it's hard to say good morning

...with your mouth full of sleep.
so i won't.
i'll skip that part.
and i only made a small mess making breakfast today, so that's a nice change.
and there is NOTHING stopping me from going to the gym today.
i have my car keys. (unlike yesterday)
i have clean gym clothes (unlike yesterday)
i have no plans to answer my phone for any reason.(unlike yesterday)
so if you're on fire--call the fire department.
if you want to hang out with me--call your other friend,
(you know--the one who's less funny, less cute, less cool than I am.)
and if you think my kids want to play with yours? you're wrong.
we're going to the gym.
nothing that comes through my (fucking piece of shit) phone is going to stop me from working out today.
just so we're clear on that.

and if you wouldn't mind...
remind me to sleep with the right amount of pillows.
not one crappy flat one, to later be replaced with 3 huge ones.
that doesn't really feel so great, frankly.
and if i could ask you one more favor:
kick me in the neck please.

last night i sat on my front steps with a friend i haven't talked to in a long time.
we watched the full moon rise from behind the mountain, in front of a blue sky.
while our husbands shovelled topsoil from a truck bed.
we're putting in shrubs, around the house.
and by "we", you know i mean "he".
so domestic.
so quiet and suburban.

I have 4 books waiting to be read.
I started one of them (Choke).
i used to read a book in less than 2 days.
now i have kids.
and you guys.
so i don't read much no more.
crap, i'm already getting stupider.

okay....
i really think i should say something funny.
but somehow, once that pressure is on, it's over.
that door closes.
instead maybe i'll just pretend i said something funny, and you guys will all laugh, and that's basically the same thing.

there will be a new issue of Lick any day now...
i think that any of you women out there who aren't contributing really need to be.
oh, and if i left any strange comments on anyone's blog last night--
don't mind me, i was intoxicated in one manner or another.
i am pretty sure i left some comments, and posted an odd picture on The Real World...Blogger Style.
then i dreamed about some bloggers.
good lord, i need to get away from this computer more.
and not only to stop the creepy dreams.
but so that i might actually have something to write about.
and wouldn't that be exciting?
y'all wouldn't know what to do with yourselves.

and it's important to not that my kids have been fucking with my laptop.
so the d key is missing and my enter key is possessed.
I needed a new laptop anyway.

have a non-shitty day.