it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

a beautiful day for neighbors...
would you be mine?
could you be mine?
PLEASE!!!! won't you be my neighbor?

i'm serious.
i need some decent fucking neighbors.
oh god...help me!
they're all uptight dork-ass mormons.
blaaaaaaaaah.
(not that there's anything wrong with that...)
 
however.
at least i am sitting in the shade, in my yard, watching my kids play in the pool and on the slip n slide....
of course, they refuse to either slip OR slide on it.
which doesn't surprise me a bit.
they're stubborn little birds.
("shit birds" if you're Kat!! and trust me, that's a good word for 'em)
 
and yes, i can easily avoid most of my neighbors while sitting outside.
this is how it's accomplished:
(any or all of the following)
*wear a tank top (preferably bra-less)
*wear shorts above the knee
*play outside or mow the lawn on a SUNDAY
*drink a beer in the yard
*smoke a cigarette in the yard
*have loud sex with the windows open...
 
um...that's about it.
 
so i was asked recently, in an IM conversation with a dashing male reader, if there is anything about me that is "shocking".
the answer is, sadly, "no".
although, for the most part that is because i am an open book.
i've told all the shocking things about me as they occur.
so i've been racking my brain...
and there really isn't anything.
it may shock you to hear how devoted to the mormon religion i once was.
and that i planned on staying a virgin until i was married.
i suppose it might surprise you that i used to be intensely, painfully shy--particularly with boys, but really with everyone.
it might cause an eyebrow or two to lift if i told you i once shop lifted a few things.
you may not have already known or guessed that i used to go dancing 3 times a week.
 
so there.
look at me!!!
all sorts of shocking stuff.
psh.
whatever.
 
go freaking enjoy your weekend.
step away from the computer.