what the fuck day is it?

that's just not something i should be expected to know.
i mean, really.

i'm not entirely awake yet, so this should be good.
i did have a bunch of wacked-out dreams last night, though.
including a topless J., health food shopping with A., and my mom making me get re-baptized as a mormon.
...it really went downhill fast, didn't it???
still trying to shake the cobwebs of all that.

i made the best cookies last night...
and played with photoshop--holy shit, that was fun.
and i only scratched the surface.
and now i want cookies for breakfast.
here's how we rationalize that one (for anyone keep score at home):
people have donuts for breakfast, or danishes
--and those are no more nutritional then a cookie.
--even pancakes, waffles and french toast are bad if drenched in syrup or chocolate chips...
this same pathetic excuse also works for having pie for breakfast--
and if it's fruit pie, i almost fall for it.
i mean, that's health food, right there!

mmm....the breakfast of champions...

I'm feeling rather normal today...
see, I’ve been ass raped by the pms fairy this time
(which isn't as fun as it sounds).
I don’t usually tend to be a moody type, but sometimes that bitch straps on a 12 incher and really gives it to me.
so to anyone who tripped over some of the debris--
i apologize.

do any of you listen to NPR?
well, i don't.
but the other day i was waiting in the car while my husband ran into fed ex...
and he needn't have bothered with all the hurrying--
he was in there for just over 20 minutes.
there was only one person ahead of him in line, but the new guy decided to walk to Canada to hand deliver her packages, apparently.
so anyway.
i got bored and turned on the radio.
he had it on npr, and i instinctively reached for the dial--
(wouldn't want to accidentally absorb a little culture or useful information, ya know)
but the story caught my attention.
the narrator was reading a story about superman--
from the point of view of a guy who dated Lois Lane one summer.
it was SO fantastic.
so now i'm trying to find the story and listen to all of it, or better yet, read it.
but.
for me, "trying" consists of a lightbulb with bad wiring in my head and a whisper of, "...find that story..."
so i'll probably never find it.
actually, i went to the website i jotted down from after they finished the story.
and i did a google search for the author.
the problem was, i missed the title of the story.
so i've reached a small dead end and will probably forget about it.
but it was great.
so if i ever find it, i'll link it.

oh shit. when's my hair appointment?
it's probably today.
i better call.

and as an editor's note:
my complaint yesterday, about the kids saying "mom" too many times and ignoring my responses...
i was telling my husband about that, and expressing my annoyance.
"i mean, do they NOT know what "what?" means??"
"well..." he said, "maybe they think you can't hear them..."
shiiiiiiiiiiit.
i didn't even think of it that way...
there's that crazy/stupid thing again.
i want my body AND my mind to be like they were when i was 18.
well, except for the maturity stuff.
dammit.
that's no trade off...
i'll keep my wisdom if that's what i've traded my memory for.
and goddammmmit, i'll keep my stretch marks if that's what i've traded my insecurity for.
life sucks.
(yes, i said that with a smile. and not because i thought about life being a big mouth giving head...)

okay.
have a good day.
as for me, i'm getting some new make up today.
a GREAT new read, by the way.
and yes, she's my Mary Kay lady.
and yes, she's one of the coolest people i've ever met.
so go read her shit.
why?
cuz it's good.
oh, and remind me to tell her my funny embarassing incredibly stupid story when she's here today...

oh, and if you haven't checked out The Middle Finger Blog, yet--do it!
it's fun.
and i'm on there.
me and my birdy.

make it a hump day to remember, kiddos!
(and yes, that really just means--lay off the drugs and binge drinking so you'll remember what you did for once)