happiness is so tenuous...

but one of its qualities is oblivion to this fact.
just an observation.

at least, for me, that's how it works--
if I'm down, I think it'll last forever,
if I'm up, I think it'll last forever.
every once in a while the cobwebs clear and I remember--
slowly, and with an inordinate degree of surprise--
that life is dynamic, ever-changing...
shifting, swaying, swirling...
more beautiful than a sunset over snow-covered mountains,
or a sunrise over a choppy expanse of Atlantic...

I want to sit on a park bench and soak up the rays of the sun,
but mostly the rays of the people passing by.
I want to catch glimpses of emotion flitting over their faces,
and read their gait, their dress.
I want to breathe in and, with the air, suck in their stories--
or my story of them.
it would be my truth, at least.
I love doing that--
I used to think I was psychic, but it's more likely that I have a good imagination.

My world is being shaken like a magic 8 ball...
what question should I ask it?
It doesn't matter...
I will get the answer I want.
I am on top of the world.
...and I plan to only go higher.

my mom works at my old high school,
and today they hooked up a computer and a ham radio--
and talked to an astronaut.
on a space shuttle.
pretty fucking cool.

I sent pictures of my house to my sister today.
(email)
only I didn't attach the pictures.
oops.
but at least she called me to tell me (politely)
that I am a dumbass.
she was excited that I am going back to school...
and even more excited that I had applied this far ahead of time.
she's great--
I give her far too little "cool" credit.
I always shrug her off as the too-perfect sister.
she is.
but she's also cool.
I guess I just miss her.

want to know what I HATE about America?
it's too big.
the people I love are flung all over this damn slab of earth.
and it's lame.
either that or utah just blows goats.
...it always comes back to THAT, doesn't it?
hehe.

HOWEVER.
I did get the kidlets enrolled in a new preschool today,
so that's a relief and a half.
okay, fine, it's two whole reliefs.
(one named max and one named oliver)
oh, i'm so funnnnny.

time to go to bed.
(no, not SLEEP. bed. wink-wink)