you want a fantasy?

i don't think i have one in me today.
but you could go here if you need a fix.

i am sick of whining, especially in such a non-forthright manner.
so.
i will turn the wheel--hard.
i will attempt to steer this trainwreck onto a different set of tracks.

maybe i'll speak of the horrors of bathing suit shopping
(truly the worst torture since the iron maiden)
or maybe i'll wax philosophical.
(but only because i love that phrase. philosphy annoys me.)
i could also just come right out and say what i want to say.
(but i won't)
now that was stupid.
i really suck at steering, apparently.
because i am right back where i started.

i will, however, go the gym.
and play outside with the little ones (whose haircuts turned out just right, after all)
and maybe i will take some time off from this, although for me the therapy seems to be in the writing.
it's my window to the world, even if it does have bars across it now.
the view is still magnificent, the breeze still fresh and clear.
i don't do well caged.
if i were that stupid bird, i wouldn't fucking sing.
why does that little asshole sing?
i want to run--over the hills and far away, like forrest gump did.
just run and run and run.
(for the record, neither running from nor running to anything. just to run.)
which reminds me: my best friend wants me to do a marathon with her in the fall.
eek.
i probably could.
it would be good to have a goal.
i'm such a sentimental fool.
i need to be smacked....
and i know just the person to do it.
i am so self centered, self serving, self aware, self confident, self conscious.
myself.
moi meme.
J'ai besoin de...quel que chose.
Je ne sais pas...
J'oublie.
Je ne sais pas ou je me trouve.
j'ai besoin de les mots...les mots de l'un.

I'm sure i have at least one spelling or grammatical error per line.
but it doesn't matter.
it doesn't even mean anything.
i just miss french.
and i was rambling.
it said:
i need something.
i don't know...
i forget.
i don't know where i am.
i need some words...the words of one.

listening to a little Godsmack.
always good.
ooh, and pearl jam.
corduroy.
if anyone out there is unfamiliar with the song 'Smile', from the No Code album (pearl jam)...
go listen to it.
iTune it.
for me.

and have a good day, a great weekend, and if any of you dare come back here, to the pit of despair...
i promise it'll be better soon.