Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I think it's going to be one of those posts...

where I have nothing to say--
but for real this time.
I know, I always say that.
I think that sometimes, just saying it opens the floodgates.
but sometimes it doesn't.

the moving went well.
it was long and hard--
(and not in the fun way.)
but it felt good to work.
I had some good tunes, and some good conversation--
it was good.
so that's good.
sorry...I got stuck in a "good" rut.
so mother in law is mostly settled in her new home/my old home.
and can I just say it was beyond trippy to be moving into my old house??
my body kept trying to rebel--
"you should be carrying things OUT of here! what are you doing?!!"
and I imagine our neighbors were all sort of scratching their heads.
good, let 'em.

sometimes I just don't understand life.
I hesitate to say it's not "fair"...
but I suppose that's sort of what I'm getting at.
maybe some things happen the way they do for a reason.
and maybe those things are just flies in the vaseline--
random, and without premeditation.
and maybe I'm just a spoiled brat, who wants everything MY way.
and wants everyone to love me.
and maybe none of this makes sense.
and maybe I should just take a deep breath,
while telling myself it's all ok.
probably I just need to take a step back and let the world spin on its own for a while.
it doesn't need me pushing it, does it?
it'll spin whether I throw my shoulder into it and break a sweat or not.
and that's probably better.
just sit by and feel the wind on my face as the earth follows its orbit.
I don't want to.
I want the earth to ask me which way it should spin--
i want it to whisper in my ear, and acquiece, with a giggle.
I want it to slow down and start spinning backwards,
just for the rush.
and then I want to leap through the snag in the fabric of time and land...
right there.
land, breathless and wind-swept,
rosey-cheeked and laughing.
I would stand up and look around...
hoping to be in the right location,
but more concerned with the date.

I love to sit back sometimes,
and think of all the people in the world.
just going about their respective days,
thinking things, feeling things--
hoping, dreaming, regretting.
hearing bad news, hearing good news.
speaking and thinking in so many different languages,
experiencing so many different types of weather.
and I like to imagine how many of them might have truly good hearts.
how many of them might do more for others than they do for themselves.
I like to picture them as little golden flecks across the map in my mind.
and then I like to picture them all naked.
no, not because i'm giving a speech and it'll make me less nervous.
because I have a one-track mind, in reality.

I plan to have a good day...
you should do the same.

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