happy humpty dance day

or is that "hump day"?
eh, whatever.
YOU know what i'm talking about.
and if you don't, you have the good sense to smile and nod.
DO NOT ANGER THE CRAZY LADY.
(your mama taught you well.)

sometimes i feel like i'm the crazy lady.
sometimes i feel like feeling up the crazy lady.
sometimes i feel myself.

guess how hard it is to think original thoughts with ESPN blaring, mere feet away?
do i have headphones here??
no.
i'm in my room.
my giant-ass bedroom (also known as the master suite...)
with my giant-ass monitor (also known as 21 inches...)
and i can't fucking concentrate.
...and just like that, the Lisa-gets-her-way Fairy spit some sleep onto my husband.
so i pushed the mute button.
and now...
i have peace.
i have serenity.
i have calm cool collection...
eh.
it's quiet, awright??
and i think i'll take a moment to relish that.
(oops, i almost fell asleep)

okay.
well...
here i am--for what feels like the first time in too long to remember, in which i've had peace...

i discovered tonight that one of my girlfriends is mad at me.
and i don't really know why.
but it breaks my heart.
she doesn't read this, so i could probably go into detail.
but i don't want to.
i just wish that it didn't feel like jr. high...

and i keep burping pizza.
and beer.
and i like it.

sometimes i wish i could crawl through a hole in the fabric of time.
sometimes i think that i can fly...
once upon a time i had wild and wonderful dreams.
i still do.
once upon a time i was strong and independent.
now i'm stronger and interdependent...
i used to have this gut feeling that i would be a celebrity.
i also used to have a gut feeling that i would have one son, and be a single mother.
(so that's out)
my gut sucks.
it also is larger than i would like.
and i have a canker sore inside my cheek.
not a cold sore.
those are crusty and oozing and i hate them.
this just stings.

oh!
i nearly forgot.
i went out to my car this afternoon, to go to my girl's night thingy.
wrestled my kids into their carseats.
and the damn battery was dead.
fu
u
u
u
ck.

my neighbor was in her driveway...cleaning out her car.
i've never met her.
so i called the mr.
...on the golf course.
(dammit)
so i called my friend who was going the same place as me...
but she was already waaay past my house.
she offered to come back and get me if i needed her.
so...
i sucked it up and went to ask the neighbor for a jump.
she hesitated...
my heart beat faster...
said she didn't know how.
well, I DO, so if it wouldn't be too much trouble...?
thank you so much, etc...
she came over, i hooked up the two batteries, and bam.
my car was running.
sometimes, i am so damned impressed with myself it's just silly.
i haven't had to jump a car for a loooong time.
used to drive beaters, in the college days.
so i learned a LOT about cars.
but this was just a case of my kids turning on my headlights sometime this morning...
and leaving them on all day.
grrr.

okay, if i haven't rambled enough for you--
read it again.
cuz i'm over and out.