Tuesday, April 27, 2004

another beautiful day in pair o' dice...

spring is in the air--
which translates loosely to: birds are shitting everywhere.
nah, the weather is incredible.

aw, fruck.
i just realized i might not have my car today.
husband took his to get new tires yesterday--but they screwed up the alignment AND messed up his power window.
so now they're fixing that stuff.
and I better get my ass in gear so i can take my husband to work and still have my car.
cuz there's no way in hell i'm skipping the gym today.
even with this arriving-like-a-thief-in-the-night sore throat I have.
I worked out with a friend yesterday, and as fun as that is...
i don't usually work as hard.
so today i will beat the shit out of myself.

wow--so far I'm two for two on mentioning "shit" in each paragraph....
well, i guess this makes three...
and somehow that makes me a little sad inside.
or childishly pleased....

but at the very least--
i don't have a damn thing to write today.
my head's as empty as my stomach.
maybe this is what happens when i get enough sleep?
dries up my schizophrenic, eratic little muse.
(what? i'm sure you've noticed i don't have a run of the mill muse--no flowers in the hair and white gauzy dress child of the earth for me--i have the wild-eyed, chain-smoking braless one!)
so anyway.
I guess she slept in today.

I'm sick of merely wanting to put in some effort on fictional writing.
I'm annoyed with myself for never actually making it a priority anymore.

I wrote something last night that doesn't make much sense, but i'll post it anyway.
just for shits and giggles.
(well look at that--there's the "shit" word again. let's make it official: today is shit day)

"some random thoughts, don't know where i'm going...
but i have this feeling.
and i think it's going to be a long slow journey.

I feel something. something like joy, something like hope. I don't know what it is or why it chose me for its home. I do know that I feel it when i shouldn't, or when i don't expect to. I think of smiling and this is where a smile comes from. my heart is light, as they say, and yet not. it's so solid, so full. my throat--that's where i feel light. is it love? am i describing love? maybe. has it been so long away that i didn't recognize it? but it's been here, softly pulsing for almost a year now, pushing me forward, upward--like a surge of water, a shift of weight...."

and that was all i wrote.
i guess it makes sense after all.
shows what i know.
(in case you're keeping score at home: we're up to "not much")

well, looks like i missed the boat, er car...
he said he would run to the tire place and check on it then come back.
so i guess i'll have to settle for playing outside with the kidlets.
maybe go borrow my friend's jogger strolller and take them for a run?

well, have yourselves a great day, and leave a pack of smokes for my muse, wouldja?

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