do you know what i think?

well, chances are...
if you've been here more than once--
you DO know what i think....
but that's not the point.
and, as usual, i don't know what the point IS.

okay.
so.
here we are.
just you and me.
alone in this little white window.
what should we do?
what will we say?
can i touch you?
YES, there....
mmm....
so smooth.
can i lick you?
yes...there...
salty...
mmmmmmm.....
will you touch me?
here...no, HERE....
yeah, just like that.
sssshhhh....
no one else needs to know.
our little secret, baby.

i don't know.
sometimes, i feel like i am the queen of this whole damn world.
all of it.
pole to pole.
heeeeeeeeeee!!!
totally did NOT intend that pun.
but i FUCKING love it.
ahem.
where was I??
oh yeah.
queen of the world, etc.
yeah.
but other times...
(siiiiiiiiiiigh)
other times...
i feel like...
the scullery maid of the world.
the traffic cop of the world.
the kitchen sink ("everything but--") of the world.
i wanted to be a goddess.
or at least a princess.
but nooooooooooo.
i had to be just a girl.
well, i'll be damned if i settle for that.
i want to be a 20-foot granite statue at the top of a pyramid.
with sapphire eyes and a gold plated snake coiled up my leg.
i want to be a sparkling fairy ice sculpture in a garden party.
i want to be cold marble, smooth and glossy, covering the floor of a museum--come lay on me and soak in the creations of a hundred years of tortured souls.
i want to have prayers said to me, and feel them in my soul and grant them without even a conscious awareness.
i want to float through the sky and feel the clouds swirling around me, cooling my skin.
i want to drown in a pile of rose petals, smelling each one as i crush it.
i want to roll down a grassy hill, naked, under a full moon.
i want to be 16 again--to spend one night with my best girlfriends, at the cabin, with the "party lights"....laughing til the sun came up.
i want to be 16 again--to spend one night with my first boyfriend...my first love...

i have a lot of wants for one little girl, don't I?
i don't believe in not dreaming.
i don't believe in being satisfied, complacent.
i don't believe in organized fucking religion.
i don't believe in meteorology.
i don't believe in the boogie man.
i don't believe in letting my bush grow.
i don't believe in going to bed angry...or hungry...or unfucked.
i don't believe in being hurtful--on purpose or not.
i don't believe in santa claus.
i don't believe in not believing in YOU.
you are mine.
but yet...not.