last night i went out, so tonight it's hubby's turn.
we usually just go together, but since our best friends got fucking divorced...
we have to split up if we want to see them.
selfish jackasses--don't they see what they've done to MY social life??
oh, i forgot the funniest part about getting pulled over last night.
actually, there were two funny parts.
first, like a royal DUMBASS, i tried to lose him...
wait--it's not as bad as it sounds!
he was coming toward me, and turned around to come get me.
so, i figured i would turn off and maybe he'd give up...
but it gets better...
i didn't turn down a STREET.
i turned into the highly deserted parking lot of some manufacturing plant.
so, he had now reached me, and was about to turn into said parking lot.
but i pulled back onto the road, cursing myself for such blatant "looking like you have something to hide" actions.
and he followed me for a bit and i ALMOST started to think he wasn't going to pull me over.
but he did.
okay, so here's the funniest part.
after he asked me how much i'd had to drink--
"one beer at about 10 o'clock"
(which i actually thought was the truth, even if it wasn't)
he went back to his car and ran my license, etc.
he returned with no ticket.
big sigh of relief.
then he said, "i'd like to ask you step out and do some sobriety tests, but you really don't seem drunk. are you sure that's all you had to drink?"
we assured him that the stench of alcohol was merely my pretty friend's vomit.
and he said, 'okay'
then i said....
are you ready?
cuz it's brilliant--
"it would have been fun to take the tests, because i've never done that before!"
which is true.
but i said it like some damn teenage girl who just got invited to go ice skating.
he probably wanted to reconsider--and test me for drugs.
i'm glad i'm finished telling that.
mostly i just want to write something right now that would be worth reading.
or maybe i should do what whitey recommended,
and forget y'all are out there and just dance naked.
just let it all out, even more ragged and unplanned than usual.
maybe i'm the most selfish person alive.
maybe i am...so alive sometimes that it hurts to sit still...
but so dead at others that i leave a trail of dust where i walk and my voice doesn't work and my imagination is as blank as a schoolroom's chalkboard.
that's how i feel now.
like i could float up into the sky and be released from my body if i simply willed it.
like i could not hold a witty conversation if you paid me.
like i could not think a single, pure, original thought (like a thread of silver dropping down into the empty, cold room of my brain)...
i feel like i am standing on a vast plain, the moon dull behind a bank of clouds.
i feel like lumpy, cold mashed potatoes. (seriously, touch me--)
okay, that was silly.
what do i really feel like, to touch?
my arms feel soft, like peaches, but not quite ripe--firm.
my legs...hard as rocks, and as smooth as sea glass.
my hair feels like grass, warmed by the sun.
my lips feel soft and smooth--
i don't think i've ever just touched my lips before, just to see how they feel.
they feel like velvet.
maybe i'm fucking exhausted and i'll just go to bed.
can't do that.
i'm in the middle of cleaning out my walk-in closet...
and i need to start some preparations for the dinner i'm having tomorrow.
for the mom-in-law.
as a bribe so she'll watch the kids while we take a drive.
yes, "take a drive" means we're going to go look at the leaves in the mountain--
and have sex there.
i'll take lots of pictures.
of the scenery!!
you guys are so predictable.
i guess i better go get busy on all my chores.