Saturday, August 16, 2003


and a hearty "hell yeah"! Look at the time stamp, people. it's 10:45 pm, as i start this post. and i have no liquor in my system. gaaaawd that feels great. i just got home from a little record store basement thingy where my best friend's little brother's band was playing. for some fucking reason (like, my ever-dwindling IQ, perhaps) I had pictured us at a little coffee shop all chatting as they played in the background. hmm. well, it's not like i have an excuse--i saw this same band at a bar (oh wait--there's the excuse!!) about 3 weeks ago and they were loud and crazy and fun...not conducive to leisurely conversation, however. dumbass. i'm a dumbass. but less of one than i could have been if i had made other plans for tonight.

so about five minutes after i got here one of the boys woke up (Oliver) and cried for mama and it made my heart smile that i was HERE--to pat his back and tuck him back in--instead of the bar watching my single friend drink herself into oblivion so that she has the courage to go home with yet another lame and undeserving guy. now if that ain't just annoying as hell to watch, then i don't know what is. yes i do--all the beautiful hippie chicks who were at the show tonight. they're only annoying because i have always wanted to be like that--quietly confident and dirty. can't. have to shower. shave. deoderize. there was one who was teeeeeny and had this mass of black hair that was all matted and tangled framing the most sublimely pretty little face. i love contrast!! i want to be HER. i went through a major hippie wannabe faze, but it never quite felt right. dammit. Phish, hemp necklaces, birkenstocks....sigh. i've never worn makeup, so that part worked but there's something about my face, my hair that just doesn't work right with that look.....awwwww fuckit. who cares? i wish i could hire someone to pick out the "right" look for me, though. sort of like a make ovver but not one of those cheesy ass tv ones where they give you a haircut and ONE new outfit--what the hell kind of sick joke is that??

Okay, so i have to tell you the coolest thing that happened last night at the bar. it MADE MY DAY--WEEK, EVEN! this girl came up to me and said, "I think I kow you--did you used to work at blah blah bed and breakfast in scarborough?" and i told her i didn't. and she said that i look exactly like some girl she used to know--so much so that it took her a few minutes to really grasp that i wasn't the girl she knew. I thnik she only believed me because her lost friend was from Ireland and i lack the accent. i am Irish, however. (McMahan.) but then guess what she said? this is the cool part. this is the part that makes me smile every time i think it. she was perhaps trying to prove why she was so interested and she said, "She was the most wonderful person i ever met and she was beautiful!" and i swear to god i blushed 18 shades of red. Now that's a motherfucking complement. not some guy who thinks he could get a piece, not some friend trying to reassure your sorry insecure ass--but a stranger, just describing a friend she mistook you for. i wanted to scoope her up and hug her--or give her all my money or something. i mean sheeeeeeesh. in case you're wondering, i don't hear things like that very often these past 5 years. that's okay, though. Also, that boy i saw the other night said he thinks i'll be the mom that all my kids' friends have a crush on! i didn't realize until afterwards exactly what he was saying....duh. like i said, being married has sort of closed those doors... I'm a MILF, i guess. i'm gonna have to go ahead and ask you all for another "hell yeah" on that!!!

damn it feels good (to be a gangsta).....I love Office Space. if you ahven't seen it--watch it. then watch it again. then do you know what i want you to do? that's right, watch that motherfucker until your eyes bleed!

okay, okay. i'm a slow writer. now you'll know how long it took me to write this post. and i'm hungry. i think i forgot to have dinner. frickin hell. i'm a wicked quee-ah.

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