mornings are not my strong suit

...and sometimes i wonder if living is out of my grasp, too.
or at least interpersonal relationships.

i think.
that i'll remind myself that this is my "journal",
so i can write whatever the fuck i want.
and then i'll stretch, and yawn.
and walk away from the desk.
and now that i'm back--
i'll behave.
shit, so much for that.

this is probably not making sense...
i should put a time stamp on each line.
i am extra grumpy this morning, and so i walked away from the machine for a few minutes, to try to jumpstart my post.
so it wouldn't be YET ANOTHER whiney, bitchy, ranty thing.
and then, when i got back and felt refreshed and ready to go...
i got back into a bit of an argument that had started before the post.
i was just hoping to start the day with a smile and some warmth...
not by being shoved into conflict.
but mostly i'm annoyed at myself for being so utterly out of control of my own reactions in the morning hours.
it frustrates the hell out of me.
i literally do not have full fuctionality of the emotional aspects of my brain before i've completely awakened--
and this has been known to take close to an hour.
i've always been like that, as far back as i can remember.
it basically comes when i'm required to issue a response of some variety--
like answering a question or giving an opinion.
should i wear a medic-alert bracelet, with neon flashing letters, announcing this to people?
YES.
if only they had one for that.
i am handicapped.
i'll admit it.
and by the time the cobwebs have cleared,
i will sheepishly apologize.
to any and all who stood in the path of my unfounded fury.

so now that you've attended the first lecture in the 20 part series, "Mornings with Lisa 101"...
maybe we can get on to the good stuff.

like...
the fact that it's Braless Tuesday.
and maybe after i shower i'll take a new picture for today.
even if this is getting a bit stale.
i'm just wishing the other sexy readers i have would send me their braless (NOT topless) photos.
cuz...
as much as we all love MY tits?
there are plenty of other lovely sets out there.

tis the season.
to be fucking grouchy.

so.
i'll think about the snow.
and how it might feel to be swishing down the side of a mountain right now.
all bundled up, tunes blasting--
yummmm.
and then i lose control and hurtle toward certain death,
crashing to a halt as my skiis get tangled,
and as i lay there looking up at the falling snow--
a hot young ski instructor comes to offer me a hand.
great.
thanks.

i had a dream last night that i was in prison.
with an actress, whose name escapes me.
redundently enough...we escaped.
just sorta walked out.
it was really fucking weird.

sometimes i feel like no matter what i do, it's not enough.
and sometimes i don't have the energy to do much of anything to begin with.
and sometimes there are too many choices--
too many things i want and not enough time or space or guts to have them all.

and then.
instead of apologizing for this post, i'll again remind myself that it's my URL.
but i will apologize to the person i was arguing with.

and i'll remind myself that the world owes its vast and varied beauty to its diversity,
and that life is the same way--
highs, lows, contrast, yadda yadda yadda.

what a shitty post.
(that's NOT an apology...but i am sorry. i'll post some good pictures in a bit...)