Monday, April 12, 2004

another monday another mondollar

or something.

been battling the puke monster this morning, so that's fun.
so far, i'm winning, but the tide could turn at any moment.
of course, selfish little old me--all i can do is be annoyed that i don't get to go to the gym.
that's okay, i'll do my pilates DVDs...if i remember to burn them.
cuz, no kidding, this week is back to boot camp for me.
I've been cheating on my diet like a Jerry springer wife on her husband/girlfriend/uncle...
i'm still maintaining, so it's no biggie.
however.
bathing suit season is rapidly approaching.
and we're buying season passes to the water slide joint.
sort of puts the pressure on....

so anyway.
feeling a bit of a lull.
just calm and quiet.
no words raging inside, tearing their way out.
no hunger gnawing at my core, pushing me to new heights--or depths.
just sweet soft sunshine pouring in the window, resting on my cheek.
and the hum of the dryer, reminding me of the earthly tasks i have on my long list today.
and the dryer is reminding me of the bird i saw yesterday.
the bird, perched on my dormered window, with a big ole twig in his mouth.
then he flew up, and dove into the dryer vent.
it made me smile.
why does a bird making an illicit home in my home not fill me with creepy crawly annoyance like a mouse's attempts at the same?
it wasn't even a pretty bird.
smallish, blackish, with a hint of blue somewhere on his wing?
i don't mind, though.
i love birds.
i love opening the cage and placing my finger on his breast, so that he must follow his compulsion, his instict? and step onto it.
i lift him out and talk to him, smoothing his feathers with my soft touch, whistling to him.
delicate little gray and yellow and blue thing.
I miss having pets.
the Mr. is allergic to everything with hair, and i'm allergic to putting a lot of effort into the care of a pet...
so we're a bad pair.
cats are perfect for me--low maintenance.
probably get the boys a turtle or a bird at some point soon....

you know, my recent posts have seemed a bit strange to me.
it's like i was riding this roller coaster of a thought process:
flying along, eyes closed--up, down, around, the car rattling, the wind rushing past, the earth dropping away....
like i was on speed or coke or something.
not that i'm complaining, just didn't feel entirely like i was in control.
but who needs control??
not I.

had a nice family dinner thingy yesterday...
although i almost freaked out once.
we were discussing The Passion of Christ, and the fact that it's R rated came up.
this means that many/most mormons won't see it.
i just couldn't hold my tongue....
something about brainwashing slipped out, then i begged for someone to change the subject cuz i knew i couldn't stop myself.
they're cool, i just don't trust my un-reinable passions to discuss their religion in a dignified manner.
cuz it's not like i'm going to change their minds!!
erg.

but at least i'm avoiding the shower again, like a plague.
i used to love showering.
before the kids decided to ruin my one remaining pleasure in life...
it's so laaaaaaaame.
i'll be all lathered up, my mind a lightyear or two away, and the door slams open with a sharp bang.
i jump.
then i yell.
freaking sucks.

blah........

at least i get to go home this summer.
one of these times, i'm just going to stay.
i could lay in a hammock, i could buy sweaters again...
i could eat fresh seafood every day.
i could learn to sail.
i could be a part of my community without feeling like some leper outcast.
i could stalk stephen king.
i could re-strengthen ties with oldest friends and closest family.
i guess i should start hoping my husband loses his job.
although, his boss read this once last week, and could be reading it again, so i ought not to say such things.
but still....

have a good day and don't step in any dog poo.

No comments: