a post, a post...

I should write a post.
or post a Wright?

Saturday is the surprise party.
today is Thursday and hubby says, urgently, "we need a cake!"
(the surprisee's husband and i have been working vigorously on all the details, by the way.)
me, "Um...she doesn't like cake. She LOVES creme brulee, so I'm making that."
psh.
as if I would overlook THAT detail???
although, I have to say, I'm having a hard time dealing with the non-cake birthday idea.
anyway, it was funny.

I was thinking today...
yes, I know that's hazardous.
but don't worry--
it didn't last very long.
um.
anyway.
I was thinking about knowing people...
like...
when you're first falling in love, how it is easy to be intoxicated,
because you only see little slivers of the person,
and catch glimpses--
and these are so beautiful that your heart races and your cheeks flush.
and I wonder if it's possible to still feel such excitement over someone you know every last inch of.
my husband is always threatening to put up a site "The Bored Housewife--Revealed"
in other words, I'm a boring old lump in real life.
heh.
nah, I'm pretty sparkly.
but i burp and fart and have stinky morning breath and bore the hell out of him sometimes--
cuz I can talk the hind leg off a dog.
(what a fucked up expression! who wants the hind leg of a dog??? "hm...if i keep talking, that sucker's bound to just fall right off, then i'll be golden!!" WT the Fuck F is that all about???)
I really can, though.
I'm a talker.
but that's hardly the point.
did I just say "hard"?
heeeheee!
yes, I'm a 13 year old boy--
we've COVERED that.
...and frankly, I'm getting a little tired of explaining to my den mother why I'm always late to meetings, so if y'all could quit reading this crap, I could quit writing it.
okay, fine. now you KNOW i'm lying.
I could never quit writing.
it would be like cancelling my subscription to Us magazine.
kidding.
it would be like...something else.

I keep trying to plan something cool for my husband's birthday, which is a week from tomorrow or the next day or something.
(fuck you--I know what DATE it is, I just forgot which day of the week it falls on this year. shit heads.)
I have a few ideas, but obviously I can't post them here.
I just keep forgetting to act on my ideas.
I need to set reminders, in Outlook.
actually, I tried that once, but it didn't work right.
so I gave up.
yup, I'm a real go-getter.
...why do you think I'm still a housewife???
just kidding.
I wouldn't want anyone else raising my kids.
oh, I know they would do a better job--it's not that.
I just feel it's my right to screw up my kids as much as possible before unleashing them on the world.
6 more months til school--it's crunch time.
nah, they are the most precious little nuglets you'd ever wanna strangle.
I was telling them about their birth the other day.
as I got the part about Oliver not breathing, Max leaned over...
(oh my GAWD it was so sweet!)
and said, "it's ok, mom, i love you anyway."
he sensed the gravity of it, I know he did.
my heart almost burst at his sweet little hug of reassurance.
or was that inferred blame?
that I didn't bring them into the world properly???
aw, shit, now i need therapy.

I have all sorts of cool new readers, and I'd like to take a moment to say hello to them.
but now that i've said that, it would sound silly to just say, "hello."
so i don't think i will.
I could say, "Bonjour, bienvenue."
Or I could just moon you guys.
wow, that's something I have'nt done in a while!!!
somehow, flipping the bird has replaced that ultimate act of sass.
besides the fact that I'm so preoccupied with sex that it would be more of a turn on than an insult.

ok, this post is going nowhere fast.
if i get inspired, i'll fantasize for ya.
if not, i won't.
(how's that for a figurative mooning???)