Wednesday, May 19, 2004

well, i just had an interesting flashback

my first anonymous email-type exchange with a boy.
where much cleverness ensued, but i was too shy to do jack shit about it.
that's so weird...
all from writing "well", because he said "yeah that place where you get water".
email hadn't even really been invented yet.
i think i was 15, so that would be like...1990.
old old old old old old old
i'm going to be 29 in exactly one month.
holy fucking shit.
one month from today.
that's cool.
i'll probably get all dramatic and pretend to be freaked out, but i won't be for real.
or maybe i will.
but i'm not now.
i might be if my life was different, but for me--i feel satisfied to be this age and be doing what i'm doing.
i feel like i'm still young enough to do all the 4 million things i still want/need to do.
and i feel like i've accomplished some things...some very permanent cute little bundles of things, not to mention other stuff.
the email-type thang...
it was weird.
we had a computer room at school, and i would go there to waste time.
cuz lord knows the hardest classes that shit hole had to offer were still a snooze.
(well, okay, until i took chemistry the same semester i got my first boyfriend...who has time for uber-anal lab reports when you're on a strict make-out schedule with the dreamiest boy in school?? shuh. as if.)

so...the email thingy thang thing.
nothing big, it was just cool.
there was this program, and i don't even remember what it was or how it worked, but it was sort of like a message board, i think....
so this boy and i went back and forth for a couple of weeks.
it was really fun, because i had no idea who he was for the longest time.
(this was pre-dreamiest boy in school era)
he was a senior, to my sophomore.
he was one of the artsy types.
rather cute, upon inspection.
not intimidating, really--beyond the fact that he was a boy, at least.
he figured out who i was fairly quickly--saw me in there once or something.
it was fun, but sadly, beyond my maturity level.
as in--i didn't have the fucking ability to talk to a boy.
it blows my mind when i think about it.
things certainly changed in that respect!
look at me now, eh?

okay, i'm looking.
and i'm noticing several disturbing things.
firstly of allness--i have been tanning nude at the fucking salon for long enough that the god DAMN farmer's tan shouldn't be an issue.
but it is.
my arms are clearly more white on the upper portion. gah.
and the other thing is this...
you might want to sit down.
or phone a friend.
or prepare a hot compress, or a cool one--i have no idea which would be more useful at this point.
i've been noticing a disturbing trend, and i don't think i'll be alone in my angst when i tell you what it is.
the weight loss fairy?
turns out she has a mean streak.
that little back stabber has been sneaking off with something extra--something that was NOT part of the agreement.
her little game has cost me some boobage.
how is that possibly, even remotely fair?
i'm going to sue.
or at least reconsider my stance of "proud of what i got."
fuck that.
i want my tits back, and if i can't have "mine" i'll take some out of a box, off the rack....heh. you know what i mean.

seriously: i fucking love writing at night.
i just got up to jot down a quick book idea, which turned into a great first page thingy.
i'm kind of excited about it cuz i think it's goood.
but it's probably lame, or at least i'll probably never find the right place in my head or my gut or my shoes to really figure it out properly and put it on paper. or disk.
i don't think i even have paper.
my fingers can barely form words with a pen anymore.

and i think that's all for now.
possibly because it's bed time.

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