Monday, February 28, 2005

The first day of the rest of my--


did you think I was going to say "life"???
come on, now.
I'm not that lame.

I'm looking forward to a drama-free week.
or at least a week where I don't try to die quite so often.
...we'll see.

I remember a time...
somewhere in the foggy past,
when I was witty and/or interesting.
I feel like I've stepped into a black and white film.
everything's in shades of greys, lately.

I worry that I'm going to become Stepford Wife-like.
I don't really belong here.....
not in this Utah world where such high importance is placed on appearances.
I don't belong in a place where every house looks the same.
and I don't belong in a place where every hair must be in place.
I'm probably freaking myself out about nothing.
I can still be me.
It just doesn't feel natural, being here.
Utah is a big fat ball of fake.
It's creepy.
So I should just focus on something else, right?
I will.
I'll focus on the things that are important to me.
It'll be fine.
yes, I've always felt that way about Utah, in case you're wondering.
I have never felt like I belonged here.
It's a good place to be.
and I'm happy.
I just worry that I'll turn into "one of them" if I don't keep a sharp eye out.
that's what I was trying to say.
aren't you glad it took me half a page to make that point???
I'm really losing my edge, here.
I am really--
I forgot to eat breakfast!!
maybe that's why my head feels like a bowl of sand.
I will eat, then go to the gym,
then I'll write something else.

I can't believe it's March tomorrow.

happy last day of february!

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