessment...
but it sure seemed like there were a lot of slums and run down nasty sections.
there were also some beautiful old buildings but we didn't see much that was nice.
weird.
oooh.
i had the sexiest dream last night!
damn.
i think i'll keep the details to myself, but it was extremely hot.
okay.
back to the regularly scheduled program...
the music.
it just seemed to be inside me, not just stopping at the eardrums and vibrating.
sinking into the deepest tissue of my muscles, sliding around my bones.
animating me from the outside.
looking around at all the other faces, wondering who is stoned senseless, who is flying, who is tripping, who is pissed drunk--and mostly wondering why.
why rob yourself of the experience you intended to have?
sign # 412 that Lisa is too fucking old for this shiiiiiiiit.
oh yeah!
Godsmack--2nd or 3rd song in, lead singer dude gets all pissed at the crowd in the seated section.
"get the fuck off your asses! you are not at home with a remote in your hand, you are not playing video games! get the fuck up and rock!"
so most of the people stood, but there were a few stragglers, so he turned his sexy fury on them.
"if you're still sitting you are either too drunk to stand or too old to be here, either way it's time to stand up!!"
so they did.
you don't mess with that guy.
even if he is my size.
that voice is bigger than The Rock.
...of course that could just be the 'roids on the part of the rock, but that's another story.
saw the coolest big rig yesterday.
it had a hand lettered sign taped to the back declaring: REAL WOMEN FLASH TRUCKERS
i almost did it.
it was like a dare--a challenge.
oh yeah?
well fuck you, cuz i am a real woman!
see?
yeah, if it wasn't for that pesky shoulder strap of the seatbelt...
that guy would've gotten an eye full of Lisa tit.
he
oh, by the way.
i think my kids have
somehow acquired their dialect psychicly (that doesn't look like a real word, but whatev.)
i know it sounds crazy, but just wait, i'll explain.
they have a maine accent sometimes, and use french pronunciation at times, as well.
like "toilet" they pronounce "twoilet".
um, nevermind.
it's not french.
god damn i'm getting dumber every day.
possibly every hour.
but i can't really be expected to take full responsibility for my words cuz my bladder is full.
i mean reallly damn full.
dammit, i just dropped my internet connection.
i'll switch to notepad so i can finish up and post it later.
in case you're wondering.
oh yeah, i also have a bunch of great pictures that will be coming soon--including but not limited to: my brother in law with each of the members of metallica.
okay.
i'm back in a sprint area.
here you go....
have a marvelous day.
or at least don't be a bitch.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Ramblings while driving Friday night...
(lost my connection while writing so i had to save it and work off line... but here's what i wrote)
Once again I’m driving and surfing the web…
This is such an addiction .
I wonder if it’s warm outside.
I am boring.
The sky is a beautiful jumble of pinks and blues, clouds and mountains.
I forget how much I love clouds when I’m in utah…
So dry, there aren’t often clouds.
I guess I’m still in utah?
Don’t know.
Might be in Idaho.
In any case, there is more humidity here, I can feel it.
Cattle grazing.
In my part of utah the sky is always blue, there aren’t often clouds like this.
Or maybe I just don’t notice.
We’re driving across a small plain, between two sets of low mountains.
There is nothing for miles and miels, then there is a small cluster of homes.
The exit states, simply, “Juniper Road”, no town name cited.
Silos.
Big fat, pointy topped silos.
Irrigation systems, like preying mantis armies, all in a row.
This is closer to solitude than I’ve been in a long time.
I feel a yearning to sit in that small house with this laptop and write the great American piece of shit.
Up through the hills.
Sky still pink and now a darker shade of blue, gray.
The pink is deeper.
If only I could paint this onto a water color, I could save a thousand words.
How to survive a ranchers life, a farmer’s life?
The long hours the delicate balance of nature, pouring your every breath, every calorie into producing something which will be sold to provide your income—after paying for new livestock, equipment repairs, seed, feed, etc, etc, etc...
what a whiney ass lazy spoiled little girl i am.
*************
Sunday 1pm
we had a wonderful relaxing day in Boise--not a bad little city.
low cost of living, still room to buy a decent amount of land and not be far from the city.
did a little shopping...
got some new gym shoes--30 bucks for a pair of 75$ shoes, always a thrill.
and some new bras, hallelujah! (and no, i won't be modelling them for you)
um...what else did i buy?
guess that's it.
so...
we got in line for the show, a little later than we had hoped, but ended up getting the perfect spot inside.
perfect.
cuz we knew something no one else knew.
we knew that Godsmack would start the show 'facing' one direction, but Metallica would start on the other side.
AND we knew that there really was no front, we knew the inside pooper scooper.
so, while everyone else piled up 3 and 4 rows deep at what appeared to be the front of the stage, we sauntered over to the "back" and got 4 comfortable positions on the rail.
and they rocked OUR fucking socks off.
literally--I could swear i wore socks in, but when i got home and took off my boots i had no socks.
fuckin weird.
which reminds me--i will be wearing sneakers tonight.
why did i forget to do that last night???
vanity, i suppose.
although sneaks would've looked just as good with what i wore last night.
whatever.
so we had a couple of minor incidents with dumb girls trying to push their way into our space, but we basiclaly prevailed.
lame.
we all caught guitar picks and Cameron caught a drumstick.
souvenirs.
silliness, really.
and they were really on last night.
vegas they were off, not just me.
or the crowd was just better, or something.
anyway, whatever.
cuz it blew me away.
one of the cute things James does (and yes, i'm sure that's some sort of an oxymoron) is says, "give me an 'm', give me an 'e', give me a 't' give me an 'a'--give me fuel give me fire give me that which i desire!" and segues into that song.
fucking love that song.
another of his little phrases is "i have two and a half words for you--kill em all"
and i have a really sparkly feeling in the pit of my stomach (which i always want to spell stomache) that i'm going to get to meet them tonight.
my brother in law has the "meet and greet" pass for tonight, which means he's definitely meeting them (not sure if the greet part is mandatory...)
but knowing him, and his smoother operator ways...i don't know.
big things have been known to happen when that man is involved.
he has a way of making people do things, making people want to do things for him.
it's fucking cool.
i'm listening to a cd we downloaded (and paid for, amazingly) from the Las Vegas show.
kind of cool.
*************
driving through Oregon was cool.
um, there were a zillion trees, then they just stopped, on the other side of the mountain.
like flipping a switch.
and i have to pee like a, like a...well, fuck.
i have to pee like a woman who's been drinking water all day and is stuck in a car.
well, kind of.
i know i'm sort of reaching with that analogy, but work with me here.
and look at that--we're at a gas station.
what the hell am i doing finishing this post?
get me to the god damn bathroom!!!!!!!!!
later--and believe me there will be more....
Once again I’m driving and surfing the web…
This is such an addiction .
I wonder if it’s warm outside.
I am boring.
The sky is a beautiful jumble of pinks and blues, clouds and mountains.
I forget how much I love clouds when I’m in utah…
So dry, there aren’t often clouds.
I guess I’m still in utah?
Don’t know.
Might be in Idaho.
In any case, there is more humidity here, I can feel it.
Cattle grazing.
In my part of utah the sky is always blue, there aren’t often clouds like this.
Or maybe I just don’t notice.
We’re driving across a small plain, between two sets of low mountains.
There is nothing for miles and miels, then there is a small cluster of homes.
The exit states, simply, “Juniper Road”, no town name cited.
Silos.
Big fat, pointy topped silos.
Irrigation systems, like preying mantis armies, all in a row.
This is closer to solitude than I’ve been in a long time.
I feel a yearning to sit in that small house with this laptop and write the great American piece of shit.
Up through the hills.
Sky still pink and now a darker shade of blue, gray.
The pink is deeper.
If only I could paint this onto a water color, I could save a thousand words.
How to survive a ranchers life, a farmer’s life?
The long hours the delicate balance of nature, pouring your every breath, every calorie into producing something which will be sold to provide your income—after paying for new livestock, equipment repairs, seed, feed, etc, etc, etc...
what a whiney ass lazy spoiled little girl i am.
*************
Sunday 1pm
we had a wonderful relaxing day in Boise--not a bad little city.
low cost of living, still room to buy a decent amount of land and not be far from the city.
did a little shopping...
got some new gym shoes--30 bucks for a pair of 75$ shoes, always a thrill.
and some new bras, hallelujah! (and no, i won't be modelling them for you)
um...what else did i buy?
guess that's it.
so...
we got in line for the show, a little later than we had hoped, but ended up getting the perfect spot inside.
perfect.
cuz we knew something no one else knew.
we knew that Godsmack would start the show 'facing' one direction, but Metallica would start on the other side.
AND we knew that there really was no front, we knew the inside pooper scooper.
so, while everyone else piled up 3 and 4 rows deep at what appeared to be the front of the stage, we sauntered over to the "back" and got 4 comfortable positions on the rail.
and they rocked OUR fucking socks off.
literally--I could swear i wore socks in, but when i got home and took off my boots i had no socks.
fuckin weird.
which reminds me--i will be wearing sneakers tonight.
why did i forget to do that last night???
vanity, i suppose.
although sneaks would've looked just as good with what i wore last night.
whatever.
so we had a couple of minor incidents with dumb girls trying to push their way into our space, but we basiclaly prevailed.
lame.
we all caught guitar picks and Cameron caught a drumstick.
souvenirs.
silliness, really.
and they were really on last night.
vegas they were off, not just me.
or the crowd was just better, or something.
anyway, whatever.
cuz it blew me away.
one of the cute things James does (and yes, i'm sure that's some sort of an oxymoron) is says, "give me an 'm', give me an 'e', give me a 't' give me an 'a'--give me fuel give me fire give me that which i desire!" and segues into that song.
fucking love that song.
another of his little phrases is "i have two and a half words for you--kill em all"
and i have a really sparkly feeling in the pit of my stomach (which i always want to spell stomache) that i'm going to get to meet them tonight.
my brother in law has the "meet and greet" pass for tonight, which means he's definitely meeting them (not sure if the greet part is mandatory...)
but knowing him, and his smoother operator ways...i don't know.
big things have been known to happen when that man is involved.
he has a way of making people do things, making people want to do things for him.
it's fucking cool.
i'm listening to a cd we downloaded (and paid for, amazingly) from the Las Vegas show.
kind of cool.
*************
driving through Oregon was cool.
um, there were a zillion trees, then they just stopped, on the other side of the mountain.
like flipping a switch.
and i have to pee like a, like a...well, fuck.
i have to pee like a woman who's been drinking water all day and is stuck in a car.
well, kind of.
i know i'm sort of reaching with that analogy, but work with me here.
and look at that--we're at a gas station.
what the hell am i doing finishing this post?
get me to the god damn bathroom!!!!!!!!!
later--and believe me there will be more....
Friday, March 19, 2004
just a quickie
heading north, still.
i am not over my amazement at the ability to be connected to the internet while driving.
fuckin' A.
so here's my favorite lil jokey thing, and if you've seen it before, sucks to be you.
read it out loud:
I AM SOFA KING WEE TODD DID
and when you figure it out, i'm confident that you'll agree that I am just that.
when it comes to be a soothing light at the end of your tunnel
it's just a freight train heading your waaaaaay
little No Leaf Clover from my boys, Metallica.
I'm just shy of 24 hours from the second of three shows.
yeah.
and maybe this time i'll feel it.
i think last time i was wearing too much makeup and too little alcohol.
not so much the wearing on the part of the alocohol, but you know what i fucking mean.
feeling the need to use the fuck word a bit more than usual today.
(don't s-a-y the fuck word, as Becky always says...pst, Hi Becks)
uh.
where was i?
well...somewhere between Twin Falls and Boise Idaho....
har.
oh yeah.
i might drink this time.
i'm sort of off alcohol these past few weeks...don't know.
ooooh, yeah, and i don't have a rascally sunburn this time either--that'll help.
AND we're driving tonight so i'll have all of tomorrow to, er, well, at the risk of sounding like that crotchety old lady we all know me to be....i'll have all of tomorrow to REST UP.
god.
that's just fucking pathetic.
that poses an interesting question...
if you're too tired after driving 6 hours, with a sunburn to either A. enjoy the show fully or B. drink ....
are you too damn old to be attempting such ventures???
throw me a frickin' bone, people.
i mean come on!!
i'm not even 29 yet (ironically enough, i hit the 0 first...20, huh? wow i was sure young and fucked in the head....)
i will rock Boise's socks off tomorrow night.
and those Metallica old farts will get tired just watching me.!
damn straight.
i am not over my amazement at the ability to be connected to the internet while driving.
fuckin' A.
so here's my favorite lil jokey thing, and if you've seen it before, sucks to be you.
read it out loud:
I AM SOFA KING WEE TODD DID
and when you figure it out, i'm confident that you'll agree that I am just that.
when it comes to be a soothing light at the end of your tunnel
it's just a freight train heading your waaaaaay
little No Leaf Clover from my boys, Metallica.
I'm just shy of 24 hours from the second of three shows.
yeah.
and maybe this time i'll feel it.
i think last time i was wearing too much makeup and too little alcohol.
not so much the wearing on the part of the alocohol, but you know what i fucking mean.
feeling the need to use the fuck word a bit more than usual today.
(don't s-a-y the fuck word, as Becky always says...pst, Hi Becks)
uh.
where was i?
well...somewhere between Twin Falls and Boise Idaho....
har.
oh yeah.
i might drink this time.
i'm sort of off alcohol these past few weeks...don't know.
ooooh, yeah, and i don't have a rascally sunburn this time either--that'll help.
AND we're driving tonight so i'll have all of tomorrow to, er, well, at the risk of sounding like that crotchety old lady we all know me to be....i'll have all of tomorrow to REST UP.
god.
that's just fucking pathetic.
that poses an interesting question...
if you're too tired after driving 6 hours, with a sunburn to either A. enjoy the show fully or B. drink ....
are you too damn old to be attempting such ventures???
throw me a frickin' bone, people.
i mean come on!!
i'm not even 29 yet (ironically enough, i hit the 0 first...20, huh? wow i was sure young and fucked in the head....)
i will rock Boise's socks off tomorrow night.
and those Metallica old farts will get tired just watching me.!
damn straight.
Fantasy Friday
********Blue Collar Caller (as opposed to Gentleman Caller...hee hee)************
Without a word, you step through the door.
I don't even know your name, just your face and the roar of your Harley.
my pulse quickens, like a cliche.
i step back, you close the door.
you remove your sunglasses, and my stomach leaps to my throat as our eyes meet.
this is it, i think.
you step closer, removing my shirt in one fluid motion.
before the shock can register, i'm against the wall, with you in my eyes, nose and mouth.
i have always known it would be like this, as i watched you from my kitchen window.
working on your bike, smoking.
nothing else exists.
i tear at your belt, finally getting to what's inside and revelling in that first touch
--the soft dry skin against my hands, i begin with a light massage.
you smile down at me, almost a sneer, showing your approval.
you thought i might resist.
apparently you never saw me watching.
you with your tattoos and earrings, your bike, your blue collar quietness.
you had not failed to notice my bikini-gardening...
i want to push you down, slide on top.
you are in control, and it makes me squirm, adding to the pleasure.
your hands rough from building houses feel like warm sand paper against my skin, and i don't want you to ever stop touching me.
as your shirt comes off, i bite your neck, you grab my hair and pull my head back, biting back, licking...
i've already started moaning and you're not even inside...
you kiss me on the mouth, for the first time--hard.
i continue my massage, just so, thumb on the vein, rotating my wrist.
you brace yourself, hands on the wall on either side of me and let it rock you.
i stop abruptly and stand still.
the gleam in your eye is mixed with anger and pleasure.
you easily encirle both my wrists and pin them above my head, as you slide inside.
finally, an end to the torment of wanting.
and the beginning of the sweetest torment of all...
you release my hands and kiss me softly, as if to reassure me that the tough guy act is just an act.
i bite your lip, and sink my nails into your back.
you kiss me again and i can't take anymore...
i push you onto the table and pin your arms, with a defiant half-smile.
i'm almost there...so close...
you break free of my loose grip and spank me, just right, sending me over the edge.
we tumble to the floor in exhaustion, and you say drily, "wanna catch dinner sometime?"
Without a word, you step through the door.
I don't even know your name, just your face and the roar of your Harley.
my pulse quickens, like a cliche.
i step back, you close the door.
you remove your sunglasses, and my stomach leaps to my throat as our eyes meet.
this is it, i think.
you step closer, removing my shirt in one fluid motion.
before the shock can register, i'm against the wall, with you in my eyes, nose and mouth.
i have always known it would be like this, as i watched you from my kitchen window.
working on your bike, smoking.
nothing else exists.
i tear at your belt, finally getting to what's inside and revelling in that first touch
--the soft dry skin against my hands, i begin with a light massage.
you smile down at me, almost a sneer, showing your approval.
you thought i might resist.
apparently you never saw me watching.
you with your tattoos and earrings, your bike, your blue collar quietness.
you had not failed to notice my bikini-gardening...
i want to push you down, slide on top.
you are in control, and it makes me squirm, adding to the pleasure.
your hands rough from building houses feel like warm sand paper against my skin, and i don't want you to ever stop touching me.
as your shirt comes off, i bite your neck, you grab my hair and pull my head back, biting back, licking...
i've already started moaning and you're not even inside...
you kiss me on the mouth, for the first time--hard.
i continue my massage, just so, thumb on the vein, rotating my wrist.
you brace yourself, hands on the wall on either side of me and let it rock you.
i stop abruptly and stand still.
the gleam in your eye is mixed with anger and pleasure.
you easily encirle both my wrists and pin them above my head, as you slide inside.
finally, an end to the torment of wanting.
and the beginning of the sweetest torment of all...
you release my hands and kiss me softly, as if to reassure me that the tough guy act is just an act.
i bite your lip, and sink my nails into your back.
you kiss me again and i can't take anymore...
i push you onto the table and pin your arms, with a defiant half-smile.
i'm almost there...so close...
you break free of my loose grip and spank me, just right, sending me over the edge.
we tumble to the floor in exhaustion, and you say drily, "wanna catch dinner sometime?"
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Footnote to the multi-tasking issue...
I'm so bothered by my loss of ability that today i attempted to win back the title of Supreme Multi-Tasker.
that went well.
I was:
1. cooking dinner,
2. on the phone with my Mom,
3. finding/scheduling/buying her a plane ticket to come visit,
4. and oh yeah, there's them pesky kids....(throwing tupperware lids around like frisbees...)
No problem.
I'm aaaallll over it.
riiiiiight.
so as i click "buy this fare" I happen to notice that i've conveniently selected dates and times for travel FROM salt lake TO maine.
um.
fuck.
so i start over, but it turns out well because we ended up getting her the dates she wanted.
so we had a good laugh...
and then when i was about to enter the credit card info, i noticed that the ticket was in MY name.
my info was saved under a profile and it filled in automatically...
but still.
so it wouldn't let me change the fucking name "at this point in the reservation" so i had to start the fuck over.
fuck.
well, so much for winning back that title, eh?
oh well.
at least i talked to the neighbor today--she's selling her Harley...
would love to sell it to us...
how many bj's would that cost me?
hubby's not too keen on the bike thing, but he could be persuaded...
we'll see.
time to go pack, etc.
hopefully i'll get a fantasy friday posted before i go...
if not, please forgive me, and instead of reading one, imagine one...
(yes, weak, i know...)
that went well.
I was:
1. cooking dinner,
2. on the phone with my Mom,
3. finding/scheduling/buying her a plane ticket to come visit,
4. and oh yeah, there's them pesky kids....(throwing tupperware lids around like frisbees...)
No problem.
I'm aaaallll over it.
riiiiiight.
so as i click "buy this fare" I happen to notice that i've conveniently selected dates and times for travel FROM salt lake TO maine.
um.
fuck.
so i start over, but it turns out well because we ended up getting her the dates she wanted.
so we had a good laugh...
and then when i was about to enter the credit card info, i noticed that the ticket was in MY name.
my info was saved under a profile and it filled in automatically...
but still.
so it wouldn't let me change the fucking name "at this point in the reservation" so i had to start the fuck over.
fuck.
well, so much for winning back that title, eh?
oh well.
at least i talked to the neighbor today--she's selling her Harley...
would love to sell it to us...
how many bj's would that cost me?
hubby's not too keen on the bike thing, but he could be persuaded...
we'll see.
time to go pack, etc.
hopefully i'll get a fantasy friday posted before i go...
if not, please forgive me, and instead of reading one, imagine one...
(yes, weak, i know...)
i'm beginning to worrry that i've lived in utah too long
the most disturbing thing came to my attention the other day while driving...
i am shocked and appalled.
i no longer use my turn signals.
i don't think i can even look at myself right now, i'm so utterly aghast.
it seems i have become one with the people around me, just as i feared.
i'm going to the tanning beds, too.
what next?
dear lord don't let me get acrylic nails.
please!
for the love of all things individual and unique!!!
keep me from dying my hair blonde, wearing it straight and shopping exclusively at Dillard's.
i hereby vow to start using my turn signals again--over using if i must--to atone for my sins.
i used to use them without even thinking.
it was part of the process, if i was going to head in a new direction, i felt it couldn't even be accomplished if i didn't flick that little wand up or down.
I remember getting teased for using them in a deserted cemetery in the middle of the night.
Compulsion.
A part of driving.
Anyway, whatever.
It is yet another fucking gorgeous day.
I should have taken the boys for a hike, but now it's too late.
There will be plenty more days for that, so I'm not worried.
And I've realized I am afforded a really great amount of freedom which I tend to overlook.
And that is: most people over the age of 12 are at school or work on days like this.
Beautiful, clearest of bluest of skies, warm soft air, fresh new growth sprouting everywhere?
Not I.
I get to do whatever I want.
--provided I can coerce les deux petits enfants into being good enough to make it work...
And the good news is, I get to leave this state again, tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaaaaah.
Of course, Idaho ain't much better.
But I won't focus on that.
I'll just keep chanting, "I'm not in utah, I'm not in utah.?"
Until my husband pushes me out of the speeding car or I put myself to sleep...
Actually I've heard Boise is a pretty nice little city, and then it's on to Spokane on Sunday.
My husband's father lives there, so we'll have dinner with him.
Erg.
He deserted his SIX sons and his wife 20 years ago.
And only resurfaced when they were all grown up, getting married, etc.
Complete shit bag.
But whatever.
it must be done.
i actually like the guy, minus his history--you know?
that makes my skin crawl.
anyway, enough of that.
lots to do today, getting packed, getting the kids packed, etc.
it'll be nice to not go anywhere for a while, when we get back.
oh, and check out the gorgeous little story that was left, anonymously, in the comment box this morning...
this guy is great.
i am shocked and appalled.
i no longer use my turn signals.
i don't think i can even look at myself right now, i'm so utterly aghast.
it seems i have become one with the people around me, just as i feared.
i'm going to the tanning beds, too.
what next?
dear lord don't let me get acrylic nails.
please!
for the love of all things individual and unique!!!
keep me from dying my hair blonde, wearing it straight and shopping exclusively at Dillard's.
i hereby vow to start using my turn signals again--over using if i must--to atone for my sins.
i used to use them without even thinking.
it was part of the process, if i was going to head in a new direction, i felt it couldn't even be accomplished if i didn't flick that little wand up or down.
I remember getting teased for using them in a deserted cemetery in the middle of the night.
Compulsion.
A part of driving.
Anyway, whatever.
It is yet another fucking gorgeous day.
I should have taken the boys for a hike, but now it's too late.
There will be plenty more days for that, so I'm not worried.
And I've realized I am afforded a really great amount of freedom which I tend to overlook.
And that is: most people over the age of 12 are at school or work on days like this.
Beautiful, clearest of bluest of skies, warm soft air, fresh new growth sprouting everywhere?
Not I.
I get to do whatever I want.
--provided I can coerce les deux petits enfants into being good enough to make it work...
And the good news is, I get to leave this state again, tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaaaaah.
Of course, Idaho ain't much better.
But I won't focus on that.
I'll just keep chanting, "I'm not in utah, I'm not in utah.?"
Until my husband pushes me out of the speeding car or I put myself to sleep...
Actually I've heard Boise is a pretty nice little city, and then it's on to Spokane on Sunday.
My husband's father lives there, so we'll have dinner with him.
Erg.
He deserted his SIX sons and his wife 20 years ago.
And only resurfaced when they were all grown up, getting married, etc.
Complete shit bag.
But whatever.
it must be done.
i actually like the guy, minus his history--you know?
that makes my skin crawl.
anyway, enough of that.
lots to do today, getting packed, getting the kids packed, etc.
it'll be nice to not go anywhere for a while, when we get back.
oh, and check out the gorgeous little story that was left, anonymously, in the comment box this morning...
this guy is great.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
I'm trying not to....But I think I have to say....
Top o' the mornin' to ya!
I fought it, I really did.
but since I'm half Irish/half nerd...
well, it was inevitable.
I used to love St. Patrick's Day...
but now?
there is little or no difference between it and any other day.
I guess I better find something green to wear to the gym...
I don't have any green gym clothes.
I do have a green thong, but I believe I've already discussed the pros and cons of wearing one of those to work out.
oh.
duh.
my nose ring.
stupid thing is green.
why I didn't stick to my guns and get a clear one is beyond me.
oh what am I bitching about?
I like it just the way it is. sniff. Don't ever change, man!
I had a kooky "Dennis Miller is in my zoology class" dream last night...
yeah.
I think I would actually take a zoology class if Dennis Miller was in it.
Hell, I would sign up for Fear Factor: the snake edition if Dennis Miller was the host.
(pst--can you see I'm trying to make myself use the shift key?)
I love that man.
in every possible definition of love.
he is god.
okay that's enough of that I guess.
it's a beautiful world.
time to plant some flowers.
only the city isn't turning on our outside water until April 15th.
fuckers.
don't they know we need to water now??
we aerated and fertilized, but there's no water.
oh well.
it's still a beautiful world.
it would be a little more beautiful if I had some eggs in the fridge.
guess i could go lick the floor in the boys' room.
It occurred to me the other day, that I have truly lost my ability to mutli-task.
There was once a time when I could read a book, watch a tv show, and follow a conversation all at the same time.
Or talk on the phone to my Mom for an hour, while baking a new and glorious dessert, without skipping a beat.
Now?
I cannot even talk and take a piss at the same time.
i'm not kidding.
i can barely walk and chew gum.
okay, okay, i can do that.
and i'm still better at multi tasking than my husband.
but it really worries me that i can't pee if i'm talking--what kind of weird malfunction is THAT??
I wish i was going to a small pub in Boston to drink green beer.
but i'm not.
i'm sitting home alone while my husband goes to salt lake to do something with his 7 year old.
which is good.
hell, maybe i'll even get some writing done.
and i do have some beer, and some green food coloring.
so maybe i'll dress in green, drink my beer and do the irish jig.
don't you wish i had a webcam? =)
have a happy green filled day, everyone.
and no irish jokes, or i'll kick your ass.
(okay, probably i would just laugh)
I fought it, I really did.
but since I'm half Irish/half nerd...
well, it was inevitable.
I used to love St. Patrick's Day...
but now?
there is little or no difference between it and any other day.
I guess I better find something green to wear to the gym...
I don't have any green gym clothes.
I do have a green thong, but I believe I've already discussed the pros and cons of wearing one of those to work out.
oh.
duh.
my nose ring.
stupid thing is green.
why I didn't stick to my guns and get a clear one is beyond me.
oh what am I bitching about?
I like it just the way it is. sniff. Don't ever change, man!
I had a kooky "Dennis Miller is in my zoology class" dream last night...
yeah.
I think I would actually take a zoology class if Dennis Miller was in it.
Hell, I would sign up for Fear Factor: the snake edition if Dennis Miller was the host.
(pst--can you see I'm trying to make myself use the shift key?)
I love that man.
in every possible definition of love.
he is god.
okay that's enough of that I guess.
it's a beautiful world.
time to plant some flowers.
only the city isn't turning on our outside water until April 15th.
fuckers.
don't they know we need to water now??
we aerated and fertilized, but there's no water.
oh well.
it's still a beautiful world.
it would be a little more beautiful if I had some eggs in the fridge.
guess i could go lick the floor in the boys' room.
It occurred to me the other day, that I have truly lost my ability to mutli-task.
There was once a time when I could read a book, watch a tv show, and follow a conversation all at the same time.
Or talk on the phone to my Mom for an hour, while baking a new and glorious dessert, without skipping a beat.
Now?
I cannot even talk and take a piss at the same time.
i'm not kidding.
i can barely walk and chew gum.
okay, okay, i can do that.
and i'm still better at multi tasking than my husband.
but it really worries me that i can't pee if i'm talking--what kind of weird malfunction is THAT??
I wish i was going to a small pub in Boston to drink green beer.
but i'm not.
i'm sitting home alone while my husband goes to salt lake to do something with his 7 year old.
which is good.
hell, maybe i'll even get some writing done.
and i do have some beer, and some green food coloring.
so maybe i'll dress in green, drink my beer and do the irish jig.
don't you wish i had a webcam? =)
have a happy green filled day, everyone.
and no irish jokes, or i'll kick your ass.
(okay, probably i would just laugh)
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
it's a 5 o'clock world and the whistle blows...
okay, not so much for me, but...
it is 5 o'clock.
and i forgot to post today.
damn i'm flaky.
i even got up early (7:30, that's early for me so back off!)
and hit the gym earlier than usual, but....
somehow i frittered away the afternoon.
i have a friend who needs an excerpt from my stupid ass cock sucking mother fucking cunt of a book.
i want to torch the thing.
i hate it.
it reminds me of some piece of shit danielle fucking steele book, only worse.
if that's possible.
okay, i'm being a bit hard on myself, because there are some parts of it that make me smile out loud, they're so good.
i'm just frustrated because i have 200 pages of words and there are probably only 50-75 of those that are good enough.
the right thing to do would be to start fresh.
but i can't let go.
anyway.
whatever.
today is Vent Day.
not because we're buying new vents.
not becuase we're celebrating the invention of the vent.
not because sticking your ass on a vent to feel the suction is fun.
(although it is)
today is Vent Day because my friend just called and vented to me, and it was fun for her.
and me.
you might think i'm kidding, but i'm not.
i love the beautiful release that comes from pouring out all your anger/hate/annoyance.
it lifts the weight.
so anyway.
fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and if you have time left, fuck me.
time to cook dinner.
oh yeah, and i got the email with the pictures from the concert, but i haven't decided if they're good enough to post.
so fuck you, again.
it is 5 o'clock.
and i forgot to post today.
damn i'm flaky.
i even got up early (7:30, that's early for me so back off!)
and hit the gym earlier than usual, but....
somehow i frittered away the afternoon.
i have a friend who needs an excerpt from my stupid ass cock sucking mother fucking cunt of a book.
i want to torch the thing.
i hate it.
it reminds me of some piece of shit danielle fucking steele book, only worse.
if that's possible.
okay, i'm being a bit hard on myself, because there are some parts of it that make me smile out loud, they're so good.
i'm just frustrated because i have 200 pages of words and there are probably only 50-75 of those that are good enough.
the right thing to do would be to start fresh.
but i can't let go.
anyway.
whatever.
today is Vent Day.
not because we're buying new vents.
not becuase we're celebrating the invention of the vent.
not because sticking your ass on a vent to feel the suction is fun.
(although it is)
today is Vent Day because my friend just called and vented to me, and it was fun for her.
and me.
you might think i'm kidding, but i'm not.
i love the beautiful release that comes from pouring out all your anger/hate/annoyance.
it lifts the weight.
so anyway.
fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and if you have time left, fuck me.
time to cook dinner.
oh yeah, and i got the email with the pictures from the concert, but i haven't decided if they're good enough to post.
so fuck you, again.
Monday, March 15, 2004
feeling compelled to blog again
or inclined...
there's a guy here cleaning my carpet in an attempt to sell me a vacum cleaner i won't buy.
and he's not even hot.
oh well.
the sun shine's shining, and if i had a top to put down on my car it would be down.
as low as the waistband on that girl's pants who was singing the other night at the bar.
we pretended she was carmen from american idol, but she was too hot.
and she could actually sing, unlike the utah idol...
anyway.
where was i?
well.
if you don't know, then i sure as hell don't.
but i am having no regrets over piercing my nose.
loving it.
anyone know anything about henna tattoos?
cuz this would save me valuable time, if you would go search the internet for facts and opinions on the subject so i don't have to.
i have shit to do.
like stretch, yawn and blink.
i know.
it'll take me a while.
you might want to sit down.
this dude ain't talkin.
maybe it's cuz i'm typing.
maybe it's cuz i'm too hot and he's shy.
snooort!!!
that's me laughing.
pretty damn funny.
there's the diesel of hot neighbor dude.
quick, give me a reason to go outside!!!
dammit.
carpet dude's here.
saw some great videos while i was running today.
yes, you heard me--running!!
finally got my lazy ass out of speed walk mode.
stupid bitch.
will you ever get skinny by walking???
eh, maybe.
anyway.
here are the videos in order, by song name.
if you can name the artists, i'll admit to having fantasies about you.
Lithium
selling the drama
Evenflow
okay, okay.
so those aren't actually difficult.
everyone should know the first and last ones, but the second one might trip up a few of you...
or maybe i just think i'm cool.
i am developing a rather impressive set of pipes maybe i'll post a picture.
okay, almost noticeable is more like it, but still.
they impress ME, and that's pretty much all that counts.
so fuck you.
no really, i'd like to...
come on over, baby.
but not in a christina aguilera way.
and not because she's not hot.
and not because she can't sing like a nightengale.
but just because i meant the "baby" to be said in beavis and butthead style.
there's a guy here cleaning my carpet in an attempt to sell me a vacum cleaner i won't buy.
and he's not even hot.
oh well.
the sun shine's shining, and if i had a top to put down on my car it would be down.
as low as the waistband on that girl's pants who was singing the other night at the bar.
we pretended she was carmen from american idol, but she was too hot.
and she could actually sing, unlike the utah idol...
anyway.
where was i?
well.
if you don't know, then i sure as hell don't.
but i am having no regrets over piercing my nose.
loving it.
anyone know anything about henna tattoos?
cuz this would save me valuable time, if you would go search the internet for facts and opinions on the subject so i don't have to.
i have shit to do.
like stretch, yawn and blink.
i know.
it'll take me a while.
you might want to sit down.
this dude ain't talkin.
maybe it's cuz i'm typing.
maybe it's cuz i'm too hot and he's shy.
snooort!!!
that's me laughing.
pretty damn funny.
there's the diesel of hot neighbor dude.
quick, give me a reason to go outside!!!
dammit.
carpet dude's here.
saw some great videos while i was running today.
yes, you heard me--running!!
finally got my lazy ass out of speed walk mode.
stupid bitch.
will you ever get skinny by walking???
eh, maybe.
anyway.
here are the videos in order, by song name.
if you can name the artists, i'll admit to having fantasies about you.
Lithium
selling the drama
Evenflow
okay, okay.
so those aren't actually difficult.
everyone should know the first and last ones, but the second one might trip up a few of you...
or maybe i just think i'm cool.
i am developing a rather impressive set of pipes maybe i'll post a picture.
okay, almost noticeable is more like it, but still.
they impress ME, and that's pretty much all that counts.
so fuck you.
no really, i'd like to...
come on over, baby.
but not in a christina aguilera way.
and not because she's not hot.
and not because she can't sing like a nightengale.
but just because i meant the "baby" to be said in beavis and butthead style.
godsmack. metallica.
yeah.
what can i say?
it was so fucking amazing.
we were on the rail, we could see the whites of their eyes, etc.
i'm going to try to tell about the evening in an orderly fashion, so let me back up...
so first we got all dressed up (there are pictures, but they're on our companion's camera so they'll be posted later)
she did my makeup, since i don't usually wear any, and it looked pretty damn great.
then we headed out to grab a quick dinner, got a little lost, so ended up making it even quicker (In n Out)
then we headed for the venue, got in line and waited.
and waited.
then we were in.
and bam, we found a spot on the rail.
and the stage was set up as a theater in the round, which was probably good for the people in the upper seating.
but i hated it.
you could only see one musician at a time, and sometimes none.
especially when that big guy got in front of me...
anyway, so we found our spot.
and waited.
and waited.
then godsmack was on...
and they were great, but did anyone else know how freakishly short they are???
not a one over 5'5", if they're even close!
and the drummer could not have weighed more than 50 pounds--what's up heroin addict?
they put on a good show, but like i said, it was a little weird to see only one of them at a time.
in fact, i was really disappointed.
it was hard to stay focused because there was not always even one band member in your sight, and they were never all together.
i am holding out hope that the next two shows will be set up differently.
so enough whining.
when Metallica came out i felt like a little kid on christmas morning.
i thought i was going to burst from sheer bliss.
and they were everything i thought they would be and more.
they have so much energy and presence....
i don't know how they do it, night after night, for weeks or months on end.
it reminds me that being a rock star is not all fun and games and licking coke off a stripper's ass, you know?
oh!
speaking of strippers...
we were planning to hit a strip club after the show, but pansies that we are...
we were too tired.
and one of our group was so wasted that he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and would have never made it.
so we changed into some comfortable clothes (note to self: just wear the god damn comfortable clothes next time! who do you think you are, one of the Banger Sisters??) and went to eat.
back to the show--
during godsmack there was a pit of a mosh pit on one side, which i was itching to join.
i used the "don't want to lose my place" excuse, but i am afraid there was a bit of real hesitation.
oh well...
about 3/4 of the way through Metallica, some bitch tried to shove her way in front of our group and we all sort of banded together and said, basically, "fuck off".
which reminds me of how polite and considerate people were, in general.
i mean, we got all cozy with the people around us and were all about watching each other's backs--you gotta pee? your spot will be here when you get back.
it was kind of surprising.
they played for so long, not long enough, never long enough, but it seemed to be longer than average.
and honestly i can't believe i don't have more to say, or more passion for what i'm saying.
i guess i'm tired.
and freaking sick of waking up to chaos in my house.
so, it is decreed across the land that i shall set my alarm and arise at 7 am in an effort to forestall any further clandestine activities by the midget guerrilla warriors who came forth from my womb.
today it was eggs.
and thanks for taking them into your (carpeted) bedroom to play with instead of the less convenient (linoleum-ed) kitchen.
really, i appreciate it.
it was fun to spend the first hour out of bed slopping eggs and eggshell into a bowl and scrubbing eggs out of the carpet.
lots of fun.
and the best part is, it's all my fault.
i mean what kind of mother doesn't get up before her kids???'
and i'll admit, some days i sort of drag my feet, but today they'd only been up for 15 minutes.
little tasmanian devils.
so anyway...
Sunday we did a little gambling, a little shopping, and of course lots more eating.
we officially were off the atkins thing for the weekend...
gained 4 pounds!
but the good news is, any slight cravings i was having for fries or a burger with a bun or dessert with real sugar?
gone.
none of that stuff tasted even half as good as i remembered.
and of course i felt like complete shit after.
which reminds me...
i didn't even drink.
i had two sips of the beer i was holding for my husband, because i was thirsty.
but that was it.
and it felt great.
i don't see the point of being so sloshed you don't remember anything if it's an event that you might want to remember.
like...
a random night out with friends at the local bar?
fine, drink it up, sucker.
but the first time of seeing a band you've worshipped for 12 years?
yeah.
want to remember that one.
although i'll admit, i did try my damnedest to get a contact high from the kids behind us.
kids?
23 and 26.
what am i, a fucking grandma???
jeez.
besides, i didn't want to be leaving my spot to pee every half hour--and have you seen those stairs you have to climb??
i mean, damn.
i work out, but you wouldn't know it.
well, okay, other people were winded and panting by the time they reached the top, and i was fine, but my legs kept whining up at me, 'we're not at the gym! what the hell do you want from us? we're off the clock, bitch!' stuff like that.
AND when i got home last night and checked my email...
my best friend finally made her plans to come out for a few days.
i cannot wait!!!
she's supposed to be here, going to school, but she took the year off and i've been dying without her.
so, she'll be here April 4th, which is not soon enough!!
okay, so i totally did not accomplish my goal of linear story telling.
oh well.
i'll attempt to write more later, but i have been reminded to work on the damn novel, so i will.
and maybe this time i'll be able to figure out where to take the story....
it has no proper ending.
unless it's going to be a novella.
it's only 200 pages, and i need to take out a few things.
blah blah.
maybe my muse will have some ideas for me....
and yes, i do have a muse.
is that amusing?
hee hee.
my muse is not as dorky as i am, fortunately...
happy monday.
what can i say?
it was so fucking amazing.
we were on the rail, we could see the whites of their eyes, etc.
i'm going to try to tell about the evening in an orderly fashion, so let me back up...
so first we got all dressed up (there are pictures, but they're on our companion's camera so they'll be posted later)
she did my makeup, since i don't usually wear any, and it looked pretty damn great.
then we headed out to grab a quick dinner, got a little lost, so ended up making it even quicker (In n Out)
then we headed for the venue, got in line and waited.
and waited.
then we were in.
and bam, we found a spot on the rail.
and the stage was set up as a theater in the round, which was probably good for the people in the upper seating.
but i hated it.
you could only see one musician at a time, and sometimes none.
especially when that big guy got in front of me...
anyway, so we found our spot.
and waited.
and waited.
then godsmack was on...
and they were great, but did anyone else know how freakishly short they are???
not a one over 5'5", if they're even close!
and the drummer could not have weighed more than 50 pounds--what's up heroin addict?
they put on a good show, but like i said, it was a little weird to see only one of them at a time.
in fact, i was really disappointed.
it was hard to stay focused because there was not always even one band member in your sight, and they were never all together.
i am holding out hope that the next two shows will be set up differently.
so enough whining.
when Metallica came out i felt like a little kid on christmas morning.
i thought i was going to burst from sheer bliss.
and they were everything i thought they would be and more.
they have so much energy and presence....
i don't know how they do it, night after night, for weeks or months on end.
it reminds me that being a rock star is not all fun and games and licking coke off a stripper's ass, you know?
oh!
speaking of strippers...
we were planning to hit a strip club after the show, but pansies that we are...
we were too tired.
and one of our group was so wasted that he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and would have never made it.
so we changed into some comfortable clothes (note to self: just wear the god damn comfortable clothes next time! who do you think you are, one of the Banger Sisters??) and went to eat.
back to the show--
during godsmack there was a pit of a mosh pit on one side, which i was itching to join.
i used the "don't want to lose my place" excuse, but i am afraid there was a bit of real hesitation.
oh well...
about 3/4 of the way through Metallica, some bitch tried to shove her way in front of our group and we all sort of banded together and said, basically, "fuck off".
which reminds me of how polite and considerate people were, in general.
i mean, we got all cozy with the people around us and were all about watching each other's backs--you gotta pee? your spot will be here when you get back.
it was kind of surprising.
they played for so long, not long enough, never long enough, but it seemed to be longer than average.
and honestly i can't believe i don't have more to say, or more passion for what i'm saying.
i guess i'm tired.
and freaking sick of waking up to chaos in my house.
so, it is decreed across the land that i shall set my alarm and arise at 7 am in an effort to forestall any further clandestine activities by the midget guerrilla warriors who came forth from my womb.
today it was eggs.
and thanks for taking them into your (carpeted) bedroom to play with instead of the less convenient (linoleum-ed) kitchen.
really, i appreciate it.
it was fun to spend the first hour out of bed slopping eggs and eggshell into a bowl and scrubbing eggs out of the carpet.
lots of fun.
and the best part is, it's all my fault.
i mean what kind of mother doesn't get up before her kids???'
and i'll admit, some days i sort of drag my feet, but today they'd only been up for 15 minutes.
little tasmanian devils.
so anyway...
Sunday we did a little gambling, a little shopping, and of course lots more eating.
we officially were off the atkins thing for the weekend...
gained 4 pounds!
but the good news is, any slight cravings i was having for fries or a burger with a bun or dessert with real sugar?
gone.
none of that stuff tasted even half as good as i remembered.
and of course i felt like complete shit after.
which reminds me...
i didn't even drink.
i had two sips of the beer i was holding for my husband, because i was thirsty.
but that was it.
and it felt great.
i don't see the point of being so sloshed you don't remember anything if it's an event that you might want to remember.
like...
a random night out with friends at the local bar?
fine, drink it up, sucker.
but the first time of seeing a band you've worshipped for 12 years?
yeah.
want to remember that one.
although i'll admit, i did try my damnedest to get a contact high from the kids behind us.
kids?
23 and 26.
what am i, a fucking grandma???
jeez.
besides, i didn't want to be leaving my spot to pee every half hour--and have you seen those stairs you have to climb??
i mean, damn.
i work out, but you wouldn't know it.
well, okay, other people were winded and panting by the time they reached the top, and i was fine, but my legs kept whining up at me, 'we're not at the gym! what the hell do you want from us? we're off the clock, bitch!' stuff like that.
AND when i got home last night and checked my email...
my best friend finally made her plans to come out for a few days.
i cannot wait!!!
she's supposed to be here, going to school, but she took the year off and i've been dying without her.
so, she'll be here April 4th, which is not soon enough!!
okay, so i totally did not accomplish my goal of linear story telling.
oh well.
i'll attempt to write more later, but i have been reminded to work on the damn novel, so i will.
and maybe this time i'll be able to figure out where to take the story....
it has no proper ending.
unless it's going to be a novella.
it's only 200 pages, and i need to take out a few things.
blah blah.
maybe my muse will have some ideas for me....
and yes, i do have a muse.
is that amusing?
hee hee.
my muse is not as dorky as i am, fortunately...
happy monday.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
notes while driving (er...riding)
I have always loved the way you dip down into Arizona for a brief moment on the journey south, like a hand into a pool. I wonder, if had grown up here, would I have misinterpreted ariaona’s size so gravely as I did new hampshire’s as a child, in the backseat of a car, heading south. “mom what state are we in?” and developing an image of n.h. as the tiniest little state ever, only to be corrected when in some grade I learned that Rhode island was the smallest. Being a know it all, this was hard to swallow.
I get carsick from not loking out the window, so I’m typing this without looking.
We just had lunch at this little Mexican place which looked quite nice, but the food was pretty un-noteworthy, bleeding into poor.
I look out over the scrub oak covered mountain sides with the red sand varely visible beneath. And I wonder if there are rattlesnakes and praire dogs which fall under my line of vision. I wonder how many lizards there are.
Wow, from 79 to 83 degrees in about five miles of southern travel. And we’re still about 85 miles north of las vegas. Wow. Glad I brought summer clothes. The sky is a much paler shade of blue than it tends to be most days in utah. It probably means something, meteorologically. I love this little catus tree things….i really love this dessert place, it is remarkable to me, still. Where are all my pines, oaks, moss ferns granite, ponds lakes streams rivers? This land is stark and rugged, and yet somehow the people are not.
The harsh yet softer beauty of new England produces such people as once settled this land. Perhaps I live in the city of this place and to meet. those with true grit and guts I would have to spend time in one of the desolate outposts.
I love this spot. There are visible dust storms over crop fields, look like small tornados. Perhaps they are watering, or perhaps there is just an isolated whirl of wind there. And an oasis, which must surely be a golf course, because what else is green and lush in this desert? Beautiful even if it is wasteful. Oh. Hubby golfed there. This is Mesquite, Nevada. It’s only an hour closer to us than las vegas is, put it is appealing as well for its cheaper prices. There’s the virgin river convention center and hotel. Which was closed the last time we were here. oddly. It looks new enough, but there was a chain across the parking lot entrance, we never figured it out…. Oooh, a carnival. A little fair, what is it? It’s 1:30 on a Saturday and it looked deserted, although I can’t be sure now. so many new homes under construction. They are growing apparently. Beginning to get nauseous anyway. Eyes not on a distant enough horizon.
Um. God damn. Just noticed that our driver is reading a magazine. That’s just greaaaaaaat. His wife is doing homework, my husband is sleeping, and you all know what I’m doing. Well, with my right hand at least…
I get carsick from not loking out the window, so I’m typing this without looking.
We just had lunch at this little Mexican place which looked quite nice, but the food was pretty un-noteworthy, bleeding into poor.
I look out over the scrub oak covered mountain sides with the red sand varely visible beneath. And I wonder if there are rattlesnakes and praire dogs which fall under my line of vision. I wonder how many lizards there are.
Wow, from 79 to 83 degrees in about five miles of southern travel. And we’re still about 85 miles north of las vegas. Wow. Glad I brought summer clothes. The sky is a much paler shade of blue than it tends to be most days in utah. It probably means something, meteorologically. I love this little catus tree things….i really love this dessert place, it is remarkable to me, still. Where are all my pines, oaks, moss ferns granite, ponds lakes streams rivers? This land is stark and rugged, and yet somehow the people are not.
The harsh yet softer beauty of new England produces such people as once settled this land. Perhaps I live in the city of this place and to meet. those with true grit and guts I would have to spend time in one of the desolate outposts.
I love this spot. There are visible dust storms over crop fields, look like small tornados. Perhaps they are watering, or perhaps there is just an isolated whirl of wind there. And an oasis, which must surely be a golf course, because what else is green and lush in this desert? Beautiful even if it is wasteful. Oh. Hubby golfed there. This is Mesquite, Nevada. It’s only an hour closer to us than las vegas is, put it is appealing as well for its cheaper prices. There’s the virgin river convention center and hotel. Which was closed the last time we were here. oddly. It looks new enough, but there was a chain across the parking lot entrance, we never figured it out…. Oooh, a carnival. A little fair, what is it? It’s 1:30 on a Saturday and it looked deserted, although I can’t be sure now. so many new homes under construction. They are growing apparently. Beginning to get nauseous anyway. Eyes not on a distant enough horizon.
Um. God damn. Just noticed that our driver is reading a magazine. That’s just greaaaaaaat. His wife is doing homework, my husband is sleeping, and you all know what I’m doing. Well, with my right hand at least…
wrap your heads around this if you can
I dare ya.
I'm in a car (suv, if you must)
cruising through the desert
in the middle of nowhere
connected to the internet.
yeah.
no, scratch that---
better make it a
FUCK YEAH!!
yeah, that felt better.
oh, and it may be a nowhere road, but there's plenty of traffic.
and, contrary to my first assumption...
if you pull over to take a piss--
the vehicle is not enough cover.
just make a note of it.
and also, two words:
stage fright.
took me ten minutes of cool breezes on the white ass to take that urgent piss.
fuck that.
and now, just a quick word from our sponsors...
i'd like to thank you all for your support on the nose thing.
and to those of you who think it was stupid, silly, or ugly: thanks for keeping your god damned opinions to yourselves.
ya old poops.
speaking of being old...again.
i was thinking...
and it may just be a rationalization, but here's what i think.
the reason i'm thinking about comfortable shoes for a metallica concert is not so much that i'm a crotchety old lady.
(although that is an undisputed fact)
but more like: learning from experience.
you dig?
like, i've had trampled feet or twisted ankles enough times that i may have finally learned my lesson....
although, you'll be pleased to note i've chosen knee high black heeled boots in favor of the much suggested sneakers.
and the sexiest little shirt.
i can't believe how guilty i'm feeling for not writing a Fantasy Friday post.
i will try to write an extra one this week...
or something.
i'll make it up to you, darlings, i promise.
er, well, promise is a bit heavy.
but i'll try to remember, and if i remember, i'll work on it, and if i come up with something....
well, i think you see where this is going.
fast track to nowhere.
which just happens to be where i am at the moment...
hmmm...
what does that mean?
so, the mormon curse strikes again.
my neice just announced she is getting married in june.
two weeks BEFORE her 19th birthday.
fuuu-uuuckk.
i mean, to give the girl some credit, she's one of the most level headed, clear thinking, together 18 year olds i've ever met.
in fact, she was been a miniature adult ever since i can remember.
but still.
does she even know how much fucking fun her 20's could be if she was single and free to roam the earth???
and i'm not even suggesting (no matter how much i'd like to) that she abandon her faith.
i'm just talking about dating different boys, finishing her degree at the university SHE chooses, doing study abroad, finding a career path she'll enjoy.
erg.
pardon the vent.
but...
all that aside...
i am kind of excited for the event.
and for her to start her life and have some fun in whatever strange way she has chosen. =)
but damn.
just passing Cedar city.
i had a reader here, although i don't know if he's around anymore.
he seemed nice, sent me an email asking for advice on how to survive in this mormon-saturated environment.
i answered him once, then he replied, then my husband decided that i shouldn't correspond with him anymore.
do i sometimes want to scream????
do i sometimes feel smothered?
whatever.
well, Professor, if you're out there--howdy.
oh look there's walmart.
ever single town in utah is exactly the same.
it still sort of blows my kids' minds.
"another walmart, mom? is that wendy's, mom?"
okay, time to nix the carsickness before it fully sets in.
buh bye.
I'm in a car (suv, if you must)
cruising through the desert
in the middle of nowhere
connected to the internet.
yeah.
no, scratch that---
better make it a
FUCK YEAH!!
yeah, that felt better.
oh, and it may be a nowhere road, but there's plenty of traffic.
and, contrary to my first assumption...
if you pull over to take a piss--
the vehicle is not enough cover.
just make a note of it.
and also, two words:
stage fright.
took me ten minutes of cool breezes on the white ass to take that urgent piss.
fuck that.
and now, just a quick word from our sponsors...
i'd like to thank you all for your support on the nose thing.
and to those of you who think it was stupid, silly, or ugly: thanks for keeping your god damned opinions to yourselves.
ya old poops.
speaking of being old...again.
i was thinking...
and it may just be a rationalization, but here's what i think.
the reason i'm thinking about comfortable shoes for a metallica concert is not so much that i'm a crotchety old lady.
(although that is an undisputed fact)
but more like: learning from experience.
you dig?
like, i've had trampled feet or twisted ankles enough times that i may have finally learned my lesson....
although, you'll be pleased to note i've chosen knee high black heeled boots in favor of the much suggested sneakers.
and the sexiest little shirt.
i can't believe how guilty i'm feeling for not writing a Fantasy Friday post.
i will try to write an extra one this week...
or something.
i'll make it up to you, darlings, i promise.
er, well, promise is a bit heavy.
but i'll try to remember, and if i remember, i'll work on it, and if i come up with something....
well, i think you see where this is going.
fast track to nowhere.
which just happens to be where i am at the moment...
hmmm...
what does that mean?
so, the mormon curse strikes again.
my neice just announced she is getting married in june.
two weeks BEFORE her 19th birthday.
fuuu-uuuckk.
i mean, to give the girl some credit, she's one of the most level headed, clear thinking, together 18 year olds i've ever met.
in fact, she was been a miniature adult ever since i can remember.
but still.
does she even know how much fucking fun her 20's could be if she was single and free to roam the earth???
and i'm not even suggesting (no matter how much i'd like to) that she abandon her faith.
i'm just talking about dating different boys, finishing her degree at the university SHE chooses, doing study abroad, finding a career path she'll enjoy.
erg.
pardon the vent.
but...
all that aside...
i am kind of excited for the event.
and for her to start her life and have some fun in whatever strange way she has chosen. =)
but damn.
just passing Cedar city.
i had a reader here, although i don't know if he's around anymore.
he seemed nice, sent me an email asking for advice on how to survive in this mormon-saturated environment.
i answered him once, then he replied, then my husband decided that i shouldn't correspond with him anymore.
do i sometimes want to scream????
do i sometimes feel smothered?
whatever.
well, Professor, if you're out there--howdy.
oh look there's walmart.
ever single town in utah is exactly the same.
it still sort of blows my kids' minds.
"another walmart, mom? is that wendy's, mom?"
okay, time to nix the carsickness before it fully sets in.
buh bye.
just a quick note
sorry about skipping Fantasy Friday...
i was actually really busy today--oddly.
busy getting a nasty sunburn at the tanning salon.
(dumbass)
and busy taking my kids on fun outings.
and busy going out for the evening with friends.
so there.
and the stupid ass that i am...
i got huge white circles around my eyes from the stupid ass goggles.
and a white line across my neck from my stupid ass headphones.
stupid ass.
stupid stupid stupid ass.
now i'm trying to pack...
for myself, my (lazy ass??) husband and my kids.
it's fine.
the hardest part is that i STILL haven't figured out what to wear to the show.*
and throughout all that, i am fighting the urge to pick that dastardly booger in my left nostril.
which ain't so much a booger as a piece of metal.
it's like getting used to thong underwear, i guess.
you just wanna pick that wedgie!!!
saw Starsky and Hutch tonight.
laughed my ass off.
i am leaving for Vegas in the morning.
am I excited??
yesssssiree, bob.
do i miss my kids already?
yup.
i wish i had something interesting or witty or wise to share with you.
but, it's the weekend so no one reads this shit anyway, right? =)
okay, i guess a few of you do, but still.
so now that i have Site Meter, i've been checking my types of traffic and i am pleased to announce...
not as much of my traffic comes from porn searchers as i thought.
i mean, there are plenty of those, but i guess i'm just relieved it's not ALL.
heh.
that would be pretty damn depressing.
well fuck.
i guess i better finish packing and get to bed.
wish me luck!!!
have a great weekend....
*the show=Metallica concert; first of three
i was actually really busy today--oddly.
busy getting a nasty sunburn at the tanning salon.
(dumbass)
and busy taking my kids on fun outings.
and busy going out for the evening with friends.
so there.
and the stupid ass that i am...
i got huge white circles around my eyes from the stupid ass goggles.
and a white line across my neck from my stupid ass headphones.
stupid ass.
stupid stupid stupid ass.
now i'm trying to pack...
for myself, my (lazy ass??) husband and my kids.
it's fine.
the hardest part is that i STILL haven't figured out what to wear to the show.*
and throughout all that, i am fighting the urge to pick that dastardly booger in my left nostril.
which ain't so much a booger as a piece of metal.
it's like getting used to thong underwear, i guess.
you just wanna pick that wedgie!!!
saw Starsky and Hutch tonight.
laughed my ass off.
i am leaving for Vegas in the morning.
am I excited??
yesssssiree, bob.
do i miss my kids already?
yup.
i wish i had something interesting or witty or wise to share with you.
but, it's the weekend so no one reads this shit anyway, right? =)
okay, i guess a few of you do, but still.
so now that i have Site Meter, i've been checking my types of traffic and i am pleased to announce...
not as much of my traffic comes from porn searchers as i thought.
i mean, there are plenty of those, but i guess i'm just relieved it's not ALL.
heh.
that would be pretty damn depressing.
well fuck.
i guess i better finish packing and get to bed.
wish me luck!!!
have a great weekend....
*the show=Metallica concert; first of three
Friday, March 12, 2004
I did it!!!
last night, i headed to the tatoo parlor...
and got my nose pierced.
it hurt for a second, and it felt kind of strange at first.
but that's it.
and i love it!!!!!
it's exactly what i wanted, and i don't think it looks out of place.
so, yay me.
here it is....
and i'll get a fantasy friday posted soon...
oh yeah, and answers to the booger questions to come shortly...
and got my nose pierced.
it hurt for a second, and it felt kind of strange at first.
but that's it.
and i love it!!!!!
it's exactly what i wanted, and i don't think it looks out of place.
so, yay me.
here it is....
and i'll get a fantasy friday posted soon...
oh yeah, and answers to the booger questions to come shortly...
Thursday, March 11, 2004
what a shitty week
and i mean that only literally.
after telling my (completely never swearing) mom about all the poo related incidents of the week, she even laughed at that appraisal.
but it's been a good week, just shit filled.
okay.
speaking of shit...
i've been writing it in buckets lately.
i'll try to do better, but there are no guarantees.
this is a blog, after all.
(okay, i just re-read that and got this image of a little girl in a raincoat writing the word "shit" on the insisde of her sand castle buckets...)
but i will attempt to leave out the whining, for the next few days at least.
oh, and Belle, one of the two friends of mine who have this url just called me in hysterical tears--after reading your site.
yes, those would be laughing induced tears.
and i said, well duh.
(or something equally witty)
so, to any of you out there who have not added A Sorta Kinda Fairy Tale to your daily reads: let this serve as a lesson to you!!!
read it--or die sad, desperate, and alone!!!
that's right.
it's the key to fame, fortune, love, success, health, and...um...
well, it's a good read.
so...
tomorrow's fantasy friday.
and none of you have taken me up on my kind offer to participate.
um.
not like that.
you wanna play out a fantasy with me sugar?
heh.
right, like i said, not like that, but on second thought...
nah, not enough time.
i need some inspiration.
a muse.
the pantsless wonders almost excaped again, just now.
then one of them called me Lisa.
argh.
but it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
would you be mine?
could you be mine?
hell-oooo, neighbor. rawwwr.
oh.
ahem.
why is everything about sex for me???
just a habit, i guess.
tried on clothes last night...
trying to find the best combination of comfortable footwear and rock concert attire...
aw, fuck.
that makes me old, doesn't it?
comfortable footwear?????
lord have mercy.
well, in my defense i did choose a pair of shoes which are not particularly comfortable because they look so right with the outfit...so that counts for something, right?
dammit, i'm not old.
i'm not.
i'm not.
i am.
oh well.
wow.
just got up to answer the phone.
and as i hung up...
oliver head butted me in the pubis.
good god that hurt.
but just so we all remember how cute my kids are...
this morning max came to my bed and asked if he could get in and snuggle.
since this is my favorite thing ever, i opened the blanket and let him under and pulled him close.
ahhh, baby sweetness.
then he said, "is it fun to sleep with you mom?"
i couldn't help myself....
"well daddy thinks so."
after telling my (completely never swearing) mom about all the poo related incidents of the week, she even laughed at that appraisal.
but it's been a good week, just shit filled.
okay.
speaking of shit...
i've been writing it in buckets lately.
i'll try to do better, but there are no guarantees.
this is a blog, after all.
(okay, i just re-read that and got this image of a little girl in a raincoat writing the word "shit" on the insisde of her sand castle buckets...)
but i will attempt to leave out the whining, for the next few days at least.
oh, and Belle, one of the two friends of mine who have this url just called me in hysterical tears--after reading your site.
yes, those would be laughing induced tears.
and i said, well duh.
(or something equally witty)
so, to any of you out there who have not added A Sorta Kinda Fairy Tale to your daily reads: let this serve as a lesson to you!!!
read it--or die sad, desperate, and alone!!!
that's right.
it's the key to fame, fortune, love, success, health, and...um...
well, it's a good read.
so...
tomorrow's fantasy friday.
and none of you have taken me up on my kind offer to participate.
um.
not like that.
you wanna play out a fantasy with me sugar?
heh.
right, like i said, not like that, but on second thought...
nah, not enough time.
i need some inspiration.
a muse.
the pantsless wonders almost excaped again, just now.
then one of them called me Lisa.
argh.
but it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
would you be mine?
could you be mine?
hell-oooo, neighbor. rawwwr.
oh.
ahem.
why is everything about sex for me???
just a habit, i guess.
tried on clothes last night...
trying to find the best combination of comfortable footwear and rock concert attire...
aw, fuck.
that makes me old, doesn't it?
comfortable footwear?????
lord have mercy.
well, in my defense i did choose a pair of shoes which are not particularly comfortable because they look so right with the outfit...so that counts for something, right?
dammit, i'm not old.
i'm not.
i'm not.
i am.
oh well.
wow.
just got up to answer the phone.
and as i hung up...
oliver head butted me in the pubis.
good god that hurt.
but just so we all remember how cute my kids are...
this morning max came to my bed and asked if he could get in and snuggle.
since this is my favorite thing ever, i opened the blanket and let him under and pulled him close.
ahhh, baby sweetness.
then he said, "is it fun to sleep with you mom?"
i couldn't help myself....
"well daddy thinks so."
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
another beautiful day
hopefully it'll even be a good one.
so guess what i did yesterday!!
i blackmailed a Mary Kay salesperson into going to the gym with me.
see?
and you thought Tuesdays were supposed to be all about taking naps in the sun and eating bon bons.
not this week.
some of you may remember the beginning of the Mary Kay incident about a month ago, if not i'll recap.
in walmart, a girl accosted me, gushing about my hair then sprung her sales pitch on me.
i'm bad at saying no, so i let her come do "the makeover".
surprisingly we really hit it off.
she's awesome!!
we had a lot in common and i looked forward to seeing her again, even though i hate makeup and abhor the idea of mary kay...
oh yeah, and she mentioned she had just joined my gym but was afraid to go.
so she called yesterday to do a "follow up" and we talked about mostly other stuff.
then when she said the whole sales pitch line "if there's anything i can drop off for you, just let me know..."
i said, "if you meet me at the gym on monday i'll buy something!"
she's really excited and seemed grateful to have someone kick her butt into gear.
cuz we had talked about how hard it is to take that first step, and she had said she's so sick of being fat.
like me, hers was adult onset fat ass syndrome (AOFAS).
which i think is harder than if you were just fat your whole life.
okay, maybe that's just my egocentric view...
but anyway.
i'm kind of excited.
and now i get to buy their little skin care package, cuz really, what the hell would i do with makeup???
i have mascara and lip gloss.
is there anything else???
so.
have i mentioned that Metallica/Las Vegas is only two days away???
have i mentioned it?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's me screaming.
i can't wait.
i seriously cannot wait.
i just got this weird feeling, though.
that i'm not going to get to go after all.
like...
one of the boys will be sick or hurt or we'll run into a snowstorm on the way down or have an accident or car trouble or someone will mug us for our tickets or i'll get trampled during the openers and have to leave........
okay.
deep breath.
Lisa, you will see metallica in two days.
chill the fuck out.
i was wearing my mp3 player while doing dishes/housework yesterday and belting out the tunes.
went to the front porch to put an empty milk bottle back in the cooler.
and almost didn't stop singing.
good thing i did, cuz the little neighbor boy was out there.
pretty sure he has a crush on me.
he's 13 or 14, so no, this is not fantasy material.
although, i guess i could write one up where he's older, huh?
hmm....
okay, time to head to the gym.
wish me luck with the grommits.
so guess what i did yesterday!!
i blackmailed a Mary Kay salesperson into going to the gym with me.
see?
and you thought Tuesdays were supposed to be all about taking naps in the sun and eating bon bons.
not this week.
some of you may remember the beginning of the Mary Kay incident about a month ago, if not i'll recap.
in walmart, a girl accosted me, gushing about my hair then sprung her sales pitch on me.
i'm bad at saying no, so i let her come do "the makeover".
surprisingly we really hit it off.
she's awesome!!
we had a lot in common and i looked forward to seeing her again, even though i hate makeup and abhor the idea of mary kay...
oh yeah, and she mentioned she had just joined my gym but was afraid to go.
so she called yesterday to do a "follow up" and we talked about mostly other stuff.
then when she said the whole sales pitch line "if there's anything i can drop off for you, just let me know..."
i said, "if you meet me at the gym on monday i'll buy something!"
she's really excited and seemed grateful to have someone kick her butt into gear.
cuz we had talked about how hard it is to take that first step, and she had said she's so sick of being fat.
like me, hers was adult onset fat ass syndrome (AOFAS).
which i think is harder than if you were just fat your whole life.
okay, maybe that's just my egocentric view...
but anyway.
i'm kind of excited.
and now i get to buy their little skin care package, cuz really, what the hell would i do with makeup???
i have mascara and lip gloss.
is there anything else???
so.
have i mentioned that Metallica/Las Vegas is only two days away???
have i mentioned it?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's me screaming.
i can't wait.
i seriously cannot wait.
i just got this weird feeling, though.
that i'm not going to get to go after all.
like...
one of the boys will be sick or hurt or we'll run into a snowstorm on the way down or have an accident or car trouble or someone will mug us for our tickets or i'll get trampled during the openers and have to leave........
okay.
deep breath.
Lisa, you will see metallica in two days.
chill the fuck out.
i was wearing my mp3 player while doing dishes/housework yesterday and belting out the tunes.
went to the front porch to put an empty milk bottle back in the cooler.
and almost didn't stop singing.
good thing i did, cuz the little neighbor boy was out there.
pretty sure he has a crush on me.
he's 13 or 14, so no, this is not fantasy material.
although, i guess i could write one up where he's older, huh?
hmm....
okay, time to head to the gym.
wish me luck with the grommits.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
it's on
what's on? you say?
SPRING FEVER, BABY!!!
i knew i would find it eventually and lo, i felt a little something strange in my guts today, and what could it be?
a little spring fever.
fucking gorgeous outside, must be 70 or close to it.
bluest sky crashing down on stark white mountains?
like a god damn postcard.
and when the neighbor started up his harley and roared off with his lady holding on...
i wasn't even jealous.
my stomach didn't contract in that way it does when there's something i want too much.
oh don't get me wrong--i still love bikes.
it just so happens that i'm actually content with my life now, and if my love doesn't like motorcycles, then i don't need one.
what a stark contrast this is to where my life was last year...
i remember asking him why he didn't want to get a motorcycle.
they're too dangerous.
it was like getting punched in the stomach.
it was like those moments in romance movies where the one person catches the other person cheating with a person who they should have suspected all along but did not realize it until that very moment.
it was a timeless truth, a law of phsycis.
if his disinclination to own a bike was due to the amount of danger involved...
well.
isn't that the whole point?
the thrill of the wind whipping around you, the loud rumble, the speed.
it was really disturbing to me at the time, and as the overly dramatic little chica i am...
of course i felt it was a further omen that we were not, could not be soul mates.
psh.
what did i know?
dumb girl.
before i forget, go check out Timmy's blog
it's a brand new baby blog, but it's going to be huge one day so go give himtits HITS. ahem.
so here's the "my kids are going to drive me to drink/shoot up/run away" story of the day....
about 2pm.
we head upstairs so i can shower.
(yeah i'm a real go getter, i know)
i turn on sesame street, hoping to entertain them in close proximity to my showering venture.
again with the tripping...
i tripped and landed with my nose in a book, so i sat down to read for a minute...
they wandered downstairs, and i thought i heard the front door open.
me in my p.j.s
them in shirts.
yup, just shirts.
max actually had underwear on, but not a stitch on oliver--in the tradition of such childhood favorites as donald duck, winnie the pooh, etc.
so.
i head to the stairs to check it out.
front door's wide open.
me in my p.j.s
i peek out, don't see them.
walk towards the road, look down the block.
oh there they are.
about a block down, picking up broken beer bottle glass.
i was suddenly finding it impossible to imagine that i am not, in fact, white trash.
i was laughing too hard to scold them.
(is anyone else wondering why they don't behave very well??)
but once we got inside, i did very calmly explain to them that we do NOT go outside without mommy.
or pants.
have a great day, and don't neglect your pill/patch/shot/condom supply/vasectomy!!!
SPRING FEVER, BABY!!!
i knew i would find it eventually and lo, i felt a little something strange in my guts today, and what could it be?
a little spring fever.
fucking gorgeous outside, must be 70 or close to it.
bluest sky crashing down on stark white mountains?
like a god damn postcard.
and when the neighbor started up his harley and roared off with his lady holding on...
i wasn't even jealous.
my stomach didn't contract in that way it does when there's something i want too much.
oh don't get me wrong--i still love bikes.
it just so happens that i'm actually content with my life now, and if my love doesn't like motorcycles, then i don't need one.
what a stark contrast this is to where my life was last year...
i remember asking him why he didn't want to get a motorcycle.
they're too dangerous.
it was like getting punched in the stomach.
it was like those moments in romance movies where the one person catches the other person cheating with a person who they should have suspected all along but did not realize it until that very moment.
it was a timeless truth, a law of phsycis.
if his disinclination to own a bike was due to the amount of danger involved...
well.
isn't that the whole point?
the thrill of the wind whipping around you, the loud rumble, the speed.
it was really disturbing to me at the time, and as the overly dramatic little chica i am...
of course i felt it was a further omen that we were not, could not be soul mates.
psh.
what did i know?
dumb girl.
before i forget, go check out Timmy's blog
it's a brand new baby blog, but it's going to be huge one day so go give him
so here's the "my kids are going to drive me to drink/shoot up/run away" story of the day....
about 2pm.
we head upstairs so i can shower.
(yeah i'm a real go getter, i know)
i turn on sesame street, hoping to entertain them in close proximity to my showering venture.
again with the tripping...
i tripped and landed with my nose in a book, so i sat down to read for a minute...
they wandered downstairs, and i thought i heard the front door open.
me in my p.j.s
them in shirts.
yup, just shirts.
max actually had underwear on, but not a stitch on oliver--in the tradition of such childhood favorites as donald duck, winnie the pooh, etc.
so.
i head to the stairs to check it out.
front door's wide open.
me in my p.j.s
i peek out, don't see them.
walk towards the road, look down the block.
oh there they are.
about a block down, picking up broken beer bottle glass.
i was suddenly finding it impossible to imagine that i am not, in fact, white trash.
i was laughing too hard to scold them.
(is anyone else wondering why they don't behave very well??)
but once we got inside, i did very calmly explain to them that we do NOT go outside without mommy.
or pants.
have a great day, and don't neglect your pill/patch/shot/condom supply/vasectomy!!!
so here's what you missed out on if you weren't at MY house last night...
get ready cuz it was a lot of fun.
and by a lot i mean--well, more fun than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, at least.
and that's saying something.
well, so after i posted, i did go upstairs and take nap.
which was really nice, even though waking up from naps is about 400 times worse than waking up in the morning--and i fucking hate waking up in the morning.
and while i was still trying to swim through the fog to reach Coherancy Beach...
twin B tells me he needs to puke.
talk about your rude awakenings....
so that went on for the rest of the evening, and then hubby got a wild hair and decided to fix the toilet.
which was broken from having too many toys flushed down it by the kids.
he actually unscrewed it from the floor and tipped it upside down.
and may i just say thanks for removing my bath mats and the kids bath toys before getting toilet water all over them...
yes, that was sarcasm.
so after two hours of manhandling the thing, shoving different things up it from two different directions...
one little hot wheels sized fire truck fell out.
but there were still more things in there, and they weren't budging.
so.
at 11 o'clock at night...
hubby got online and...
ordered a new toilet.
have i told you lately how much i love the internet?
god DAMN i love it.
so we've sealed off the downstairs bathroom until he picks up the toilet today...
in the meantime...
i shall grit my teeth, put on a couple of pairs of disposable gloves...
maybe put plastic bags around my feet?
and go in there and sanitize.
what a freaking nightmare of OCD that is.
i was nearly in convulsions last night watching him work on the thing, with all that filth around him.
all i could think of was finding one of those nuclear plant decontamination rooms, with all the sprayers and stuff...
so anyway.
whatever you did last night--it was better than this.
did you have a root canal?
great.
maybe you got mugged.
wish i was there!
flat tire on the way home in the rain?
sounds fun.
and in other news...
okay, there isn't any other news.
i wish there was, but life is boring as hell sometimes.
and today is no exception.
i have a hangnail the size of Guam, and that's serving to preoccupy me a bit...
um...
there might be something of interest....
if i just think for a second...
ooh, that hurt, no more of that.
guess i'll go attempt to make something interesting happen...
and by a lot i mean--well, more fun than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, at least.
and that's saying something.
well, so after i posted, i did go upstairs and take nap.
which was really nice, even though waking up from naps is about 400 times worse than waking up in the morning--and i fucking hate waking up in the morning.
and while i was still trying to swim through the fog to reach Coherancy Beach...
twin B tells me he needs to puke.
talk about your rude awakenings....
so that went on for the rest of the evening, and then hubby got a wild hair and decided to fix the toilet.
which was broken from having too many toys flushed down it by the kids.
he actually unscrewed it from the floor and tipped it upside down.
and may i just say thanks for removing my bath mats and the kids bath toys before getting toilet water all over them...
yes, that was sarcasm.
so after two hours of manhandling the thing, shoving different things up it from two different directions...
one little hot wheels sized fire truck fell out.
but there were still more things in there, and they weren't budging.
so.
at 11 o'clock at night...
hubby got online and...
ordered a new toilet.
have i told you lately how much i love the internet?
god DAMN i love it.
so we've sealed off the downstairs bathroom until he picks up the toilet today...
in the meantime...
i shall grit my teeth, put on a couple of pairs of disposable gloves...
maybe put plastic bags around my feet?
and go in there and sanitize.
what a freaking nightmare of OCD that is.
i was nearly in convulsions last night watching him work on the thing, with all that filth around him.
all i could think of was finding one of those nuclear plant decontamination rooms, with all the sprayers and stuff...
so anyway.
whatever you did last night--it was better than this.
did you have a root canal?
great.
maybe you got mugged.
wish i was there!
flat tire on the way home in the rain?
sounds fun.
and in other news...
okay, there isn't any other news.
i wish there was, but life is boring as hell sometimes.
and today is no exception.
i have a hangnail the size of Guam, and that's serving to preoccupy me a bit...
um...
there might be something of interest....
if i just think for a second...
ooh, that hurt, no more of that.
guess i'll go attempt to make something interesting happen...
Monday, March 08, 2004
this stupid computer is running about as fast as...
i would be at the end of a marathon.
in other words...
it's draggin ass somethin fierce.
not that i can entirely throw stones, what with living in the glass house of fatigue myself today...
but still.
it's a damn machine!!
it's not supposed to be affected by lack of sleep and hormonal/seasonal fluctuations in energy levels.
is it?
nah, i didn't think so, but i wanted to check.
So last night i was dead exhausted (due to a friday night drinking escapade, reading into the wee hours on saturday night, and spending all day sunday cooking and cleaning, then hosting a huge dinner.)
i actually dozed off around 8:30 while my husband was getting the kidlets jammied and planted in bed.
i was rudely jarred awake by him calling to me to come say goodnight to the little dears.
damn him.
so i cotton headedly (nice word) bid them bon nuit and wandered into the kitchen where i watched the hubby do dishes for a while before realizing that all i wanted was to go back to bed.
so i did, but on the way...
i had to check the bloggy stuff.
what a dumbass.
so anyway.
oh yeah...
i interupt this post to bring you a special announcement:
while i was cleaning up from the party, i sort of tripped and landed with my face in a pile of cake....
so, i had to eat it.
it felt so fucking great to eat real sugar and white flour and chocolate sprinkles!!!!!!!!
for about 5 seconds....
and the next greatest thing was washing it down with real, live, cow's milk.
milk.
aaaaaaaaaaaah.
have i ever mentioned how much i love a nice cold glass of milk?
milk and dessert!!!!
for me, it's like cigarettes and beer for some people.
like...my husband quit smoking a year ago, but if he drinks, he smokes.
anyway.
i'm terribly ashamed and feeling fatter already.
and of course the rest of the cake is sitting in the pantry and it's calling to me.
its silky smooth voice wafting out through the key hole of the closed door....
promising me that it won't turn to fat, that it won't make my body produce insulin....
it's a damn liar, but what a pretty voice...
maybe i'll just smell it...
or put some in my mouth and spit it out...
dammit.
stop!!!!
okay.
ahem.
where was i?
oh yeah.
so i was friggin tired last night, and before i had the chance to doze off...
i found myself in the mood for a little something else.
so that woke me right up and i ended up laying there, all sorts of satisfied and tired--but with my brain on crack, just going a mile a minute.
that inner monologue would not shut up.
and here's how i know the pms fairy was lurking--
at one point i was having a conversation with my sister, and a few tears leaked out.
cuz i was so moved by her willingness to help me with my writing.
let's keep in mind, this was all in my head!!!
i'm fucked.
i need some serious help.
see, i had an idea, and i had to pitch it to her in my head before doing it in person, to see how i thougt she would react...
apparently it's going to get really emotional, so forget it.
i'll shelve it for a while.
but at least it was good for a laugh.
so today is gorgeous and sunny and warm.
and i feel like laying on the couch with a blanket and a book.
i am not excited to see spring.
i am not filled with excitement and the sense of new and fresh things on the horizon.
i don't give a shit.
i feel like a bear who was awakened from hibernation.
fuck all y'all i'm going back to sleep!
that's what little Lisa Bear would say.
and for today, i'm not even excited about Vegas.
i just want to sleep.
would someone pack for me?
pick out some really slutty clothes, couldja?
cuz....
if i was in charge of packing for that trip right now, at this moment??
i would pack sweats, and slippers.
i'm sure i'll snap out of it soon, it's just weird.
i usually get all fluttery and sparkly when i smell spring floating in on the western wind....
just walking around the neighborhood while the boys ride their trikes or pull their wagons is enough to get me smiling.
we did that today and i dragged ass the whole time, eyes half closed.
i feel like someone drugged me.
it's probably the sugar.
i'm thinking about starting a new blog.
a second, "side blog" kind of thing.
cuz i have this friend who reallllllly ought to be blogging.
she's a spaz.
but she's scared to get started, so maybe i'll make her do a joint one with me (since we don't have a pipe).
if anyone's interested in writing a fantasy friday post, i will be accepting submissions.
you may request it to be posted anonymously, or with a link back to you, or under a pen name for all i care.
you may also submit requests for general plot ideas for the ones i write, but i won't make any promises...=)
and no, none of this means i've run out of fantasies...
okay, maybe it does.
but i'm sure it's only temporary.
oh, i added a couple of new pictures to my pictures links on the sidebar, so check em out.
or not.
in fact, if it requires effort, don't do it.
effort is the new eff word.
laying on the couch--no, in my bed.
with a book.
but my eyes will be closed.
sounds gooooooooood..............
in other words...
it's draggin ass somethin fierce.
not that i can entirely throw stones, what with living in the glass house of fatigue myself today...
but still.
it's a damn machine!!
it's not supposed to be affected by lack of sleep and hormonal/seasonal fluctuations in energy levels.
is it?
nah, i didn't think so, but i wanted to check.
So last night i was dead exhausted (due to a friday night drinking escapade, reading into the wee hours on saturday night, and spending all day sunday cooking and cleaning, then hosting a huge dinner.)
i actually dozed off around 8:30 while my husband was getting the kidlets jammied and planted in bed.
i was rudely jarred awake by him calling to me to come say goodnight to the little dears.
damn him.
so i cotton headedly (nice word) bid them bon nuit and wandered into the kitchen where i watched the hubby do dishes for a while before realizing that all i wanted was to go back to bed.
so i did, but on the way...
i had to check the bloggy stuff.
what a dumbass.
so anyway.
oh yeah...
i interupt this post to bring you a special announcement:
while i was cleaning up from the party, i sort of tripped and landed with my face in a pile of cake....
so, i had to eat it.
it felt so fucking great to eat real sugar and white flour and chocolate sprinkles!!!!!!!!
for about 5 seconds....
and the next greatest thing was washing it down with real, live, cow's milk.
milk.
aaaaaaaaaaaah.
have i ever mentioned how much i love a nice cold glass of milk?
milk and dessert!!!!
for me, it's like cigarettes and beer for some people.
like...my husband quit smoking a year ago, but if he drinks, he smokes.
anyway.
i'm terribly ashamed and feeling fatter already.
and of course the rest of the cake is sitting in the pantry and it's calling to me.
its silky smooth voice wafting out through the key hole of the closed door....
promising me that it won't turn to fat, that it won't make my body produce insulin....
it's a damn liar, but what a pretty voice...
maybe i'll just smell it...
or put some in my mouth and spit it out...
dammit.
stop!!!!
okay.
ahem.
where was i?
oh yeah.
so i was friggin tired last night, and before i had the chance to doze off...
i found myself in the mood for a little something else.
so that woke me right up and i ended up laying there, all sorts of satisfied and tired--but with my brain on crack, just going a mile a minute.
that inner monologue would not shut up.
and here's how i know the pms fairy was lurking--
at one point i was having a conversation with my sister, and a few tears leaked out.
cuz i was so moved by her willingness to help me with my writing.
let's keep in mind, this was all in my head!!!
i'm fucked.
i need some serious help.
see, i had an idea, and i had to pitch it to her in my head before doing it in person, to see how i thougt she would react...
apparently it's going to get really emotional, so forget it.
i'll shelve it for a while.
but at least it was good for a laugh.
so today is gorgeous and sunny and warm.
and i feel like laying on the couch with a blanket and a book.
i am not excited to see spring.
i am not filled with excitement and the sense of new and fresh things on the horizon.
i don't give a shit.
i feel like a bear who was awakened from hibernation.
fuck all y'all i'm going back to sleep!
that's what little Lisa Bear would say.
and for today, i'm not even excited about Vegas.
i just want to sleep.
would someone pack for me?
pick out some really slutty clothes, couldja?
cuz....
if i was in charge of packing for that trip right now, at this moment??
i would pack sweats, and slippers.
i'm sure i'll snap out of it soon, it's just weird.
i usually get all fluttery and sparkly when i smell spring floating in on the western wind....
just walking around the neighborhood while the boys ride their trikes or pull their wagons is enough to get me smiling.
we did that today and i dragged ass the whole time, eyes half closed.
i feel like someone drugged me.
it's probably the sugar.
i'm thinking about starting a new blog.
a second, "side blog" kind of thing.
cuz i have this friend who reallllllly ought to be blogging.
she's a spaz.
but she's scared to get started, so maybe i'll make her do a joint one with me (since we don't have a pipe).
if anyone's interested in writing a fantasy friday post, i will be accepting submissions.
you may request it to be posted anonymously, or with a link back to you, or under a pen name for all i care.
you may also submit requests for general plot ideas for the ones i write, but i won't make any promises...=)
and no, none of this means i've run out of fantasies...
okay, maybe it does.
but i'm sure it's only temporary.
oh, i added a couple of new pictures to my pictures links on the sidebar, so check em out.
or not.
in fact, if it requires effort, don't do it.
effort is the new eff word.
laying on the couch--no, in my bed.
with a book.
but my eyes will be closed.
sounds gooooooooood..............
Sunday, March 07, 2004
damn
i've posted more this weekend than i have on a weekend in months.
what's the matter with me?
aw, shut up, i know it's a long list, you can bend over and i'll shove that prissy little list of yours right up your---
ahem.
sorry.
don't know what got into me.
I have the evening to myself and I’m so excited, but I don’t know where to start!!!
I want to relax, I want to write, I want to read I want to watch a movie!!
There’s not really time to do all of those things, so I of course headed for the puter first.
when i finish here, i'll put the birthday cake in to bake for tomorrow's family dinner...
then i'll fill my (old lady alert!!) foot spa with some nice soaky stuff and toss a coin to decide whether i'll read or watch a movie.
nope, nevermind.
watching that infernal box of shit doesn't appeal to me in the least.
reading.
i started a good book today.
it was due a week ago, and i finally started it.
i got a little overzealous...
checked out 3 books, but didn't start any of them because i also bought Stephen King's On Writing: a memoir of the craft, and that's been my focus...
so.
anyway.
weird how unappealling tv seems to me when i'm alone.
perhaps because it's all i'm fucking allowed to do when i'm NOT alone.
which is 99.999% of the time.
that i'm not alone, that is.
and i'm not really complaining, i'm just pointing out what a ridiculously rebelious nature i sometimes have.
silly girl.
i was just over at The Pissed Kitty, and i would recommend the whole "run, don't walk" thing.
get your asses over there and check out her hotness.
also, she recommended a site which, upon inspection, is freaking fantastic.
so, like, go there and stuff.
i hate it when i forget to smoothly add the link.
dammit.
go to Bad Mamma Jamma.
you won't be sorry.
or, if you are sorry, it's not MY fault, it just means you have bad taste.
you dumb fuck.
one week from RIGHT NOW i will be thrashing out to the gods of rock.
Metallica.
i just shuddered with joy/excitement/delirium/etc....
and let's not forget Godsmack, the openers.
gaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwd!!!!
i'm listening to St. Anger right now.
Okay, do you know how hard it is to head bang with headphones on while sitting at a computer???
now just my ass is dancing!!!
can't...not...rock out....
must head bang....
okay, it passed, i'm back.
guess what I’m going to do as soon as I get around to it???
Just guess.
I’m so fucking excited.
I’m going to pierce my nose.
Fuckin’ A!
see, I’ve always hated my nose.
Junior high?
It was my absolute worst nightmare to have someone see me from the side...
So, the fear and loathing of the nose faded a bit with every year.
and finally it was gone altogether.
but it had crept away so slowly that I didn’t notice it was gone…
so…
when I thought of piercing something the other day it just struck me and I couldn’t stop smiling and I had that giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
You know the one.
And so…I am just fucking chomping at the bit to get myself into a place to have it done.
I sort of want to do it on my 29th birthday to symbolize the last year in my 20’s etc blah blah blah.
But that’s a few months away…
I doubt I can wait that long.
I have about as much patience as...um, well, those people who are well known for their lack of patience?
damn i hate it when i start an analogy and can't finish it.
did you ever notice that analogy starts with anal?
food for thought...
i have as much patience as a groom on his wedding night--well, in the old days at least.
now, no one's a virgin. puh-leez.
and to those of you out there leaving anonymous comments: quit it.
i love hearing from you, but i hate not knowing who you are!!!!!
oh yeah, and i forgot the coolest thing!!!
on Google, at least today, i'm the first on the list if you search for Bored Housewife.
i'm silly stoked.
of course, that's just bringing more porn searchers, but hey, lots of cool people search for porn, so maybe some of them will stay.
and trust me, some of the search words are rather interesting...
oh and here's a picture from last night, it didn't come out very good, as far as quality, but i like it anyway.
that's my cowboy shirt.
and my cleavage....
damn, i'm slutty.
what's the matter with me?
aw, shut up, i know it's a long list, you can bend over and i'll shove that prissy little list of yours right up your---
ahem.
sorry.
don't know what got into me.
I have the evening to myself and I’m so excited, but I don’t know where to start!!!
I want to relax, I want to write, I want to read I want to watch a movie!!
There’s not really time to do all of those things, so I of course headed for the puter first.
when i finish here, i'll put the birthday cake in to bake for tomorrow's family dinner...
then i'll fill my (old lady alert!!) foot spa with some nice soaky stuff and toss a coin to decide whether i'll read or watch a movie.
nope, nevermind.
watching that infernal box of shit doesn't appeal to me in the least.
reading.
i started a good book today.
it was due a week ago, and i finally started it.
i got a little overzealous...
checked out 3 books, but didn't start any of them because i also bought Stephen King's On Writing: a memoir of the craft, and that's been my focus...
so.
anyway.
weird how unappealling tv seems to me when i'm alone.
perhaps because it's all i'm fucking allowed to do when i'm NOT alone.
which is 99.999% of the time.
that i'm not alone, that is.
and i'm not really complaining, i'm just pointing out what a ridiculously rebelious nature i sometimes have.
silly girl.
i was just over at The Pissed Kitty, and i would recommend the whole "run, don't walk" thing.
get your asses over there and check out her hotness.
also, she recommended a site which, upon inspection, is freaking fantastic.
so, like, go there and stuff.
i hate it when i forget to smoothly add the link.
dammit.
go to Bad Mamma Jamma.
you won't be sorry.
or, if you are sorry, it's not MY fault, it just means you have bad taste.
you dumb fuck.
one week from RIGHT NOW i will be thrashing out to the gods of rock.
Metallica.
i just shuddered with joy/excitement/delirium/etc....
and let's not forget Godsmack, the openers.
gaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwd!!!!
i'm listening to St. Anger right now.
Okay, do you know how hard it is to head bang with headphones on while sitting at a computer???
now just my ass is dancing!!!
can't...not...rock out....
must head bang....
okay, it passed, i'm back.
guess what I’m going to do as soon as I get around to it???
Just guess.
I’m so fucking excited.
I’m going to pierce my nose.
Fuckin’ A!
see, I’ve always hated my nose.
Junior high?
It was my absolute worst nightmare to have someone see me from the side...
So, the fear and loathing of the nose faded a bit with every year.
and finally it was gone altogether.
but it had crept away so slowly that I didn’t notice it was gone…
so…
when I thought of piercing something the other day it just struck me and I couldn’t stop smiling and I had that giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
You know the one.
And so…I am just fucking chomping at the bit to get myself into a place to have it done.
I sort of want to do it on my 29th birthday to symbolize the last year in my 20’s etc blah blah blah.
But that’s a few months away…
I doubt I can wait that long.
I have about as much patience as...um, well, those people who are well known for their lack of patience?
damn i hate it when i start an analogy and can't finish it.
did you ever notice that analogy starts with anal?
food for thought...
i have as much patience as a groom on his wedding night--well, in the old days at least.
now, no one's a virgin. puh-leez.
and to those of you out there leaving anonymous comments: quit it.
i love hearing from you, but i hate not knowing who you are!!!!!
oh yeah, and i forgot the coolest thing!!!
on Google, at least today, i'm the first on the list if you search for Bored Housewife.
i'm silly stoked.
of course, that's just bringing more porn searchers, but hey, lots of cool people search for porn, so maybe some of them will stay.
and trust me, some of the search words are rather interesting...
oh and here's a picture from last night, it didn't come out very good, as far as quality, but i like it anyway.
that's my cowboy shirt.
and my cleavage....
damn, i'm slutty.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
just chillin
like bob dylan.
sorry, that's got to be the oldest, lamest joke i've ever told.
okay, maybe not the lamest.
but close.
heading out to do a little shopping.
need some new shoes.
well, i don't suppose "need" has a whole lot to do with it.
i need a larger fucking closet is what i need.
the two downstairs bedrooms have nice sized walk-in closets.
the enormous-to-the-point-of-wasteful master bedroom?
crap ass little closet stuck under an eave.
fucking builder.
i would kick that guy's ass if i ever met him.
anyway.
new shoes it is.
last night was pretty fun and i'm not even hung over...much.
i feel like a broken record with my tales of drinking and hang overs.
shut up already, Lisa!
we don't care.
oh did i write the funniest thing that happened last night?
i don't think i did.
some old dude comes over to our table and says to "the girls"...
"I might need to get my eyes checked, but i do believe her hand is down your pants."
he then went on to ask if he could join in the fun.
which seemed to be an oddly recurring theme.
icky type men would try to impose themselves between the two girls--who were not interested.
it was kind of weird.
i suppose the whole night was kind of weird, but less so than last year when the same exact thing happened in the same exact bar with the same exact girls.
at least this year i was expecting it.
anyway, enough of that.
i really ought to go take a shower.
so i can head out and pick up a few groceries and shop for shoes.
we were supposed to get massages today, but hubby got a really bad sunburn from the tanning bed yesterday.
i feel bad for him, but i also have to laugh...
he went to a tanning bed, after all.... =)
wow what a boring, ridiculously mundane little post this was.
maybe i should take a moment and reflect on life or death or the mating habits of fruit bats.
maybe i should turn off the damn movie my husband isn't watching anymore cuz he fell asleep.
then i could think....
well, maybe.
okay.
quiet.
nothing but the whirring of the cpu fan.
cool that processor, bitch, that's right!
aw who am i kidding, no one reads this shit on the weekend anyway.
i could talk about all sorts of personal junk right now and none of you would ever know...
i could tell you how strange it is to be living such a different life than i once was, and how much better it is in so many ways.
i could tell you how much i miss my independence, my freedom.
i could tell you how much i miss living in a normal fucking place.
or how comfortable i've become with this place, as fucked up as it is.
i could tell you about the two best friends that i miss the most, and what i love about them.
i could tell you stories of boys i've loved and lost.
i could tell you how much i miss baking beautiful cakes and pies.
or how great it feels to fit into my old clothes, ones that haven't fit since before i got pregnant.
i could go on for hours about my golden childhood memories or the intense 3 dimensional fears i had of the dark.
i could tell you about the first time i had an orgasm, and the name i gave it, in my ignorance.
i could tell you how much i regret not having sex with the first boy i loved, even though i understand that it would have been devastating to my over-religious sweet little self at the time.
i could tell you how bad i used to be at managing my money, that my husband saved my ass.
i could tell you what it was like to grow up in a small town in a beautiful place and always want out.
i could tell you how the homesickness didn't even show its ugly head until i'd been here so long i was hating it.
i could tell you about that one summer, working as a chamber maid...and how we didn't always do a good job.
i could tell you about any or all of these things.
i could.
but i'm too lazy.
fuck it.
have a nice weekend.
and don't forget to floss.
sorry, that's got to be the oldest, lamest joke i've ever told.
okay, maybe not the lamest.
but close.
heading out to do a little shopping.
need some new shoes.
well, i don't suppose "need" has a whole lot to do with it.
i need a larger fucking closet is what i need.
the two downstairs bedrooms have nice sized walk-in closets.
the enormous-to-the-point-of-wasteful master bedroom?
crap ass little closet stuck under an eave.
fucking builder.
i would kick that guy's ass if i ever met him.
anyway.
new shoes it is.
last night was pretty fun and i'm not even hung over...much.
i feel like a broken record with my tales of drinking and hang overs.
shut up already, Lisa!
we don't care.
oh did i write the funniest thing that happened last night?
i don't think i did.
some old dude comes over to our table and says to "the girls"...
"I might need to get my eyes checked, but i do believe her hand is down your pants."
he then went on to ask if he could join in the fun.
which seemed to be an oddly recurring theme.
icky type men would try to impose themselves between the two girls--who were not interested.
it was kind of weird.
i suppose the whole night was kind of weird, but less so than last year when the same exact thing happened in the same exact bar with the same exact girls.
at least this year i was expecting it.
anyway, enough of that.
i really ought to go take a shower.
so i can head out and pick up a few groceries and shop for shoes.
we were supposed to get massages today, but hubby got a really bad sunburn from the tanning bed yesterday.
i feel bad for him, but i also have to laugh...
he went to a tanning bed, after all.... =)
wow what a boring, ridiculously mundane little post this was.
maybe i should take a moment and reflect on life or death or the mating habits of fruit bats.
maybe i should turn off the damn movie my husband isn't watching anymore cuz he fell asleep.
then i could think....
well, maybe.
okay.
quiet.
nothing but the whirring of the cpu fan.
cool that processor, bitch, that's right!
aw who am i kidding, no one reads this shit on the weekend anyway.
i could talk about all sorts of personal junk right now and none of you would ever know...
i could tell you how strange it is to be living such a different life than i once was, and how much better it is in so many ways.
i could tell you how much i miss my independence, my freedom.
i could tell you how much i miss living in a normal fucking place.
or how comfortable i've become with this place, as fucked up as it is.
i could tell you about the two best friends that i miss the most, and what i love about them.
i could tell you stories of boys i've loved and lost.
i could tell you how much i miss baking beautiful cakes and pies.
or how great it feels to fit into my old clothes, ones that haven't fit since before i got pregnant.
i could go on for hours about my golden childhood memories or the intense 3 dimensional fears i had of the dark.
i could tell you about the first time i had an orgasm, and the name i gave it, in my ignorance.
i could tell you how much i regret not having sex with the first boy i loved, even though i understand that it would have been devastating to my over-religious sweet little self at the time.
i could tell you how bad i used to be at managing my money, that my husband saved my ass.
i could tell you what it was like to grow up in a small town in a beautiful place and always want out.
i could tell you how the homesickness didn't even show its ugly head until i'd been here so long i was hating it.
i could tell you about that one summer, working as a chamber maid...and how we didn't always do a good job.
i could tell you about any or all of these things.
i could.
but i'm too lazy.
fuck it.
have a nice weekend.
and don't forget to floss.
just got home...
and i'm going to try to write because i hate writing hungover.
i hate breathing, sitting, living when i'm hungover, but that's another story for another day.
so...
it was supposed to be a girl's night, but the hubby did come with us, which worked out well.
since...
the Likki Likki highway was reopened after a spell of construction...
it's cool.
the club we went to was really weird...
i mean, good band--disco, got my wish!!, but the patrons?
old.
and i think it was "women over 40 wear the shortest skirt you can find" night.
at least they were hottish, but damn.
this one chick--we all saw enough of her coochie to know she was NOT a natural blonde.
nice skirt, honey!!
it was really weird, they were everywhere!!
short skirts, tall boots and lots of makeup.
and some total grandmas (white hair!) with leather pants and stuff.
lots of cowboys.
everyone was all slutted out, but we were the youngest people there, by far.
and of course, my friend was making out with the other girl.
which is cool, i say, go for it ladies.
it was a good night, and i was glad to have my darling one there to drive all our sorry asses home and to dance a slow dance with me.
that was so nice and lovey cutesy.
i took a couple of pictures of how great i looked before we left.
if any of them are good i'll post.
and if any of you want to come over around 7:30 tomorrow morning to watch my kids until about noon....
that would be swell.
hot DAMN what i wouldn't give for the luxury of sleeping til i didn't feel like shit.
oh well.
time to sleep.
wish me luck fighting off the hangover demons tomorrow!
i hate breathing, sitting, living when i'm hungover, but that's another story for another day.
so...
it was supposed to be a girl's night, but the hubby did come with us, which worked out well.
since...
the Likki Likki highway was reopened after a spell of construction...
it's cool.
the club we went to was really weird...
i mean, good band--disco, got my wish!!, but the patrons?
old.
and i think it was "women over 40 wear the shortest skirt you can find" night.
at least they were hottish, but damn.
this one chick--we all saw enough of her coochie to know she was NOT a natural blonde.
nice skirt, honey!!
it was really weird, they were everywhere!!
short skirts, tall boots and lots of makeup.
and some total grandmas (white hair!) with leather pants and stuff.
lots of cowboys.
everyone was all slutted out, but we were the youngest people there, by far.
and of course, my friend was making out with the other girl.
which is cool, i say, go for it ladies.
it was a good night, and i was glad to have my darling one there to drive all our sorry asses home and to dance a slow dance with me.
that was so nice and lovey cutesy.
i took a couple of pictures of how great i looked before we left.
if any of them are good i'll post.
and if any of you want to come over around 7:30 tomorrow morning to watch my kids until about noon....
that would be swell.
hot DAMN what i wouldn't give for the luxury of sleeping til i didn't feel like shit.
oh well.
time to sleep.
wish me luck fighting off the hangover demons tomorrow!
Friday, March 05, 2004
heading out for the evening...
does anyone remember me saying "i don't get out much"?
i go out more than some single people!
jeez.
tonight is supposed to be a girls' night, but my husband will probably join us.
anyway, i guess i'll go get dinner together so that i can leave on time.
the sad part, i mean the really motherfucking pathetic part, is that i hope cool stuff happens SO THAT I CAN WRITE ABOUT IT HERE.
god DAMN i'm lame.
have a great weekend and don't forget Kat's advice about wearing shoes....
i go out more than some single people!
jeez.
tonight is supposed to be a girls' night, but my husband will probably join us.
anyway, i guess i'll go get dinner together so that i can leave on time.
the sad part, i mean the really motherfucking pathetic part, is that i hope cool stuff happens SO THAT I CAN WRITE ABOUT IT HERE.
god DAMN i'm lame.
have a great weekend and don't forget Kat's advice about wearing shoes....
Fantasy Friday XIV
there was a knock at the door.
and there you stood.
my heart stopped, my brain froze.
could it be?
surely a hallucination...
when you let me get on that plane i thought i would die.
but before i was even unpacked--here you were.
standing in the rain, with your backpack and guitar case.
then you spoke.
may i come in?
wordlessly, i stepped back, letting you pass.
there were a few words of wonder and explanation exchanged, and then i reached out to touch your face.
still so soft.
your heart was beating so fast i could almost see it through your shirt, your hand shaking as you reached for me.
just before you kissed me, you thought to ask if i was happy to see you.
i smiled in response and stole your move, landing on your lips with force, then lightening my touch.
i'm sorry i let you go, you whispered as i tugged at your shirt, sliding it over your head.
you're here...and we both knew that was all that mattered.
i pulled you down as i sank to the couch, just feeling your weight on me was enough to drive me wild.
you slid a hand under my sundress, and tore my panties off, almost angrily.
you smiled at me before ducking out of sight.
i quickly removed the dress and settled back to enjoy the soft licking, your firm grasp moving me in rhythm with your tongue.
just as i thought i could take no more, you sat up, and i rolled you back, held you between my thighs, and began the slow ascent to the finale.
we were one.
*******
For more Fantasy Friday posts, see The Drawing Board
and there you stood.
my heart stopped, my brain froze.
could it be?
surely a hallucination...
when you let me get on that plane i thought i would die.
but before i was even unpacked--here you were.
standing in the rain, with your backpack and guitar case.
then you spoke.
may i come in?
wordlessly, i stepped back, letting you pass.
there were a few words of wonder and explanation exchanged, and then i reached out to touch your face.
still so soft.
your heart was beating so fast i could almost see it through your shirt, your hand shaking as you reached for me.
just before you kissed me, you thought to ask if i was happy to see you.
i smiled in response and stole your move, landing on your lips with force, then lightening my touch.
i'm sorry i let you go, you whispered as i tugged at your shirt, sliding it over your head.
you're here...and we both knew that was all that mattered.
i pulled you down as i sank to the couch, just feeling your weight on me was enough to drive me wild.
you slid a hand under my sundress, and tore my panties off, almost angrily.
you smiled at me before ducking out of sight.
i quickly removed the dress and settled back to enjoy the soft licking, your firm grasp moving me in rhythm with your tongue.
just as i thought i could take no more, you sat up, and i rolled you back, held you between my thighs, and began the slow ascent to the finale.
we were one.
*******
For more Fantasy Friday posts, see The Drawing Board
Thursday, March 04, 2004
skinned my knee from tripping down memory lane
i just found one of my old journals.
that's some great reading...
(i have 25 books filled with my thoughts spanning the ten years from 13-23)
and wow.
damn.
reading about past love-ers is always a strange experience.
however.
i'm here to share some humor, i'll save the good stuff for another time.
why does your journal offer humor, you might ask.
well...
all of the entries are written in the wee hours of the morning...
often after much alcohol consumption and a 12 hour work day...
and i have to laugh at some of the phrasing i chose...
it's no secret that i spout cheese like niagra spouts, well, you know...water.
but on here, i at least try to rephrase things.
but...in the rush to get the evening's events summarized i often overlooked literary protocol, reminding myself that no one would ever read my journals...
so here's the best one:
"I am so unmistakably drawn to him. I feel like there's a magnet in my heart when he's around. I just don't know yet if his heart is causing this because it's made of steel or another magnet! He's incredible!"
Is that fucking great or what????
i'm peeing my pants over here!
anyway, i was just a kid....
fine, i was 22.
but mostly i was fucking tired and in a hurry to get to sleep.
see, in those days, i wrote every night/early morning before i went to sleep--period.
no matter what.
i seriously skipped maybe 15 days in ten years.
and really that is what i meant, it just happend that the quickest way for me to summarize it was a Kraft single...
but i was just wondering if the reason he got me so freaked out was that there was some substantial chemmistry between us or if it was just me wanting yet another guy that i shouldn't/couldn't have, etc. (for the record, i probably shouldn't have had him since he was 5 years my junior, but damn, girls you should have seen this one!!)
i can't believe how vigilant i was about writing in those days.
okay, fine, it was ocd.
but i still miss it.
it all went down hill when i started sharing a bedroom.
with a bo-ee.
and the whole journal thing sort of got replaced with a vast supply of orgasms.
pretty good trade off, but i regret losing that habit.
so there are almost no written records of my pregnancy and experiences with newborns in intensive care or any of their life so far.
i suck.
sure, there are 4 million pages about what a hundred different boys said to me or how they looked or talked or chewed gum, and all the different ways they broke my heart...but none of the important shit is there.
i double suck.
oh well.
nothing better than a nice hot cup of vanilla cappucino (SO not sugar free!) and a stack of old journals.
they take me right back.
bam!
time machine.
holy shit!!
i just found a poem i wrote about the whole magnet thing!!!
oh lordy!
okay, okay, here it comes:
Two lives intertwined
for a brief moment,
locked together then torn apart.
At first sight, a magnet
from my heart to yours
From yours to mine
stronger than words.
To forever hold you
in my eyes and arms
would be magical perfection.
but knowing i won't
leaves me aching
for the completion of me
that will never be.
on the verg of a deep shared knowledge
of each others' souls,
the possibility of love close enough to touch
but farther away than the moon.
wanting, needing--aching for you.
the hollow sound
of two magnets pulling at each other
across the miles.
my destiny called me here,
my heart stayed there.
with you.
when two hearts should be one
and are not
the depth and breadth of my feelings
matter not.
dude.
that's downright scary.
okay, for that you deserve this:
(less cheese more smut)
August 5, 1997
"After work I picked up T. and we went down to a little beach and talked for a bit then i took him back [to a boarding type school for fuck up high schoolers] and snuck out. Then we met up with J and C. We went to her cabin, out by the lake. We drank a few, then i went up to check out the loft and T. followed. We started making out, then his hand was down my pants, and mine down his, then i went down on him. I swallowed---yummy! Then we went downstairs and hung for a few. Then i wrapped up in a blanket and we sat outside for a few minutes while he smoked. Under the blanket, i took off all my clothes without him knowing and then i stood up in fron tof him and asked him if he could see me. he could. so i smiled and opened the blanket. "Whoa!" he said, and "I was not expecting that!" I laughed and pounced on him. We started going at it, then i went inside to get a condom.We went over under a tree and made sweet love under the stars!"
oops, the cheese slipped in at the end there. =)
so...
i hope you all enjoyed this afternoon's installment of Journal Reading with Lisa.
and if not, (i'm prettty sure you can guess what's coming)...
you can go fuck yourself.
mm hmm.
you know you want to, anyway.
besides, you can humor me once in a while.
i usually put so much thought and effort into each post, for your pleasure...
okay, i guess we all know that's a crock of shit.
if you're here reading, you're humoring me.
so thank you, please come again...
that's some great reading...
(i have 25 books filled with my thoughts spanning the ten years from 13-23)
and wow.
damn.
reading about past love-ers is always a strange experience.
however.
i'm here to share some humor, i'll save the good stuff for another time.
why does your journal offer humor, you might ask.
well...
all of the entries are written in the wee hours of the morning...
often after much alcohol consumption and a 12 hour work day...
and i have to laugh at some of the phrasing i chose...
it's no secret that i spout cheese like niagra spouts, well, you know...water.
but on here, i at least try to rephrase things.
but...in the rush to get the evening's events summarized i often overlooked literary protocol, reminding myself that no one would ever read my journals...
so here's the best one:
"I am so unmistakably drawn to him. I feel like there's a magnet in my heart when he's around. I just don't know yet if his heart is causing this because it's made of steel or another magnet! He's incredible!"
Is that fucking great or what????
i'm peeing my pants over here!
anyway, i was just a kid....
fine, i was 22.
but mostly i was fucking tired and in a hurry to get to sleep.
see, in those days, i wrote every night/early morning before i went to sleep--period.
no matter what.
i seriously skipped maybe 15 days in ten years.
and really that is what i meant, it just happend that the quickest way for me to summarize it was a Kraft single...
but i was just wondering if the reason he got me so freaked out was that there was some substantial chemmistry between us or if it was just me wanting yet another guy that i shouldn't/couldn't have, etc. (for the record, i probably shouldn't have had him since he was 5 years my junior, but damn, girls you should have seen this one!!)
i can't believe how vigilant i was about writing in those days.
okay, fine, it was ocd.
but i still miss it.
it all went down hill when i started sharing a bedroom.
with a bo-ee.
and the whole journal thing sort of got replaced with a vast supply of orgasms.
pretty good trade off, but i regret losing that habit.
so there are almost no written records of my pregnancy and experiences with newborns in intensive care or any of their life so far.
i suck.
sure, there are 4 million pages about what a hundred different boys said to me or how they looked or talked or chewed gum, and all the different ways they broke my heart...but none of the important shit is there.
i double suck.
oh well.
nothing better than a nice hot cup of vanilla cappucino (SO not sugar free!) and a stack of old journals.
they take me right back.
bam!
time machine.
holy shit!!
i just found a poem i wrote about the whole magnet thing!!!
oh lordy!
okay, okay, here it comes:
Two lives intertwined
for a brief moment,
locked together then torn apart.
At first sight, a magnet
from my heart to yours
From yours to mine
stronger than words.
To forever hold you
in my eyes and arms
would be magical perfection.
but knowing i won't
leaves me aching
for the completion of me
that will never be.
on the verg of a deep shared knowledge
of each others' souls,
the possibility of love close enough to touch
but farther away than the moon.
wanting, needing--aching for you.
the hollow sound
of two magnets pulling at each other
across the miles.
my destiny called me here,
my heart stayed there.
with you.
when two hearts should be one
and are not
the depth and breadth of my feelings
matter not.
dude.
that's downright scary.
okay, for that you deserve this:
(less cheese more smut)
August 5, 1997
"After work I picked up T. and we went down to a little beach and talked for a bit then i took him back [to a boarding type school for fuck up high schoolers] and snuck out. Then we met up with J and C. We went to her cabin, out by the lake. We drank a few, then i went up to check out the loft and T. followed. We started making out, then his hand was down my pants, and mine down his, then i went down on him. I swallowed---yummy! Then we went downstairs and hung for a few. Then i wrapped up in a blanket and we sat outside for a few minutes while he smoked. Under the blanket, i took off all my clothes without him knowing and then i stood up in fron tof him and asked him if he could see me. he could. so i smiled and opened the blanket. "Whoa!" he said, and "I was not expecting that!" I laughed and pounced on him. We started going at it, then i went inside to get a condom.We went over under a tree and made sweet love under the stars!"
oops, the cheese slipped in at the end there. =)
so...
i hope you all enjoyed this afternoon's installment of Journal Reading with Lisa.
and if not, (i'm prettty sure you can guess what's coming)...
you can go fuck yourself.
mm hmm.
you know you want to, anyway.
besides, you can humor me once in a while.
i usually put so much thought and effort into each post, for your pleasure...
okay, i guess we all know that's a crock of shit.
if you're here reading, you're humoring me.
so thank you, please come again...
today it snowed again
this whole strange thing called spring.
i'm telling you, it always gets me a little riled up.
as the pendulum of weather swings from winter to summer and back again, dozens of times during this "spring", so does my mood shift from elation to depression.
oh well.
i'll just make the most of the warm days and hope it evens out soon.
awwww, who gives a shit???
it's the weather.
woo.
so last night my husband's trooper threw yet another belt...
it's sort of in a phase, i guess.
rebelious little shit.
but at least he made it all the way to our mechanic's place, which is about a mile from here, so i just had to pick him up there.
no biggie, really, but it reminds me of the days when i always had piece of shit cars (a la the adam sandler song).
and they broke down a lot and it was always financially devastating.
that sucked.
that is reason 412 why i am thankful for my life.
do you know what i noticed the other day?
of course you don't, what a stupid question.
do you WANT to know?
well, whether you do or not, here it comes.
when i drink, i extend my pinky.
are you embarassed to be seen with me now?
it's really weird, too.
cuz i never really knew i did it.
it might just be with water bottles, i haven't completed my research yet...
it's probably because i have such crappy balance...so i need all the help i can get??
whatever.
all it proves is that i'm a bigger dork than i thought.
which really isn't such a big revelation, after all.
i'm telling you, it always gets me a little riled up.
as the pendulum of weather swings from winter to summer and back again, dozens of times during this "spring", so does my mood shift from elation to depression.
oh well.
i'll just make the most of the warm days and hope it evens out soon.
awwww, who gives a shit???
it's the weather.
woo.
so last night my husband's trooper threw yet another belt...
it's sort of in a phase, i guess.
rebelious little shit.
but at least he made it all the way to our mechanic's place, which is about a mile from here, so i just had to pick him up there.
no biggie, really, but it reminds me of the days when i always had piece of shit cars (a la the adam sandler song).
and they broke down a lot and it was always financially devastating.
that sucked.
that is reason 412 why i am thankful for my life.
do you know what i noticed the other day?
of course you don't, what a stupid question.
do you WANT to know?
well, whether you do or not, here it comes.
when i drink, i extend my pinky.
are you embarassed to be seen with me now?
it's really weird, too.
cuz i never really knew i did it.
it might just be with water bottles, i haven't completed my research yet...
it's probably because i have such crappy balance...so i need all the help i can get??
whatever.
all it proves is that i'm a bigger dork than i thought.
which really isn't such a big revelation, after all.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
what day is it?
oh yeah...
it's hump day.
make it a good one.
i really hate trying to write when the tv is on.
but i can do it.
focus.
breathe.
blink.
lick lips.
clear throat.
aw, fuck.
i can't do it.
ooh, disco.
i would love to go to a disco club.
i love that shit.
just for dancing, not for any other time.
cuz that just wouldn't be right.
oh, for those of you who so graciously played the "guess my husband's name" game...
someone who knows me in real life gave the answer.
at least i'm assuming.
i have no idea who it was, but whatever.
it was time for an answer.
Cameron.
he's tall and blonde with blue eyes and a goatee.
quite a handsome feller, if you don't mind my saying.
hell, even if you do mind.
i might even slap on a picture if i get around to it.
lazy girl...
oh yeah, and for those of you keeping score out there...
my kids flushed some more toys down the toilet yesterday and flooded the bathroom 3 times since then.
yeah, i just turned off the water today.
dumbass.
now we have to call a plumber.
good thing it's not our only toilet!!
damn kids.
and damn the televison.
and damn my inability to escape the chaos around me and just write something decent on occassion.
that does not look like the correct spelling of occasion--whatever.
is spring here?
i am not quite ready, oddly.
i want to ski once more.
i want to get skinnier.
i want to get tanner.
i want to not be tired all the time.
and then spring will be welcomed.
with open arms (or legs...)
we will probably ski in 3 weeks.
i am ten pounds lighter than i was.
i have begun to accumulate quite a nice base tan...
i felt more energenic today...
so perhaps i'll let the bitch in after all.
fuck.
sometimes i'm afraid that if i am not tied down i will leap out of this life and plunge through the world like a sword through flesh.
sometimes i want to drive so fast, and so far that i don't remember where i came from.
sometimes i need more than there is to even ask for.
sometimes i feel like a grounded plane, a bird with a broken wing--i just want to fly, pushing the air down with my wings as i lift my body to the clouds.
sometimes i feel things so deeply that joy and pain are the same thing.
i want to see real wooden doors with ornate knobs and narrow staircases---i'm so sick of this cold perfection of new architechture that i could scream, out in the night as the sound waves spread over this sleeping, sleepy valley of blind and deaf clones.
there.
fuck you tv.
something fell out of my cobwebbed bag of tricks in spite of you.
my selfishness makes sense when i call myself an artist.
shame on me.
and fuck me.
but all i want is to have peace and quiet to write.
so that maybe, just maybe, if i actually have a speck of talent inside i might nuture it and coax its stubborn, chapped little ass out into the sunlight to grow and bloom and fester and ooze....
and i will.
i am not well known for my vast stores of patience, however...
have a good day.
and don't forget to ignore the crazed rantings of a madwoman stuck in the body of a sweet little suburban housewife.
it's hump day.
make it a good one.
i really hate trying to write when the tv is on.
but i can do it.
focus.
breathe.
blink.
lick lips.
clear throat.
aw, fuck.
i can't do it.
ooh, disco.
i would love to go to a disco club.
i love that shit.
just for dancing, not for any other time.
cuz that just wouldn't be right.
oh, for those of you who so graciously played the "guess my husband's name" game...
someone who knows me in real life gave the answer.
at least i'm assuming.
i have no idea who it was, but whatever.
it was time for an answer.
Cameron.
he's tall and blonde with blue eyes and a goatee.
quite a handsome feller, if you don't mind my saying.
hell, even if you do mind.
i might even slap on a picture if i get around to it.
lazy girl...
oh yeah, and for those of you keeping score out there...
my kids flushed some more toys down the toilet yesterday and flooded the bathroom 3 times since then.
yeah, i just turned off the water today.
dumbass.
now we have to call a plumber.
good thing it's not our only toilet!!
damn kids.
and damn the televison.
and damn my inability to escape the chaos around me and just write something decent on occassion.
that does not look like the correct spelling of occasion--whatever.
is spring here?
i am not quite ready, oddly.
i want to ski once more.
i want to get skinnier.
i want to get tanner.
i want to not be tired all the time.
and then spring will be welcomed.
with open arms (or legs...)
we will probably ski in 3 weeks.
i am ten pounds lighter than i was.
i have begun to accumulate quite a nice base tan...
i felt more energenic today...
so perhaps i'll let the bitch in after all.
fuck.
sometimes i'm afraid that if i am not tied down i will leap out of this life and plunge through the world like a sword through flesh.
sometimes i want to drive so fast, and so far that i don't remember where i came from.
sometimes i need more than there is to even ask for.
sometimes i feel like a grounded plane, a bird with a broken wing--i just want to fly, pushing the air down with my wings as i lift my body to the clouds.
sometimes i feel things so deeply that joy and pain are the same thing.
i want to see real wooden doors with ornate knobs and narrow staircases---i'm so sick of this cold perfection of new architechture that i could scream, out in the night as the sound waves spread over this sleeping, sleepy valley of blind and deaf clones.
there.
fuck you tv.
something fell out of my cobwebbed bag of tricks in spite of you.
my selfishness makes sense when i call myself an artist.
shame on me.
and fuck me.
but all i want is to have peace and quiet to write.
so that maybe, just maybe, if i actually have a speck of talent inside i might nuture it and coax its stubborn, chapped little ass out into the sunlight to grow and bloom and fester and ooze....
and i will.
i am not well known for my vast stores of patience, however...
have a good day.
and don't forget to ignore the crazed rantings of a madwoman stuck in the body of a sweet little suburban housewife.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
oh what a beautiful morning
oh what a beautiful day....
i'm not in oklahoma, nor am i watching it or listening to it.
i'm also not a gay male.
but the corn really is as high as an elephant's eye.
okay, not really, because it hasn't even been planted yet.
but it will be, come fall, bubba.
i wish i had a piece of straw to chew on, that would complete the picture.
so anyway.
have i ever mentioned how much i love getting comments?
it makes me smile, when the sun don't shine, it don't shine at all...
sorry, pearl jam jumped out of my fingers.
but i do love getting comments, so thank you all for participating.
so i forgot to mention that yesterday was "hot guys at the gym" day.
damn.
they were everywhere.
and me without my panties.
well!!!!
i had noticed panty lines the last time i wore these pants and i wasn't impressed.
and the thought of working out in a thong was, i'll admit, a little daunting.
(although i did it today without a snag...er, it went fine.)
and i killed my abs and my triceps, back not so much.
so today there were none.
not a single cutie to be MY eye candy.
damn them.
don't they know i can't work out without people to lust after???
oh well.
at least i had a good run today.
and, stupidly, attempting a repeat of the ab workout--owww. not ready.
and seriously!
the sun is shining,
it's in the 50's, and i feel like spring could really be here!!
also, we're at like, ten days til Las Vegas and Metallica.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin' A.
i can hardly contain myself.
and the boys are staying at my brother's house so that's a relief.
hubby and I are going to get massages on saturday.
well, if we remember to go...
but i'm really looking forward to it, so i'm sure i wont' forget.
thursday's his birthday so we'll be going to dinner and stuff....
i got him one present, but he reads this sometimes, so i can't say.
it's nothing big, but he's going to be excited.
and yeah, maybe i'll do some more "god i hope these don't get onto the internet" pictures for him.
I am going to straighten my hair that day, though.
in fact, i'll probably do a trial run today and if it looks good i'll post a picture.
i always think i look weird with straight hair, because i'm not used to it.
(did anyone notice i just spelled out "because"??? i don't think i've ever done that on here...)
also.
did anyone noticed how fucking wound up i am????
that's from the run.
i'm glad i have reached a point with the stupid atkins thing where i can actually run instead of walk.
cuz it feels a zillion times better.
i feel my heart getting stronger, i feel my lungs working--i feel stronger.
running rocks.
speaking of rocks...
i need to go climbing again.
and yes, i'm aware i have major ADD.
but you can keep your opinions to yourself.
i got another email from a stranger asking me to tell him how bored i am.
yeah, i'll get right on that.
i may be a huge flirt, but only with a guy who gives me something to want, you know?
some stranger?
psh.
i don't think so.
and yes, that means i might write personalized erotica for some of you out there if you asked.
but only if i happened to be in the right mood.
damn.
my arms are sore from yesterday and tired from today, so typing is becoming a chore...
pathetic.
as soon as i started my bicep workout, i realized it was a mistake to pair that with yesterday's tricep workout.
i should have done legs.
i love my leg circuit.
oh well.
have i mentioned how strong my legs are?
i can't keep my hands off myself sometimes,
just for feeling the hardness of my quads, the ridges of the different muscles coming together...
okay, enough of that.
i added some new links, which are worth reading.
and now i must go eat something carb free.
please continue guessing my husband's name!!!
this is fun. =)
i'm not in oklahoma, nor am i watching it or listening to it.
i'm also not a gay male.
but the corn really is as high as an elephant's eye.
okay, not really, because it hasn't even been planted yet.
but it will be, come fall, bubba.
i wish i had a piece of straw to chew on, that would complete the picture.
so anyway.
have i ever mentioned how much i love getting comments?
it makes me smile, when the sun don't shine, it don't shine at all...
sorry, pearl jam jumped out of my fingers.
but i do love getting comments, so thank you all for participating.
so i forgot to mention that yesterday was "hot guys at the gym" day.
damn.
they were everywhere.
and me without my panties.
well!!!!
i had noticed panty lines the last time i wore these pants and i wasn't impressed.
and the thought of working out in a thong was, i'll admit, a little daunting.
(although i did it today without a snag...er, it went fine.)
and i killed my abs and my triceps, back not so much.
so today there were none.
not a single cutie to be MY eye candy.
damn them.
don't they know i can't work out without people to lust after???
oh well.
at least i had a good run today.
and, stupidly, attempting a repeat of the ab workout--owww. not ready.
and seriously!
the sun is shining,
it's in the 50's, and i feel like spring could really be here!!
also, we're at like, ten days til Las Vegas and Metallica.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin' A.
i can hardly contain myself.
and the boys are staying at my brother's house so that's a relief.
hubby and I are going to get massages on saturday.
well, if we remember to go...
but i'm really looking forward to it, so i'm sure i wont' forget.
thursday's his birthday so we'll be going to dinner and stuff....
i got him one present, but he reads this sometimes, so i can't say.
it's nothing big, but he's going to be excited.
and yeah, maybe i'll do some more "god i hope these don't get onto the internet" pictures for him.
I am going to straighten my hair that day, though.
in fact, i'll probably do a trial run today and if it looks good i'll post a picture.
i always think i look weird with straight hair, because i'm not used to it.
(did anyone notice i just spelled out "because"??? i don't think i've ever done that on here...)
also.
did anyone noticed how fucking wound up i am????
that's from the run.
i'm glad i have reached a point with the stupid atkins thing where i can actually run instead of walk.
cuz it feels a zillion times better.
i feel my heart getting stronger, i feel my lungs working--i feel stronger.
running rocks.
speaking of rocks...
i need to go climbing again.
and yes, i'm aware i have major ADD.
but you can keep your opinions to yourself.
i got another email from a stranger asking me to tell him how bored i am.
yeah, i'll get right on that.
i may be a huge flirt, but only with a guy who gives me something to want, you know?
some stranger?
psh.
i don't think so.
and yes, that means i might write personalized erotica for some of you out there if you asked.
but only if i happened to be in the right mood.
damn.
my arms are sore from yesterday and tired from today, so typing is becoming a chore...
pathetic.
as soon as i started my bicep workout, i realized it was a mistake to pair that with yesterday's tricep workout.
i should have done legs.
i love my leg circuit.
oh well.
have i mentioned how strong my legs are?
i can't keep my hands off myself sometimes,
just for feeling the hardness of my quads, the ridges of the different muscles coming together...
okay, enough of that.
i added some new links, which are worth reading.
and now i must go eat something carb free.
please continue guessing my husband's name!!!
this is fun. =)
It's cluster fuck monday!
hope you had a good one.
i sure did.
if by "good" you understand that i mean i fulfilled the requirements for cluster fucking.
or whatever.
took ONE twin on a highly exciting trip to do some errands tonight,
while dad took the other one to go mini golfing to celebrate some potty training victories...
anywho.
so i went all the way to provo to go to the best health food store, to get some fucking low carb torillas.
and.
did they have them?
of course not, it's cluster fuck monday, why would they have them?
so we had a good time standing in front of the automatic doors, opening and closing them...
and then we headed to wally world, which the boy was ecstatic about.
but then i realized he was hungry so we stopped at wendy's.
and i thought it would be fun to go inside.
after all, it's cluster fuck monday, so i need to have as many opportunities for annoyance as possible.
they had just finished some huge rush and had nothing left, so we stood waiting for our food for 17 years (or minutes, whichever).
then we went to "the mart" to do a bit of shopping.
a few things for me and a few potty training prizes...
yes, i'm bribing my fucking 3 1/2 year olds to pee in the toilet.
go fuck yourself.
you would too.
so as soon as we walk in he's sick of it.
he's done, wants to go home.
well fuck.
so, we get through it all.
and then.
as you'll recall...i left my debit card IN the atm last week...
so i had a check book.
it's been a long time since i've written a check there, so they needed my driver's license.
did i have it?
fuck no.
that would be highly inappropriate behavior for a cluster fuck monday.
it was in the back pocket of my calvins*.
from saturday night.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
so i had them hold my shit, once again!!!! and headed home.
i tried calling the hubby thinking he could read the numbers to me, but he was not answering.
when i walked into the house he said, i lost my phone.
cluster fuck.
so i explained my most recent outbreak of retardation and headed back to the store.
yadda yadda, went fine.
got home.
heard his phone ringing.
it was in his jacket pocket.
cluster fuck?
if he would have just answered it to begin wtih, i wouldn't have had to run around like that.
oh well.
by the way.
have i ever told any of you what his name is?
the husband, that is.
i think we should have a contest.
i want you to guess what his name is.
seriously.
if you get it right i will totally give you some sort of real prize.
no picture of me flipping you off, i promise.
something good-ish.
like a non-illegal copy of a movie...
or an erotic story written just for you.
or something.
hell, i don't know.
maybe i will just post the bird, but the important thing is: make a guess.
in the comments.
now.
*nothing comes between me and my calvins.
i sure did.
if by "good" you understand that i mean i fulfilled the requirements for cluster fucking.
or whatever.
took ONE twin on a highly exciting trip to do some errands tonight,
while dad took the other one to go mini golfing to celebrate some potty training victories...
anywho.
so i went all the way to provo to go to the best health food store, to get some fucking low carb torillas.
and.
did they have them?
of course not, it's cluster fuck monday, why would they have them?
so we had a good time standing in front of the automatic doors, opening and closing them...
and then we headed to wally world, which the boy was ecstatic about.
but then i realized he was hungry so we stopped at wendy's.
and i thought it would be fun to go inside.
after all, it's cluster fuck monday, so i need to have as many opportunities for annoyance as possible.
they had just finished some huge rush and had nothing left, so we stood waiting for our food for 17 years (or minutes, whichever).
then we went to "the mart" to do a bit of shopping.
a few things for me and a few potty training prizes...
yes, i'm bribing my fucking 3 1/2 year olds to pee in the toilet.
go fuck yourself.
you would too.
so as soon as we walk in he's sick of it.
he's done, wants to go home.
well fuck.
so, we get through it all.
and then.
as you'll recall...i left my debit card IN the atm last week...
so i had a check book.
it's been a long time since i've written a check there, so they needed my driver's license.
did i have it?
fuck no.
that would be highly inappropriate behavior for a cluster fuck monday.
it was in the back pocket of my calvins*.
from saturday night.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
so i had them hold my shit, once again!!!! and headed home.
i tried calling the hubby thinking he could read the numbers to me, but he was not answering.
when i walked into the house he said, i lost my phone.
cluster fuck.
so i explained my most recent outbreak of retardation and headed back to the store.
yadda yadda, went fine.
got home.
heard his phone ringing.
it was in his jacket pocket.
cluster fuck?
if he would have just answered it to begin wtih, i wouldn't have had to run around like that.
oh well.
by the way.
have i ever told any of you what his name is?
the husband, that is.
i think we should have a contest.
i want you to guess what his name is.
seriously.
if you get it right i will totally give you some sort of real prize.
no picture of me flipping you off, i promise.
something good-ish.
like a non-illegal copy of a movie...
or an erotic story written just for you.
or something.
hell, i don't know.
maybe i will just post the bird, but the important thing is: make a guess.
in the comments.
now.
*nothing comes between me and my calvins.
Monday, March 01, 2004
so much to say...
Well, first things first.
I am the newest member of The Real World...Blogger Style house!!
I am very excited, so go check it out.
And of course, i have lots to say about my day of skiing, and the evening out which followed.
Skiing...
aaaaaaah...
it was so wonderful, i can't even describe.
i had forgotten what it was like to "walk" in ski boots--and i have to put that in quotes because it can't really be considered walking...
it sucks shit.
so, just climbing 3 sets of stairs to get to the first lift almost killed me--and i work out!!! it was crazy.
but i made it.
and I even managed to get off the lift without any incidents.
but then.
oh, then.
i inched my way down that hill.
the freaking bunny slope!
and the 5 year olds were on their 3rd run by the time i reached the bottom.
it was hilarious!!
but at least i knew my limitations, remembered how to be in control.
and it's a good thing, because for those of you who haven't skiied...well, the "stop" action is the hardest on the muscles.
going is not nearly as much work.
i spent a little more time helping the blubbering step son into and out of his snowboard bindings at the top and bottom than i would have liked...
(have to take one off to use the lift, put it back on to board)
but it was okay.
so then i turned on my tunes (brought the trusty mp3 player) and cruised down at a breakneck speed of maybe 2 miles per hour...
and it got better from there.
having good music is a must, but mostly for the long ride up the hill.
the best song i had with me for cruising down was The Cult, Edie (ciao baby).
of course, it was a little too good, and i started jamming out and almost went--gasp--fast!
scar-eeee.
and of course there was a cute lift attnedant...
who was there to hoist my sorry ass up when the kid i was sharing a chair with knocked me off the lift on the dismount.
the worst part had to be that he offered his hand, i took it, and when he pulled i didn't budge so he had to pull harder.
yes, i'm a fatter ass than i look, sonny, bite me.
oh well.
i was on a high all day, and i am dyyyyying to go back.
March is a pretty busy month for us, but we might make it once more before the season ends.
it was awesome.
i wish i could have written about it right when i got back, because i think i had some interesting things to say.
oh well.
so then our night out...
we discovered the greatest little bar around.
it was perfect.
there was even karaoke.
and of course i was drunk enough to sing...
i was even just drunk enough to give my friend's little brother sex advice at one point.
i think he was less drunk, because he laughed.
and we played pool against some cute boys who did NOT look old enough to be in there.
the sad part is, they probably were.
everybody in our large group sang karaoke at least once.
i sang "these boots are made for walking" with 3 other girls.
we sucked hard.
oh well.
(and, coincidentally, the boots i had on were not made for walking...)
and once i drank out of the wrong beer...
i was sitting there, talking.
i took a swig--from a bottle, when i had a mug--and thought, hmm that tasted weird, and kept talking.
a moment later, a hand reached over my shoulder and grabbed the bottle.
my first thought was, uh, hello? that's my beer, dipshit.
then i got it.
fortunately, it was my friend's husband, and not some stranger...
who's the dipshit now??? huh???
yeah, that's right.
me.
i looked freaking fantastic, by the way.
nice tight little cowboy shirt with pearl buttons and lots of cleavage.
now that i've figured out the trick to cleavage, i'll admit i'm kind of addicted.
i am, forever, the attention whore of the land.
ooh! and in all the craziness of my weekend, i haven't even checked to see if Lick Magazine is online....
if you can guess which story is mine, i'll send you a topless picture.
(of course, i will not admit you got the right one, so i'll never have to pay out, but still--it'll be fun for you to guess)
time to hit the gym.
happy monday, everyone.
I am the newest member of The Real World...Blogger Style house!!
I am very excited, so go check it out.
And of course, i have lots to say about my day of skiing, and the evening out which followed.
Skiing...
aaaaaaah...
it was so wonderful, i can't even describe.
i had forgotten what it was like to "walk" in ski boots--and i have to put that in quotes because it can't really be considered walking...
it sucks shit.
so, just climbing 3 sets of stairs to get to the first lift almost killed me--and i work out!!! it was crazy.
but i made it.
and I even managed to get off the lift without any incidents.
but then.
oh, then.
i inched my way down that hill.
the freaking bunny slope!
and the 5 year olds were on their 3rd run by the time i reached the bottom.
it was hilarious!!
but at least i knew my limitations, remembered how to be in control.
and it's a good thing, because for those of you who haven't skiied...well, the "stop" action is the hardest on the muscles.
going is not nearly as much work.
i spent a little more time helping the blubbering step son into and out of his snowboard bindings at the top and bottom than i would have liked...
(have to take one off to use the lift, put it back on to board)
but it was okay.
so then i turned on my tunes (brought the trusty mp3 player) and cruised down at a breakneck speed of maybe 2 miles per hour...
and it got better from there.
having good music is a must, but mostly for the long ride up the hill.
the best song i had with me for cruising down was The Cult, Edie (ciao baby).
of course, it was a little too good, and i started jamming out and almost went--gasp--fast!
scar-eeee.
and of course there was a cute lift attnedant...
who was there to hoist my sorry ass up when the kid i was sharing a chair with knocked me off the lift on the dismount.
the worst part had to be that he offered his hand, i took it, and when he pulled i didn't budge so he had to pull harder.
yes, i'm a fatter ass than i look, sonny, bite me.
oh well.
i was on a high all day, and i am dyyyyying to go back.
March is a pretty busy month for us, but we might make it once more before the season ends.
it was awesome.
i wish i could have written about it right when i got back, because i think i had some interesting things to say.
oh well.
so then our night out...
we discovered the greatest little bar around.
it was perfect.
there was even karaoke.
and of course i was drunk enough to sing...
i was even just drunk enough to give my friend's little brother sex advice at one point.
i think he was less drunk, because he laughed.
and we played pool against some cute boys who did NOT look old enough to be in there.
the sad part is, they probably were.
everybody in our large group sang karaoke at least once.
i sang "these boots are made for walking" with 3 other girls.
we sucked hard.
oh well.
(and, coincidentally, the boots i had on were not made for walking...)
and once i drank out of the wrong beer...
i was sitting there, talking.
i took a swig--from a bottle, when i had a mug--and thought, hmm that tasted weird, and kept talking.
a moment later, a hand reached over my shoulder and grabbed the bottle.
my first thought was, uh, hello? that's my beer, dipshit.
then i got it.
fortunately, it was my friend's husband, and not some stranger...
who's the dipshit now??? huh???
yeah, that's right.
me.
i looked freaking fantastic, by the way.
nice tight little cowboy shirt with pearl buttons and lots of cleavage.
now that i've figured out the trick to cleavage, i'll admit i'm kind of addicted.
i am, forever, the attention whore of the land.
ooh! and in all the craziness of my weekend, i haven't even checked to see if Lick Magazine is online....
if you can guess which story is mine, i'll send you a topless picture.
(of course, i will not admit you got the right one, so i'll never have to pay out, but still--it'll be fun for you to guess)
time to hit the gym.
happy monday, everyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)