Monday, May 17, 2004

i have a song stuck in my head

and i don't know what it is or who sings it.
but i DO know that i hate it.
truly, madly and deeply.
of course, i'll probably start liking it pretty soon.
you expose me to something enough and it almost always grows on me.

this is the week of weird dreams, i guess.
last night's episode featured a group of my high school girlfriends.
having a dinner party...with make your own pizzas.
only, instead of crust, there were marinated chicken breasts to put your toppings on.

my site meter thingy was malfunctioning, so i had to go check it out.
i don't often check the details of my traffic, but since i was there--
i thought it might be fun to see some of the search words that led people here...

"camera phone" stairs up skirt
pocatello sucks
splenda neurosis
bored horny women
back in the motherfucking house with a fat dick
real housewife porn
horny housewife free sex
pictures of rooster tatoos
"play strip" -online-computer

and of course, 6 or 7 "bored housewife" ones.
a few of those even ended up staying for a while.
apparently they were stubborn ones--"there has to be some porn around here somewhere!"

i'm a little disappointed, frankly.
i was hoping for some really wild and strange stuff.

so, my husband shaved his goatee today.
he never asks me first, and i always hate it.
guess that's why he doesn't ask...
but still.
you would think he would warn me or something.
i even dyed my hair dark at his request, even though i prefer going lighter.
(in case you're wondering if i'm a hypocrite.)
so there.

i remember the funniest experience i ever had with a boy.
it was one summer, um...i was 21 that year and i went home for my sister's wedding.
i spent a couple of days with my friend, in her small, college town in western Maine.
we went to a party, there was a cute boy.
he was younger, someone she worked with at the bakery...
um, i think he was 18 or 19? don't remember.
also have no clue what his name is.
but it's okay, just wait.
i don't remember how we ended up outside, i'm thinking in a hammock?
it was late.
we were just talking, then BAM, no warning--his hand was up my shirt.
no kissing.
i jumped, he realized his mistake and it was over.
i think.
i mean, i know nothing more happened, but i just can't really think of how it all ended.
all i remember is the strangeness of it--how out of place it seemed.
poor kid.

now i'm in story telling mode....

i remember my last night in town before leaving for college.
stopping at the boy's house to say goodbye, around midnight.
he slept on the sailboat that summer--to protest his parents' decision not to put it in the water.
so i knocked on the hull, like he told me.
this boy...
the one i had loved since jr. high.
the one who had a girlfriend.(i had a boyfriend)
the one who was my best guy friend anyway...
with all our inside jokes and late night study sessions.
he is still the smartest person i've ever met--and frighteningly well-rounded:
handsome, musical, athletic, funny.
that wet, cool night.
it had rained, the air thick with humidity, the streets swirling in fog.
i knocked on the hull, and he came out.
we stood in the dark, talking for a long time, then decided to take my car to the carwash.
to not say goodbye.
i returned him to his backyard, to the boat.
he invited me in for a tour.
we laid on the two slim beds and talked in the dark.
each of us aware of the other's girl/boy friend.
each of us aware of the other.
an awkwardness was subtly creeping in...
we headed back outside, for the final farewell.
he had to work early, i had to be on a bus early.
we stood, shivering, laughing to not cry.
both of us overwhelmed by this end of an era--
the golden age of small town life and being the brightest stars in that sky.
he would start MIT the next week.
i would be 3000 miles away, and a world apart in my mormon cocoon.
we knew life would never be the same.
as we hugged one final time, i know i didn't want to let go.
we stayed that way for a long time.
as i stepped back, there was a fumbling, near-bumping of heads.
driving away, it hit me, with the delay of bad mexican food--
he had attempted to kiss me.
and my tears fell harder.
"runaway train" playing on my radio, i drove slowly, for once.

i could write a book about that boy.
we saw each other through some tough times in college...
and saw each other marry with light hearts, and genuine smiles.
a good friend.

have a fantastical monday.
i plan to.

No comments: