take cover

there's probably a law against bloggging when you're as ornery as fuck.
or if not, there should be.
but whatever, cuz laws are made to be broken.
or is that rules?
or possibly just my keyboard, and a whole bunch of tortilla chips on the playrrom floor.
something's broken.
my cheerful-side.
that's what's broken.
no worries--it's just pms.
aren't you all soooooo glad i share this with you every single damn month???
at least we all know i have a regular cycle.
that's good information to have, people.

but anyway, back to my fucking grouchmobile life.
it's like a taxi--hop in, i'll give you a ride to Shitty City.
the fare's a killer though.
it doesn't cost money, just a chip off your soul, or a few strokes of father time from your total.
i collect in full at time of pick up.

and guess why i'm grouchy today?
exactly.
no reason at all.
just those god damn hormones.
what a stupid device.
why can't we just opt out of this ridiculous service that mother nature has so kindly installed in us, with the operating system???
i'm done having kids, now GO THE FUCK AWAY.
quit bothering me, you useless circle of life boxing match.

on a happy note, the darling husband is going to come home so i can go to the gym.
i think he maaaaaay be afraid i will harm the children if he doesn't relieve me....
see, one of them fell asleep while i was in the shower, so now i can't take them to the gym.
i should follow Becky's lead and smash some dishes.
or maybe i'll just ride this wave until it crashes down in all its foaming goodness to wash me into shore...

fuck fuck goose.

that almost made me smile, and i don't even know why i wrote it.
but it sounds like a much more fun, albeit XXX version of that children's game.

maybe i'll go strap on my mp3 player and tear this stupid house apart.
as in, clean stuff that hasn't been cleaned recently.
starting with the tortilla chips the kids dumped on the floor in the playroom.
god, just typing that makes my already furrrowed brow wrinkle, my lip curl up in a snarl.
and of course i'm annoyed with myself for throwing the diet out the window so completely today.
cookies.
chips and salsa.
what next??
pizza?
mm....yeah....pizza....
and beer.
okay, it's settled.
pizza and beer it is.
if i wasn't primed to kill on site, i'd invite you all over to have some.
as it is...
well, you might want to call and warn the pizza guy to wear kevlar.