Monday, March 07, 2005

One day, I met a girl who wanted my life--

the next day, I traded it to her for a day at the beach.
Just kidding, AmyJo, don't start packing just yet!
but either she was pulling my leg more artfully than a veteran matchstick man, or
there are a lot of creepy coincidences floating around.
well, not creepy, really, but I like how that sounds.
and she has as much interest in mormon malarky as I have knowledge of it.
so what am I saying???
have I found a new best friend?
am I smitten?
have I lost a mitten?
I don't know.
but if I thought it could end in anything but bitter disappointment,
I would probably start begging to be let back into the Real World...Blogger Style house.
Those people RAWK.
all of them.
but, alas, i was not cut out for group projects.
I'm too flakey.

so anyway.
the kids are at school,
and I have nothing to do.
my favorite playmate is nowhere to be found...
oh well.
I'll go shopping for Dad's b-day present and make some lunch for the kiddos.
then it'll be time to pick them up and time for the gym.

oh, the things one learns...
while running through the world, standing still.
or, rather:
"shit I noticed while on the treadmill," fer fuck's sake.
so, for starters, I noticed that I can't listen to audio books while I'm at the gym.
it's not possible.
why?
because there is waaaaaay too much distraction.
my eyes wander.
I see attractive men and smile,
I see attractive women and grimace,
I see fatties and smile...
(yes, I'm sorta cunty like that)
wait!!
that's not right.
I am just insecure when I'm at the gym and I like to know I'm not alone.
I am NOT cunty like that. but I like that line...
so anyway.
another thing that happens while treadmilling one's way quickly, to NOWHERE--
is.
that one's eye is caught by...
soaps.
daytime dramas.
blech.
it's not entirely my fault--
there are subtitles!
but only on certain channels.
and sometimes, I have one of those in my direct line of vision,
and since I am besieged with focusing problems...
I am drawn in.
oh, and also, it's my grandmother's fault.
it is!!!
one of my earliest memories, 4 or 5 years old, is of sitting on her lap,
watching The Young and the Restless.
I remember noticing that yes, there are young people, and there are some who are not young--but is that what "restless" means?
enquiring preschooler minds want to know...
so, because of my early exposure, I ended up watching a bit of that trash as a child.
LOVED IT.
(yes, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm okay with it. are you? no? well, fuck off.)
so here's the disturbing thing:
It seems that EVERYONE who "dies" on a soap comes back to life.
and I mean everyone.
and there are never happy endings.
cuz, obviously, if things are going well for a character, that's boring and no one wants to see that shit.
what the HELL does this say about the viewership???
bunch of twisted freaks.
just kidding--I know that the attraction is to be entertained and escape from your own life.
but it just seems so friggin insulting!!
I could write the damn things.
nothing is EVER a surprise, because I can see where they're going from a mile away.
why?
because they're so predictable.
in any given situation, the worst will happen.
period.
depressing as hell, that's what it is.
and nauseating.
and YES, this was just from a 30 minute exposure.
imagine what lengthy diatribes i would conjure if I actually sat down and watched the things??
blech.

I can't decide which is worse, though--
soaps or sensationalist talk shows.
I better stop now, or I'll be here all day.

make it a good one, jokers.

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