Monday, April 26, 2004

how do i love thee? let me count the ways...

well, i don't know if counting is necessary.
i mean, shit.
i'm not even talking about real love.
just that "you make me feel like a natural woman (in the i don't shave my pits way)" kind of love.
and yeah, that's not the kind of love you really want to detail the finer points of.
no sirreee.
and i really did just end that sentence with a preposition.
i'm not fixing it either.

So I mowed my lawn yesterday.
This may not sound exciting to any of you, but...
I had never so much as touched a lawn mower before that!!
not once.
well, i might have pushed it from one side of the garage to the other, if hubby left it in my car's spot or something.
but that's it.
the lawn looks like shit, but at least the grass got cut.
i'm not so great with the straight lines.
and at least i looked cute in my little shorts and tank top.
jamming out to my mp3 player.
might have to volunteer for this chore a few more times--before it gets hot, at least.
wouldn't want to do that shit in july.

has anyone else ever noticed that a watched pot never boils?
i mean, okay, technically it still does--unless by watching it you're also repeatedly blowing out the flame responsible for heating it, but see that's just my extra IQ points kicking in, making things more complicated.
(and yes, i mention the iq thing because i'm terribly insecure and can't think of anything else to make me feel good about myself and hope that it will also make you feel like utter shit. um, actually no. but i figured i'd say it first, so if you're thinking it then you'll get all excited cuz we were thinking the same thing. but we really weren't, so screw you.)
wow, i think i may be the reigning queen of tangents.
which is far less prestigious than the queen of latifah, but you get more parking tickets.
so anyway.
a watched pot really doesn't ever boil.
it's annoying.
also, i've noticed that sometimes an ignored pot doesn't boil either.
sometimes pots just don't boil no matter what.
could be the fact that you forgot to put water in....
what's that smell?

and that was a fine example of what you get when Lisa does the following:
1. eats absolutely no carbs all day.
2. eats a bunch of fake sugar
3. gets down and dirty
4. writes on her blog

scary mother fucking chain of events, i know.
i'm wired.
no, that didn't say "weird", although i find it weird that those words are so similar.
and i'm kind of hungry now.
and i don't know why i can't just lay down and go to sleep like most normal fuckers.

oh, and here's the story of the day:
i was in the shower (nope, you can relax, it's not that kind of a story)....
and i was carefully washing my face.
i put a finger on my nosering.
washed around it, then lifted my stupid finger--and brushed the little star out of my nose.
before i even realized what had happened it was halfway to wherever the fuck the water from my shower ends up.
and i wanted to cry.
i loved that little star.
now i have a crescent moon in, and frankly, it's disappointing.
although, when we were outside playing, at around 7, the sky was still blue, but the moon had made an early appearance.
just a smudge of white...
also a crescent.
and my boys pointed up, "look mommy, the moon! and it's just like the one on your nose!"
then we decided to walk over to the little playground across the block and they asked if the moon could come with us.
freaking adorable.
almost as cute as when they were first talking, and one of them pointed to the moon and said, "have it?"
aw, of course you can, baby!

so there.
i guess i'll keep the damn thing in.
at least until i lose it.

damn a have a kink in my neck.
i'm not telling why, in the interest of filtering out some of the smuttiness of this page.
but is it really considered smut when it's within a marriage?
yeah, i thought so too.

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