it's not so much that i mind not getting comments

it's that...
my fragile ego can't take it and i'm considering suicide.
actually, no.
but i have this fantastic scratch on my forearm,
that I have been adoringly calling "my failed attempt at suicide".
hm.
it doesn't sound as funny, in print.
i had this whole little spiel going, in my head,
and it was funny.
but then...
i guess a lot of things are funnier in one's head, aren't they?
oh well.
maybe next time.

so, i bought a couple of "supplements" from the pro shop at the gym today.
and a protein shake membership thingy.
I say supplements, but what i really mean is: skinny pills.
yeah yeah.
i don't want to hear it.
i'll put my faith in what i want, dammit.
and it's all about committment--
i'm ready to dive back into my workouts and really make the most of my time at the gym.
why?
cuz i love eating like a pig.
and APPARENTLY it's not in the cards for me to both eat like a pig AND sit on my ass all day.
so, i choose exercise.
and skinny pills.
AND being more careful about what i eat.
so fuck you.
and the cowboy you rode in with.

there was a car with Maine license plates in the parking lot.
always grabs my interest.
no idea whose it is, though.
and i don't quite picture myself walking up to everyone in the building--
excuse me? are you from Maine?
too bad, though, cuz i'd like to.
maybe i could ask the girl at the front desk to do an announcement?
would the person with the maine license plates please come to the front desk.
you have a stalker.
i think everyone secretly wants to be stalked.
...at least that's how i rationalize my behavior.
heh.

I also seem to be obsessed with Maine.
It sorta seems like some dream I had,
rather than a memory.
I am so distanced from my life there, at this point.

Oh, and I think we have a house.
I am...more sad than I would have thought, to be leaving this little town.
I love this town!
Okay, mostly I love my routine...
and I hate finding new routines.
But I shall.
We're living a lot closer to downtown than we had originally planned.
and that's AWESOME.
I'm really hopeful that it'll be a good thing.
This whole moving thing has been on the back burner for a few weeks,
and I'm not quite ready but it'll do.
I will be living about 15 minutes from my other best friend.
Which will be very convenient, since she's in school and doesn't make it down this far very often.
AND.
If I get my ass in gear...
maybe I could be in school by next fall.
kids start school, mommy starts school.
i think i would be a junior.
and that's my school.
i feel it in my guts.
byu?
fucking place nearly drove me to homicidal maniac status.
university of utah?
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.........
sigh of relief.
a good school, without a stick up its collective ass.
hubba hubba.
i might just end up with a degree after all.
CLEARLY, this is not a case where you would want to hold your breath.
and also a case of me counting my chickens before the eggs are even laid.
huh?

okay.
go offer oral pleasure to a stranger.
come on, I dare ya.