Sunday, April 24, 2005

My scalp is purple

but my hair is not.
I'll take what I can get, on a day like this.
a day of driving all over the state,
and multiple airport trips,
and kids playing so perfectly with other kids that I forgot they were even there...

life is moving forward,
so that's a good thing.
sometimes I forget to notice,
or focus too hard on it, and my vision blurs.
but it's good.
and did I mention it's good?
I am not so sure how I feel about the whole "kids growing up" thing--
pretty sure I'm going to have to veto that whole process.
not babies tall, so smart.
makes me sigh--
mostly filled with a smile, but...y'know...
that searing little ache,
that reminder that their innocence, their tenderness--
their unabashed devotedness--
will shift and twirl, and settle in an altogether different pattern than it has, to date.
this is
it is the way of life.
but I wouldn't be me if I didn't breathe in the delicately woven texture of it,
and feel the tug of my soul rebelling against it,
just a little.
I can't wait to see the fine young men they grow into,
or the fathers they become,
I don't really have to explain this,
because anyone with kids already gets it--
to the core of the core of your guts...
little angels.

so, blog world...?
It's very strange to be removed from it all,
even if only for a week,
and even if only "limited" rather than "removed".
I believe my perspective has shifted, a bit.
but that could also be the fatigue talking.
I tend to generalize my moods,
jumping to the assumption that they are permanent.
in fact,
history should readily tell me that they are dynamic--
no, ephemeral?
mmmm....I love that word.
anywho, I'm not what you'd call moody,
I just believe solidly in each moment I live.
I would say I'm not "moody" because most of my moods are shades of blue sky,
rather than blacks and greys.
this fucking keyboard is pissing me off, though.
it's lagging.
actually, I wonder if it's the puter.
it "blue screen of death"ed me earlier.
and it's possible it hasn't recovered.
or that it crashed because of this lagginess.
fuckity fuck.
who votes for me to get a new computer?
good, good.
thanks for your support.

oh, and to the anonymous "Sue", whose comment from last week (on an older post) I just found--
thanks for the second comment, apologizing.
and to answer your question:
I spend hardly any time on this at all, and I'm pretty sure the adverb you were looking for is "incessant" not "absessent", and really I would go with "rambling" rather than "ranting", but I guess that's a personal preference. and, for the record, I'm not picking on your spelling, I just have a bit of a compulsion in that area...

pardon the interuption.
I hated the thought of replying to that particularly intriguing comment and having its author miss out.

I am getting sick of the intensely introspective posts that I've been doing...
maybe I'll quit being so damn lazy and start actually writing
at least occasionally...
also, if you get a second,
curse a god (any god will do)
for giving me the talent and desire to bake.
ok, it's more like an addiction,
and no I don't mean "bake" like THAT, ya damn hippies.
cookies, cakes, pies, pastries.
you name it, I can bake it.
and eat it.

A pirate with a steering wheel in his pants walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
"AAARRR! It's drivin' me nuts!"

totally makes me giggle.

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