Saturday is a special day

according to some.

today was a great day, actually.
we took the kids to the waterpark again, and it was good.
i saw this woman.
she must have weighed close to 300 lbs...
but i swear to GOD, when i saw her, my first thought (you know that one that's more of a pre-thought, because you didn't really THINK it, it just sort of floated through your head and when you become aware of it you often discount it?) was this: i look just like that.
it was weird, and i sort of laughed over it.
but yeah.
i'm feeling like a lard ass lately.
ice cream sandwiches don't help.
neither do frozen mudslides...
mmm...
i'm having one right now, in fact.
it's a pretty rate occasion that i A. drink at home and B. drink in front of my kids.
but, it's not like i'm getting sloshed, so what the hell.
i can be as white trash as the next guy--no problem.
heh.
...am i rationalizing?
oh well.

so...
we have central air but it has been sucking horse shit this year.
so we got a new cooling system today.
and it kicks ass.
it's fucking cold in here, mother fuckers.
oh yeah.
and it's 95 degrees outside.
so...stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
or whatever.
life is goooood.

and then i went to the gym.
but i thought maybe i would stop at the library on my way--
(first to pay off husband's debt for losing yet another book)
and to check out a book or two.
the sign said open, as i pulled in to park.
as i rounded the side of the building and approached the door...
"CLOSED" (you stupid fucking bitch, they may as well have added)
fuck.
stupid small town.
libarary closes at 6???
grrrrrrr.
oh well.
so the gym was good, at least.
minus theh pinched nerve/vein/something weird going on with my left pinky.
i'm thinking i MAY have strained it while drinking.
...as i've covered before, i'm a pinky-sticker-outer-drinker.
but whatever happened, it was a bit inconvenient to lift weights with only one and half hands.
wuss?
yeah, possibly.
loving my new harbinger workout gloves?
most definitely.
do you know how bad ass i feel now?
oh, so very.
should i stop asking questions and answering them sassily?
hell yeah.
will i?
okay, fine. i will.

so.
i really need to invest in a soundproof room for this house.
i scream so loudly when we have sex that people call the cops to report a murder.
and i'm not talking next door neighbors--
i'm talking, people from HALFWAY ACROSS TOWN call in.
jesus H.
a gag, perhaps??

...and you thought i'd sunk to the lowest levels of saying inappropriate things.
puh-leez.
as if.

i was flipping though the j. crew catalog.
yum.
and i was ogling the swimsuit models--
of course.
and i noticed something.
they were all really skinny.
shut up--that wasn't actually a shock.
...but the fact that they were ONLY skinny was kind of strange to notice.
as in--they had no muscle tone.
not one of those gorgeous girls had that little line on the bicep or a single ridge on her abs.
maybe i'm just stuck in a rut of "my way is best", but...
i sorta think that better role models for our young women would be a HEALTHY portrayl of a woman's physique.
i mean...
just plain NOT eating isn't really a good option.
eating healthily (most of the time) and getting regular exercise IS a really good option.
i don't know.
i just get frustrated that some girls aspire to be like that--those models are freaks.
the rest of us should just be happy.
do the healthy thing, but other than that, just feel sexy.
and you will be.
...well, most of you.
erm, well...on second thought, check with me.
i'll tell you where you stand.
ya fatty.

bon soir--