Monday, January 31, 2005

Mom? What today is it?

sorry, son, mom would love to tell you what "today" it is, but she is currently out of her mind.
actually, my stress levels peaked earlier and were allayed, mostly.
husband was supposed to close on our new (god damn motherfucking) house at 5pm.
I sat nervously, pacing, worrying, wondering, etc...
the more time that passed, the better I felt--
my logic?
if he's not calling to tell me that the bank didn't get the docs prepped,
then we're home free.
as that was the only thing that could have gone south.
He finally called at 7:30
"Do we have a house?" I gushed into the phone.
bottom drops out.
"huh? wha--?"
and i don't mean a joint.
I mean a large, erect, male horse's sex organ.
they have fucked up our documents repeatedly.
AT CLOSING tonight, they once again did not have them.
the seller said, "you close today or you lose the house."
thank all the gods and their sexiest concubines for real estate agents with rich uncles.
so, some dude we don't know bought our house today.
and we get to buy it back in a couple of days, when WASHINGTON GOD DAMNED MUTUAL gets their shit together.
we are extremely lucky/fortunate/grateful that we had the agent we did--
and that we went with a friend, even though that can be a bad idea.
in this case, it saved our asses, in the largest sense possible.
i mean...
that's a pooo load of money to fuck around with.
so anyway.
I nearly blew chunks from the sheer physical improbability of feeling such vast relief (closing is done) to rampant horror (some stranger shelled out $xxx,xxx??).
I think i have to sit down.
oh, wait.
I AM sitting.
I need a drink.
oh wait--I AM drinking.
just kidding.

sorry for that.
hope it was at least a little entertaining.
if not, i'm sure you all know the drill,
but just for the benefit of our new friends here at the boredhousewife:
if ya didn't like that rant?

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.........that felt good.
I didn't like the rant, ok?
and I'm a very obedient little girl...

Been listening to some Buck Cherry lately,
and loving it.
in fact, my workout playlist is sort of...
iron maiden, j-lo, buck cherry, anthrax, jane's addiction, violent femmes, kenny wayne shepperd, pearl jam...beyonce.
okay, so it's not that funny.
I just happen to like hip hop from women with great asses, I guess.
that was a play on words, ya know...
great = really good
great = large
I'm quite the comedienne.

Twin A: mom, why was the garbage truck in front of our house for so long?
me: because it broke down.
twin a: why?
me: I don't know...(thinking: we go)
twin a: i know why! maybe something was broken under where...under where...under where the wheels are?
me: underwear???
twin a: no...under WHERE...
me: underwear!!!
us: giggle...giggle...
we both busted up laughing.
he kept trying to ask if something was broken "under where the wheels are", but i would just say "underwear" and we would both drown in laughter again.

I was actually all motherly proud that he "got it", y'know?
hey!!! i freely admit i act like a 12 year old boy half the time, so don't go acting all surprised/disgusted.
(for the record, the other half of the time I act like a dirty old man)
sometimes I'll have an off day and act like a TOTAL GIRL--
and believe me, it pisses me off.
of the bedroom, I'm all woman.
I have a detachable penis, fortunately.
sorry, that was uncalled for.
I have no penises of any kind--
ask Becky.

lordy, this post went downhill faster than a fucking bobsled.

okay, on that note:
buh bye.
I'll try to post something better before too many of you have to endure this post...

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