Wednesday, April 21, 2004

well that was a healthy dose of crap

...i wouldn't recommend reading my last post, before this.
your life will be better for it if you just skip it, trust me.
i am fully aware that that is what i get when trying to write on an empty stomach.
although, now that i think of it--i can't really guarantee this one will be any better.
oh well, read on at your own risk.

the mountains got snow, so hopefully we'll try to go skiing/snowboarding this weekend...
does anyone know how freaking close i live to the mountains?
the base is only about 2 miles away, i think.
anyway, they're damn close.
it's not like, oh we should go away to the mountains, let's get in the car and drive...
it's like, oops, i took a wrong turn, now how do i get back down this mountain.
pretty cool, i guess.
not even a near replacement for the ocean.
not even close.
similar feeling, but i don't know....
i'm not in the mood to get all poetic on your asses, so i won't.

i would love to be lying on a beach perpetrating a tan, though.
and if you can name that tune, then we can smile together over the music of that era.
but i really would love to be lying on a blanket on the hot sand.
with a book.
or just my mp3 player.
definitely no kids...
in fact, maybe i could arrange for all children to be banned from the beach that day...
okay, fine, they can stay.
but only if they're quiet.

dammit, now that i've put myself on that beach--
my beach, the only beach i ever think about anymore--
i want to get up and walk over to the tide pool,
and look under rocks for baby crabs to hold in my hand for a moment, feeling the tickle of their feet.
i want to walk to the other side of the sand, where the rocks start again, and see if i still fit in that little cave.
probably not.

okay, back to the bitchiness of a day in the life of me.

i got a lot of nice emails yesterday, but one of them had the greatest subject line ever.
and i'm not talking about the spam ones that we all hold so dear...
although those are pretty hilarious sometimes.
I will not quote the source because she's a bit of a recluse, but it was too great not to share.
"Someone should name a candybar after you, seriously"
now, maybe she wasn't serious, and okay, i think i'll go with probably not serious on this...
but i don't care, cuz it still rocked me upside down.
wouldn't that be great?
it would be chocolate and caramel and jeez...i don't know, cuz pretty much every candybar has already been made.
but i can guarantee it would taste gooooood.
ooh, it would have brownie in it!
a chocolate and garamel covered brownie....

okay, anyway.
i promised crap, and i delivered.
you can say that much for me at least.

most people would delete and start over if they had written such a lemon of a post.
not me.
and i won't even take this lemon and make it into lemonade.
do you know what my sunday school teacher told us when i was 15 or so?
"if life hands you lemons--stick 'em in your bra."
yeah, she was unconventional.
pretty damn funny, great lady, too.
i heard through some really unlikely grapevine that her husband is dying.
they're young.
barely 50.
i was really close to their whole family, their daughter was one of my bestest friends in high school.
they live in st. george now, just a few hours south of here.
makes me want to go find them, but for what?
to cry together?
to laugh together, is more likey, that's what they're best knownn for.
and to see them without the laughter would probably twist my sense of the world in an ugly way.
the lump in throat means that if i still could summon up a prayer i would.
and that all of me that would have prayed for them is leaning toward them, aching to stop their pain.
and the rest of me is hoping it was a case of "telephone" and he's really just having carpal tunnel surgery....
...but the gut part of me (and just to throw in the humor they love--)which is the biggest part of all, knows it's bad.

well there ya go.
i should have freaking stopped while i was only sucking.
now i'm depressing you all.
i will write more in a little while and wipe the slate.

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