Tuesday, August 26, 2003

i'm not even kidding when i say

I sometimes wonder if my IQ has been reduced to half its original size. I swear to god. i have the paper to prove that i was once rather intelligent, but holy shit on a stick. i refuse to believe that i am still functioning at a level above actual mental handicappedness....errr...see what i mean???? okay, so i still don't really know who bob is, but i did finally summon enough brain power to CLICK ON THE GOD DAMN LINK TO EMAIL HIM. which i'm not going to do, cuz, please. but, it gave a full name and a company email address. i figure it was either one of two things: a mistake, or a comment box spam. which is a little embarassing to admit after my dramatics the other day....blushing....i love drama, though. and the message was so endearing, because A. I'm a sucker for people wishing i was with them (yes, any and all people) and B. fuck i forgot B already. um...oh yeah. because like i said this morning, that's my favorite Floyd song. well fuck you bob pugh. that has a great rhythm. perhaps i'll email him after all....

so tonight i'm "out with the girls" and that's nice. i'd forgotten about them. all of my real friends have moved away so i guess i''ll have to quit being such a snob about these boring mormon girls. bleck. who wants to sit around with a bunch of fat chicks (hey, sorry but it's true!) and NOT drink, and NOT swear and NOT punch them in the face??????? i know. once i, too, was a boring mormon girl. although, to be fair, i really wasn't boring. and the only reason they are is that they are. probably has nothing to do with their religious affiliation, but in case you're new here--i blame EVERYTHING on that, mostly for fun. like...when it is over a hundred degrees for the 43rd day in a row, what do i mutter? "Damn Mormons." and when there's a traffic jam?--"damn mormons." and when it's sunday afternoon and all the stores are empty? well, ahem, you caught me. but that's the only one.

OH MY GOD! i just remembered the freaking weirdest freak of a guy i met while i was in maine!!!!!!!!! holy lord. there's no way i can do him justice, but here's the jist: he wants to move to utah because the weather is a lot milder than Maine (true) and he likes the idea that there are so many mormons (weird, but true) because.....drum roll.....he thinks they'll keep a close watch on all the "ethnic people". now, before you get offended, or even scratch a hole in your head trying to figure that out, it gets better. at first i thought, "god, is this guy racist or something? and how can he be so un-PC???" and then he explained that it's because of all the occult facets of their religious beliefs....huh????????? he went on and on about it but none of was even an attempt at an explanation, he was just assuming that this was a matter of common knowledge, apparently. riiiiiiiiiiight. cuz catholics are just so satanic??!?!?! i mean, not to be sterotypical, but all the mexican immigrants here are either mormon or catholic. maybe i'm an ostrich with her head in the sand, but i didn't realize there was a problem with the occult in our country--OR ANY OTHER FOR THAT MATTER!! i mean, we all know jamaica as a place where voo doo is popular with the kids (har) but, what the hell was he talking about????? maybe i'm the clueless one, and if so, please enlighten me. i was trying hard not to laugh. and when he asked for my number so he could look me up if he ever moves out here. all those years of training from giving out fake numbers at the bar came in very handy. actually, i never gave out fake numbers. if i didn't want a guy to call i just turned down the request. not that hard girls, not that hard. i always hated girls who went out with guys cuz they couldn't say no. fuck that. don't lead the poor sucker on, you know?

enough of the rant aleady. maybe someday i'll start taking this thing seriously. sort of feeling like writing a story....but, i need to prep dinner and rearrange the bathrooms and read Harry Pottttttttter. On my new bed. yes, it's possible i'll stop talking about the bed soon. maybe.

there are two things i forgot to mention that i missed while i was in maine: first and most importantly: my cell phone. i didn't take it with me because it would have been useless there, but DAMN i'm attatched to that thing. i mean, literally. it's bonded to my hand....kind of painful--but a good pain. okay, and secondly (or B, as jeannie would say!!!) my neighbor. slurp. god. i can't even believe i am so attracted to a man that old (40's) but it's all about the Harley. and of course, he is hot. and no, i didn't really miss him. but he roared up a few minutes ago and sent shivers up my spine so i had to mention it. had rather loud sex with the window open last night and i have to say i enjoyed the thought of HIM hearing. hee hee. the hubby knows i'm "in love" with dude next door, so it's okay.

No comments: