Friday, September 16, 2005

I should not be posting

I should be writing a little paper,
Making study notes,
Taking a shower,
Grocery shopping,
Or folding laundry.
It can wait.
Well, all but the groceries—
Ain’t no FUCKIN way I’m taking the kids again.
Until they’re at least 23.
…or the next time I need something and there’s no other alternative.
And no, it’s not that they act soooo bad,
It’s that taking them is exhausting and frustrating and I’d rather not mar my day with such a thing.

So yesterday it happened:
We missed the bus.
Oh, I probably could have waved him down.
I didn’t.
He was 7 minutes early.
And the way our house is situated, there is no view from the main floor,
No way to know if he’s here.
This morning, when we were finishing getting ready,
I opened the front door just a smidge (yes that’s a technical term) so that I would at least hear the damn beast.
Stupid quiet beast.
It realllllly pissed me off, though.
We were READY I just wouldn’t let them go out yet, cuz it was “too early” and kind of chilly…
Yeah, I pretty much fucking suck.
(if you say that fast, “fuckin suck” it sounds like “fuck and suck,” so there’s no arguing there!)
oh well.
It could be MUCH worse, and I know it.
I really don’t know how families handle it when both parents work.
(Ok, I just sneezed and I’ve been pointedly ignoring the snot factor, but I better get a tissue…)

I got a thousand hours of sleep last night, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be kicking this ANNOYING fucking cold soon.
And that’s all it is: annoying.
It doesn’t keep me from doing things I have to do,
It just keeps me from wanting to do anything I have a choice about.

I can feel the part of our world that is unseen, stirring around me.
The forces of change, and acceptance.
The forces of growth, and joy.
They are brushing against me, some like velvet, some like sandpaper.
I am ready for them.
Sometimes I wonder if they are ready for me…

I need to buy some CDs today.
All this fabulous Motown and Soul I’ve been listening to in class,
Reminding me I’m a fool for not having Aretha, Otis, Ray, and the The’s (temptations, supremes, 4 tops…)

Here’s a section I cut out of my last assignment for school:
(it was the walking/writing one)

I hear the air rushing through a large tree as I sit here in the shade and its solitude reminds me that the sound is all wrong. If I half-close my eyes, I can see the view from my parents’ front windows.  Trees, trees, and…trees.  A short walk brings me to the edge of the river—a tidal river, one of the many relentless fingers clawing into the state of Maine.  The ocean and the land seem to be fighting for control.  The tide coming in—score one for the sea; the tide going out—a point for the rocks.  

Ok, time to hit the showers.
Have a fantastic weekend.

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