and why?
because I said so.
that was one weird motherfucking dream, though.
I thought this guy was Jesus
(and no, T. I didn't want to have sex with him)
and I started pouring my heart out to him...
and then these other kindly-looking people showed up,
and it was about to be a love-fest (no, still NOT that kind)
and one of them licked his thumb and touched the christ person.
this reminded me of something, but i couldn't place it...
then one of them showed his true colors--
a demon.
they were all demons.
redish spirits peeking out from disguises.
I ran.
Oddly, I was kind of relieved...
what the HELL does that say about the state of my soul???
(no pun intended)
I was more scared of the good guy than the bad guy.
argh.
hm...
I was thinking of writing about things that are happening in my life,
instead of just writing about how I feel or what I want,
like I've been doing lately...
The problem with that is:
NOTHING happens in my life that anyone would want to read about.
My head is full of things--
stories, plans, memories.
But.
None of it is publishable.
None of it will hold even MY interest for long enough to type the keys.
Oh!
Well.
I bought my ticket to go to California, last night.
No sooner had I said, "I can't believe how easy that was!",
than my husband, sitting on the bed with his laptop,
got the confirmation email.
"You got the wrong ticket."
WHAT????
I somehow selected a Monday return date instead of Sunday.
It was surprisingly easy to fix, but I was pretty distraught at first.
Fortunately, Becky called just as I was getting teary,
to tell me stories of ancient Judiasm and what the law concerning masturbation was...
It's moments like that, when my insides burn with
and I start wishing I was in school.
Eh, maybe someday I'll go back.
(and yes, I'm aware that this conversation may have contributed to my dream)
anyway.
My trip is now set, and I can start planning.
I am.
super.
excited.
And this proves that I am my mother's daughter--
She sent my family's Christmas box to my brother's and their box to me.
oops.
we had a good chuckle over it...
but...
Mostly it just makes me sad.
Her life is too hard right now.
I guess her adult life has never been anything else--
But she's never complained.
She is strong, and cheerful...
Her youth was great...
She was so beautiful and had such a bright future.
Did she marry the wrong man?
Or did he make the wrong choice when he left her with two young sons?
Did she make the wrong choice when she married the man her brother-in-law set her up with, after only 6 weeks of long-distance courting?
Did she make the wrong choice the day she packed a bag and put her two tiny daughters in the car and didn't leave?
Or.
Are wrong and right more subjective terms than I think?
Is making the difficult choice always right?
How different would my life have been if she had made any of those decisions differently?
All I know is, she is the most truly good person I've ever met.
She has not a selfish bone in her body--
even if she is a youngest child, like me.
heh.
ANYWAY.
So, I was just about to wrap this up, when I smelled something cooking...
or is that BURNING?????
little one had decided to cook his own corn dog
(don't get me started--i hate the things, but this is what happens when they are exposed to other kids...)
in the microwave.
when i got down there, there was smoke pouring out of it,
and the timer still read 8 minutes and counting...
i have NO IDEA how long it had been running...
but there was a blackened lump in there and tons of smoke.
the house still smells like burned plastic.
yummmm.
and i said nothing ever happens worth mentioning.
that'll teach me.
well.
i'm sorry my posts have been kind of "iffy" lately.
and by "iffy", I mean...
LAME ASS.
but y'know.
whatever.
if you don't like it you can just go fuck yourself.
(and if you're on my "A" list, i'll do it for you.)
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