Sunday, December 04, 2005

I don't get paid enough

to blog on Sunday.
In fact, I don't think I'm getting paid for this at all.

So it's been a mostly lovely weekend.
I wish I could think of something "normal" to write,
but I happen to be a hyper-aware person:
if there's something going on, I can't ignore it.
So here I am, still writing about the way things have changed since being posted on Blogger's "Blogs of Note".
(for the record, I love it, and have already met some cool new bloggers to add to my reading list)
mama needs to vent.

You know what's bad about this increased traffic?
A higher probability of people misunderstanding me.
The one that seems to be a recurring concern is that I am a bad mother because I have a blog.
I'm really just wondering what kind of person would draw that particular conclusion.
It boggles the mind.
I mean, are they that static, that boring?
Are they unable to draw the conclusion that I might not act the same around my kids as when I'm having drinks with friends?
Because that's what this is like, for me.
I am a human being, a woman.
I have hopes, dreams, ideas, a sense of humor--
and all of these things existed in me before I became pregnant.
They somehow still remain--shockingly enough.
I'm wondering if these people honestly believe that a person can't be a happy adult in a separate forum from where they do their parenting?
My kids don't read the blog, for chrissakes.
And if you think my kids don't know the difference between bad language and bad grammar, you're quite mistaken.
(they know not to use either of those, thank god.)
I read with my kids,
we color pictures,
we make cookies together,
sing songs together,
build snowmen together,
tell jokes to each other,
play tag and duck-duck-goose and UNO...
My kids are happy, good little boys who would never be mean to a stranger in the way that these people have treated me.
I feel now like I'm justifying myself to that small group of super judgmental strangers.
And I don't really intend this as that.
I guess I just want to make sure that anyone coming here is aware that this site is ONE dimension of a very complex person.
It's my outlet.
I think there were a couple of people who accused me of being shallow,
which I find hysterical.
I feel things very deeply, in fact, and find myself moved to tears over sunsets, the mountains on a sunny day, and tragedies both great and small.
I worry about the homeless and the abused, and I generally put others before myself.
I love life--
And I feel very sorry for people who are harsh and judgmental.
What a sad and empty way to live.
I do not waste my time worrying about if other people are doing things the way I would do them--there are too manys songs to be sung, too many laugh lines to deepen.

And last time I checked 30 isn't old.
So, if you're younger than I am and telling me to cover up because I'm old?
Well, I would just laugh because so far you're missing out on how immeasurably wonderful life is from the persepctive of one with self-confidence and a sense of being at-ease with the world.
What those people are failing to grasp is that their words mean nothing to me.
I sincerely hope they find this kind of happiness someday.

Not to mention that I'm not sure what all the modesty out-crying is about--
It's not like I'm nude, you fucking puritans.
Have ya seen some of the sites out there??
my pictures are slightly tantalizing--barely even R rated, if they were in a movie.
Braless Tuesday is a silly weekly "holiday" that I created as a way to lighten up the week.
I take pictures of myself in tight or sheer shirts, without my bra.
oooo--big thrill!
jesus, people, GET A GRIP.
(remember, I'm only talking to the losers...the rest of y'all feel free to stay ungripped...or whatever...)
It's fun and harmless--trust me, I've been encouraged to go much, much further with my photos, and my stories.
but I don't because I feel that this is far enough--
enough for me to express myself.

I think the person who called me "irrelevant" was funny, too.
Did they expect a NEWS site?
Of course my life is irrelevant to a stranger!! Which makes that comment extra funny...because if he or she had even a few IQ points to spare, he or she would have realized that is not so much an insult as a truth for both my blog in relation to him or her, AND that comment in relation to ME.

Sorry I'm being so passive-aggressive about this...
I prefer not to start arguments with strangers but I still like to voice my opinion on their insults, so here we are.

I guess I just had to get that off my chest.
I frigging hate being judged incorrectly.

I wish I could just turn all this off and post as if no one's watching...
Don't worry, old friends:
it'll all be back to normal soon.

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