so I was heading in here to put up something fresh and sassy,
something lovely and lewd.
Once again I'm thrown back.
Back to that place I haven't visited in so many months I can't count them
(9 months 2 weeks, 3 days...)
to that place where I question the sky's blueness, and marvel at the grass's greenness--
especially that grass over there.
I guess I'll sort it out.
is that really what I promised??
It's fucking cold in here.
I am waaaay too lazy to go check the furnace settings,
besides which I already hung a Christmas decoration of some variety over the thermostat and can't be bothered to mess with it.
We DID get our tree last night, though!!
gorgeous and fully decorated.
I shouldn't say "fully", because it's much larger than our previous trees and so there are fewer decorations per square inch.
It's maybe 8 feet tall?
don't know, I'm a bad judge of height.
All I know is it looks fairly bare, up close and unlit.
At least we planned ahead and bought more lights, so it's plenty twinkly.
One of my very best friends is arriving tomorrow, to spend a week here with her husband's family.
They had their first baby in June, and I haven't yet seen her.
I am beyond excited.
(I just hope my brain tumor isn't contagious)
I get to pick them up at the airport, which is one of my favorite excursions--
especially now that I live so much closer to it.
(put that in your mapquest and smoke it, stalkers!)
Ok, it's not fresh or sassy, but it's one of my favorites,
and today it's making me smile.
Not quite Bobby McGee...
the sun is hot on my neck, and bright in my eyes.
the dust from the road has turned my sandals pale and my feet dark.
i had some sunglasses once...
back around witchita, i suppose.
my back pack is heavy, but my heart is light.
this is MY adventure.
i knew i would feel free on this journey, and i have.
every moment of it is mine, and mine alone.
every choice i make is for me.
i am smug.
for the first time today, there is a truck in the distance.
going east, just as i am.
i stick out my thumb, not giggling like i did the first week or so of this.
the truck begins to slow, and for one second i have a doubt.
one spark of wonder if this one will be the wrong choice.
i picture a fat, bearded man with no teeth.
as i step up and peer in the open window, my heart skips not one beat, but two.
you need a ride?
i smile back and affirm.
he nods, and off we go.
the low rumble of the biggest diesel engines on the highway.
rough and reassuring.
i settle my pack under my feet and stretch, yawning.
mostly a ruse--to steal another look at him.
were my eyes playing tricks on me?
no...no, they weren't.
he was young and sexy.
an anomaly, or a mirage--either way, just for me.
he was headed to a town not far from my destination,
and we had more than a day's worth of miles to cover.
somewhere, deep in that first night, we stopped to rest.
as i headed back to the truck from a bathroom/food run, i looked for him...
hoping he hadn't already settled into the sleeper compartment.
he was leaning against the fender, smoking.
i said his name, and he dropped the half-smoked cigarette, stepping toward me--
and i was against the wheel,
his hands on either side of my head,
his lips hovering over mine,
my breathing pattern so disrupted i couldn't tell you if it stopped or sped up.
his green eyes were cold, but there was a sparkle in them...
he cocked his head, parted his lips--
and pulled away from me just a little as i leaned toward him,
then kissed me so hard, so fast that i had to grab the wheel well to keep from falling.
just as i was sinking into it, he pulled away and i felt the world come back into focus.
he opened the door to the cab and nodded me in that direction.
i climbed in.
we knelt on the seat, facing each other and he reached for me.
i gave him back his half-smile and held my ground--slowly unbuttoning my shirt while forcing him to maintain eye contact.
it was his turn to squirm.
as i reached the bottom button, he lunged at me, ripping the shirt off and pulling me to him.
we were tangled together with nothing but our breathing as the soundtrack.
our hands running over each other's skin with an urgency, a desperation to learn every inch.
his kisses were hot and hard as i fumbled with his belt--
attacking his jeans like the enemy.
he smiled, then leaned down to kiss my belly button, his fingers only a soft touch on my hips.
i shivered at this change of pace, raggedly drawing a deep breath.
he slowly slid the black lace down...down...
and resumed his soft kisses just above the inside of my knee, moving north.
the enormous windows of the rig were soon fogged over and all that could be seen were my feet braced against one...
we were as unaware of the outside world as we were of the past, the future--
anything but the cab of this truck.