they look so much classier.
plus--you can't see my tile grout mold.
now i realize i should have never mentioned it...
i just got this bizarre--nay, uncharacteristic--desire to get my hair done and have makeup put on my face by a professional.
odd what eating a couple of low carb chocolates and watching The Ellen Degeneres Show can do to you.
god i love her.
if i was a guy i would do her--
i guess it's just not that kind of love.
and yes, i know it's a strange twist of irony that her show would be playing in the background while the electrical impulses in my blob of gray would tell me to do girlie girl stuff.
creepy, in fact.
these things can't be explained.
sometimes i forget that i live in cowboyville.
but i just heard a diesel truck roaring at the stop sign by my front porch.
reminded me of redneck trappings.
like the queen mullet of all mullets i saw last night at wally world.
(yes i go there a lot. bite me. it's a bug lite and i'm a bug...)
i would have given almost anything to have had a camera phone, or some other inconspicuous way to capture the moment.
share the moment, perhaps share life?
(am i a walking ad regurgitator?)
it was breathtaking.
and the mullet was arched around her neck like the feathers of the rare trailerim dwellingus peacock.
it makes my heart thrill just to remember.
do you remembered FROSTED hair???
and feathered, of course, who could forget.
i had a tail, myself.
and sadly the fad came to us just a few months after i cut my waist length hair to that boy short feathered look.
do you know what a tail of THAT magnitude could have done for my popularity???
probably nothing, since i was hopelessly shy.
ah the 80's.
having a lil get together tonight.
maybe a little wife swapping.
not that it's entirely off the menu, but not with this couple.
attractive enough, just too moral, or some shit.
who needs em?
i dropped mine like a bad habit when i ditched that constrictive religious upbringing.
guess it wouldn't have hurt to hold on to a few...
and tomorrow it's a modified girls' night.
it'll be fun.
i wish we had a single guy to bring along for my cute horny friend...
so a good weekend in store for me.
how bout you?
make it count.
could be your last.
didn't they tell you--?
oh, sorry, thought i was talking to someone else.
so go ahead,
lay around in your underwear all weekend
and eat whatever you want
and don't pick up after yourself
and shun all your friends
and drink your breakfast, lunch and dinner
and watch bad tv
and change your voice mail message every 3 hours
and order pizza 3 times from the same place, requesting the same driver and give him big tips (and big tits if you got em--hey don't be stingy, he's had a long day)
and sleep only during the day but stay up all night
and bid on stuff on ebay but make sure to bid low and early so you don't win any of it
and download free music
and get someone else to do your laundry with false promises of big payoffs
and light a fire, even if it's just in a trash can
and don't listen to celebrity gossip
and don't believe
wow, i guess that's enough.
get to it.