my kids have discovered the joys of makeup...

my kids have discovered the joys of makeup...

they're boys, let's don't forget.
i had this little makeup bag full of the old clinique stuff i used to wear.
back when i was attending the shallowest fucking
university in this country.
back before i realized i look better without makeup.
back before i realized i live better without religion.
oops, almost got off on a rant there...
so they found this stuff.
and to them it's nice little green boxes that open and close...
with brushes and sticks and mirrors inside...
well.
they asked where the pink stuff goes, so i showed them.
they asked if they could wear some.
at first i said, 'no--makeup is for girls.'
then they said, 'i want to exercise so i can wear makeup.'
uh...WTF the fuck??
(yes, i realize that was redundant, but i love acronyms and "the F word"
equally...)
anyway, i asked what they meant by this.
turns out, that in their minds, girls exercise (mom goes to the gym), so if
they exercise they could be girls, and then they could wear makeup.
it's funny how inside out and upside down that theory is.
but, they had a good point.
so i let 'em.
i should have taken pictures of their bright red faces...
i told them they were warriors.
so...
hopefully they won't be pansies.
and if so, y'know what?
i don't care.
i wanted daughters anyway.
(although, for the record, they're 100% boy.)
they wrestle and run and splash in mud puddles and climb--
they can even throw well.
and i sure as hell can't do that.

so i hope you all had a skid-free tuesday,
and are ready to dive into a smooth as butter hump day.
hmm....
having sex in a tub of slightly softened butter sounds fun.
i had a good friend, back at my first job, who had sex in a bathtub full of
jello.
she said it caused...
problems.
wink wink.
she was the coolest person i had ever met.
30-ish.
funny as hell.
her name was also Lisa, but she was rather tall and bigger boned/chubby.
so i was Little Lisa.
god DAMN i learned a lot at that job...
the owner's sons were all gay, and cooked there.
another cook looked like a pirate.
then there was the dishwasher who was my first younger boy crush.
...too bad i was a virgin back then, i coulda--eh, nevermind.
that place was soooo great.
they were like family...
they used to write me group letters when i went off to college.
then they sold the joint.
psh.
some fucking family.
somehow i think that contributed to my eventual dropping out and living on
the streets giving handjobs for crack...
oh wait...
that's a song from the south park movie.
well, whatever.

being sick is stupid.
i quit.