it's a blog day afternoon

my ass has actually grown into the chair.
literally, skin cells have attached to it and it'll hurt to stand up.
so i won't.
my kids were oddly mellow today, and i am cranky and crampy so here i sit.
and fuck you very much for asking.

honestly, though, i don't know what is going on.
why do i keep posting near-porn shots of myself on buzznet???
i mean...
it's fun and all.
but what the hell is my point???
i'm tired of it.
or maybe it's just hormones.
or whore moans.
why do the oldest of old jokes still make me laugh?
or at least exhale loudly.
you know what i'm talking about, that almost-laugh, not quite a snort?
the one that often accompanies the monotone, "that was funny."
cuz...if it was funny, why do we have to say it, shouldn't the laughter be enough?
and if there was no laughter, was it really funny?
oooooh!!!
speaking of riddles...
i had a little email conversation with a blogger i meant to link and now i will....hold on a sec...
there.
Genuine Blog
so go read it.
where was I?
oh yeah.
so i left him a rather kiss-ass comment, cuz i loved what i read.
we went back and forth a little and this is where we ended up:

BHW: Well, okay, time to admit something else: I'm actually a 600 pound man with no teeth. But I have hundreds of nude self portraits....

Genuine: Now I'm really interested. How does a 600 pound man actually take a picture of himself? If you have no teeth, why are you 600 pounds?

it's a great question.
how does one reach such monstrous tonage without teeth?
and i have become rather adept at taking self-portraits, but i don't imagine i could if i was 5 times as big as i am.
unless we're just talking tits, cuz then, by god, i'd be setting up a webcam and charging entrance fees.
uh, where was i?
all i can think about is Rachel's new additions...
the twins.
all grown up.
makes me a little teary eyed....
no, wait, wrong bodily fluid...

i just want to lay on the couch and watch a movie.
but that would require the assistance of EMT's to extract me from this chair which is now technically a part of my body.
so instead i'll write some more crap that sucks the life out of anyone who stumbles across it.
i still feel kinda bad for all those folks who search for porn and end up here.
what a let down.
and did any of you know that there is a band called Bored Housewife?
true story.
search google.
my site comes up first, they're third.
the other day, my site accounted for the top 8 slots.
sweet.
not that i care, because obviously people who go to google and search for "bored housewife" are not looking for me.
they are looking for something about 5% sluttier than this site.
heh.

oh lordy.
anyone for a game of lie very still and keep your fucking hands off my remote?
or how about a little round of get your ass in the kitchen and make my lunch cuz i'm too lazy?
doesn't that sound fun?
no?
oh.
well....yeah.
i don't imagine it would be very fun.
but neither is being a woman sometimes, okay?
i will try harder to change the subject.
sorry....

so...
um.

now i'm done.
goodbye.