Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Feeling claustrophic

stuck down in this rut,
looking up at the world.
but I'll roar and leap upward--
bursting out into the sunshine.

I couldn't sleep.
so here I sit.
it's freezing down here.

I spent a few minutes in my archives, earlier.
I don't do that very often.
but I found proof that i am in a rut--
those posts had an entirely different tone.
so I must apologize for being so
and I would also like to thank y'all for sticking around.
it's not easy to do, when this place is covered in slime, with no good handholds.

I think I'll start posting a "this day last year" post occasionally.
yes, it's a cheater's way out.
who's gonna stop me?
trust me, it's better than listening to me whine about my whining.

in related news,
we finally got confirmation today that our furniture has been ordered.
jesus christ superstar, that took long enough.
my parents will be here in 3 weeks, so let's hope the furniture beats them.
but not like that.
cuz not only do they not deserve it, but daaaaamn that would be some scary motherfucking furniture if it had enough mobility to beat people.
no, I'm not off my meds.
or my rocker.
and how do I know?
because I'm not ON any meds and I don't HAVE a rocker!
so there.

I can confirm.
I have been clincally diagnosed with being in a funk.
yes, it's a medical condition.
no, it's not treated with antibiotics, antifungal creams, or any other anti-anythings.
although...I wouldn't be averse to trying some of the medicine Dr. Anti prescribes/takes.
help me adjust my vision, or my inner perspective.
or at least giggle a little and feel funnn-ay.

oh, now THAT is highly disturbing.
I just grabbed a protein bar and refilled an empty glass sitting on the counter.
I assumed it was one of my dozens* of water glasses I leave scattered across the surfaces of my house.
It was DARK in the kitchen.
I just finished said protein bar, and guzzled some water.
I noticed that the bottom of the glass was filmy.
at first, I assumed this was somehow a remnant of the hard water stains that all our glasses had at our old house.
wrong-o, Lisa Lu.
I just took a sip--the last sip I'll be taking, even though I'm still thirsty.
and some of that "film" lifted off the bottom and floated toward me.
I can only imagine that it was milk.
curses to me, for being so ecologically considerate as to attempt to conserve water by reusing glasses!!
ok, fine, I'm just lazy.

*this is an exaggeration to make the story more interesting.
no, I don't always let you know when that's happening,
but I don't exaggerate very often.
at least, I don't think so.
but I have a terrible memory, so who knows.

I did post a braless tuesday picture yesterday, for anyone interested in that sort of thing.
I couldn't find my FTP program,
the one I use to upload shit to my server.
ok, fine--
not so much "shit" as files.
and I also couldn't find the "hello" program.
so there ya go.
you want nipples?
go click the link.
ya bunch of lazy asses.

and it's that time of the month again.
that's right, the time I dread, every month.
no, wait!!
it's my girl's night.
with the lying bitch.
I bet it would help me get out of my rut if I would just talk to her.
the other thing weighing on me is the ex-wife of someone.
I feel incredibly guilty about some things that her husband did with my friend.
it's not technically my fault, and I was horrified at it, but...
I still am the most tender little thing inside, that it would shock you all into white haired, blood shot eyed speechlessness.
since when did this page become Lisa's group therapy session???
oh, yeah.
since the first day I started writing it.
since it was decided that I'm too cheap and/or lazy to ever go to an actual therapist.
and since I GODDAMN WELL SAID SO, bitch.

what's that I see...?
the flickering of a flame?
beneath my ASS?
'magine that.
I might just
my way out of this rut.
fuck the rut.
the rut can eat shit.
it can lick my ass.
the rut can eat pubes (can i borrow some of yours?)
the rut can lay down on a fucking train track and take it like a man.
praise jesus, the rut can be struck by lightening, sucked into a vortex,
and beaten to a pulp like the dead horse that it is.
hasta la vista, rut.

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