Sunday, April 25, 2004

i don't know...

Today i am feeling like i'm finished with this.
Don't really care if i ever write another word here.
Or maybe I'm just sick of the direction I've taken--
direction was never my strong suit.
I just wander along in a haze, or ride along--a willing passenger--to whatever destination is in my path.
sometimes i arrive, rub my eyes and am startled to discover my location, with no idea of how i got there.
I love this free style of life but sometimes that means i have to back track...
i have to buy a map or call a cab, tow truck or travel agent.

i don't know what i'm talking about.
writing on an empty stomach again.
fucking Atkins.
a bowl of cereal.
that's all i want.

fell asleep around 9:30 last night....
that was awesome.

one of my favorite things just happened:
share my freshly iced glass of water wtih the boys.
they give it back almost empty.
and me with a half a protein bar to go.
...oops, I guess that should be filed under pet peeves.
and for the record: low carb protein bars are so much more tasty and satisfying than any damn cereal.
i don't know why i didn't have one earlier.
sometimes i forget.

i have nothing left to give.
i have let myself get pulled in too many directions.
would you like a little cheese?
no, really.
i have some which would go nicely with this bottle of fucking WHINE i just uncorked.

slap me.
no, seriously.
just haul back and slap.
i need it.
something to jar me, really shake me.
i do not like to whine.
so i apologize for that, even though my computer's delete and backspace keys both function properly.
cuz this little page is about naked truth.
might be a better name for it, actually.
I share what's in my head whether it be pretty, ugly, naughty or nice.
and i share it uncensored (99% of the time).
so that, my friends, is Naked Truth.

my life is jello, mud, uh--KY?
i was going for stuff that doesn't feel quite right, but then i noticed a trend...stuff to wrestle naked in.
there goes my attempt to steer this fucking train wreck away from constant sexual innuendo.
but it would be a fun Pyramid question..."Donny, i'll take 'stuff to wrestle in' please."

I was just talking to someone and remembered this:
certain songs just make me want to unzip the skin of my present self...
letting free the girl who exists in the memory of them....
i got the words for it that time, at least.
sometimes i can't place them, sometimes i only feel it, and i can't open my eyes, i won't move--
for fear of losing the perpetually ephemeral.

i love fragment sentences.
and yes, thank you for reminding me--i think maybe I will marry them.

and now my water tastes like cologne.
twin B was experiimenting with dad's stuff again, i see.
blech that tastes bad when it's not on man skin.
ah, hell, it tastes bad when it IS on man skin.

I was a good girl this morning:
did my housework before plopping so stubbornly down....

hopefully i'll be able to fit in an afternoon hair coloring session today.
no more purple!!!
wish me luck....
i'm not picky, not really.
i just want something that, oh i don't know--MIGHT OCCUR IN NATURE???

sunday bloody sunday.

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